"If it keeps on raining, Joey's going to break"

All day long I've had A Perfect Circle's version of "When The Levee Breaks". It goes something like this:

"If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,

If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,

And the water gonna come in, have no place to stay"

I went to my doctors appointment today. Not only did the one Serous Cystadenoma grow larger, but now I have two, along with all my other PCOS cysts blocking my eggs from leaving my ovaries. Obviously I have to have surgery again. Yes Again! It's not even about getting pregnant again. If I don't get them out they will become cancer. If I magically got pregnant before my surgery, I could possibly get ovarian cancer during my pregnancy. I HAVE to get them removed. He's going to biopsy and laser the fuckers to oblivion! And to my surprise, or lack of attention he's going to remove the Endometriosis in my uterus like he did last time. Last time? That's right, some of you might remember the title of my post from last years surgery results was "Well it's not Endometriosis...". Apparently it was, but somewhere in the fog of drugs and lack of oxygen after surgery I missed that part. Unfortunately it was news to me. Another brick wall in the way of our dream.

As usual my doctor promised me a second chance at motherhood. So far he's come through on all his promises. I did get pregnant and have a baby. We just didn't imagine the possibility of having an Incompetent Cervix causing Jack to come so soon, having no chance to survive. We'll be prepared this time, if we get lucky again. I'll have a cerclage and I've got long term disability for bed-rest if needed. And since we're dealing with me and my luck, it will be needed. We even have a mini fridge set up to borrow when the time comes. No not for Jory's beer, drinks and prepared lunches for when Jory is at work. Well, I guess Jory might need a few beers when that time comes. It will be really hard, but we'll deal with that if it comes around.

We won't know until we get there, but from the way things are going, there won't be time for a third try. As much as I wanted to raise two living kids, I'll be pleased as punch with one. PLEEEEASE let me at least raise one child!

I'm tired of bad news. I don't like drama and it seems that's been my life the last year. I'm ready for good news. I'm trying to stay positive and remember that we got pregnant the first try after my surgery last year, so hopefully it will happen again.

All this is happening and I'm still trying to prepare myself for what would have been my due date, next Monday, January 22nd. Jory and I have both taken the day off. I can't even begin to write about what that day means to us. Maybe I'll try later.

For now we sit and wait for the call from my doctor to schedule the surgery, it will probably be sometime in February. As always we'll keep everyone posted.

"If it keeps on raining, Joey's going to break"