So the hubby, sister wife and I went out to Tempe Beer Fest 2009 this past Saturday. Keara and I paid for the Designated Driver pass at $20 each since we don't drink beer aka urine and Jory got the $40 drinker pass. However we weren't going to be left out of all the fun, so I made myself a liter sized vodka and cranberry and Keara brought her malt liquor. After we parked the car, we went about getting tanked or at least tipsy before entering the Fest 'o Fun. I made it through about 3/4 of my liter and started to feel nice and numb.
As we walked through the gates I was just drunk enough to realize I was being given a Drinker's wrist band and at the next stop, a hand full of beer tickets. I thought, "HOLY SHIZ peeps, I can drink all the beer I want!" Then I remembered, I hate beer and now I don't get the benefit of the DD pass which included a free massage! LAME!
Anywho, their screw up worked out for us in the end. At most every tent I filled my baby beer mug with whatever flavor Jory didn't get and then he'd drink them both! Which successfully got him hammered!
Also, I had my first ever funnel cake! It was delicious with cinnamon and powered sugar...oh GAWD I want another one now! It actually helped me sober up a bit, I drank a bit too much on an empty stomach, but the funnel cured it all!
It was really strange, everyone at the Fest was really happy and friendly, like at a Dead or Widespread Panic show. No crazy angry jocks or frats tossing their testosterone around. We had a great time and met(for a moment) some really kool, laid back people.
OH the best part of the whole day was Jory's Tshirt. It has a picture of a cow's head and says I LIKE GRASS. There was no end to the randoms that walked by and said "I like grass too!" or "Like your shirt man!" Even the hot chicks were diggin' it. This one Blondie walked so close to Jory she practically molested him and said "I like grass too" in her phone sex operator voice. It was hilarious! He also had this crazy lady who decided it was OK to really molest him while trying to cover the G and R do his shirt said I LIKE ASS. You can see (below) how uncomfortable this made him, with his awkward grin.
This is Jory feeling very uncomfortable with a stranger's hand on his nip., originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.
UPDATE:
I totally forgot the most unforgettable part of the story. On our way out of the Fest, there were two remaining Port-A-Jon's by the front gate so Jory thought it was best to drain the lizard, again. However so did a few others, so as we stood in line waiting his turn, several guys noticed Jory's Grass shirt and within seconds they're all acting like old friends shootin' the shit. Keara and I were pointing and laughing. You think Jory's super duper friendly on a normal day, you should see him drunk!
When a few of Jory's new buddies take their turn in the Jon's, some of their friends decided it was funny to "pretend" to tip them! HA HA it was funny...until it was Jory's turn in the Box O' Shitter. When the other guy who had just been "tipped" was done and came out, he must have thought his buddy who tipped him was in the next stall so he started tipping JORY's STALL! I YELLED and ran up and told him to "Fuck Off, it wasn't Jory that tipped him". He was so drunk, I'm not even sure he saw me or heard the words coming out of my mouth.
I stood guard and told Jory I would kill the next person who tried to tip him and for a second I wondered if Jory was pissed and ready to fight because he was so quiet, then as I moved my ear closer I was shocked to hear Jory laughing his ass off! Thank gawd for Happy Drunk Jory because that was definitely a recipe for disaster! I was really expecting that Johnson Temper to take over and for him to come out swingin'. I would have!
9 comments:
sometimes i think Jory is TOO friendly when drunk. Remember when he made friends with those random people up camping in The Middle of Nowhere Washington? I was just waiting for that dude to pull a knife or something! Oh and the FULL-SIZE tree those two dragged up the road to our camp spot?
i could have been worse, he could have worn his boobie shirt!
LOL Exactly Tom! He's waaaay too friendly and that couple in WA is the perfect example. DUDE that freakin' TREE was insane! I'm still surprised that guy didn't kill us that night.
HA HA...after we got home and Jory sobered up, we were laughing about the Grass shirt and all the attention it got and Jory said, "I could have worn the Boobie shirt!" Apparently Keara hasn't seen the boobie shirt yet because her face looked confused and she yelled with excitement, "WHAT BOOBIE SHIRT?" So now we have to find it and pull it out for her.
Good times!
There is no such thing as too friendly whilst drunk! Unless you end up with someones junk in yer mouth...that would be too friendly...as for the WA folks, yeah, a little creepy, but, we are still alive. And I got to drag a whole TREE through the forest, and set it on FIRE!
And what is up with all these mentions of the Johnson Temper, it isn't like I am running around getting pissed and punching people...sure I get bent (super bent), but, I keep it in check pretty well I think...and you better not say different! OR ELSE! LOL (in a villainous sort of way).
I'm so sorry sir, no more mention of the Johnson Temper, sir. (bows down to her master) he he ;)
I've never heard of this "Johnson temper" everyone keeps bringing up.
our old uberboss used to keep Jory locked in a strongbox in the basement at USWorst sometimes.. that's where the temper comes from, or maybe it's distemper. Is Jory current on his shots?
ANd i thought we'd become bestest friends! JERK! I'm coming for you!
Cody...Accepting the problem is the first step of recovery. Or grab a raft and join Jory on DeNial River. ;)
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