Found out my days are numbered at work

Everyday I sit down and try to write a new blog post about all the crazy, fun and stressful stuff that has been consuming my life, but no words come out. So I'm forcing myself to write Something today. There has been so MUCH happening, I'll try to break them down and may end up posting them as separate posts but we'll see. (Update: posting them separately since I'm running out of time today)

As you all know, I was planning on having surgery in mid February. However in my meeting with Human Resources recently, I was advised or rather it was strongly hinted that I would not have a job when I returned because I am out of FMLA. I asked her if she was just telling me this because she has to tell everyone who happens to be out of FMLA or was this a real concern for me.

This is where the Hinting came in. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You KNOW how busy the Help Desk has been. If you leave they will probably have to bring someone in to cover for you. Without FMLA protecting your job, there would be no job for you when you return." My jaw dropped to the floor and I just stared at her in shock. I told her I thought my job would be more secure because they couldn't hire anyone with the freeze and they would need me back all the more. She said this is the only instance in which they could hire someone, but then added that she could not say that this would happen for sure, just that I knew how busy we have been. She told me 4 times how I knew how busy we are. I knew there was obviously a plan, it had been discussed otherwise she wouldn't have been so insistent.

In the beginning of the meeting she told me the company would not be willing to grant me the personal leave I had requested for the adoption, as a maternity leave. Had I not been out of FMLA, I could have taken maternity leave for the adoption, which is why I asked for the personal leave. Without the personal leave, I would have to quit. Jory and I had talked about me taking maternity then possibly working the night shift, being opposite of his that way we could keep both paychecks coming in, but no one would take their week old baby to daycare. I would NEVER take my week old baby to daycare! I don't ever want to take my kids to daycare. Most two income households work just to pay for daycare and that doesn't make sense to me.

So after the shock of finding out I would be getting fired or "let go" after returning from surgery in March subsided; I mentioned that my doctor had originally offered up the option of continuing to take Lupron until May, then have surgery. At the time I thought, why waste time with Lupron, let's just do the surgery and he said that's would be his first choice. So maybe I'd have to wait until after I lost my job and got on Jory's insurance to have the surgery, but then I would have the baby and that wouldn't work out well.

My HR rep offered up an alternative. She said I should reschedule my surgery for late March or early April, take the 6 weeks STD (getting paid while out) and then I would be returning around the time I would probably be quitting. Which is obviously a better alternative to getting jacked months before I would now need to quit.

I have since canceled my surgery and plan on rescheduling it for late March/early April, it depends on "my schedule", so I should know exactly when at the end of this month. I had a meeting with my managers to discuss what I was told by HR, they obviously knew everything before, except the part about me rescheduling my surgery, that seemed to surprise them. I told them I would not be putting in my two weeks assuming I would be fired…I would wait and see what happens.

As much as I hate my job or rather the retarded monkeys I talk to all day long, I would always like to keep the option of coming back open. It's a fairly stable job with a decent income, of course it doesn't compare what other companies are paying for Technical Support, but it's worked out well for us so far.

It definitely does suck to come to work knowing my days are numbered and not by my choice. It feels down right icky, but it confirms all the feelings I've had since I returned after Jack died.

What I would love to do while being a Stay At Home Mom is to have some sort of home business. If this blog could pay my bills, that would be perfect, but I'm no Dooce, so I know it's a long shot. I do however receive quite a lot of compliments on my crochet work, I've thought about selling them on Etsy. With this time I would have much more time for photography, that is definitely an option where I can take my baby "to work" with me. I'm sure there are all sorts of jobs I could find that I could do from home and I plan on figuring those out starting after the baby is at least 3 months old.

As far as our finances go, I will definitely be able to take at least 1 or 2 years off, but I will utilize this time not only to raise our little princess, but to also find work I love and make it pay off for our family.