CRUSH CRUSH...Crushing Your Head!

One of my Favorite shirts!

4/10/06 Phoenix Sunset

4/10/06 Phoenix Sunset
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Possible Adoption Opportunity UPDATED!

Jory and I have joked in the past about certain younger relatives getting pregnant and letting us adopt their baby. Well that joke may just be a possibility. Found out yesterday that Christopher's friend's 20 yr old sister *Brandy (not her real name) is newly pregnant and planning on giving it up for adoption.

I totally had a Desperate Housewives "Gabby" moment...I really wanted to ask my mom if Brandy was cute. I didn't.

At the very least, this whole thing gives me something other than my pending ovarian doom to obsess about.

UPDATE: 4/11/06

So I found out today that my mommy dearest called and talked to Brandy's mother to let her know about Jory and I. Brandy hasn't gone to an agency yet and she is definitely planning on giving the baby up for adoption, she feels she's too young to take care of a child. She told my mom she would talk to Brandy the next day. From what my mom said, Brandy's mom seemed pretty excited by the fact that some good could come out of her daughter's situation. So we'll have to see what happens. I'll continue to keep you updated.

Where's the Warning on the Tetris box?

Click on the picture or here .

When you start to dream about the games you play, you know it's bad! But I must say the worst game to dream about is Tetris...when I get on a Tetris Roll, all I think about is fitting everything into place, in my dreams, when I'm walking around, everything I look at is a Tetris piece.

I've been Tagged....Finally!

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Night Supervisor for Harland
2. Finance Analyst for Discover Card
3. Guest Relations for Holiday Inn/Holiday Hospitality/Bass Hotels & Resorts
4. Sandwich Artist for Subway

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
2. Almost Famous
3. Office Space
4. Heathers

Four places you have lived:
1. Logan, UT
2. In a VW bus, in a tent, in random cars and in several canyons in OR, WA & UT.
3. Salt Lake City, UT
4. Chandler, AZ

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. LOST
2. The Sopranos
3. Big Love
4. Medium

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. New York, NY
2. Orlando, FL
3. Vancouver, Canada
4. The entire state of CA

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Joeythegirl.blogspot.com
2. JoryDanJohnson.blogspot.com
3. Dooce.com
4. Google.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Kraft Macaroni N' Cheese
2. Famous Daves: Cajun Chicken Sandwich
3. Training Table (me too, but don't get to eat it since I left Utah)
4. Cheerful Cafe: Cheesy Hashbrowns in Bellingham, WA

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Camping in Moab, UT
2. On a beach in Hawaii, Mexico or Italy
3. On Ladder Island/Lighthouse Island in Anacortes, WA
4. Turtle Island, FIJI

Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond ....
1. Jory!
2. Brooke
3. Eric
4. Darby

What time is it?

It's now 01:02.03, 04/05/06.

And it will happen again this afternoon. woo woo

The Year OJ killed Nicole & Ron

Me in 1994

I've posted a bunch of scanned photos from my high school years on my Photo Blog. Thank you Juli for the photos, keep them coming! I think it's time to pull out the scanner and start scanning my collections. Oh the blackmail I have!

Email Conversation with the hubby

Do we have mayo at home?

yes

Why don't you mix up some chicken salad sandwich stuff and I will stop at Albertson's on my lunch and get some bread and drinks and chips and toilet paper and we can have chicken salad sandwiches for lunch?

why??

What do you mean why? Just an idea for lunch, better than eating another damn hamburger don't you think?

um that depends, what were you planning on eating? That is what I was asking, I mean, are you planning on sitting down with the jar of mayo and going to town or what?

I sent you this email....about the chicken salad sandwich silly.
"Why don't you mix up some chicken salad sandwich stuff and I will stop at Albertson's on my lunch and get some bread and drinks and chips and toilet paper and we can have chicken salad sandwiches for lunch?"

OH well I never got that email....
i will start mixing it up at 4.45

Sounds good...strange that you didn't get that email, LOL funny though. Yeah I enjoy eating a bottle of mayo occassionally...he he he.

gross

you insinuated it! ;)

but you do it!

NO I don't...I was just sicking you out.

whateva

oh looky what i just got in my email...
"Why don't you mix up some chicken salad sandwich stuff and I will stop at Albertson's on my lunch and get some bread and drinks and chips and toilet paper and we can have chicken salad sandwiches for lunch?
yes
Do we have mayo at home?"

HAHAHAHA! Weird.

bizzare

Waaaaay Bizzare!

ok i am logging out and making some chicken salad

In case you're wondering how I feel

...SCREW YOU, this is my ONLY chance...

Since posting my results, I still haven't really wrapped my head around the whole "you will have ovarian cancer" thing. I don't know if I really am in that much denial or just don't want to go there because I may never stop crying? Those who I have talked to comment that I seem to have a positive outlook, but I don't have an outlook at all, because I don't know what's going on, or what we're going to do, or how I feel about it. It's been taking me forever to call people because I don't know how to tell people. I don't know how to react so how does anyone else know how to react when I tell them?

Jory and I have talked about skipping the birth control pills and just going for it. Even if a hundred doctors told me to get my ovaries removed tomorrow, I would still say SCREW YOU, this is my ONLY chance to fulfill my life long dream of having my child. So I'm fairly certain that we are going to go against Dr's orders and start trying now instead of wasting a few months and maybe loosing this chance. I know, so rebellious!

I love you all, thank you for all your support, we'll keep you posted. And I'm not joking about Moab....Eric when are you guys thinking you could make it back down?

Make Like a Rock

Andrea and I in Arches National Park Moab, UT

Spring Break 1994

Sydney's response to my test results...Just kidding

Taken by her daddy Jon Merchant.

Flying Spaghetti Monster Cloud

Giant Spaghetti Monster Cloud
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Would this be categorized with the grilled cheese Jesus sandwich on eBay? I know I can't actually sell the cloud, but a picture is just as good right? Ha Ha Ha

I knew the clouds looked funky, that's why I took this picture but I didn't see the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the time. Crazy!

Foto Flashback

Halloween 1991

Where would I be without my coven sisters?

Juli on the left, Andrea on the right and that's me in the middle.

CKY makes me giggle and hurt

The Fourth CKY Movie

Warning for Adult content (naked butts), sick ass behavior and a lot of bad fucking language! Aaaaand Don Vito drinks 50 shots of peach schnapps, bet you can guess the aftermath of that. Check out their other videos here and here.

Well it's not Endometriosis

I’m not sure where to start. When you get bad news but it’s not the death sentence you prepared yourself for, it’s hard to wrap your head around it. Yet again I surprised my doctor (I’ve got to stop doing this) the cysts on my ovaries are Serous Cystadenomas. With time these will end up becoming Serous Cystadenocarcinoma, the most common malignant tumor of the ovary. If they don’t remove my ovaries I will get ovarian cancer. He told me it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter when. My doctor prescribed me birth control pills for now to stop my ovaries from working so hopefully no new cysts can grow while he consults with 6 other doctors, 4 of which are the best Gynecological Oncologists in the world. He said to expect two of them to say to remove my ovaries now. But my doctor knows that my number one priority is getting pregnant. I know it may be stupid to some to chance getting ovarian cancer just to get pregnant but that is all I’ve ever wanted. Ever since I was real little, probably since birth, I’ve wanted to be a mom.

If they do strongly suggest removing my ovaries now, there is still one option, not a very successful option but it’s still an option. They can harvest my eggs, remove the ovaries, implant with IVF (I’m assuming because we didn’t get into details) and if I do get pregnant use hormones to keep me pregnant.

Thank the stars and moons we moved to Arizona. Who knows if my previous doctor who I thought was Good As Gold would ever have found the oddly placed cysts and scheduled surgery. My doctor told me the surgery literally saved my life. Ovarian cancer sneaks up on women, they normally don't find out they have it until it's too late. At least I know my future and I have a chance to prevent it if I time it right.

I feel like such a wimp crying out, "Why me?" so I don’t. Is this denial or is it because I don’t have time to break down and cry about it. I’ve used all my personal time nursing Jory, all my sick time for my surgery and I really don’t want to waste my vacation time sitting around crying. It’s only March God Damn it! I really need a vacation, Moab anyone?

My next appointment isn’t until April 21st so the waiting game continues.

New Oprah & Tom Video

OK, I know, enough with the videos already. But this one is good!

Mom's text messages, More visitors and our Schizo dog

So yesterday I received a text message from my mom, Yes my mom. She can't forward an email with pictures on it, but she can send text messages.

"Are you off friday and saturday?"

I reply: yes

"we are thinking about going for a ride"

A ride? What the hell is she thinking? So I call her and she tells me she cancelled her pageant (a very long story) and has 3 days off so they are thinking about driving down to see us. My parents do this all the time, but normally it's a 3 hour drive to see my brother in Wyoming, they eat dinner and drive back home. Or 4 hours to Island Park, ID for a night in the cabin. But 3 days to come see us, they're crazy!

She wasn't sure if she could get off work early on Thursday so she said she'd call me later after her meeting at work. Later that night I send her a message asking if she's done with her meeting.

"Yes I am at chilis with my managers getting drunk"

I replied: Do I need to send dad to pick ur drunk ass up?

She immediately called me and played it off like she ONLY drinks coffee when they go to Chili's after all their meetings. Mom, denial is the first step. Ha Ha Ha!

So the parents are coming down to see us, how sweet. They're bringing Ozzy, Mazzy's brother so she'll have tons of fun running away from his horny ass. Neither are fixed so we'll have to keep them in separate kennels if we leave them home at any time. I think she'll enjoy having her brother to play with, I'm sure she gets bored with our lame games.

This is like a whole other post but oh well...
We've been talking about getting another small dog so she has a playmate and hopefully this would curb her EXTREME separation anxiety. Jory's mom bought us the "Dog Whisperer" book, but I haven't got around to reading it yet. If anyone has any suggestions on how to help our little schizophrenic dog, please throw your suggestions our way.

George Bush Hates Black People

I'm sorry but I can watch this a hundred times, so funny! Poor Mike Meyers, what would you do in that situation? If you haven't seen the entire thing, watch it cause Kanye flubs over his words through the whole thing.

Busted again Shrub

I may be behind the news, but they released the video conference taken 19 hours before Katrina hit the Gulf Coast showing federal officials delivering warnings to Shrub that the storm could lead to large loss of life and Shrub's response was, "We are fully prepared".

On Sept. 1, Bush said on ABC's "Good Morning America": "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

Busted again Shrub.

Don't Worry, No Stitches Pictures Here.

The last 11 days have been both painful and hazy for me. It started Wednesday March 1st with taking Magnesium Citrate and playing Tony Hawk's American Wasteland on the PS2 while sitting on the toilet for hours. Then waking up at the butt crack of dawn Thursday only to sit at the Arizona Surgical Specialists Center from 6:30 - 8:30 AM for my surgery. The very nice anesthesiologist came in and gave me a cocktail in my IV right before they walked me in and had me climb on the operating table like a drunken buffoon. I'm not really sure why he gave me the "cocktail", I guess some people get nervous before surgery. Either way BRING ON the IV cocktails, it took only seconds for the cloudy liquid to make it into my vein and the ability to talk to escape me. He continued to ask me questions and I tried to sputter out answers but he and Jory just giggled and agreed it had kicked in.

I don't remember walking in the operating room but I do remember climbing on the table, removing the blanket from around my waist and not caring that my naked ass was now hanging out of the gown. They had me remove my arms from the sleeves and the nurse secured my left arm out like Jesus and wrapped the "heart rate/squeeze your arm off" thing on my right arm and TIGHTLY secured it close to my body. Mr. Cocktail Man put the face mask on me and told me to take deep breaths. I remember breathing in deep 2 twice and thinking, I REALLY don't want to wake up during my surgery, third breath and I was out.

I immediately woke up to the nurse telling me to breath. They told me the surgery was over and I needed to take deep breaths, DEEP BREATHS! I was crying now from the pain. The Mean nurse who checked me in that morning told me to expect a little pain when I wake up and that she would only be able to give me so much pain killer and then cut me off. I NEVER expected this much pain. It felt like they had sliced me open, pulled out all my organs, cut them to bits and carelessly tossed them back in and sewed me up with dirty furry wool yarn. I remember moaning and groaning and tears running down my face and the nurse YELLING at me to breath deep. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Why wouldn't they let me sleep?

Mr. Cocktail (who I'm now calling Superman) strolled in to check on me and asked the nurse if she had given me more meds, she said no. He sternly told her to give me something, against my doctor's so-called orders because I was in obvious pain. Feeling much love from him, I told him I was freezing, Mean Nurse interrupted and told him she'd already put on 8 blankets. Slowly my pain moved from a 10 down to a 4, I wanted to sleep and they were having none of that. Then I could hear the monitor and as I was drifting off to sleep the monitor beeping began to slow. At first this didn't scare me because I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP, but every time the nurse yelled at me to take deep breaths it was when the beeping began to slow. So then I sort of freak out thinking it was my heart monitor and me falling asleep, was me dying. But I'm so tired, I really don't care and there are doctors around so if it stops beeping and I start to die they'll do something, I figured.

They brought Jory in the room and Superman aka Mr. Cocktail tells him he had to give me double the amount of drugs to knock me out and I was having a really hard time coming out of it. Jory asked him what the beeping was and Superman told the nurse it was my Oxygen level and to give me some oxygen. Apparently this nurse was a DUMBASS! Once she gave me Oxygen and the beeping became steady and I woke up a bit more.

I'm not sure how much time had gone passed but the doctor was telling Jory that the surgery had went well. They drained all the cysts in my ovaries and he was surprised that the fluid amounted to 100 CC's, something he'd never seen before. The tumor was actually a large cyst, he drained it and took a biopsy, we'll have the results on March 24th. He also scraped the lining of my uterus and took a biopsy. My right ovary was hiding behind my bowel. Overall Jory took everything as very optimistic, I might actually be able to get pregnant now. If we do get pregnant and want a 2nd child, I'll have to go through this again.

The funniest thing I remember hearing was the doctor or nurse telling Jory, "Nothing in her vagina for 2 weeks", I smiled inside. Recently, Jory and I have joked about all the things that can't go in the vagina for 2 weeks: smuggled drugs, TV remotes, spare change and guns.

I'm not sure how much time had passed but the nurse sat me up and started pulling off my gown and helped me get dressed. Then I was in a wheelchair being pulled backwards and flipped around forward carelessly. This isn't Nascar BITCH! I started getting sick and telling Jory to hurry and get me home. Jory later told me that I had asked for water and he thought I was going to get sick in the car. I don't remember getting in the car or the ride home just telling Jory over and over to hurry and get me home. I don't remember getting home or sitting in the lazy boy.

I don't remember a lot of those first few days at home other than Jory having to wake me every 4 hours to eat something to take more pain killers and going back to sleep. I also remember feeling as though I constantly had to pee caused by the catheter during surgery. I remember asking Jory what the doctor said about everything a few times, but I could never remember what he told me. It wasn't until Monday March 6th that I started waking up a bit. Jory was getting our house ready for Juli who was flying in Tuesday night to stay the week and help take care of me. We also got a call from our friends Eric and Athena, they were in Los Angeles and would be dropping by Tuesday evening on their way to Utah.

Tuesday night came and Eric and Athena and kids arrived and Jory picked up Juli from the airport. It was the first night I stayed awake for more than a few hours at a time. The next two days were crazy with a full house and me glued to the couch. The Mann family left Thursday morning and I was starting to feel a bit better on Friday. Juli and I ventured out to IKEA where she pushed me around in the 2nd biggest wheelchair I have ever seen, they called it the Cadillac. The lady told us it's the only size they have, I think they do that to avoid discrimination. It was hard to push the wheels myself because the chair was so wide and my arms are only so long. The Caddy worked out nice though, I had my purse on my left and Juli's yellow IKEA bag full of stuff on my right. After one level of IKEA I was spent and I'm sure Juli was tired of walking and pushing, the place is HUGE.

Yesterday we ventured out in the rain (yes it finally rained!) to Casa Grande, AZ to have dinner with Juli's extended family. It was a good time, they were a lot more friendly then I was expecting (Juli's family is VERY Mormon and haven't been shy about not liking me. I am the devil after all!). Jory broke their couch with his super power arm stretch move. HA HA HA! Seriously, he lifted his arms above his head to stretch and CRACK! It felt like we sunk down into the couch a few inches. We all froze and then jumped up quickly. Her family was so sweet and told us not to worry about it. Then her uncle in a not so secret way, was telling her aunt that they had recently had a couple LARGER visitors that probably started the damage. Jory felt really bad but knowing his ass COULDN'T have broke the couch and feeling like mine could have I was relieved it wasn't me. Hugs and Kisses, I love older people, they're so funny. Maybe I'll tell you more stories later.

I'm back to work today and it sucks! I was not ready to go back today. I was 2 hours late and wanted to go home 2 minutes after I got here. I'm really tired, sore and uncomfortable in buttoned up pants. If only I had another week to recover more.

I want to thank everyone for all the well wishing emails, phone calls, flowers and plants. It was something to look forward to every day, even though I don't remember talking to anyone the first week. Apparently I talked to a few of my family members and don't remember it at all. I only accepted phone calls from my family, because my family is used to me making a fool of myself. I haven't returned anyone's calls or emails yet, I will get around to it soon!

One more week and we can go back to storing things in my vagina!

Pre-op aka Jory's Adventure - Update!

First I need you all to know that I already spent an hour typing this post on our new laptop, however because I have the worst luck in the word, I deleted it while copying and saving it.

So I took Jory to my pre-op appointment last Friday for moral support. We weren't sure what they were going to tell us but we knew we'd be discussing my blood test(s) results. We were called back to a room and after we checked my weight, (I think I lost another 2 lbs but I'm not really sure) and blood pressure, Jory pointed out the gown on the table.

The night before I told both Juli (by phone) and Jory that I KNEW my doctor was going to throw a pap smear on me, I just knew it! I even went to the grocery store to buy razors, because those of you that know me, know that I don't shave my legs unless I'm going to the doctor.

Anyway so the nurse comes back in the room and says Dr. Seal likes to do a quick exam and pap before surgery just to make sure everything is OK. WELL if everything was OKAY I wouldn't be going into surgery, right? The nurse picks up the gown, which she calls the "tent" and tells me to put it on. Jory asks if I want him to leave and I told him he could stay if he wants, but if he's freaked out he can wait in the waiting room. I NEVER would have expected my husband to sit through a pap smear, but I think he was a little curious as to what all the fuss has been about.

A quick side note, I think all men take the doctor's or nurses orders very seriously. The nurse had told me to remove all my clothing, and when I didn't take my socks off Jory acted like I was putting my feet on the grandparent's coffee table. I can't be the only woman in the world who doesn't take their socks off for an exam. Can I?

So back to the tent, this gown was sleeveless and had a very sexy cleavage hole in the front, or maybe it's because I have the biggest boobs on the planet! It looked like it was straight out of the 70's except for the flared skirt, seriously, quite flattering. The doctor comes in barely has time to shake Jory's hand, throws on the rubber gloves and opens "the drawer". Thank god this doctor believes in warming up the "duck bill" before shocking your vagina into it's shell. The exam was over in a minute and Jory will never be the same. He was shocked that I didn't flinch or make any noise or yell at the doctor because apparently that's what guys do when they are getting their exam. I can't remember how Jory described the "duck bill", something like scrap metal. I'm sure Jory can tell you all about it in his post. Update:

"Frozen medieval torture device"

"Duck Bill"

The results of my blood test were interesting; I have the most extreme case of Insulin Resistance my doctor has ever seen, which makes everything I eat go straight to fat and nothing to muscle. I also have a high Testosterone level, which my beard could have told him that. I still have Hypothyroidism and PCOS, duh. And the most important result of my day long 14 vials of blood tests is I DON'T have Diabetes! With all this extra weight and my family tree, I was getting very concerned.

In my surgery they are going to drain the cysts out of my ovaries, which will apparently make me feel like a whole new woman. They will shoot dye in my uterus thru my Fallopian tubes to make sure they're working correctly and biopsy the lining of my uterus and the tumor of course. Yeah this time he called it a tumor instead of a cyst. Jory told me not to worry about the word he chooses to describe it because we don't know what it is. I've decided we're going to call it an Alien for now, because Tumor is a scary word. Plus I'm extending my stay on Denial River until we do know what the alien is.

I'm not nervous about the surgery, it's the Magnesium Citrate I have to drink Wednesday morning and the hours I'm going to spend on the throne. Good thing we bought the laptop, at least I can watch a movie or two while cleansing my respected colon.

I appreciate everyone's support while I bounce in and out of denial, going from depression to manic denial....wow that's bipolar. At least that's not a new diagnosis for me. Anyway, as soon as we have the results depending on my sharing mood I'll let you know.

Poll: What should we name the Alien?

Update:
I've named the alien...but keep the names coming because this is fun...

Jor El

It's a ANOTHER beautiful day in Arizona

Phoenix, AZ
Sunday: Sunny 75°F at 12:42 pm. Feels Like 70°F
Low: 56°F High: 83°F Humidity: 11%
Pressure: 30.07 inVisibility: 10 mi Wind: ENE 5 mph


Logan, UT
Sunday: Overcast 35°F at 12:42 pm. Feels Like 35°F
Low: 23°F High: 46°F Humidity: 64%
Pressure: 30.22 inVisibility: 10 mi Wind: NNW 4 mph

How Evil Are You?

You Are 84% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

BlogThis!Share to XShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

CONGRATS Jenni and Jon, she's perfect!

Sydney Gwynyth Merchant

Born February 21, 2006

Photos taken by Jon Merchant * Collage created by ME

OK Tom, here's my post on the Cheney Shooting

Found this photo in flickr but lost the link.

Dedicated to Tom

Having fun with fd's Flickr Toys

Here Tom, I hope this helps, the first pic wasn't big enough for you to read so I changed the picture for you. This was my version of Freeway Blogging.

Shrub giving NY the Bird

Shrub in Time Square

TWINS

TWINS
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

I often walk outside at work for a smoke break and find crazy expensive or funky painted cars. Today I found twin green mustangs separated only by a tree.

Dreams

Last night I dreamed I went to the doctor for my pre-op meeting and as I walked in the room he looked up and asked me if I was pregnant (like the nurses do when they’re taking your vitals) and I sort of laughed and said no. “I’m quite positive, I’m not pregnant.” He smiled big and said, “Well I guess I have some surprising news for you then, because you’re 4 months pregnant.” Without trying to get my hopes up and trying to not be the butt of this joke, I asked him skeptically if he was kidding. He looked back at my “test results” and said there was no question, I was pregnant and we were going to do an ultrasound so I could see my baby. I took another step in the office and I woke up.

My horoscope for today:
Prepare for some surprises that may be coming your way. This sounds like a contradiction, but it's not -- really. Just make sure to stay alert, and that way you can take advantage of every new opportunity that arises.

Definitions

Joeythegirl -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a banana peel 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Joey -- [noun]: A person who laughs at anything (even this entry) 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

FONDLING our new little toy

Jory and I received some cash for Xmas (and for my birthday) to buy whatever we wanted. We've been wanting a laptop for some time now, but haven't had the spare change to do so. We also have been deciding on whether we would want to get an Apple or stick with HP. Jory has always been a Mac guy and I was born and raised a HP (specifically) girl. I've worked on Macs so I'm educated and experienced there to, but when it comes to computers I'd rather be compatible with what I've already got. I can't go out and purchase Mac versions of my SIMS games, I just don't have that kind of money damn it. For the last year I've been researching different makes and models to find what's out there and what will work best for us.

While Cody was here, I had a good excuse to get Jory out of the house and we ventured out to the mall. Yes folks, we went to the mall! Crazy I know. After we hit Hot Topic, Puppies 'N Love (with the cutest damn $3,000.00 puppies in the world...and no I would never buy a dog from a pet store no matter how cheap they are because I don't support puppy mills) and Game Stop, we stopped in the Apple store just to look around. We played on the Powerbooks and the iBooks and as KOOL as we would be to buy one (because all the kool kids have one), we walked away. We decided that it would be best to stick with compatibility and then when our bills are paid off, we'll buy an Apple desktop.

So later that day or maybe it was the next day, I'm not sure and that doesn't really matter. After searching the internet for deals and specials and printing out my price lists we headed over to Best Buy. I walked around the laptops for 20 minutes while Jory was over in the wireless router aisle waiting for me to make up my damn mind. Ten minutes later Jory returned and I knew I had to make a decision. It's hard to spend that much money on something you've never owned before. We decided the fat wad of cash was ready to be spent and we picked out a beautiful HP that fit our needs, we surveyed the area for one of those pesky sales people and Chris O'Donnel's doppelganger walked up. We told him we'd made a decision and he offered up his suggestion, I was open to suggestions because like I said neither of us have had a laptop before and were going at this blind. He showed us a Gateway Platinum Edition which was twice as fast, had more memory and it had Media Center. SOLD! We've never owned a Gateway, never heard more bad than good and with Best Buy's return and warranty policies it wouldn't matter.

After getting numerous good deals and free Geek services along with being upgraded to Best Buy Business Rewards program, we walked away with our beautiful new laptop and a hefty receipt. Jory looked over the receipt with his "Rain man" brain and realized they had charged us for the "free" Geek services, so we had to go back in and spend another 20 minutes while Chris O'Donnel's doppelganger figured out how they over charged us by $200. All worked out in the end and we went home and started fondling our new little toy.

OMG!

Warning: Watch this if you DARE, seriously if you are sickened easily or don't want to watch a car accident where the driver is thrown from the car and RAN OVER by another car, DON'T WATCH THIS!

Apologies to anyone (anonymous) who may have taken my dare and watched the video because my original warning was not emphatic enough. I hope this stops anyone else from being traumatized.

Original warning:
Warning: Watch this if you dare.

The Good news or the Bad news?

I wasn't sure if I was going to post about this because it's so scary, so personal, so hard to write. When I start typing the words, the tears well up, it becomes reality.

As I've posted in the past I have PCOS, Insulin Resistance, Hypothyroidism and I'm Bipolar. The later hasn't been a problem for me for the last 8 years, but it's there lingering in the dark corners of my head. Our insurance started in January so I made my first appointment with my new Doctor here in Arizona. Like a good patient I took in all my medical records and we discussed our plan of action. The ultimate goal is to get pregnant. Getting healthy is a great side affect of taking my regime of pills.

(Possible TMI for you sensitive boys)
He gave me a shot of hormones to jump start my period and I was given my prescription for Glucophage to start immediately. I was told to come in on the 3rd day of my period for a inter-vaginal ultrasound. A week and a few days later I got my period and I scheduled my appointment.
(TMI over)

This past Friday I went in for my ultrasound, obviously it didn't go so well. One ovary was full of cysts the other was missing in action. My previous doctor had found that I had one large ovary and one extra small ovary, so I wasn't that surprised Dr. Seal couldn't find it, but a little concerned. Did it shrivel up and die? However Dr. Seal was a little more concerned that he found a cyst on the back of my uterus. He said my ultrasound was really abnormal and best case scenario is Endometriosis. Best case scenario? To me endometriosis means infertility. He asked the nurse to get his surgery schedule and I sat there still in shock. Surgery? As he filled out the paperwork, I just sat there trying to take it all in. Not that there was an "all" because so far that's all he had said. He turned to me and said he was worried and wasn't sure what the cyst was and that surgery is the only way to find out. They'll put me to sleep, go in thru my belly button and find out what that cyst is. If it is endo they may remove the cyst or lesions if any for biopsy. What concerns me the most is what he didn't say or wouldn't say, the C word. It's possible that it is cancer.

Now I have to wait until March 2nd for my surgery to find out the bad news. Because honestly it's bad news either way. Even if it is just Endometriosis, it's estimated that 30-40% of women with endo are infertile. PCOS and Hypothyroidism already lowers my fertility possibilities. I don't need anything else to lower or completely eliminate my chances.

I cried all the way home and when Jory opened the door and asked me how it went, I muttered "not good" and fell into his arms and proceeded to cry. I tried to stop and spit out the words but it took me a few minutes. Saying it out loud was so unreal, I never would have thought my health could get worse. I've always known that my chances of getting pregnant were extremely low and that it would be a miracle if it did happen, but I never accepted that I really may NEVER EVER be able to get pregnant. I always figured it was "meant to be" so it would happen eventually.

I've wanted to be a mom since I was a kid. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and raise 12 kids. Of course over the years the number of kids dropped to 2 to be reasonable but there was no doubt I was going to have babies and be a great mom. I actually always planned on starting my family when I was 18 because I wanted to be young like my mom, she was 18 when she had Shane. But of course when I turned 18, I was no where near ready and I hadn't met my husband yet.

Jory and I jumped on the computer to read about endo and what scares me the most is that I don't have any of the symptoms, other than the mysterious cyst. Which is why I'm scared it's cancer. My biggest fear isn't death, it's waking up from surgery to find out they had to do a hysterectomy. I'm not sure how I will deal with that.

And of course this news came a day after I received my package from Hot Topic. I ordered the cutest Led Zeppelin baby bib and beanie. Yes, even though I'm NOT pregnant, I have been known to purchase a few LZ baby items.

So after I stopped crying I had to go to my second appointment for the day. My doctor sent me to get a crap load of blood tests. The first session was 6 viles of blood, when she finished # 3 I told her I was getting light headed. I started to see spots with # 4 "Deep breaths", she told me. She said my lips were white and to hold on as she was finishing # 5. She tried to get me to talk to her but I couldn't talk. I was spitting out one word answers; "Worked" when she asked me about Xmas. "Yes" when she asked if I was married. "No, puppy" when she asked about kids. She finished #6 just in time, I leaned forward closed my eyes and tried to breath deeply. I forgot to tell her that I have a history of fainting, but who wouldn't faint when they've just had SIX viles of blood taken? Thankfully one of the many tests I was there for was a 3 hour glucose test which required I drink 8 ounces of orange flavored sugar water. I downed the sucker in 1 minute. It tasted like Orange Shasta. The color came back in my face and I was told to go sit in the waiting room for 30 minutes when they'll call me for my next 2 viles and 2 more every hour after that.

It was a really long day, my arms were aching and I felt like I had just given FOURTEEN viles of blood. Jory picked me up and took me to Quiznos, picked up my favorite Chicken Carbanara, no mushrooms extra sause, a ceasar side salad and a delicious Mt. Dew. We went home, pigged out and passed out on the couch.

I have one more blood test tomorrow morning and my pre-op meeting is Feb. 24th, I'll keep you posted.

Oh I forgot the good news....I lost 2 lbs.

Watching...

Spiderman

It's 8 minutes long, but I promise it's worth it! Click here for a larger view.

UPDATE on the other Gallbladder Boy

Christopher's surgery went well. Apparently he's a bleeder and his gallbladder was extremely eroded, thank God he was persistent in finding a doctor to help him! He's recovering and is already requesting a Pepsi. Goofball.

I'll have to convince my mom to take photos so I can post them here and we can compare wounds with Jory. And Tom, if that's not graphic enough for you, I could post Shane's photos from his 4wheeler accident!

Brothers and Changes

There's been a lot going on in my family this year, some heartbreaking and some exciting. I haven't posted about any of it because I wanted to give them their privacy. However, the main situation is out of hand and my brother's health is on the line so I'm just going to put it out there.

Shane

First the exciting news, my older brother Shane and his wife Jessie are thinking about moving to southern Utah or Northwestern Arizona!!! I can't tell you how HAPPY this makes me. I'm closest to my brother Shane, we've been friends and protectors of each other most of our lives so we have a special bond. We also share the same parents so that's a big part of it. My family is full of His, Hers and Ours.

(For some fun and entertainment I created a simple diagram of my immediate family. It is not a complete "Tree" as it is missing 2 of my step siblings, but that will only complicate things and this was supposed to be fun not complex.)

The reason Shane and Jessie are thinking about moving is because they received an offer on their house (double what they paid for it, but no where near what their neighbors are selling for $434,000.00). Plus they can both transfer with their currently employers. They live in Thayne, WY on Star Valley Ranch. Their house is on the golf course and they have the most magnificent views! The house however is falling apart, their roof needs replacing and black mold has taken over residency of the bathroom. I hope they move, even though they live in paradise (theirs, not mine. It's way too freaking cold for me). From my internet searches, it looks like Kingman, AZ is the best bet for them as far as temperature, house prices and job opportunities. I'll keep you updated on their moving status.

On to the next brother, Christopher. Sweet Christopher.
I posted a while back about him getting engaged to his then girlfriend Heather. Well she jumped ship and I think it's for the better. We're not really sure what happened, they were planning the wedding one day and the next she had dumped him like a hot potato. Of course he was completely heart broken, but we thought it was cold feet and everything would work out. Unfortunately for Toph it's over. They tried to get back together, they went out on a date that he thought went well but she didn't. Then she lied to him about going home after work but instead went to another guy's house. Christopher got her at his house and the guy's family called the cops on him, worried that he was going to pull a "crazy ex fiance freak-out". Blah Blah Blah...Heather broke his heart, she didn't just break his heart, she pulled it out of his chest threw it at the wall and proceeded to jump on it until it was ground beef.

My poor Christopher has had his heart broken at least THREE times now. He's the sweetest, cutest, most loving man alive (next to Jory ;) of course)! I'm not quite sure where he got his "marriage" views from because this is the 2nd girl he's been engaged to and a 3rd he gave a promise ring to. Shane and I are the only ones in our family that have gotten married. My oldest brother was engaged for 10 years when that relationship ended, my other older brother has had several serious relationships but he's still single and Shane didn't get married until he was 28 I think and Jory and I were together for 6 years before we got married (2 1/2 yrs ago). So the pattern in my family is to waaaaait to make sure you and your partner are meant for each other until you get married, but somehow he missed this boat and jumped on a speedboat. Maybe it's because his parents are still married? He knows what it's like to have divorced parents because he grew up with Shane and I dealing with "our" dad and Jason and Colby dealing with their mom. Why does he feel this need to marry every girlfriend he has?

Here's my speculations:
First, all the girlfriends he's been serious with have been young. I don't mean 12 yrs old young, but 17 and 18 yrs old. Heather is 20 I think. That's not Utah young but that's YOUNG in every other state, maybe not Alabama but we're talking in general. Christopher will be 24 this year and he has a long life ahead of him, there is no reason for him to be jumping into marriage. My personal opinion on why he jumped this time was because her parents wouldn't let her move out with him unless they were married. Yes she's over 18, but she lives at home with mommy and daddy and that means they still control her life. Yes I believe he wanted/wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but he doesn't know what's going to happen in 5 years. Another big problem, is that he still lives at home. He's never lived on his own or with room mates. He has no idea what it's like to live on his own except what he's seen through his friends. He was planning on moving out this spring before they got married, but you don't know your other half until you've lived with them. I could probably go on for awhile but I don't want to dig too deep and share too much so that's good for now.

Since the breaking of their engagement, Christopher has been dealing with serious stomach pains and has been throwing up blood. He went to the emergency room and they did an ultrasound and found nothing. They scheduled a scope and found nothing. They injected dye into his veins and found nothing. They put him on Prozac and told him his illness is stress related. But yet he's still throwing up blood and dying of stomach pains. What bothered me the most about this, was our mother who's supposed to be there to comfort him was telling him to relax, he'll feel better it's all because of the break up. So the only person he felt comfortable talking to about this was me. If someone is throwing up blood, it means there is a serious problem! Stop telling the kid to relax, he's hurting, help me for GOD SAKE! So after several doctor's visits he finally met with a surgeon who after listening to all the symptoms and seeing all the tests, suggested they take out his gallbladder. HIS GALLBLADDER! Is there something in the water? So tomorrow early afternoon my little baby brother is having surgery. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and he'll start to feel better soon enough.

Good Luck Billy Boy, I'll be sending you LOTS of good vibes!

Love you,

Your sis

Behind Shrub's Speeches

I know another video, but after the State Of The Union Address I thought Shrub's speech needed some explanation. Enjoy.

Trading Spouses - Marguerite Perrin Freak Out!

Please tell me I'm not the only one that watched Trading Spouses with Marguerite Perrin the cRaZy SPIRIT WARRIOR who hates Darksiders! I found this video of her final Freak Out and had to share it. You can also go here for a larger screen.
Enjoy!

I Confess

When I'm driving, I picture myself driving into other cars, off cliffs, into poles, over people walking on the sidewalk and into ravines.

Naked Lady Tree

We've lived here almost a year now and this is the first time I've noticed Naked Lady Tree.

Hey Frankenstein, Where did your belly button go?

4 holes and 10 staples later

We just noticed...

An extra staple for good measure??

He's HOME!

After some breathing exercises and some farting Jory was released from the hospital. He's sore but doing very well. We're super excited for him to get better and never have to deal with "the pains" ever again. Thanks for all the good vibes everyone sent our way, I survived the stress and he lived through the surgery and that's all that matters.

Jory has gallstones, Surgery TODAY - UPDATED!

We spent the last 6 hours at the hospital, we finally found out Jory has gallstones. Apparently one of the stones is causing problems with his liver, we don't know much right now just that he's going into surgery today. I just got home from the hospital and knew I wouldn't be able to call everyone that would want to know, so this is my broadcast.

I will update everyone when I know more and of course after the surgery. Please send your good vibes our way. I'm sure everything is going to be OK, but I'm the wife so I'm scared.

This explains "the pains": If a gallstone is obstructing the gall bladder, there will be severe pain in the upper right side of the abdomen. The pain will come and go in waves as strong muscular contractions. Strong muscular contractions occur because the body is trying to get rid of the obstruction. Other symptoms are: mild pain under the right ribs. This pain usually occurs after eating fatty foods. It occurs after eating fatty foods because fat in the diet provokes a reflex contraction of the gall bladder.


UPDATE:

Jory's surgery went really well. They were able to remove his gallblatter laparoscopically, so his recovery time will be cut in half. If his intestines are working tomorrow he'll be coming home, otherwise he'll be in another day.

Remember these?

Another reminder of how old I am.

We would walk over a mile to the local 7/11 to buy candy and bubble gum cigarettes and pretend to smoke them the whole way home. They may not be available in stores, but you can still enjoy a good candy cigarette thanks to Old Time Candy.

Isn't it interesting that we grew up watching Tom & Jerry and I didn't realized until 10 years ago that they smoke and drank in the cartoons?

Did you know?

Paraskevidekatriaphobia: Fear of Friday the 13th

Brokeback Mountain

Why we moved out of Utah Reason #69

Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller decided to pull "Brokeback Mountain" from his theaters in Utah, shortly before the movie was supposed to start. It's Utah, but I was still a little shocked because Mr. Miller is still showing "Hostel". What the hell is wrong Brokeback Mountain? It's a love story about two cowboys who fall in love but can't be together because of the fucked up Bush lovin' Bible beatin' Bigots that exhist everywhere today.

While reading my favorite blogs today I stopped over in Blurbomat Land and found that he had blogged about the Larry Miller Hypocracy as well. One of the comments was from a Mormon friend of Jon's who was showing his support for the gay community, but it struck a cord with me. How is it possible to be an ACTIVE Mormon and say you have no issues with gay culture/lifestye and have zero problems with gay marriage and support gay rights? The Mormon church preaches that it's not acceptable to be gay. They actually say that people are not born gay, they choose to be gay. Why on earth would anyone choose to be gay in this world today? Tell me WHY? However, if you deny who you are and don't act out sexually or lovingly with someone of the same sex, well then you can stay a Mormon, otherwise you'll be excommunicated. Don't take my word for it, read this:

Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the LDS church responded to the question of the church's attitude toward homosexuality.
"People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chasity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are.
We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and it's very purpose, the rearing of families" (Ensign, Nov. 1998, 71).

I have a few Mormon friends who are still active in the Church and they've told me they support gay rights, including gay marriage. I've always wanted to ask them, but never did out of respect for their choice of religion. But now I am and with as much respect as possible, I just want to understand.

How is it possible to be an ACTIVE Mormon and support gay rights?

iPod Video

I think with the Terrible Trip to Utahard, I forgot to mention that my beautiful husband spoiled me for my birthday. The new 60 gig iPod Video is the koolest mp3/tv/video/tuck you into bed player! I love it! Thank you Jory, you're the bestest!

Sidewalk Chalk Art

While Blurfing today I found this AMAZING artist Julian Beever. He creates crazy 3D art on sidewalks. This one is one of my favorites, I didn't believe it was real until I saw the alternate view of it. Check out his site, here.

FINALLY...

The Johnson's are finally insured!

Appointments have not been made yet, but will be in a day or two. Jory will find out what in the hell is wrong with his guts and I will get back on my 18 million pills a day routine. I can't wait to start loosing all this excess weight! Last time, which was the first time I started taking all the pills required with having PCOS, I lost 60 lbs in 3 months. This time I have extra to loose because of the Clomid, it made me gain like 50 lbs in 6 months. Since I have been off all my medication for a year and a half now, I've gained more on top of that. It's horrible, I feel like a prisoner in my own body. All I want is to get healthy and hopefully get pregnant this year!

Putting the I back in GIRL

FINALLY! JoeyTheGirl.blogspot.com is available and I have it in my greedy little hands. (Insert evil laugh here) HA HA HA! So not only are we changing our home address this month, we will also be changing my web address. Feel free to go to JoeyTheGirl.blogspot.com and bookmark it, link it or add it to your favorites because I've already started moving shit over. Or at least that was until last night, Jory showed me how to do it in one step. Yes I WASTED 9 HOURS yesterday moving post by post to my new address. Soon you will find my current blog address empty with a link to my new blog address, because I'm a greedy SOB and will be keeping it so no one else can have it, (again, insert evil laugh here) HA HA HA!

Happy New Year!

What I did in 2005

~January~
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this past year?
I don't do resolutions

2.Who kissed you at midnight?
Jory

3. Does it snow where you live?
HELL NO! That's why I moved to SUNNY ARIZONA!

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Sure do, I don't drink it very often though.

5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
Nope, it was summer time both times I went to NY.

~February~
1. Who was your Valentine in 2005?
Jory

2. What did your Valentine get you?
ummm...we don't really do Valentines day. We celebrate it EVERYDAY.

3. When you were little, did you buy Valentines for your whole class?
My mom bought them, I didn't have money! ;) I always enjoyed making Valentine mailboxes out of paper at school

~March~
1. Are you Irish?
Partially

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Nope, but I have green eyes

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005?
Went to work

~April~
1. Do you like the rain?
I love rain, especially now that we live in Arizona. I love Monsoon season!

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
Don't think so.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Only what I buy.

~May~
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
Don't really have one, but if I had to choose it would be daisies

2. Did you go anywhere fun this month?
We went to San Diego for Jory's birthday and Mother's Day

3. Do you like the spring?
Spring is my favorite season

4. Finish the phrase: April showers bring May flowers, what do may flowers bring?
What kind of question is this? Bees

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
yellow

~June~
1. What year did/do you graduate from school?
January 10, 1995 (I graduated early woo woo for me)

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
Went to Utah to close on the sell of our house.

~July~
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Worked.

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
Nope

~August~
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer?
Took a road trip to Arcata, CA for our friend's wedding.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05?
Going to San Diego

3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
No

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Not normally, twice this year in San Diego and Northern California.

~September~
1. Did you attend school/college in '05?
No

2. Did you travel anywhere?
Went to Arcata, CA

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Fall is my second favorite season, Spring is my first

~October~
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume ever?
Juli's Little Red Riding in the Hood

2. What's your favorite candy?
Vanilla Charleston Chew

3. What did you dress up like this year?
I haven't dressed up in years...I worked this year. But Jory dressed Mazzy up as a skeleton dog

~November~
1. Thanksgiving!
I have a love hate relationship with Thanksgiving. I have found a new love for Turkey and family but my birthday lands on it every 4 years or so and I hate sharing my birthday with a holiday.

2. Do you like stuffing?
Not really

3. What are you thankful for?
My bestfriend and LoveR Jory he makes me smile everyday. I'm also thankful for my friends and family. The further we move away, the more we realize who are real friends are.

~December~
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
With our families, but we don't decorate or put a tree up for ourselves or anything. I work most every Xmas.

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Probably

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
I wanted a baby

4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?
The first year Jory and I were together, we were out shopping at my ALL TIME FAVORITE STORE IN THE WORLD, "Dancing Cranes Imports", back when they were in this tiny shop in Sugarhouse. As we walked in they had the LARGEST, most BEAUTIFUL rainbow colored chimes on display. The chimes had to be 7 feet tall! I think I said something like, "I would love to have those chimes...in my dreams." Christmas day, Jory surprised me with my dream. Apparently he had gone back to the store and asked the clerk how much the chimes were and they told him it was a display. He told the clerk he knew it was a display but he wanted to buy it, the clerk told him had to go ask the owner if they were willing to sell it and if so, for how much. He returned to the counter, gave him a insane price and Jory bought it my dream.

5. Do you like cold weather?
No, that would be why we moved to Arizona.

Happy Hanukkah & Merry Christmas

Unfortunately I didn't write this but it says it all for me.

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

It's Xmas Eve and it's 80 degrees outside!

WaHoo 3000 HITS!

Let's see if we can get it to 30,000 hits. Spread the word! Tell your friends, hell tell strangers on the street joeythegrl.blogspot.com/ is the blog to read!

Attention all Google Geeks!

A Joey Gift

I was Blurfing or blog surfing and found a Joey Gift. Through out my life I have received numerous "Joey Gifts". It seems 1 in 5 people I meet always feel the need to tell me that my name means baby kangaroo. As if in 29 years I had not been told this once or a million times.

My favorite Joey Gift story is from my 16th birthday. My mom gave me a Stuffed Kangaroo with matching socks stuffed in the pouch. I gave her a look of "what in the HELL were you thinking" and she laughed. She had actually bought it when I was 10 or 11 years old and hid it so well she didn't find it until just before my 16th birthday. My mom has a problem hiding gifts and finding them years later, but I leave that for another day.

Bashful Bladder Syndrome or BBS

Sometimes I space off when I'm peeing. Honestly I have spaced off for so long that I'm not sure whether I have actually peed yet so I have to check. I know I'll never live this down.

I suffer from Bashful Bladder Syndrome or BBS, if there are other people in the restroom I have to space off or block out everyone else just so I can relax and pee. I blame my mother, she passed me the BBS gene. When I was little every time we went into a public bathroom she would mention that she had a bashful bladder, and so the gene was passed.

So today in the bathroom I was spacing off and I had a flashback. I was peeing in the bathroom at my old job and laughing so hard I was crying because my friend had just confessed her most embarrassing moment and it is the funniest story I have EVER heard.

My friend who will remain nameless for obvious reasons, told me that one day at work she was talking with a few coworkers and in the middle of their conversation she sneezed so hard her tampon popped out! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!