I'm a sadist...or is it masochist?

Apparently a masochist...

I was chatting via IM's with a coworker whom I'll call CW, We were discussing how the crew CW mainly work with are all bitchy. CW then told me that CW's first impression of me was that I was mean and didn't like CW because I didn't talk to CW when CW started working here. I apologized and explained I try not to talk to many people here, the politics in our department are out of control, but I didn't not talk to CW on purpose, was probably just having a bad day...I have a lot of them.

After talking trash for a bit, I did what no one living with depression should do. I asked CW what people had said about me when CW first started working here. I already knew the answer, but wanted to confirm my suspicions. What's funny, is I should have written down exactly what I thought CW'd say because I could have guessed it word for word. Anyway...the juice:

CW said "I don't remember who it was...honestly I don't. But someone said you had lost a child and you changed, (understandably) you used to be really out going and now you're moody."

This is exactly what I thought they'd say. I knew it. I felt it. When I walk down the aisle, even today, I feel their negativity towards me. They want and expect me to "get over" losing Jack. They can all FUCK RIGHT OFF! It infuriates me! They don't know how it feels to lose a child. They can't even imagine how it would feel, but WHY can't they TRY to imagine it? Those with kids at least....can't they sit and think for a moment what it would feel like if little junior died today...how their lives would change forever...how bad it would feel to continue breathing in and out without ever being able to hold your baby again...how horrible you feel for praying every night that you won't wake up in the morning because it's yet another day without your child.....how bad your heart aches when you see someone walking down the street, shopping in a store, driving in a car, eating at the next table, DOING ANYTHING with their child by their side and wonder what you had done to deserve a life without your child? Maybe then, they might have some understanding for how hard it is to be me. Maybe then, they'd all back the FUCK OFF and give me some breathing room. Maybe then, they'd all grow the FUCK UP and stop acting like high school gossipers. Maybe then, they might grow some FUCKING compassion.

This is why I say I hate people.

From the Today Show - Photographer Helps Parents Heal

I had to copy Joc(e) and post this too. Thanks Joc(e)