Florida Photos & Video Posted!

Florida Photos are finally up at Joey's Photos.

There's Part 1 which is Sara and Carl's Wedding and
Part 2 all taken with our fancy new camera of the reset of our trip.
Don't forget the Videos!

As always, here are some of my favorites!

Literally Laughed Out Loud!

From an email I received today...

"all is well in the SLC. Now that i'm living in Rose Park, I've recently purchased a Glock 9mm and an AK-47 assault rifle...I'm looking for an RPG launcher, but they are hard to come by. Please send one my way if you can. I am now a member of the Tongan Crip Gangsters. I recently participated in my first drive-by and popped my first cap in a cop, but i'm not sure if i'll be able to stay in the gang for long. I think the rest of the crew are starting to figure out that i may not be Tongan. However, my fellow gang-banging brothers and I are getting along well so far, we officially control about 6 blocks in the 'hood as well as the local park. However i want to be more violent and menacing than my cohorts so i'm considering starting my own crew, J.R.P.P. or Jewish Rose Park Posse. Instead of bandanas we'll wear yamulkes. And instead of "jumping" new recruits in, I'll make them eat kosher for a month. BETTER CHECK YO' SELF, FOOL!"

Hope you don't mind me sharing this Pedro, it was too funny to keep to myself!


UPDATE: I responded to Pedro...

"Yo Homie!

Good thing you decided to join the Tongan Crips, I hear their Sunday BBQ's are Delicious! Too bad they aren't down with more violence. Jory and I are thinking of creating our own "gang" if you will, called the Dexters (I know we're working on the name). We'll be serial killers who kill serial killers. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, see www.sho.com/dexter it's the SHIZNIT)"

Pedro's reponse...

"Ha! When i first read your greeting, i thought it said "Hi Horny", i was like, how did you know?

i don't have Showtime, but i am familiar with the premise of Dexter. Before you met Jory, he and I used to go on the occasional random killing sprees, usually when we were out of "supplies".

the BBQ's are a nice touch, burying a pig in coal pit and all, but the whole pork thing wouldn't fly with the J.R.P.P.

As part of my "joining the gang" ceremony they gave me my own mu-mu and a couple of flaming batons to twirl. I'm still practicing twirling and sticking my tongue out as far as possible, i guess it's some islander thing.

April's not too fond of my new "friends", but once i showed her all the drug money i've made and all the new shoes i've jacked off of suckas, she's warmed to my new lifestyle. She LOVES shoes. Also, blue colored bandanas don't bleed in the wash as much as the red ones, so she likes that. I WAS recruited by the Cholo 6th Street Bloods, good think i didn't join that gang, all my undies would be pink by now!

I've also received some new tats. "Psycho Palua Koa'Ka", my O.G., gave them to me. here's a pic of me and my new gat:"

Fucking Father, Fabulous Florida, Fond Farewell.

I was planning on blogging about my father's visit but I haven't found the time. Then I thought I'd blog about how I've been so busy cause we're going to Florida TOMORROW, but I don't even have time for that. So all you get is a blog about not having time to blog.

We'll be back next Monday.

What a deceiving title...he he

Thank Gawd It's Over!

OMG!

My Father is coming to town!

YUMMY!

It's a day late but delicious all the same! My manager brought in a Strawberry Cheesecake for my Birthday.

Speaking of Holding on to Controllers

When I first turned on my new PS3 and started up "MotorStorm" I drove a good mile without noticing that I couldn't turn left or right (I was too buys checking out the Awesome graphics!). I ran straight into a rock and was puzzled as to why my brand new controller wasn't letting me steer! I started to panic when Jory the genius told me to move my controller left or right. WTF? Move my controller? As I steered my dune buggy back onto the course by tilting my actual controller, a tiny light bulb went off...I remembered hearing something about how kool the controllers were because you can move your character/car/what have you just by tilting your controller...WOAH! This is fucking kool...yet all together wrong at the same time.

Back in the day Mario Brothers taught us NOT to swing our controller all over the place to try and make it up and over the flag pole. You know you did it, at least in the beginning you did it! You swung your Nintendo controller clear over from the left side of your body, high above your head, over to the right. You did this until you learned the power run and jump. At one time everyone has pulled the controller out of the console and sometimes the console would follow to the ground, depending on your setup.

We have learned to hold our hands still and let our fingers do the talking. Tilting the controller felt horribly wrong, like I was breaking the rules of life. I had to turn off that option immediately. I am however excited as hell to purchase a flight sim game and see what the tilt can really do! To learn from the Wii, we might have to leash the controller to my hand so I don't toss it's Wireless ass through a window in a fit of rage!

Don't Be Jealous But...

Look what Jory got us (wink wink) for my Birthday!

&

&

&

I never actually expected to get anything off my list.

Thank You Jory Dan!

You better not be playing MY playstation when I get home ;)

Unexpected Birthday Wishes from my "Good Friends" on the Radio

Happy Birthday Joey,

At 100.7 KSLX, we spared no expense and hired a top notch celebrity to deliver your birthday gift to you since you are one of our favorite listeners!

Have a great day!!!!!
Happy Birthday from everyone at 100.7 KSLX!

Happy Birthday, Joey !

So, it's your birthday. Big deal... Well it's a great excuse to go do something for yourself and not feel guilty about it.
The guys got you something... no, really... the gang down at the U.S. Airways Center are hooking you with a pair of tickets for an upcoming Phoenix Roadrunners Hockey game.
Check out the video from Holmberg's Morning Sickness to explain it all then download this certificate.

Seriously, have a great Birthday from the Big Red Radio and the guys from Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

nom nom nom

Is Mah Birfday

Quiche, Crepes & Croissants

Growing up in our house my stepdad who loves to cook always made us quiche (pronounced key-shh) instead of the standard bacon and eggs. When I would mention this randomly to a friend or in school I would always get odd looks in return. For fun I would tell them we also ate crepes more often then pancakes just to see their response. Technically we probably had pancakes more often then crepes but we LOVED waking up on a Saturday or Sunday morning to find out dad was making crepes! It was our annual Christmas breakfast until the year we almost died.

Let me digress, it was 1990 something, I was 15 or 16 years old and at the time I had recently moved back home with my parents and two of my brothers. Christmas morning my little brother Christopher woke me up and I was sick with nausea and a raging headache. I told him I'd wake Shane, our older brother and we'd meet them all in the family room.

When I woke Shane, he complained of a headache and nausea. I thought I smelled gas or something in his room, I joked about us being poisoned by carbon monoxide. When my mom finally came down, I told her to go to take a whiff and see what she thought. She came back and wasn't sure if she smelled anything. We did however all agree that if it was carbon monoxide we wouldn't be smelling anything...so we should be ok. After a little while of opening presents my parents and Christopher started feeling sick and getting headaches. Finally either my mom or dad decided to open a window just in case (this was in Logan, Utah, freezing ass cold Utah, opening a window isn't something you do in the winter in Utah). My dad went outside to check whatever you check when you smell gas in your house? and when he came back in he said he started feeling a little better while he was outside. So he and my mom went around and opened every window in the house and they called someone to come check on the furnace. I don't remember much between the windows being opened and my mom forcing us to go outside while the house was airing out. Apparently the duct from a secondary heater in the family room was blocked and our basement was filling with carbon monoxide, we were extremely lucky to have woke up at all that morning.

How does this life and death story relate to breakfast? A few hours after our lives had been spared, my dad made us the most delicious scrambled egg, cheese and diced ham croissant sandwiches! I remember they were fairly big and we all had seconds! Ever since, our Christmas morning breakfast has always been those scrumptious croissant sandwiches. Every other family get together though, it's delicious quiche.

My point....after 30 years, I finally got the secret family recipe and this past weekend I made the BEST quiche Jory has ever had!

Before

After

With homemade hashbrowns, Delicious!

"Shoes...Fuck Shoes!"

I Heart Shoes!

I went shopping on my lunch today and for the first time ever I bought FOUR pairs at one time.

This last pair is a little different then mine...I couldn't find a picture of the ones I bought.

1234

1 Year

2 Months

3 Weeks

4 Days

Since we said good-bye

to our sweet boy

Jack

Haiden got a new bouncy chair

Checking it out...



He likes it! He likes it!



Hours later...

Fuck Tissue

Am I the only person on the planet that doesn't use tissue? Isn't that the same stuff as toilet paper? Just cut differently. Or even paper towels when in a pinch? Like a wet sneeze at work. Left over napkins do the same thing. Why is it that we have so many different versions of paper used to wipe up messes? i.e. Nose & eye boogers, phlem, dog poop & pee, yesterday's makeup, smashed bugs & spiders, spilled food/drink, etc...

I have only purchased tissue once in my life and it's because I liked the decorative box. They actually sell boxes to hide your "ugly" tissue boxes in! You can even design your own tissue box via Kleenex for $4.99. Seriously? I'm baffled. What a waste.

Stop buying "Tissue" and grab some toilet paper, stuff it where you will, be that a Fancy tissue box or in the standard cardboard one you already have instead of throwing yet more waste away!

Fuck Tissue!

Turkey Day - UPDATED!

It's Thanksgiving and I'm at work, boo on that.

UPDATE:

We had planned on having Boston Market Thanksgiving dinner, like we did our first Thanksgiving together, but apparently we had to order no later then Wednesday and they closed before I was off work. So by the time I got home and we went out to find dinner, our choices were the local Topless Bar, Liquor Store or Whata(ku-kah)Burger.

Grilled Chicken Sangwich, fries and Rootbeer

Happy Birthday Mazzy Star!

Our Pretty Pretty Princess Mazzarella turns 3 years old today!

Just yesterday you were this tiny ball of fur, barely bigger then your toys.

January 21, 2005 - 2 months old

Same bed - 2007

BOYCOTT BUTTERBALL

I was shocked to read my brother inlaw Cody's blog today about the company Butterball.




Butterball workers were documented punching and stomping on live turkeys, slamming them against walls, and worse during an undercover investigation at a Butterball slaughterhouse in Ozark, Arkansas.

One Butterball employee stomped on a bird's head until her skull exploded, another swung a turkey against a metal handrail so hard that her spine popped out, and another was seen inserting his finger into a turkey's cloaca (vagina).

One worker told an investigator: "If you jump on their stomachs right, they'll pop ... or their insides will come out of their [rectums]," and other Butterball workers frequently bragged about kicking and tormenting birds. Read more in the investigators' log notes.

PETA's investigators discovered these horrors between April and July, 2006, during an undercover investigation at a Butterball plant that slaughters approximately 50,000 birds each day.

Read PETA's complaint to local prosecutors asking that cruelty charges be filed.

The closest we will get to a Turkey dinner this year is Boston Market and I'm sure we've probably already missed the deadline, so I for one will not be buying a Butterball Turkey or anything from Butterball again.

ps I'm totally cheating...I changed the date so it looks like I posted this on 11/20 but I didn't...he he

Hi, My Name is Dexter and I Kill People!

I was bored at work today and decided to take my hung toys to the next level. If you haven't seen Dexter, this might offend you.

Who's next?

Donatello!

Shopping Shenanigans

It's Saturday early afternoon, I'm chillin' on the couch deciding what to do first, mop floors, do dishes (cause even though Jory says he'll do them, we know it won't get done until December) or do some unpacking. Jory comes in from the computer room and with excitement in his voice he says he HAS to buy a new video game! What? You want to go outside of our domicile, our Johnson Compound? YIPPEE!

He runs to change out of his PJ's, I grab my purse and round up the pups for the "No Friends and No Parties while we're gone lecture", toss them a treat and we're off on our Best Buy Adventure!

He picks up yet another DragonBall Z game, Budokai Tenkaichi 3 (thanks google) to be exact. How many versions of the same game can you seriously make? I swear each and every one of his hundred DBZ games are the exact same, except he tells me this one, you can play 150 (I'm rounding up cause I don't really remember the exact number) different characters! WOAH! Exciting eh? Not so much.

But you can probably say the same thing about my 2nd game of choice, The Sims. I pick up the Sims2 Castaway...yeah it's the same Sims2 but the Castaway thing is totally different then anything they have ever come out with. I like pirates, Hello Jack Sparrow! it's sort of the same thing, not really, actually not at all. Maybe it's because I loved the Swiss Family Robinson movie and wanted to live in a tree house, or the Blue Lagoon! It's honestly not the funnest game, but I've only played it once now so I can't really give you a realistic review. Maybe later.
FYI, in case you were wondering my 1st game of choice is Lara Croft Tomb Raider! Lara is the SHIT!

On our way out, Jory asks if there's anything else I want...YA! but nothing that I need. Then it hits me...I haven't bought the new Led Zeppelin Mothership yet. What kind of fan am I? So we walk over to the latest releases and there it was....I grab it. And WHAT is sitting right next to it? DAAAAAAAAAANE COOK! How could I have forgotten my BOYFRIEND Dane's CD/DVD was out? I'm ashamed. So I grab it too. I hold them close to my heart and apologize silently to my "other men" in my life. They forgive me. We leave.

So then comes Sunday, I'm tired from hauling boxes in the house and bored of watching Jory play DBZ. I ask him if he wants to go spend more money. We've been needing some bookcases for the other two bedrooms, we are seriously lacking storage in this house! We don't have an unfinished basement to store our stuff and we don't have furniture to put our stuff on so we need to SHOP!

We've been hunting for a component shelving unit for the PlayStation, Xbox, Stereo System, DVD player etc...you know, all our Components and have had no success. I found what I thought would work and look nice at Target, but when we saw it in person, we didn't feel the love, so it's a no go.

We love our IKEA Expedit 5x5 bookshelf we have in our living room and I've been wanting 2 more for the other bedrooms so we headed to Tempe. We make our way to the storage section, checking out all the new rooms setup. I LOVE IKEA! Jory, not so much. It's too much exercise, too many people and well it's not home. I try to make the trip as painless as possible for him, I however could spend hours wandering around checking everything out. So we speed to the shelves, write down our shit and decide a floating shelf above the TV will work alright for the components. We realize we'll be spending almost $500. We're not poor by any means, but we're not rich either. We don't normally spend $500 without thinking about it, hard. We decided that the 5x5 might over power the rooms and we can save $100 if we go for the just smaller 4x4 version so we head for the basement to weave our way out of this Swiss labyrinth.

We gather our million pound boxes and head for the floating shelf and realize it's not deep enough, won't work. It's a bust again! DAMN those components! We check out, go home, eat and set up one of the bookshelves, move it in the guest room, looks fabulous! Time for bed.

The End

p.s. didn't mop the floor or do the dishes.

Blast From the Past

After 5.5 months of living in our new house I thought it was probably time to unpack. Seriously. It's embarrassing how long it takes us to unpack. It was easy when we moved down here from Utah, because our plan was to only unpack necessities, we didn't want to be in our cracked out apartment longer then necessary so we planned on buying a house after our 9 month lease was up. Obviously life happens and it doesn't always go the way we plan it so it took us 2.5 years to buy a house. Plus we moved from a 3 bed, 2 bath with a huge unfinished basement (potentially 5 bed, 3 bath) house, into a small 2 bed, 2 bath apartment....there just wasn't room to unpack.

When we moved from SLC to Logan, UT into our first house, it took 3 months to unpack and the only reason it was done that quickly is because "I" decided we should have a house warming party, so of course I waited until two weeks before the party to start unpacking and decorating. Then a short 4 months later, we packed it all back up and moved here. I will NEVER do that again!

So while unpacking a random box in the garage I started pulling out items that did not belong to me, items that looked familiar, but definitely not mine. There were 4 postcard size pictures of old sailboats, a sailboat cross stitch, 7 head/mask sculptures of sailors or pirates? a family of easter bunnies, a set of China dishes and finally one of those 70's easter eggs made out of sugar with an easter scene inside!

Here's the Loot!

All photos taken with my cell phone.

So I call my mom and send her some pics on her phone and she laughs. She said she hadn't seen this stuff since we moved when I was 13! She told me she made the cross stitch for my stepdad for their first Anniversary 30 years ago! My stepdad painted the sailor masks and they all hung in our family room back in the day. My parents want me to pack it all up and store it until their next visit in case they want any of it, for memories. I kinda like the sailor/pirate masks, maybe I'll hang them in the garage for now? LOL! The sugar egg is going in the trash!

Break Time

*Watching LOST*

5 PM Smoke Break

Lunch Time

*Watching Disturbia*

This is how I make it through the day.

I'm such a Loner.

This is what I found when I got to work the other day...

Jory says I should take this as a threat...what do you think?

All Over The Place

I was reading my bro-in-law's website the other day, he posted "Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Watching Sesame Street.

Being a 30 Something myself, I was also raised with Sesame Street. As I got older, we would watch it for other reasons while under the influence of very fun hallucinogens, but that's another story. Jory and I have had discussions about how kids are so different from when we grew up. The fact that kids don't play night games anymore saddens me, I want my kids to be able to play Kick The Can and Hide and Seek with the neighborhood kids. Or the fact that you rarely see kids playing outside anymore at all, they're all in playing video games or watching TV.

Most all of my memories growing up are playing outside with my friends, in the neighbor's sandbox, on their trampoline or tree house. I remember during the summer, my best friend and I used to follow the canal down the street, all the way to Hyde Park, that's at least 10 miles round trip! We spent all day every day building elaborate tree houses in the summer or snow caves in the winter. It was almost impossible for our parents to get us to come home long enough for dinner, let alone back in at a decent hour after night games.

It's hard to say parents should be letting their kids run around the neighborhood unsupervised with all the sexual predators and kidnappers we hear about on the news. However, what's wrong with chatting up your neighbor while your kids play together? It's good to get to know your neighbors. Wouldn't you like to know that when you're not home your neighbor cares enough to keep an eye on your house and notify you if they see anything suspicious?

Growing up you knew everyone on your street, your parents knew everyone whether they were friends or not. They watched out for you and you watched out for them. What happened to the good ol' days?

When we moved into our new house I was nervous that we'd have bad neighbors. So far it seems they're all pretty nice. They wave or say hello when I drive by. Our neighbor across from us is really kool. He's young like us and digs the Grateful Dead so we knew immediately we'd get along.

I am thankful however for the privacy we've had on our street. When we built our first house in Utah, within 24 hours after moving in, the Relief Society President came over for a visit. After telling her we are not members and are not interested, we continued to receive invitations to church functions.

Funny story goes along with that meeting...during conversation with the RSP, she told us we'd get along well with the neighbor on the corner because they smoke and drink too! Were we smoking or drinking while talking to her? No. Did we have a pack of cigarettes in our hand? No. Did we offer her a cigarette or drink? No. So, if you're not a member then you automatically smoke and drink? YA...that's the mentality of the (active) Mormons in that town. To be fair, she probably saw us out smoking many times before she actually dropped by, however did we ever stand outside with a beer or bottle of Crown? No. Just because we smoke doesn't mean we drink...I haven't had a drink in over 4 years!

The story gets better though....when she introduced herself to our neighbors next door, she told them they would get along great with us because we smoke and drink just like them! SERIOUSLY! AND...it gets even better. My madre works at a popular warehouse store and she told me about this lady who was at her register and mentioned something about Nibley Garden Estates (the name of our neighborhood) so my mom (being the social butterfly that she is) told her that her daughter and son inlaw just moved in that neighborhood. The RSP told her she knew everyone that lived there, what were our names. My mom told her she wouldn't know us, we had literally just moved in and hadn't met any neighbors yet. The RSP told her, she had met EVERYONE. So my mom told her our names and she was all "YA I met them". Then she asked her if we were "members"(only in Utah). My mom told her I WAS (bullshit) and she wasn't sure about Jory. Then the RSP told my Mother that we would get along really well with neighbors on the corner! OF COURSE she didn't tell her why...just that we would get along! LOL! What a bitch!

Anyway the only Mormons we have seen here tried to drop by our house to make sure I was serious when I mailed my RESIGN FROM YOUR CRAZY ASS CHURCH letter. We were out smoking when they drove up, I was in my comfy clothes, translation: shorts, tank top no bra. I don't normally let people see me with no bra...the girls could poke an eye out! So I tossed my smoke and ran inside to get a jacket. My psychic ability told me it was the missionaries coming to talk me out of my resignation. By the time I got back to the front door Jory was coming in, he confirmed it was the missionaries and he told them we weren't interested and NEVER is a good time for them to come back. LOL! I love him.

I've gone on too long...point is, Don't let the Fear Keep you Down!

2 Weeks Away

Remember when you were a kid. Did you make lists of toys you wanted for your birthday or Xmas? I did...I never got what I wanted but I made lists every year. My Xmas list was the best, I would cut the picture out of the catalog and tape it to my list. Or I would just put paper markers in the page of the catalog and circle the items I wanted. Again, I never got anything I circled or put on my list. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying...I wasn't spoiled. I think my mom is gift giving challenged. Most of my friends have heard the story about each of us kids getting ketchup for Xmas a few years ago. Yeah, Ketchup! We tell her not to get us anything, just having dinner together is good enough for us, but she likes giving us stuff even if it's just stuff. Don't get me wrong, we used the ketchup and the mustard and relish, not to mention the carpet cleaner has lasted for at least 3 years now! Anyway, since I'm running out of things to blog about I figured I would make a Birthday List, fully expecting to not receive anything on my list, but just because it's fun to make the list.

Here's my List of 31 things for my 31st birthday:

1. Mongoose MGX Atlas Women's Mountain Bike or similar

2. Pet Carrier for bikes...the girls have to come with me!

3. Nikon D40x 10.2 MP Digital SLR Camera or similar

4. Sony PlayStation 3

5. Panasonic PV-GS500 4PM 3CCD MiniDV Camcorder with 12x Optical Image Stabilized Zoon or similar

6. Sonic Impact IF1 Speaker System (for my iPod)

7. Outback Chair CCH-237 Charleston Rope Chair

8. Toyota Highlander Hybrid

9. Toyota Prius

10. Ford Escape Hybrid

11. IKEA Gift Card

12. Target Gift Card

13. Joanne's Gift Card

14. Michael's Gift Card

15. Best Buy Gift Card

16. Bed Bath & Beyond Gift Card

17. Linens-N-Things Gift Card

18. Walmart Gift Card

19. Tattoo Money

20. Home Depot Gift Card

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

31.

I thought it would be fun making this list, but I can't have what I really want and the other items I do want are a little expensive. It's hard to come up with 31 things...I guess my Amazon Wish List has more then 31 items, but that would be boring to copy and paste all of them over here.

I'm bored and over it. Peace Out!

FUCK OFF!

I'm tired of ASSHOLES who call me because their computer is frozen. Computer basics people...press and hold the damn POWER button until it powers off!

I'm tired of the BITCHES telling me they can't log into our benefits website when right next to the log in box it has a I FORGOT MY PASSWORD link. DON'T CALL ME BITCHES! I don't support that damn website!

I'm tired of the FUCKERS who demand I fix their Lotus Notes because they are not seeing their new emails when CLEARLY it says they have 41 emails in their inbox. HEY FUCKERS, see that scroll bar on the right, USE IT!

I'm tired of the CRACKHEAD customers who call in to verify their order was received when they can CLICK ON THE FUCKING VIEW ORDERS tab and see for themselves!

I'm tired of FUCKTARDS who call to ask how to do their FUCKING jobs!

FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU!

For Pedro

I'm glad you're still here.

I love you like a brother and would be devistated if you had gone.

{BIG HUGE HUG}

Muchas enchiladas for you!

Carrot Top - From Skinny to Steroids!

When is someone going to tell Carrot Top aka Scott Thompson to
PUT THE STEROIDS DOWN!

Before Steroids

Now

Here's some more video showing a few from Before and After

My Three Tattoos (so far)

We're having some internet issues so this post is going to be short, otherwise I will the connection again.

These are my first three tattoos, so many more to come.

My first tattoo is a cresent moon and star on my big left toe.

I know it's not the best picture, but you get the idea. This one

was done in 1994, by a guy named Crayola Boy Nick in Logan, UT.

My 2nd is a Trippy Rainbow Butterfly on my left ankle.

Nick also did this one, in 1995 I think.

This is my 3rd, HugeMungus Butterfly on my back.
This was taken after my first sitting, in 1994.

Second sitting, the outline filled in.
I don't have pictures from the 4 other sittings.
Well I thought I did, but I can't find them.

This was taken a month ago.

The artist and I had a disagreement on colors.

Needless to say, he didn't do the best he could

because the color choices weren't his idea so he

turned my butterfly into a mess. I never went back.

I've been searching for someone to finish it.

Can't Count Me Anymore!

I thought this was done years ago, however this past July I found a crazy site while surfing that gives the exact instructions on how to really get your name removed from their records. I followed the directions and finally a few months later, it's official!

I am no longer a member of The Church of Jesus Christos and the Lying pSychos!

For those of you not aware of my "Mormon" membership...when I was of the tender age of 8, my parents told me I had to go to church the next two Sundays. I didn't understand, I had never been church my entire life, that I remembered. I cried and asked why. My mom told me that in order to get baptised I had to go to church at least twice. Even at that young age I knew that seemed too easy and totally pointless. Why do I need to get baptised if I'm never going to go to that church again? All kids get baptised at 8, she told me. It would wash away all my sins and I could start a new. That part freaked me out, because I was sure that if I made a mistake afterwards I was for sure going to Hell. I remember continuing to protest and pouting A LOT when Sunday came around and I had to put on "church clothes" meaning a dress and go sit silently why people talked about crazy shit.

I don't remember much about the actual baptism just that I was scared about this guy dunking me and holding me under water...hello I could totally drown!

Anyway...needless to say we didn't go to church after that. Shortly there after I started to question my belief in god or at least the Mormon's version. There were all these questions and no one willing to answer them. So I pronounced myself "Not a Mormon" at about 13 years old.

Now I'm officially Free!

MISS Foundation From Helplessness to Hope