Shane & Jessie's New House

Front View

Front Door
Great Room
Master Bath

One of the 3 bedrooms

What we've been doing and family updates

We finally setup our new Printer/Copier/Scanner/Fax-Mabob this weekend! My parents gave it to us for Xmas...yeah we've been busy OK!

We selected and printed our photos to send to *Brandy, I'll be posting them on our Adoption Blog in the next day or two. We're still trying to come up with a name for it, that is self-explanatory and memorable. Feel free to give us your ideas!

As long as Jory does his part to finalize The Letter tonight, it along with our photos and Sara's reference letter will be in the mail tomorrow. WAHOO!

Last night I completed my 5th baby beanie. It's hard to make more than one a day because my hand starts to cramp up, but even doing 1 per day until November 1st gives me 169 total hats. If I can sell all 169 for $10 plus shipping, that's $1690.00. If my friends and family who know how to knit or have a loom make some and donate them to my cause, that's all the more money we can raise. You may have noticed I changed the price from $20 to $10 per hat. From what I'm hearing most people wouldn't donate $20 for a baby hat regardless of the cause. They thought we might sell more at $10. Even if you don't have a baby or know a baby, you can always donate the $10 to us and then donate the hat to a hospital, group home or shelter.

My mom did point out that now, being summer is not the right time to be marketing baby beanies, but I'm going to continue to make them and hopefully by fall when the weather starts to change, they'll become more popular. We're coming up with alternative ideas like Baby blankets: receiving/quilts/etc.. might be good summer items. Feel free to submit your ideas as well!

On to our family updates:

A little over 2 1/2 weeks ago Jory's dad went to the hospital with sevier stomach pain. They found a grapefruit size tumor on his kidney that was bleeding out. His first surgery was to stop the bleeding, in the second surgery they removed the tumor and thankfully found it wasn't cancerous. He's out of the hospital and recovery at home.

My brother Shane and his wife Jessie sold their house for the price they wanted and put in an offer on super deluxe cabin style house. The house they want is on the south side of Star Valley Ranch, 3 bed/2 bath FULLY FURNISHED! Not just furnished with all the log cabin style couches/chairs/beds/dinning set etc...but it comes with a snowmobile and snowmobile trailer...and a snow blower! SERIOUSLY! They actually found this house and one just like it for the same price, but this one is 1 sqft larger and comes fully furnished. The great room/living room has and tongue and groove cedar siding on the walls and ceiling like what he did in their current house. It has hard wood floors thru-out. The buyer already verbally told them he was going to accept their offer, if he signs the paperwork tonight they will close on both houses on June 26th. I'm super excited for them! It's about damn time good things start to happen this year! I'll post some pics of their new house tomorrow after I receive them.

I guess that's about it for now...Cheers!

Feelin' Crafty - 2 stories in 1

1st Ever Loom Knitted Baby Beanie Finished!

First pic with regular light

Second pic with extra light

I've been crocheting now for a few years, so far I only know the basic stitch and have made several scarfs and have been working on 2 blankets. I recently discovered Craftster.org and was inspired to teach myself how to knit. Several members talked a lot about Stitch and Bitch and Happy Hooker, so I put them on my Books-To-Buy List to help me learn how to read a fucking pattern and maybe make something not so square.

Jory and I had two $50 gift cards to burn, so we ventured out to Borders last Saturday. I immediately found my books and we wandered around looking for Jory's requests. I think we have the entire set of Disinfo books now...seriously! We also picked up the new Neil Young CD.

We go to the counter and hand over the gift cards and he tells us we still owe $40something. What?! Before we went into the store I asked Jory to check his wallet for a Borders GC because we get them every year from his youngest brother Casey and we don't always use them in a timely fashion. He didn't have it so I assumed the two I had were the newest ones, Of Course They Weren't. So we have a missing $50 Borders GC hiding somewhere in our house.

Sunday morning before work, I headed out to Joann's to buy some knitting supplies with two Gift Cards I got for Xmas. One I knew only had a few dollars on and the other should have been $50 that Jory's mom gave me. I buy like $54 worth of yarn and supplies and get to the register and hand over the GC's and she tells me I still owe $30something. WTF!?!?

I think our kitchen utensil thief is running down our GC balances. FUCKER!

So anyway...

I hauled all my new shit into work with me because I was PUMPED to start knitting. Everything I've read says it's sooooo much easier than crocheting. BULLSHIT! Either I'm retarded and the online How-To videos I watched were crap or well....I'm retarded. Seriously folks, I can't knit, I thought I had the cast on down, but I couldn't work out the first knit or purl. I tossed the knitting shit out of site and pulled out the new loom I bought for baby hats. I have an adult size one my mom gave me, but I was thinking maybe I could make a bunch of the baby sized ones and give one away to every person who donates $20 to our adoption fund. My first hat is almost done, I didn't work on it last night when I got home because I wasn't feeling good. Still not feeling all that swell. I'll post a picture if you promise not to laugh. Nevermind...Laugh It Up Buttercup!

Dear Readers,

Why no comments lately? I feel so lonely. Maybe I've lost my touch.

"Dear Mr. President"...Pink & the Indigo Girls

As promised, we bought her album and I've been listening to this song everyday. You can also check out a live performance on YouTube. Jory posted the link to her song back on April 12...but for those of you who don't read his blog (Shame on you) I wanted to post it for you. Listen to it, share it and speak up.

PINK
"Dear Mr. President"
(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people andYou're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly
What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy

How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you


Lyrics found here

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Moab Photos Finally Posted!

Moab photos have been published on my photoblog. I will add some of my favorites here later, must sleep now. Ok, I'll add one now....Ok so I added a few.

100 Degrees

Cute Panda Pic Found Here

We hit 100 degrees today at 2:12 PM at Sky Harbor Airport. This is the first 100 degree reading at the airport in 2006. We average 89 days above 100 degrees per year in the valley. The average date for the first 100 degree date is May 13. So, we are 2 days ahead of the average date.

Moab pictures will be posted tonight...I promise!

Off we go to Moab....

Joey Johnson Photography 2006

Thought I'd leave you with one of my lastest photos from what I think I'll call my "Motion Collection". Click on it for a larger view.

Brain Goo

I'm struggling to write our letter to Brandy*. The idea of the letter seems easy and obvious, but you try and write a letter convincing someone to give you her baby. It's the first impression she's going to have of us and it could make or break the deal. What do I put in, what do I leave out? How much detail do you give her? How do you convey your dreams and wishes in a letter without coming off like you're begging? I've looked at "Dear Birthmother" letters online to get a basic outline to assist me in getting the letter started. It seemed to help until my perfectionism took over and now I have 3 different versions of almost every paragraph.

While trying to write "the letter of our lives", I'm also in and out of the doctor's office it seems once a week. I went in today for an ultrasound and apparently my bladder wasn't full enough, even though I drank a liter of water 30 minutes before my appointment. He said I need to drink 32 oz of water and hold it for an hour before. Yet again, I'm half naked and had an internal and standard ultrasound for no reason. New orders are to have sex for the next 3 days and go to some other place on May 17 or 18th for another ultrasound. Why do I have to go somewhere else you ask? I don't know, good question. All the more people to see me naked, I guess. I just do what I'm told. And the shot of HCG he was going to give me doesn't cost $500 like the pharmacist said, it's $40 at this other place so I'll be going there when I start my next period. And back to Dr. SeeMeNakedEveryVisit on May 23rd.

We're also getting ready for our Moab trip this Thursday. Which in itself is always a chore to get everything ready but this time it’s worse. It seems both Jory and I have fallen accidentally into an all out strike of not wanting to clean our house. I think we were overloaded with being each others nurses and having to do everything our selves. Now we’ve just stopped doing everything all together. I can’t even describe how gross our house makes me feel right now. And cleaning it up now wouldn’t be that big of a deal except I need to go grocery shopping and pick up cleaning gear in order to get most of it started. Can’t do any laundry without detergent and dryer sheets, dishes can’t be done without soap. We haven’t been grocery shopping for over a month now, which means yes, we’ve been eating out almost everyday, which is unnecessary spending.

Ever since I changed to a later shift, it seems as though I have less time outside of work to get shit done. I used to be able to run to Albertson’s after work and pick up a few items here and there that we needed, but they close at 11 PM now, so that doesn’t work. I need a swift kick in the ass, I’m swearing on my tan left arm, not to be confused with my very white right arm (story for another time) that I WILL GO GROCERY SHOPPING AFTER WORK TONIGHT! NO EXCUSES. I’ve totally said this before, like every night for the past 3 weeks, it’s pitiful.

I HAVE to shop tonight, because tomorrow night I will have to do all our laundry, while picking up and cleaning the living room, dinning room and our bedroom. Can’t forget to give Mazzy and Jerry baths, but first clean out Jerry’s Cage-O-Poop. *Note to self, do load of towels first…to have something to dry said pets off with. Wednesday I’m working 12-9 PM so I’ll be off early, pack the car and off to bed so we can get up at the butt crack of dawn to make the 9 hour drive and arrive before sundown to setup the tent.

While I’m spewing…Let’s not forget to mention how I had to work 6 days last week, technically I worked one job for 6 days and a 2nd job for 2 days, so that means I haven’t had a day off in 11 days! The 2nd job wasn’t as bad as a real job. Jory and I offered to install ceiling fans in my boss’ house last Friday and Saturday. It wasn’t a tough job, but it took up half a day Friday before I went to my real job and all day Saturday, my only day off for the week. She offered to pay us $200, but I like her and that’s just highway robbery, so we accepted $100. Of course we didn’t expect it to take us more than a couple hours, but we had serious drama with the first fan. Good news though…the fans still work, they haven’t fallen on anybody's head and she’s enjoying the extra breeze.

Sorry for the brain vomit. There’s just so much going on right now, which magically leads us back to The Letter I’m struggling to write. Do you understand now why I’m having such a hard time? Too much Brain Goo oozing around clogging my cells.

PostSecret's like this BOIL MY BLOOD!

(PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Click here to check out the site.)

When there are so many people out there that CAN'T have kids and WANT kids, how could you get an abortion? I hope you didn't do it! But I support that you have a choice.

Please Donate!

The more I read about this adoption process, the more I learn it will cost us more than we will ever expect even with it being an independant vs agency. Coming up with the money over time wouldn't be a big deal, it's the Up Front we're struggling with. Luckily my company will reimburse me somewhere between $3000 and $5000.

I've found through reading everything I can on every adoption site out there; a lot of people do adoption fundraisers. They give different ideas like Garage Sales (we already sold everything we could before we moved here), Create and sell Photography or art Calendars (I'm thinking it might be too early for a 2007), Sell "We support Adoption" teddy bears with shirts, Hold a raffle with the help of donated gift certificates from local businesses...etc.

So there are a few ideas, but I need more. I want to know what YOU as my friend, family, reader, supporter would be willing to donate money for. I've thought about publishing a collection of my poetry through LULU, but would YOU buy it? Would YOU buy hemp necklaces, dog collars, leashes, candles, crocheted scars? What about Joey and Jory Blog T-Shirts? Jory and I have talked about printing shirts with Jory's different Blog titles.

Something you can do to support our Adoption Fund, which costs you NOTHING is by clicking on my Ads by Google as often as you can, I earn less than a penny everytime you do. So far I'm up to $1.67 WOO WOO!

Or if you wish you can simply click on my Make A Donation button in the upper right hand side of my blog.

What is it that you would be willing to donate money for?

Pregnant AGAIN?

BITCH!

It's Just Not Fair.

Talking to our Lawyer

Good news! Brandy* has excluded the other couple because they live in the same town, she doesn't want to chance running into them in Walmart occasionally. So we are currently the only couple she is looking at to possibly adopt her baby! Can I say we're a bit excited! Now it seems there is an actual possibility now. They told us to talk to a lawyer and find out what we need to do if she does choose us. Sounds like things are moving our way, finally!

We're writing a letter to send her so she can get a feel for who we are. We're also going to send her some pictures of us. I'm having a hard time completing the letter because it's like the Letter of Our Lives! If she likes it, she's going to call me or have me call her so we can talk and then move towards meeting her in person. It scares me because this letter is her first impression of us and I don't know what to put in, what to leave out. How much detail to provide, it's crazy! I'm also having some friends write a letter to her about us, kinda like reference letters so she has more than just our opinions on us and how great of parents we think we'll be. So if any of you are interested in writing one that would be awesome, just email it to me or Jory.

As always, I'll keep you posted!

Happy Earth Day!

Reuse, recycle, reduce paper consumption!
Demand Organic!
Reduce vehicle emissions
Conserve indoor water use
Reuse shopping bags

Thank you Woody for everything that you do!

Doctors Appointment

Appointment went great, the oncologists said we have time. So I start Clomid today and we are ordered to have sex for the next 4-5 days. I love doctor's orders, they're so direct.

Of course it never fails, by having a doctor's appointment I SHOULD HAVE known he'd want me to get partially naked AGAIN. Another ultrasound to check on my ovaries. What's funny is he actually wanted to do a normal ultrasound but the nurse had me empty my bladder so he couldn't and did an internal instead. Jory's happy about not having to come to anymore appointments with me, now that the bad news appointments are over with.

Next appointment is for May 1st for another ultrasound.

For All You POT Smokers Out There

Happy 420!

No I do not condone babies smoking The Pot.

Happy Birthday Paishance!

Sooo bored at work

I'm a crocheter, are you?

$24 Sock and Sandal Baby Booties

OMG, I have to have these!

And These!

STFU, I Definitely want these!

Naught Bunnies

Moab Trip May 4th - 7th

Our home away from home

We are going to Moab this year for Jory's Birthday. We hope you will be able to join us, understanding the fairly short notice. We will be arriving Thursday May 4th and leaving Sunday May 7th. We will be staying at Sand Flats Recreational area Campground, as we have in the past. You will find us in Cluster F (if available) just look for our car and tent. For those of you coming, we will celebrate Jory's birthday Saturday.

Sandflats Recreation Area 885 Sand Flats Rd, Moab, UT 84532
After you pass the Sand Flat's booth, drive about 2.5 more miles to Cluster F. Click on this link for a map and direction to Sand Flats.

Rod & Jory 1998

Email Jory or myself to let us know if you are planning on going because we just found out TOOL is coming to Phoenix May 6th, so if no one is able to meet us in Moab, we might stay and go to Tool instead.

CRUSH CRUSH...Crushing Your Head!

One of my Favorite shirts!

4/10/06 Phoenix Sunset

4/10/06 Phoenix Sunset
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Possible Adoption Opportunity UPDATED!

Jory and I have joked in the past about certain younger relatives getting pregnant and letting us adopt their baby. Well that joke may just be a possibility. Found out yesterday that Christopher's friend's 20 yr old sister *Brandy (not her real name) is newly pregnant and planning on giving it up for adoption.

I totally had a Desperate Housewives "Gabby" moment...I really wanted to ask my mom if Brandy was cute. I didn't.

At the very least, this whole thing gives me something other than my pending ovarian doom to obsess about.

UPDATE: 4/11/06

So I found out today that my mommy dearest called and talked to Brandy's mother to let her know about Jory and I. Brandy hasn't gone to an agency yet and she is definitely planning on giving the baby up for adoption, she feels she's too young to take care of a child. She told my mom she would talk to Brandy the next day. From what my mom said, Brandy's mom seemed pretty excited by the fact that some good could come out of her daughter's situation. So we'll have to see what happens. I'll continue to keep you updated.

Where's the Warning on the Tetris box?

Click on the picture or here .

When you start to dream about the games you play, you know it's bad! But I must say the worst game to dream about is Tetris...when I get on a Tetris Roll, all I think about is fitting everything into place, in my dreams, when I'm walking around, everything I look at is a Tetris piece.

I've been Tagged....Finally!

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Night Supervisor for Harland
2. Finance Analyst for Discover Card
3. Guest Relations for Holiday Inn/Holiday Hospitality/Bass Hotels & Resorts
4. Sandwich Artist for Subway

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
2. Almost Famous
3. Office Space
4. Heathers

Four places you have lived:
1. Logan, UT
2. In a VW bus, in a tent, in random cars and in several canyons in OR, WA & UT.
3. Salt Lake City, UT
4. Chandler, AZ

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. LOST
2. The Sopranos
3. Big Love
4. Medium

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. New York, NY
2. Orlando, FL
3. Vancouver, Canada
4. The entire state of CA

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Joeythegirl.blogspot.com
2. JoryDanJohnson.blogspot.com
3. Dooce.com
4. Google.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Kraft Macaroni N' Cheese
2. Famous Daves: Cajun Chicken Sandwich
3. Training Table (me too, but don't get to eat it since I left Utah)
4. Cheerful Cafe: Cheesy Hashbrowns in Bellingham, WA

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Camping in Moab, UT
2. On a beach in Hawaii, Mexico or Italy
3. On Ladder Island/Lighthouse Island in Anacortes, WA
4. Turtle Island, FIJI

Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond ....
1. Jory!
2. Brooke
3. Eric
4. Darby

What time is it?

It's now 01:02.03, 04/05/06.

And it will happen again this afternoon. woo woo

The Year OJ killed Nicole & Ron

Me in 1994

I've posted a bunch of scanned photos from my high school years on my Photo Blog. Thank you Juli for the photos, keep them coming! I think it's time to pull out the scanner and start scanning my collections. Oh the blackmail I have!

Email Conversation with the hubby

Do we have mayo at home?

yes

Why don't you mix up some chicken salad sandwich stuff and I will stop at Albertson's on my lunch and get some bread and drinks and chips and toilet paper and we can have chicken salad sandwiches for lunch?

why??

What do you mean why? Just an idea for lunch, better than eating another damn hamburger don't you think?

um that depends, what were you planning on eating? That is what I was asking, I mean, are you planning on sitting down with the jar of mayo and going to town or what?

I sent you this email....about the chicken salad sandwich silly.
"Why don't you mix up some chicken salad sandwich stuff and I will stop at Albertson's on my lunch and get some bread and drinks and chips and toilet paper and we can have chicken salad sandwiches for lunch?"

OH well I never got that email....
i will start mixing it up at 4.45

Sounds good...strange that you didn't get that email, LOL funny though. Yeah I enjoy eating a bottle of mayo occassionally...he he he.

gross

you insinuated it! ;)

but you do it!

NO I don't...I was just sicking you out.

whateva

oh looky what i just got in my email...
"Why don't you mix up some chicken salad sandwich stuff and I will stop at Albertson's on my lunch and get some bread and drinks and chips and toilet paper and we can have chicken salad sandwiches for lunch?
yes
Do we have mayo at home?"

HAHAHAHA! Weird.

bizzare

Waaaaay Bizzare!

ok i am logging out and making some chicken salad

In case you're wondering how I feel

...SCREW YOU, this is my ONLY chance...

Since posting my results, I still haven't really wrapped my head around the whole "you will have ovarian cancer" thing. I don't know if I really am in that much denial or just don't want to go there because I may never stop crying? Those who I have talked to comment that I seem to have a positive outlook, but I don't have an outlook at all, because I don't know what's going on, or what we're going to do, or how I feel about it. It's been taking me forever to call people because I don't know how to tell people. I don't know how to react so how does anyone else know how to react when I tell them?

Jory and I have talked about skipping the birth control pills and just going for it. Even if a hundred doctors told me to get my ovaries removed tomorrow, I would still say SCREW YOU, this is my ONLY chance to fulfill my life long dream of having my child. So I'm fairly certain that we are going to go against Dr's orders and start trying now instead of wasting a few months and maybe loosing this chance. I know, so rebellious!

I love you all, thank you for all your support, we'll keep you posted. And I'm not joking about Moab....Eric when are you guys thinking you could make it back down?

Make Like a Rock

Andrea and I in Arches National Park Moab, UT

Spring Break 1994

Sydney's response to my test results...Just kidding

Taken by her daddy Jon Merchant.

Flying Spaghetti Monster Cloud

Giant Spaghetti Monster Cloud
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Would this be categorized with the grilled cheese Jesus sandwich on eBay? I know I can't actually sell the cloud, but a picture is just as good right? Ha Ha Ha

I knew the clouds looked funky, that's why I took this picture but I didn't see the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the time. Crazy!

Foto Flashback

Halloween 1991

Where would I be without my coven sisters?

Juli on the left, Andrea on the right and that's me in the middle.

CKY makes me giggle and hurt

The Fourth CKY Movie

Warning for Adult content (naked butts), sick ass behavior and a lot of bad fucking language! Aaaaand Don Vito drinks 50 shots of peach schnapps, bet you can guess the aftermath of that. Check out their other videos here and here.

Well it's not Endometriosis

I’m not sure where to start. When you get bad news but it’s not the death sentence you prepared yourself for, it’s hard to wrap your head around it. Yet again I surprised my doctor (I’ve got to stop doing this) the cysts on my ovaries are Serous Cystadenomas. With time these will end up becoming Serous Cystadenocarcinoma, the most common malignant tumor of the ovary. If they don’t remove my ovaries I will get ovarian cancer. He told me it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter when. My doctor prescribed me birth control pills for now to stop my ovaries from working so hopefully no new cysts can grow while he consults with 6 other doctors, 4 of which are the best Gynecological Oncologists in the world. He said to expect two of them to say to remove my ovaries now. But my doctor knows that my number one priority is getting pregnant. I know it may be stupid to some to chance getting ovarian cancer just to get pregnant but that is all I’ve ever wanted. Ever since I was real little, probably since birth, I’ve wanted to be a mom.

If they do strongly suggest removing my ovaries now, there is still one option, not a very successful option but it’s still an option. They can harvest my eggs, remove the ovaries, implant with IVF (I’m assuming because we didn’t get into details) and if I do get pregnant use hormones to keep me pregnant.

Thank the stars and moons we moved to Arizona. Who knows if my previous doctor who I thought was Good As Gold would ever have found the oddly placed cysts and scheduled surgery. My doctor told me the surgery literally saved my life. Ovarian cancer sneaks up on women, they normally don't find out they have it until it's too late. At least I know my future and I have a chance to prevent it if I time it right.

I feel like such a wimp crying out, "Why me?" so I don’t. Is this denial or is it because I don’t have time to break down and cry about it. I’ve used all my personal time nursing Jory, all my sick time for my surgery and I really don’t want to waste my vacation time sitting around crying. It’s only March God Damn it! I really need a vacation, Moab anyone?

My next appointment isn’t until April 21st so the waiting game continues.

New Oprah & Tom Video

OK, I know, enough with the videos already. But this one is good!

Mom's text messages, More visitors and our Schizo dog

So yesterday I received a text message from my mom, Yes my mom. She can't forward an email with pictures on it, but she can send text messages.

"Are you off friday and saturday?"

I reply: yes

"we are thinking about going for a ride"

A ride? What the hell is she thinking? So I call her and she tells me she cancelled her pageant (a very long story) and has 3 days off so they are thinking about driving down to see us. My parents do this all the time, but normally it's a 3 hour drive to see my brother in Wyoming, they eat dinner and drive back home. Or 4 hours to Island Park, ID for a night in the cabin. But 3 days to come see us, they're crazy!

She wasn't sure if she could get off work early on Thursday so she said she'd call me later after her meeting at work. Later that night I send her a message asking if she's done with her meeting.

"Yes I am at chilis with my managers getting drunk"

I replied: Do I need to send dad to pick ur drunk ass up?

She immediately called me and played it off like she ONLY drinks coffee when they go to Chili's after all their meetings. Mom, denial is the first step. Ha Ha Ha!

So the parents are coming down to see us, how sweet. They're bringing Ozzy, Mazzy's brother so she'll have tons of fun running away from his horny ass. Neither are fixed so we'll have to keep them in separate kennels if we leave them home at any time. I think she'll enjoy having her brother to play with, I'm sure she gets bored with our lame games.

This is like a whole other post but oh well...
We've been talking about getting another small dog so she has a playmate and hopefully this would curb her EXTREME separation anxiety. Jory's mom bought us the "Dog Whisperer" book, but I haven't got around to reading it yet. If anyone has any suggestions on how to help our little schizophrenic dog, please throw your suggestions our way.

George Bush Hates Black People

I'm sorry but I can watch this a hundred times, so funny! Poor Mike Meyers, what would you do in that situation? If you haven't seen the entire thing, watch it cause Kanye flubs over his words through the whole thing.

Busted again Shrub

I may be behind the news, but they released the video conference taken 19 hours before Katrina hit the Gulf Coast showing federal officials delivering warnings to Shrub that the storm could lead to large loss of life and Shrub's response was, "We are fully prepared".

On Sept. 1, Bush said on ABC's "Good Morning America": "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

Busted again Shrub.

Don't Worry, No Stitches Pictures Here.

The last 11 days have been both painful and hazy for me. It started Wednesday March 1st with taking Magnesium Citrate and playing Tony Hawk's American Wasteland on the PS2 while sitting on the toilet for hours. Then waking up at the butt crack of dawn Thursday only to sit at the Arizona Surgical Specialists Center from 6:30 - 8:30 AM for my surgery. The very nice anesthesiologist came in and gave me a cocktail in my IV right before they walked me in and had me climb on the operating table like a drunken buffoon. I'm not really sure why he gave me the "cocktail", I guess some people get nervous before surgery. Either way BRING ON the IV cocktails, it took only seconds for the cloudy liquid to make it into my vein and the ability to talk to escape me. He continued to ask me questions and I tried to sputter out answers but he and Jory just giggled and agreed it had kicked in.

I don't remember walking in the operating room but I do remember climbing on the table, removing the blanket from around my waist and not caring that my naked ass was now hanging out of the gown. They had me remove my arms from the sleeves and the nurse secured my left arm out like Jesus and wrapped the "heart rate/squeeze your arm off" thing on my right arm and TIGHTLY secured it close to my body. Mr. Cocktail Man put the face mask on me and told me to take deep breaths. I remember breathing in deep 2 twice and thinking, I REALLY don't want to wake up during my surgery, third breath and I was out.

I immediately woke up to the nurse telling me to breath. They told me the surgery was over and I needed to take deep breaths, DEEP BREATHS! I was crying now from the pain. The Mean nurse who checked me in that morning told me to expect a little pain when I wake up and that she would only be able to give me so much pain killer and then cut me off. I NEVER expected this much pain. It felt like they had sliced me open, pulled out all my organs, cut them to bits and carelessly tossed them back in and sewed me up with dirty furry wool yarn. I remember moaning and groaning and tears running down my face and the nurse YELLING at me to breath deep. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Why wouldn't they let me sleep?

Mr. Cocktail (who I'm now calling Superman) strolled in to check on me and asked the nurse if she had given me more meds, she said no. He sternly told her to give me something, against my doctor's so-called orders because I was in obvious pain. Feeling much love from him, I told him I was freezing, Mean Nurse interrupted and told him she'd already put on 8 blankets. Slowly my pain moved from a 10 down to a 4, I wanted to sleep and they were having none of that. Then I could hear the monitor and as I was drifting off to sleep the monitor beeping began to slow. At first this didn't scare me because I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP, but every time the nurse yelled at me to take deep breaths it was when the beeping began to slow. So then I sort of freak out thinking it was my heart monitor and me falling asleep, was me dying. But I'm so tired, I really don't care and there are doctors around so if it stops beeping and I start to die they'll do something, I figured.

They brought Jory in the room and Superman aka Mr. Cocktail tells him he had to give me double the amount of drugs to knock me out and I was having a really hard time coming out of it. Jory asked him what the beeping was and Superman told the nurse it was my Oxygen level and to give me some oxygen. Apparently this nurse was a DUMBASS! Once she gave me Oxygen and the beeping became steady and I woke up a bit more.

I'm not sure how much time had gone passed but the doctor was telling Jory that the surgery had went well. They drained all the cysts in my ovaries and he was surprised that the fluid amounted to 100 CC's, something he'd never seen before. The tumor was actually a large cyst, he drained it and took a biopsy, we'll have the results on March 24th. He also scraped the lining of my uterus and took a biopsy. My right ovary was hiding behind my bowel. Overall Jory took everything as very optimistic, I might actually be able to get pregnant now. If we do get pregnant and want a 2nd child, I'll have to go through this again.

The funniest thing I remember hearing was the doctor or nurse telling Jory, "Nothing in her vagina for 2 weeks", I smiled inside. Recently, Jory and I have joked about all the things that can't go in the vagina for 2 weeks: smuggled drugs, TV remotes, spare change and guns.

I'm not sure how much time had passed but the nurse sat me up and started pulling off my gown and helped me get dressed. Then I was in a wheelchair being pulled backwards and flipped around forward carelessly. This isn't Nascar BITCH! I started getting sick and telling Jory to hurry and get me home. Jory later told me that I had asked for water and he thought I was going to get sick in the car. I don't remember getting in the car or the ride home just telling Jory over and over to hurry and get me home. I don't remember getting home or sitting in the lazy boy.

I don't remember a lot of those first few days at home other than Jory having to wake me every 4 hours to eat something to take more pain killers and going back to sleep. I also remember feeling as though I constantly had to pee caused by the catheter during surgery. I remember asking Jory what the doctor said about everything a few times, but I could never remember what he told me. It wasn't until Monday March 6th that I started waking up a bit. Jory was getting our house ready for Juli who was flying in Tuesday night to stay the week and help take care of me. We also got a call from our friends Eric and Athena, they were in Los Angeles and would be dropping by Tuesday evening on their way to Utah.

Tuesday night came and Eric and Athena and kids arrived and Jory picked up Juli from the airport. It was the first night I stayed awake for more than a few hours at a time. The next two days were crazy with a full house and me glued to the couch. The Mann family left Thursday morning and I was starting to feel a bit better on Friday. Juli and I ventured out to IKEA where she pushed me around in the 2nd biggest wheelchair I have ever seen, they called it the Cadillac. The lady told us it's the only size they have, I think they do that to avoid discrimination. It was hard to push the wheels myself because the chair was so wide and my arms are only so long. The Caddy worked out nice though, I had my purse on my left and Juli's yellow IKEA bag full of stuff on my right. After one level of IKEA I was spent and I'm sure Juli was tired of walking and pushing, the place is HUGE.

Yesterday we ventured out in the rain (yes it finally rained!) to Casa Grande, AZ to have dinner with Juli's extended family. It was a good time, they were a lot more friendly then I was expecting (Juli's family is VERY Mormon and haven't been shy about not liking me. I am the devil after all!). Jory broke their couch with his super power arm stretch move. HA HA HA! Seriously, he lifted his arms above his head to stretch and CRACK! It felt like we sunk down into the couch a few inches. We all froze and then jumped up quickly. Her family was so sweet and told us not to worry about it. Then her uncle in a not so secret way, was telling her aunt that they had recently had a couple LARGER visitors that probably started the damage. Jory felt really bad but knowing his ass COULDN'T have broke the couch and feeling like mine could have I was relieved it wasn't me. Hugs and Kisses, I love older people, they're so funny. Maybe I'll tell you more stories later.

I'm back to work today and it sucks! I was not ready to go back today. I was 2 hours late and wanted to go home 2 minutes after I got here. I'm really tired, sore and uncomfortable in buttoned up pants. If only I had another week to recover more.

I want to thank everyone for all the well wishing emails, phone calls, flowers and plants. It was something to look forward to every day, even though I don't remember talking to anyone the first week. Apparently I talked to a few of my family members and don't remember it at all. I only accepted phone calls from my family, because my family is used to me making a fool of myself. I haven't returned anyone's calls or emails yet, I will get around to it soon!

One more week and we can go back to storing things in my vagina!

Pre-op aka Jory's Adventure - Update!

First I need you all to know that I already spent an hour typing this post on our new laptop, however because I have the worst luck in the word, I deleted it while copying and saving it.

So I took Jory to my pre-op appointment last Friday for moral support. We weren't sure what they were going to tell us but we knew we'd be discussing my blood test(s) results. We were called back to a room and after we checked my weight, (I think I lost another 2 lbs but I'm not really sure) and blood pressure, Jory pointed out the gown on the table.

The night before I told both Juli (by phone) and Jory that I KNEW my doctor was going to throw a pap smear on me, I just knew it! I even went to the grocery store to buy razors, because those of you that know me, know that I don't shave my legs unless I'm going to the doctor.

Anyway so the nurse comes back in the room and says Dr. Seal likes to do a quick exam and pap before surgery just to make sure everything is OK. WELL if everything was OKAY I wouldn't be going into surgery, right? The nurse picks up the gown, which she calls the "tent" and tells me to put it on. Jory asks if I want him to leave and I told him he could stay if he wants, but if he's freaked out he can wait in the waiting room. I NEVER would have expected my husband to sit through a pap smear, but I think he was a little curious as to what all the fuss has been about.

A quick side note, I think all men take the doctor's or nurses orders very seriously. The nurse had told me to remove all my clothing, and when I didn't take my socks off Jory acted like I was putting my feet on the grandparent's coffee table. I can't be the only woman in the world who doesn't take their socks off for an exam. Can I?

So back to the tent, this gown was sleeveless and had a very sexy cleavage hole in the front, or maybe it's because I have the biggest boobs on the planet! It looked like it was straight out of the 70's except for the flared skirt, seriously, quite flattering. The doctor comes in barely has time to shake Jory's hand, throws on the rubber gloves and opens "the drawer". Thank god this doctor believes in warming up the "duck bill" before shocking your vagina into it's shell. The exam was over in a minute and Jory will never be the same. He was shocked that I didn't flinch or make any noise or yell at the doctor because apparently that's what guys do when they are getting their exam. I can't remember how Jory described the "duck bill", something like scrap metal. I'm sure Jory can tell you all about it in his post. Update:

"Frozen medieval torture device"

"Duck Bill"

The results of my blood test were interesting; I have the most extreme case of Insulin Resistance my doctor has ever seen, which makes everything I eat go straight to fat and nothing to muscle. I also have a high Testosterone level, which my beard could have told him that. I still have Hypothyroidism and PCOS, duh. And the most important result of my day long 14 vials of blood tests is I DON'T have Diabetes! With all this extra weight and my family tree, I was getting very concerned.

In my surgery they are going to drain the cysts out of my ovaries, which will apparently make me feel like a whole new woman. They will shoot dye in my uterus thru my Fallopian tubes to make sure they're working correctly and biopsy the lining of my uterus and the tumor of course. Yeah this time he called it a tumor instead of a cyst. Jory told me not to worry about the word he chooses to describe it because we don't know what it is. I've decided we're going to call it an Alien for now, because Tumor is a scary word. Plus I'm extending my stay on Denial River until we do know what the alien is.

I'm not nervous about the surgery, it's the Magnesium Citrate I have to drink Wednesday morning and the hours I'm going to spend on the throne. Good thing we bought the laptop, at least I can watch a movie or two while cleansing my respected colon.

I appreciate everyone's support while I bounce in and out of denial, going from depression to manic denial....wow that's bipolar. At least that's not a new diagnosis for me. Anyway, as soon as we have the results depending on my sharing mood I'll let you know.

Poll: What should we name the Alien?

Update:
I've named the alien...but keep the names coming because this is fun...

Jor El

It's a ANOTHER beautiful day in Arizona

Phoenix, AZ
Sunday: Sunny 75°F at 12:42 pm. Feels Like 70°F
Low: 56°F High: 83°F Humidity: 11%
Pressure: 30.07 inVisibility: 10 mi Wind: ENE 5 mph


Logan, UT
Sunday: Overcast 35°F at 12:42 pm. Feels Like 35°F
Low: 23°F High: 46°F Humidity: 64%
Pressure: 30.22 inVisibility: 10 mi Wind: NNW 4 mph

How Evil Are You?

You Are 84% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

CONGRATS Jenni and Jon, she's perfect!

Sydney Gwynyth Merchant

Born February 21, 2006

Photos taken by Jon Merchant * Collage created by ME

OK Tom, here's my post on the Cheney Shooting

Found this photo in flickr but lost the link.

Dedicated to Tom