Brain Goo

I'm struggling to write our letter to Brandy*. The idea of the letter seems easy and obvious, but you try and write a letter convincing someone to give you her baby. It's the first impression she's going to have of us and it could make or break the deal. What do I put in, what do I leave out? How much detail do you give her? How do you convey your dreams and wishes in a letter without coming off like you're begging? I've looked at "Dear Birthmother" letters online to get a basic outline to assist me in getting the letter started. It seemed to help until my perfectionism took over and now I have 3 different versions of almost every paragraph.

While trying to write "the letter of our lives", I'm also in and out of the doctor's office it seems once a week. I went in today for an ultrasound and apparently my bladder wasn't full enough, even though I drank a liter of water 30 minutes before my appointment. He said I need to drink 32 oz of water and hold it for an hour before. Yet again, I'm half naked and had an internal and standard ultrasound for no reason. New orders are to have sex for the next 3 days and go to some other place on May 17 or 18th for another ultrasound. Why do I have to go somewhere else you ask? I don't know, good question. All the more people to see me naked, I guess. I just do what I'm told. And the shot of HCG he was going to give me doesn't cost $500 like the pharmacist said, it's $40 at this other place so I'll be going there when I start my next period. And back to Dr. SeeMeNakedEveryVisit on May 23rd.

We're also getting ready for our Moab trip this Thursday. Which in itself is always a chore to get everything ready but this time it’s worse. It seems both Jory and I have fallen accidentally into an all out strike of not wanting to clean our house. I think we were overloaded with being each others nurses and having to do everything our selves. Now we’ve just stopped doing everything all together. I can’t even describe how gross our house makes me feel right now. And cleaning it up now wouldn’t be that big of a deal except I need to go grocery shopping and pick up cleaning gear in order to get most of it started. Can’t do any laundry without detergent and dryer sheets, dishes can’t be done without soap. We haven’t been grocery shopping for over a month now, which means yes, we’ve been eating out almost everyday, which is unnecessary spending.

Ever since I changed to a later shift, it seems as though I have less time outside of work to get shit done. I used to be able to run to Albertson’s after work and pick up a few items here and there that we needed, but they close at 11 PM now, so that doesn’t work. I need a swift kick in the ass, I’m swearing on my tan left arm, not to be confused with my very white right arm (story for another time) that I WILL GO GROCERY SHOPPING AFTER WORK TONIGHT! NO EXCUSES. I’ve totally said this before, like every night for the past 3 weeks, it’s pitiful.

I HAVE to shop tonight, because tomorrow night I will have to do all our laundry, while picking up and cleaning the living room, dinning room and our bedroom. Can’t forget to give Mazzy and Jerry baths, but first clean out Jerry’s Cage-O-Poop. *Note to self, do load of towels first…to have something to dry said pets off with. Wednesday I’m working 12-9 PM so I’ll be off early, pack the car and off to bed so we can get up at the butt crack of dawn to make the 9 hour drive and arrive before sundown to setup the tent.

While I’m spewing…Let’s not forget to mention how I had to work 6 days last week, technically I worked one job for 6 days and a 2nd job for 2 days, so that means I haven’t had a day off in 11 days! The 2nd job wasn’t as bad as a real job. Jory and I offered to install ceiling fans in my boss’ house last Friday and Saturday. It wasn’t a tough job, but it took up half a day Friday before I went to my real job and all day Saturday, my only day off for the week. She offered to pay us $200, but I like her and that’s just highway robbery, so we accepted $100. Of course we didn’t expect it to take us more than a couple hours, but we had serious drama with the first fan. Good news though…the fans still work, they haven’t fallen on anybody's head and she’s enjoying the extra breeze.

Sorry for the brain vomit. There’s just so much going on right now, which magically leads us back to The Letter I’m struggling to write. Do you understand now why I’m having such a hard time? Too much Brain Goo oozing around clogging my cells.