March Blog Header

Letters from the inbox Part 2

12:01 am 2/28/08

dear sir,
i want ot know that which type of fast food is mostly like by youth /teenager whihch is healthy for them.

Dearest Pooja,

As soon as I'm done watching "You Suck At Photoshop #6" on YouTube, I'll run right out and survey a few youth/teenager and get back to ya!

Thanks,

Tech (and apparently Survey) Support


1:55 pm 02/28/08

Why is it that you folks do not want any new business? I finally got your Rep *Name to call me and he was to set an appointment right after Christmas. I have never heard anything else from *Company name. I suppose he did not say Christmas of what year...

Tom

Dearest Tom,

I suppose you are right, Smart Ass!

Thanks,

Tech (NOT Customer Service) Support

2:15 pm 02/28/08

Subject: APPLICATION FOR THE POST OF DATA ENTRY/RECEPTIONIST or any suitable job

Respected Sir,
The some post of " DATA ENTRY/RECEPTIONIST or any suitable " is lying vacant under your kind control. In response of vacant vide your Company Website.I beg to say that I am interested to do the Job cited above. I am an energetic Youngman of 23 years. I have 5 year professional experience of complete Microsoft Office (Typing Speed 35/41), Graphic Designing, out look Express, Adobe Photoshop, Coral Draw Scala, and lot of experience in internet/computer. I have one year experience of Computer Operator practical teaching experience of Computer at La Salle School System and one year experience of Data Entry Operating from Humza Composing Center and many more organization (Detail looks my C.V). (Still continue)
I have a lot of processional skills in Warehouse Worker Departments and Computer work with reference to foreign Exchange in my county.
Sir, if shall be given a chance I shall leave no stone unturned. My professional skill can be checked and verified through practical test.
Reference Available (on Your Demand)
My Passport Detail is as Follows.
Name: Khan *middle nameS and last name edited
Passport No: *12345... Date of Expire: 05-JUN-2011
I assure you will feel proud on my services for other information please checks my C.V. (Bio Data) which is enclosed with my request. Kindly also call for any confirmation about my professional carrier I am waiting for your kind reply. Thanks advance.
Hopping for your sympathetic consideration.
Your obediently
Khan*

Dearest Khan,

I think this might be more up your alley...

Thanks,

Tech (NOT Human Resources) Support

Bored...Ring

I was bored the other day at work...so I made a ring.

Then I noticed my hands are very wrinkly,

like elephant skin.

Letters from the inbox

In between answering calls from "mental midgets", I also work a consolidated inbox. Every once in a while we get a crazy email. Today's was so Out There I figured I would share it. I think I might post more of these in the future. I will only be editing the names or account information on these emails.

I HAVE A QUESTION. IALWAYS TRY TO GET ONE OF YOUR CO CALENDERS. I LIKE THE 3 MONTH DISPLAY. MY WIFE WORKS AT ONE OF YOUR ACCOUNTS.
THE QUESTION IS, WHY DOES YOUR CALENDER NOT REPRESENT THE GOOD FRIDAY OR EASTER DAYS, YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS (CHRIST BIRTHDAY) WHY NOT EASTER (THE DAY THAT HE AROUSE OUT OF HIS TOMB).
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW IF WE ARE BUYING FROM AN ANTICHRIST CO OR WAS IT JUST A MISTAKE.
THANKS, DAN


Dearest Dan,

Yes, we are an Antichrist Company. Let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.

Thanks and Godbless,

Technical Support

Intertwined

Assignment #35

Ask your family (and/or friends) to describe what you do

www.learningtoloveyoumore.com

*some things edited for my protection

Mom says:

You answer really dumb questions all day by really dumb people, (Except your dad of course). He's the only smart one there.


Dad says:

Joey here is what I think you do. You work for a Food Distribution Company at their support desk, helping internal and external customers resolve issues on several different computer platforms and web based ordering programs. You spend the vast majority of your time dealing with mental midgets some of them fellow employees and others that are customers expecting you to work miracles even though they do not have the mental capacity to pour water out of a glass let alone find the "any" key on the computer. Oh did I mention that you are underpaid and work far harder then those people you are helping. You do the work they reap the rewards. However one positive note you do manage to find enough time while working to surf the web and find fun little projects like this on.


Bro-In-Law Cody says:

I think you do a number of things.

First, you put up with Jory and all of his shenanigans. I know how it is, I grew up with him. But I miss it. Second, I think you work for (*close enough I had to edit), or (*good guess Cody), or something like that. I know you take calls from people, but I'm not sure what the nature of the calls are. Maybe you respond to people who find cigarette butts in their soup or something. Then you tell them that they shouldn't eat their soup out of an ashtray. Then you go on break and venture out to your car to watch a clip of Dane Cook. This brings you relief and makes you laugh, helping you make it through the day. Finally, you get to go home to put with more of Jory's tomfoolery.


Jory says:

Joey works at a help desk for a national food distribution company. She essentially helps retards who can't get their computers to work. This help is usually initially greeted with open hostility which is then followed with sheepish gratefulness. Corporate food supply rules! Soylent Green is....PEOPLE!
There, happy
JoryDJ

Keara says:
You work on the help desk at (*nunya bidness). You answer calls and provide technical support to customers, vendors, drivers, and whoever else happens to dial 1-800-(*woah nelly don't give that out) and have the joy of getting you on the other end. And I don't mean that in a sarcastic way.

Sara says:
You know, you WOULD have to ask me to describe THIS VERY THING because I know I really have no idea...although we have discussed it several times. Here is my best and probably the worst description of what you do... I know you do something on the phone helping people who can't help themselves. You're like a customer service person of some sort but better than a customer services person? I thought you worked for a chain....I know that you dont really talk to anyone at work and on your breaks you watch dvd's in your car.
OMG I'm so ashamed!!!!!!!!!! What DO you do? You know I love you more than anything! I hope you weren't completely offended!

This project was so much fun, especially since it took very little work on my part. I LOVE that they all had their own way of describing the people I help. HA HA!

What do I actually do? Well a whole lot more then work, but since everyone assumed the question was What do I do for my job...then that's what I'll share with you.

You can reread my Dad and Keara's responses, they pretty much hit the nail on the head. Or in my words:

I work for a National Food Distribution Company, in Information Systems Support or Technical Support to put it simply. I answer calls from internal(my coworkers from around the world) and external (customers, vendors, confused non customers and those wanting to be coworkers, FedEx employees who can't dial the right number and those thinking they are calling the Suicide hot-line, SERIOUSLY!) users. I resolve issues on literally hundreds of mainframe, installed applications and web based programs on several different computer platforms. I spend the vast majority of my time surfing the Internet, playing Guitar Hero III, watching movies, online TV, reading, crocheting, creating "Dexter" works of art and miniature furniture out of styrofoam packing material. In between all that, I talk to people who can't seem to figure out how to power down their computer if it's totally frozen. (Press and hold the power button until the fucking piece of shit turns off!) Or "I can't place my order, I'm getting an error that says a Pop-Up has been blocked" (Turn off your fucking pop-up blocker, you fucking retarded monkey or my favorite, "I can't log in, it says click here to change your password" HEY ASSHAT, CLICK FUCKING HERE THEN! WTF is wrong with people? If you can't handle computer basics then you need to quit your fucking job cause I'm tired of DOING IT FUCKING FOR YOU!
WAIT here's my real favorite...John Smith Division Manager for Anytown, CA calling to find out HOW TO DO HIS FUCKING JOB....I'm not kidding! I don't know John, maybe you shouldn't have LIED on your application and said you knew WTF you were expected to do. Do you really think that we at the help desk were actually trained on how to do every one's fucking job? Not likely.

Honestly though...since moving to this earlier shift last July I don't have time anymore to play Guitar Hero III, watch movies (except on my lunch), online TV, read, crochet...unless I'm working for someone on a Sunday. I do still however find time to create "Dexter" works of art and miniature furniture out of Styrofoam packing material in between talking to all the Fucktards.

Can't wait to start the next assignment!

Happy VD!

Happy Valentine's Day Jory

Jimi Proof, Finally!

Fence Project Complete

Our dogs are our children, therefore we will do whatever it takes to protect them from the big bad world (and the wild bunnies). Filling over 150 holes in our fence was definitely more time consuming and painful then I ever imagined.

I started this project soon after we moved in last June. The 100+ degree weather put the project on hold for a few months. I have since worked the occasional hour or two filling more holes on my weekends, but it seemed I would never finish.

Drum Roll Please...

I spent several hours Saturday afternoon digging out the weeds that had swallowed the back wall and double the time on Sunday filling the remaining 40 holes. Unfortunately I did not take a Before picture, this is the after. See the weeds in the upper right of the picture? That is the Giant pile of pulled weeds. Next week, we will be burning them.
We also added the same mesh to the gate, just in case one of the dogs (Jimi) decides to rebel and sneak out in the middle of the night to go have drunken unprotected sex with her boyfriend.

Jimi realizing she can't stick her nose in the holes anymore, but can clearly still spy on the neighbor's dog.

I know the holes look really small in comparison to Jimi, but if she can squeeze her Fatty McFatty Pants under the couch to fetch her ball, then she could have escaped through one of the holes.

It was as if she knew she was finally free to run and explore. She ran full speed 3 times around the yard to celebrate!

Finally relaxing...making all the time and body pains totally worth it!

Click here to view all the photos.

The Band Revealed

Our Dogs Get Mail

Jory's mom "GranSandy" sent a package to the girls. This is the video Thank You to her. I was going to get crafty and add some music but let's be honest, that will never happen. We still can't park our cars in the garage because it's full of unpacked boxes!

(Cody, I emailed your mom the link to my page so she can see the videos but you know how often she checks it, so will you holler at her and show her the videos? Thanks!)

Part 1


Part2

Winter Wonderland

Everytime I call family or friends back in Utah, I hear that it's snowing Again. My parents told me it's been snowing every time they've wanted to take the Christmas lights down, so they're still up. HA HA! I told my mom to turn the lights on and take some pictures for me so I could see how much snow they've really got and here's what they sent me:

This is the recycled tire horse swing and teeter-totter in the back yard. Behind them you would normally see an old barn shed. The snow has completely covered it. You can see a tiny part of the roof line in the upper right hand side of the picture.

Those lollipop sticks are 3.5 feet long so that's 3.5 feet of snow, not to mention the 4 to 4.5 feet you see on the left. Crazy!

A view from the right side of the house.



In comparison, here's what our typical Arizona winter storm looks like:

Guess Our Band Name

While everyone was glued to their TVs watching the SuperLAMEBowl yesterday, Jory and I ventured out shopping. After recently becoming Guitar Hero III ROCKSTARS thanks to Keara and Chris I decided I really wanted ROCKBAND! Who wants to wait around until Thursday to ROCK OUT with your COCK OUT? he he (Keara brings Guitar Hero to our house Thursday nights)

So without further a-do...we took the plunge and purchased one of the funnest games of all time. I must admit the drums are a lot harder to play then I had thought they would be. We even gave in and sang a couple songs. We'll be picking up an Guitar Hero III guitar so when we get bored with the drums or singing we can pick up the bass. Plus if we have more then 1 visitor we can all ROCK OUT together! (Rockband guitars are NOT sold separately until 2009, until then any Guitar Hero III guitar will work but only the xbox 360 version)

Here's the fun part, in order to go on a world tour we had to choose a band name. You'll never guess it, but I thought it would be fun seeing what you would come up with. I'm not sure if this will help but Jory came up with it in seconds.

Oh alright...I'll give you a real hint: First word starts with a V, second word starts with an H.

Feb 2008 Header

I've Been Tagged!

Two names you go by:
1. Joey
2. Jo

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. khaki pants
2. black hoodie

TWO OF your favorite things to do:
1. Hang out with Jory
2. Travel

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. A baby
2. See first answer

Two Pets that you have or have had
1. Mazzy Star - 3 yr old Pomeranian
2. Jimi (thegirl) Hendrix - 1 yr old Pomeranian

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Cody
2. Casey

Two things you did last night:
1. watched LOST, can't wait for tonight!
2. played Burnout Paradise (xbox360) with JoryDJ

Two things you ate today
1. nothing yet
2. still nothing

Two people you last talked to
1. Keara
2. coworker Jeff

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. working
2. possibly getting drunk

Longest trips taken:
1. road trip thru Oregon, Washington and Canada
2. New York City

Your favorite holidays:
1. Any day that I have off work
2. Halloween

Two favorite beverages:
1. Water
2. Mt. Dew

I'm tagging Cody and Casey cause I know Jory won't fill it out.

Now, if you don't have a blog....here's what you're supposed to do, Copy my post into an email, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.

TAG, YOU'RE IT!

It's Beautiful but I don't miss it

My dad emailed me some photos he took while at our family friend's Lodge "The Pines at Phillips Lodge" in Island Park, ID today. The snow is beautiful and I wish I were sitting in the hot tub on the deck of our usual cabin right now, but until teleporation becomes possible, my hot tub dreams will have to wait.

That's 4 feet of snow on that roof!

Snow bank

Saved the best for last...

A Fucking Stage Coach Snow Sculpture

How fucking kool is that?

Not A Proud Day For Utarhd

Utah Teen Charged With Raping Dog

"A 14-year-old Utah boy has been charged with bestiality and lewdness for allegedly raping a dog, according to local affiliate FOX 13.

If convicted, the teen could face up to one year in jail and a fine of $2,500 under state law, which classifies cruelty to animals as a misdemeanor offense.

FOX 13 spoke with Cheryl Smith, executive director of the Utah Animal Adoption Center, about the case. She urged lawmakers to pass stricter laws against people who intentionally harm animals.

"These crimes are getting more and more common. And it’s very disturbing," she said.
Smith said the dog had been molested in "unspeakable ways," but that it was in good care now and adjusting well to its new surroundings, according to FOX 13.

She said she learned of the case after a concerned neighbor called to report a dog was being abused. The owners then released the dog to authorities."

Quality vs Quantity

I think it's time to withdrawl from Blog 365. I'd rather not post something lame just to post something. I will continue to try and post everyday however I simply don't have the time or energy to sit down and share my creativity every single day. So instead of trying to play catch up or remember what I wanted to post about, I'm just going to admit defeat.

Jimi Crack Corn

When I set this picture as my computer background, I found it looks better blown up full size. I think I might even order a 11"x 14" print for the wall.

Sunset Painting?

Or simply out of focus

Dog Escape Routes

Spent the afternoon installing mesh boxes in the holes in the fence.

I'm a little more then half way done.

FORTY holes left to fill!

The Rest of the Story

After falling and climbing out of the deep dark dreary hole, I get home and realize I forgot to stop and buy dog food and we are completely out. As I walk into the bedroom to change before heading out to the store. Jory tells me I won't be able to flush the toilet, I stop mid stride...What?
"The water has been turned off!"
This day is trying to kill me! I remember Jory showing me the notice that was left on our door the night before but in my mind I thought I'll take care of that Thursday morning because Wednesday morning is my doctor's appointment so I wouldn't have time before work, not figuring that the notice would be for the very next day. So not only do I need to go buy dog food, I need to go buy several gallons of water to "shower" in the morning.

The only thing forcing one foot in front of the other is knowing this is not the end of the world, this is not the worst day of my life, I've experienced the worst day of my life and by some miracle I made it this far.

I picked up dog food, check. Stop at Walmart, hauled my thousand pound cart of seven 2.5 gallon jugs of water to the check out, noticing people take second glances at this odd purchase. Standing in line, with the understanding that no one knows why I'm buying all this water, but I'm still embarrassed.

It's not like I was 3 months late on the bill. I remember getting the bill dated 12/28/07, it's only been 11 days. Why would they be turning off the water after 11 days? I was so confused. The next morning I got up early so I could be at the Water Company at 8 AM when they opened. I walked in and asked them to help me understand what happened. Turns out the bill I received 12/28 was the 2nd notice, the original actually went out on 12/11. OOPS! But still, the water is turned off in less then 30 days of the bill being mailed to me? That only gives me 3 weeks til the due date. Or 1 week to write the check and mail it to make sure it's mailed 7-10 days before it's due. This company not only has no grace period, they don't have online payment options (which is how I pay all our bills) nor do they have automatic payment abilities. They won't even accept a payment for more then the amount because that would cause a credit and they would have to send me a refund check. I'm surprised they were using computers at all. Regardless, this was my fault. Part of that Laziness I was talking about recently.

ps They said the water should be on in an hour or two, we'd be at the top of the list. Our water was not turned back on until 2:45 PM. Personal Day #1 of 3 wasted. Wait...why did Joey take a personal day with all that water to shower with? Have you ever tried to shower in ice water? Nuff said. I was waiting for the water to be turned back on, then go into work late, but due to the late hour of the arrival of water, it would have been a waste anyway. Plus I was still feeling pretty funky from the Lupron, although 1000% percent better then the day before! And I feel 1 million percent better today!

Deep Dark Dreary Hole

Talk about a mental breakdown! That Lupron through me for a loop. It grabbed me from the inside and forced me down into a deep, dark, dreary hole. I couldn't see the light above, I couldn't find the strength to reach out. It was like an invisible compactor squeezing the air out of my lungs. The tears threatened to drown me as I sat in my car in desperation. My mind was running around in a maze of disbelief, I thought the knowledge of possible Mood Swings would allow me to laugh at the coming tears and bitchiness, however there was no comedy here.

This pain took me back to the maternity ward in the hospital, moments before Jory asked me to "hold on" for him. I was so ready to let go, disappear into nothingness into my forever sleep. But wait...there was that light, my Jory he could rescue me. I struggled to send him a text message through the blinding tears, "I'm sorry for the next 3 months". He responded, "Thanks for the advance notice". I told him, "I can't stop crying". Feeling his warm arms around me, I read "Is there anything I can do?". Not quite understanding he had already helped, I replied "no".

Sitting there, I realized the tears had stopped. I was breathing again. I cleaned up my face and went back into work. (I couldn't go home, my coworker had already left early "sick".) I didn't find it until later, but around the time my tears had gone, Jory sent me this to use for future breakdowns:

Thank you Jory!

Time for a medical update.

Back in November I was supposed to start my endometriosis treatment, Lupron. However you have to get the shot on the 3rd day of your period. Well my body decided to take a month off so starting in November wasn't an option. Then to fit the pattern of my life, the day in December we flew to Miami I got my period...of course. So we were obviously in Florida during the 3rd day. Doctor said just to come in for January. January 1st came and went and I thought I was having a replay of November, however better late then never it finally showed so today I got my first Lupron shot. I know already this is not going to be fun. When I got in the car to drive to work the effects were already hitting me. Is this normal? They told me to call if anything felt odd but that I could suffer from quite a few side effect including severe mood swings, hot flashes, headaches, bone density loss, two others you don't want to hear about. Let's see I'm experiencing an Out of Body feeling, random tingling, extreme sleepiness, not so much hot flashes but constant hot, like my body is an oven and I'm cooking my organs for dinner. I feel High...not enjoyable High but high enough that I'm queasy and light headed and occasionally nauseous. The sleepiness and out of body feeling is kinda like when you take 2 Ambien and try to stay awake. I'm hoping this all goes away, maybe it's just happening like this because I JUST got the shot today? Maybe tomorrow will be better. I can deal with hot flashes, I can deal with being hot. I lived with it during the summer when I was pregnant with Jack, so I know I can deal. The 2 things you don't want to hear about are going to be rough, not only for me but for Jory and one makes the other even more not fun so hopefully I can skip those two side effects.

So my next shot will be February 6th, then March 5th. Then we'll discuss the date for my surgery, but I assume April. Awe...so much to look forward to. Ha Ha! It sucks not to be TTC, I hear my biological clock which is already defective and past warranty ticking away. I hate that I'm so jealous of other women who's bodies work as they should. I'm tired of feeling bad for wanting to get pregnant and give birth to my own child instead of giving up and just adopting, as if it were that easy. I hate that I've started to question my decision to pass up the adoption when I got pregnant.....

Apparently the mood swings have Swung-in cause I just started bawling and had to run to the health room to hide. The longer I was in there the more sad and angry I got. I should probably stop this post for now. I'm going to apologize in advance for any post that may offend or get too personal the next three months, hopefully I will have a little more control of my emotions soon.

Who really knows me?

UPDATED with some my answers:

YOU fill in the blanks about ME, even if you don't have any idea. Be honest and post it blank on your site if you want, so I can do it for you!

My name: Joey

Summarize me in three words:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name: Christine

How long have you known me:

When is the last time that we saw each other:

Do I drink: Yes, just not very often become most days I'm TTC. I have been drinking recently though and oh boy have I missed it.

Do I smoke: Yes I do. I quit when I got pregnant with Jack and when he died, it was an alternative to becoming a drunk or drug addict.

Am I happy: I have moments

Am I a good person: I believe I am.

What was your first impression of upon meeting
me/seeing me: Most people think I'm a bitch when they meet me...I don't really understand that.

What's one of my favorite things to do: camp

Am I funny: The MOST Funny!

How do you make me smile:

What's my favorite type of music: Led Zeppelin duh

Have you ever seen me cry: I would imagine everyone who knows me has seen me cry now

What is the best feature about me: my hair

Am I shy or outgoing: I'm an outgoing person however my depression keeps me from showing it all the time.

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: REBEL

Do I have any special talents: I can squirt water out of my lip piercing like a fountain.

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what): Hippie

Have you ever hugged me:

Kissed me?:

What is my favorite food: hard to say but I fantasize about chicken cordon bleu crepe sandwiches

Have you ever had a crush on me:

Am I dating anyone: Married to my bestfriend and soulmate, Jory.

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: Joeythegirl

What's your favorite memory of me:

What is my worst habit: smoking

Have you ever had a dream about me? If so, what?:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring? Jory

Are we friends:

Do I believe in God? no

Am I family oriented? yes

Who is my best friend? Jory

After the Rain, The Rainbow

Haiden's First Big Boy Bath

Kaide Singing Me Jingle Bells

Day Fright or Depression?

I once shared on my blog that while driving, I picture myself crashing into telephone poles, other cars, buildings, into ravines and over cliffs. Most recently my mind is going through the motions of all sorts of crazy shit. Today I was sitting on my back patio smoking and thought, I can't wait for it to stop raining so I can take the dogs for a walk, then my mind jumped to taking them into Petsmart for now and Jimi possibly going ape shit and barking out of control, then flash back to walking down the street and having a big dog come running to eat my precious babies....would I swoop up Mazzy or Jimi first? My brain immediately went to Mazzy. Does this mean I love her more? Or is it because I've had to swoop her up to save her life a couple times before? Or is it because she is more scared of other dogs then Jimi? Then I felt horrible that I would put Jimi second, because she's such a lover. I would miss her belly flop-roll over-rub my belly move the most. My eyes began to well up thinking of losing either one of them. I told my brain to STOP! I don't want to see these horrific scenes play out in my head. But it WINS and the thought of losing Jory pushes me over the edge and tears began to fall.

This happens all the time, not just when I'm driving. I've pictured myself getting my teeth knocked out, legs cut off, stabbed in the heart and shot in the head to name a few. These things play out in my head almost like a movie except that I feel it as it happens, but it's never as painful as I would imagine. It's like I'm dreaming but I'm fully awake. I wonder if this is related to the Night Fright I had growing up or if it's part of depression?

Does this happen to you?

Un-Officially

You may think that I have already lost the Blog 365 but I haven't! I have been blogging every day however I haven't posted them online. Weekends are for rest and relaxation and I don't want to be bothered with posting, so I will be posting them on Monday. I guess technically this would mean that I've lost already but I play by my own rules.

On with it already...

I like to un-officially do things, that way if I don't follow through no one will point and laugh. I'm not sure what stops me from getting things done in time, other then the genes my mother gave me. Christmas/Holiday cards are still sitting on my table. Xmas presents for family, still not sent. OK I'll be honest...presents not purchased yet either...BUT it's not like I'm going shopping, I'm buying it all online and having it delivered so it's not as bad, right? Excuses excuses, I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to be really good at getting things done and not just on time but before it had to be done. I don't want to blame Jory for my laziness but, he's so laid back that it gives me the freedom to be laid back which coupled with my depression resolves in pure laziness. OH AND add the new XBOX 360 on top of all that and I won't get any thing done! Jory and I have been playing either Halo 3 or UNO on XBOX LIVE anytime we're not eating, sleeping, picking up dog poop or watching really important reality TV and good thing we have a DVR otherwise the reality TV wouldn't even get watched!

So what am I doing un-officially? I'm doing 365 days of self portraits. This one I found out about on Flickr, I do have a 365 set but I'm not uploading them daily and I didn't join the actual group because you're supposed to upload them daily and I know I WON'T meet that expectation, that being the very reason for this blog. I'm also posting them on my new Joey 365 blog, but not daily. I am however taking a picture of me or part of me every single day....at least so far. So go ahead and check it out, here. I'm not promising anything Awesome, just thought it would be interesting to try and do.

2 New Haiden videos

2007 Survey

Where did you begin 2007?
In our old shitty apartment in Chandler, AZ with Jory.

What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Same as it has been for the last 10.5 years, blissfully taken.

Were you in school (anytime this year)?
I'm well beyond that.

Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yes, another year, another surgery.

Did you have any encounters with the police?
I was pulled over once but no ticket. ;)

Where did you go on vacation?
Moab, UT twice, Northern Utah twice and Miami Beach, Florida!

What did you purchase that was over $500?
Our house, PS3, Xbox 360 with accessories...

Did you know anybody who got married?
Yes:
my oldest brother Jason to Pim
my youngest brother Christopher to Fawn,
my aunt Luann to Glen
and of course
Sara & Carl (the reason we went to Florida).

Did you know anybody who passed away?
Our ferret Jerry, My parent's dog/Mazzy's brother Ozzy and Jory's dad's dog/Jory's furbrother Sedjit. It always happens in threes!

Did you move anywhere?
From Chandler to Mesa.

What sporting events did you attend?
none

What concerts/shows did you go to?
um none that I can think of, we missed out on Tool and Dane Cook due to untimely vacations!

Describe your birthday:
Work, PS3, Famous Daves or maybe I wanted Famous Daves but we didn't make it? I don't remember.

What's the one thing you thought you would not do but did in 2007?
I don't know....see my oldest brother finally get married.

What has been your favorite moment?
The entire time we were in Miami Beach, FL are my favorite moments.

Any new additions to your family?
New sister in laws Pim and Fawn and with Fawn came 3 beautiful nieces and my brand new nephew Haiden in June!

What was your best month?
December

What music will you remember 2007 by?
Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah because it played every 30 minutes on the radio!

Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Only drank 3 times: twice with Sara in Miami, once on New Years so I guess that makes Sara my drinking buddy.

Made new friends?
Carl (we love you!) and some more bereaved parents online.

Favorite Night out?
Any in Florida

Overall, how would you rate this year?
Thanks to the AWESOME time in Florida I'd say, not the worst.

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work

Change your hairstyle?
nope

How old did you turn this year?
31

Do you have a New Year's resolution?
Don't make them cause I don't keep them.

Do anything embarrassing?
Made a huge scene bawling my eyes out at my brother's wedding because my cousin walked up to our table with her son who was born 2 weeks after Jack's original due date. It will always be hard to see him, he will always be what we lost out on.

Buy anything new from eBay?
nope

Get married or divorced?
nope

Get arrested?
another no

Be honest - did you watch American Idol?
OK I did watch the audition episodes...I couldn't help it. I flipped the channel and America's worst were making a mockery of themselves, I love that shit!

Did you get sick this year?
When do I get to NOT be sick?

Been snowboarding?
Not in years....more then 10 to be exact.

Are you happy to see 2007 go?
If only I could go back in time to 2006...

Been naughty or nice?
A bit of both I guess.

Jan 2008 Header

Christmas at the Johnson's

Blog 365

I think I've gone crazy! I struggled with posting a blog for an entire month, now I've gone and signed up for Blog 365, posting every day for an entire YEAR! Grab the shackles and lock me up, I've totally lost it. The only thing that is going to save my ass, is a photo can count as a post for those days that my brain explodes.

Starts tomorrow!

Miami Beach was Awesome!

The long awaited post about our trip to Miami Beach, Florida is finally here! With so much going on since we got home, I haven't had the time to get this post out until now. Let's dig right in!

This past August while we were in Utah for my little brother's wedding, our friend Sara decided to drop the bomb that her and Carl would be getting married in Florida on December 6th! I looked at Jory and told him I wanted to go. It took a bit of finagling for Jory to find out if he could take the time off work, but we got the good to go. Meanwhile Sara asked me to be her bridesmaid so I had to buy a dress! Not that anyone cares, but I found a hippie type dress that would work but it showed some serious cleavage and those of you who know me, know that I don't show a lot of skin, let alone boobie skin so it was an uncomfortable experience to say the least. But on the trip...

Our flight left early Wednesday morning with a lay over in Houston. Is it just me or do airline seats get smaller each time you fly? I haven't gained any weight since my last flight so I really think it's the seats! We were exhausted by the time we got to Miami which lead to some unpleasant exchanges while trying to figure out the GPS. Neither of us have used one, but we're both pretty savvy when it comes to electronics so I figured it would be fairly easy to figure out. We learned this meant it could be fairly easy to miss one tiny step as well. We pulled out of the rental car place and realized the GPS wasn't working as it should be, when we stopped it didn't stop, it continued giving us directions. I pulled over at the nearest "gas station" which also happened to be located in the middle of Hell. I've been in scary, unsafe locations before;

(Back in 1995 some friends and I were abandoned when our bus broke down in the middle of the Queens, NY, they had us unload with all our luggage and sit in the median while we waited for another bus. In 1996-97 while homeless, most of my time was stuck in the ghetto of Ogden, UT. And finally the realist version of Hell I've experienced, the motel we stayed at in Humboldt that one night with blood stained bedspread and carpet and skanky crazy homeless people wandering back and forth in front of our window all night. I felt like touching anything in that room was going to give me Chlamydia. Neither of us slept that night, even if Mazzy wasn't barking at every crack dealer outside, there was no possible way to sleep.)

But sitting in a brand new (only 708 miles) Sparkling Black Super Kool Dodge Caliber trying to figure out this piece of shit GPS made us the perfect target for any bad ass to take advantage of the tourists who are apparently lost. This thought frazzled me to the point of not being able to assist Jory in making this damn GPS work. By some miracle, Jory was able to tell me where to go and we did find our hotel without getting lost again. Luckily I had previously Mapquested the directions to the hotel and had remembered there was a toll road so I was prepared with coins, however bringing the Mapquested directions was an after thought, being the reason I decided at the last minute to request a GPS.

Jory's first impression of the location of the hotel (he can correct me if I'm wrong) was explained to Sara and Carl as if we were staying in the ghetto. I understand his original feelings may have been clouded by sheer exhaustion, our night time arrival, finding out the hotel didn't provide parking so we were left to park on the street and feed the meter from 8 am - 6 pm everyday. (We later found out we could have purchased day passes for $6.50/day)

After settling in to our small but clean, minimalist hotel room we decided to venture out to find some food, we hadn't eaten for almost 24 hours. We found a Subway right behind our hotel and something familiar sounded soothing to our not so great day. The owner was working and he was super friendly. He actually thought I had been there last week. Wow! So I looked like a local, ok. I told him we were in town for a wedding and he went about making us the best damn Subway sandwiches either of us have ever had! After eating we walked back to our hotel room to pass out for the night.

Rodeway Inn on Ocean Terrace

The next morning I woke up at 7:30 am (5:30 am MT mind you) in order to get quarters for the parking meter. Jory was so tired, he didn't seem to care about me going out alone in "Scaryville". I was so tired I was worried about going out alone, which is totally not me. If I'm anything, it's Over Confident with my safety. However, I walked out of the hotel as if I owned the place. The sun had just come up, it was beautiful and to my surprise the ocean was literally 100 feet away from our car! I still had a couple quarters so I popped them in the meter, then walked around the corner to CVS to buy some more quarters. Jory called me as I was walking back to the car to fill the meter for the next 3 hours, he wanted to be sure I was OK. Had I not been so incredibly tired I would have walked out on the beach and soaked in the sun. Instead I went back to the hotel, loaded up some mini muffins and orange juice from the continental breakfast bar on my way back to bed.

We slept for another hour or two, woke up, got ready and set out for Sara and Carl's wedding. They had given us the address of the church and we finally figured out the GPS, you must first always ask to View Map so it knows where you are, then it will help you very nicely get to your destination. Since it was finally working, I kindly named her (the GPS voice) Louise.

"Louise" got us to the church before anyone else had arrived. We changed in the bathrooms and waited for everyone to show up. I was excited to find out I'd be walking with Brother, Josh Sara's brother. Since she became my "Sister" 13 years ago, he in turn became Brother.

The wedding was beautiful and tear filled. As I stood up there as a bridesmaid, I was reminded of my own wedding; Jory and I standing on our rock, love filling the air felt like warmth from the sun, not just our love for each other but the love of our families and closest friends surrounding us. Looking in Jory's eyes was like staring at the warm sun, tears rolled down my cheeks. Realizing I was lost in this memory I glanced up at Josh as his eyes welled, tears began to form in my eyes which can quickly turn to uncontrollable bawling since Jack died, so I turned to Jory hoping to get control and he smiled. Like a Secret Super Power, his smile cured me. How lucky I am to have such a wonderful partner in life. I love him so much!

After the wedding we went to Christos' house for the reception. At sunset we took pictures out by the lake beyond his backyard, it was definitely picture perfect. After the usual cutting of the cake and garter toss and dancing we were all worn out and ready for bed. Then we realized it was only 6 PM, it felt like 2 AM! After a little encourage from Carl's best man Alex and Josh, we all decided to go out to Coconut Grove for some drinks.

Jory, Me, Sara

Ingrid, Alex, Carl, Josh, Brown

We ended up drinking at Fat Tuesdays and later, ate dinner at Senior Frogs. It was a blast and I couldn't believe we had only been in Miami for 24 hours! We still had the entire vacation ahead of us. Unfortunately, I used up my entire memory card taking pictures at the wedding and on the lake, so I wasn't able to take pics but I just got some from Sara, as you see above.

The next day Jory woke up early to feed the meter, he waited patiently for me to wake up and decide what our plans were for the day. We had wanted to hang out at the beach or walk around but it was raining so we decided to check out Aventura Mall listed on our map just north of Bal Harbor to find another memory card for our camera. As I expected this adventure would be interesting.

Our camera is at least 6 years old and finding the right memory card would not be easy. The first store had came up empty and the clerk suggested Best Buy might still carry them but we'd probably have to order it online. We half-glanced at the cameras on the shelves, not expecting to purchase a new one just because we can't find a card. But the prices were ridiculously low. We decided to keep looking, maybe Sears would have a better deal. Walking up the aisle the prices were the same, but they definitely had more options. Then I turned and saw it, Glowing, Sparkling and Winking at me. Kodak's new HD 12 MP digital with manual options and video with sound for $230-ish. Previously I had been shopping for a new 10 MP Cannon or Nikon for $699 but at this price I couldn't say no.

We excitedly walked to the register to cash out and BLAM! PANIC rushes through me as he tells me my debit card is being rejected....Jory was right we are in the ghetto...someone stole our card info and now our identities...we'll be stuck in Florida with no money...WAIT! My card is fairly used, I have had problems at some places that can't read my card so I took a breath and had Jory try his card BLAM FUCK YOU BLAM Rejected! OMFG we're fucked...it's real...that damn dirty rental car place...the shuttle driver who looked and acted like he was going to take us to an empty warehouse, rob us and kill us, the eclectic hotel front desk clerk with his multi colored eyebrows...one of them did this ARGH! Of course outwardly I displayed a calm, collected attitude in order to not let Jory stress out. If something did happen, our families would be able to help us out with money for food or whatever til we got home. Luckily I'm a fairly responsible adult and always have a credit card on hand in case of emergencies. After picking up our fabulous new camera, we walked outside to smoke a carton of cigarettes and call the bank to realize our horrible fate.

Luckily I got a hold of the nicest most comforting and competent Wells Fargo associate on the planet. They had placed a verification hold on our cards because all these charges popped up out of Florida and they wanted to make sure it was us and not someone who had stolen our cards. I didn't know Wells Fargo did this, I know Discover Card does this, Awesome! She did also mention that my card was so worn the 3 digit code on the back was no longer readable on any register so she would gladly send us out new cards as well as Clear us to continue using our cards until the day after we got home in case we were to have any further problems. She then requested I speak with the fraud department just to document that we were in Florida and help watch for any unauthorized charges. He went over our purchases and nothing suspicious had gone through. Breathing commenced.

On our drive back to our 'hood, Jory saw something in a window and made me remind him to return there at some point, there was something he HAD to buy! Note to self made.

Upon our return, we were hungry so we walked around the corner for somewhere to eat and as I had noticed a few times "Rockys" on the corner reminded me a tiny bit of my grandma's cafe but this was a much smaller version. We decided to give it a go and THANK GAWD we did, DAMN it was the best food I've eaten years! I got a chicken cordon bleau and Jory had the infamous cheesesteak sandwich. We both made sweet sweet love to every single bite. Scrumptious!

Sara called and mentioned they were going to eat sushi then meet up with Carl's cousin Ingrid at a bar (she's the one who took us to Coconut Grove the night before). They requested we meet them at the Sushi bar so we could input the bar's address into "Louise" and they could follow us there. We ended up at a place very similar to Coconut Grove but the bar Ingrid chose turned out to be full of cocks and wouldn't let Alex or Josh in because they were wearing flip flops, us girls also wearing flip flops could enter only because we had vagina's LOL!. We found Ingrid and she took us to this other little tiny bar which was pretty kool as far as the atmosphere goes. There was a Counting Crows cover band playing but it was literally the size of my living room. Sara and I ventured out this back door for a smoke and found the outside much more pleasurable to hang out. All the tables and chairs were taken so we were stuck standing all night but it was a great time, good music and awesome people, what more could you ask for.

The next day I slept in a little later then expected, Sara called before I had even showered to let us know they were heading to South Beach to walk around and hit the beach. We found sweet Louise's battery wasn't charging while plugged in to the jack in the car. I plugged in my iPod to verify the jack worked and it did, so we drove to the nearest Dollar Rental location and swapped Louise for Thelma. Thelma took us to SoBe, we found Sara and posse walking down Washington, we found the closest parking garage and met up with them at the beach. I've left out an extremely important part of this story. Let me digress...

Standing the entire day of the wedding, half the time in my leather flip flops I wear to work all the time that are not comfortable at all and the other half in my beyond worn our Teva flip flops gave me a HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKIN' blister the size of an Oreo on the ball of my foot. Then walking around Coconut Grove, Aventura Mall and the bars as well as around our hood had caused this blister to swell as thick as an Oreo, making walking extremely painful. Jory kindly gave me the name Gimpy if that helps you visualize.

Back to the parking garage and beach, I looked like a crazy person walking and wincing every step. But we finally made it out the beach where we sat and enjoyed the sun and ocean. There was a local "sand" artist who created a landlocked mermaid out of sand right in front of us. I took a bunch of pictures, so go check them out HERE.

On our way back to the car we walked by Versace's house, the one he was murdered in front of. Jory and I decided to drive by Miami Ink and take a picture, it took a few attempts to get it. He kept asking why I wouldn't go it or at least walk up there and take a picture and I can only say I didn't want to be one of "those" people. If I were a celebrity or someone working at a famous tattoo shop I would hate the constant photos being taken out front. Maybe I wouldn't at first but I would grow to hate it. I didn't want to be hated. I would have been embarrassed to walk in and try to get a tattoo when I know very well that Chris Garver is booked through 2009, so the other guys are probably book close to the same. I'm sure it's not like other shops were you can walk in and get tattooed on the spot anymore, they became famous therefore there is no room for the little guy, like me.

While driving back to our hood, we saw what looked like Sylvester Stallone driving in a fancy car, I didn't get the best look, but Jory is convinced it was him. He looked so much smaller in person, nothing like RAMBO!

We ate at Rockys again and soaked in the Miami air while realizing this was our last night in Florida. I never expected to like it as much as I did! Of course I could never live there in the summer, but once we get rich, we will definitely purchase a winter home there. To be able to walk outside every morning and enjoy the sunrise on the beach would be heaven.

That night, concerned about having to run through the Houston airport to make our connecting flight with only 20 minutes between, I knew I had to do something about this blister now the size of Pluto. After reading online, it was ok to pop it as long as I keep it clean, we headed to CVS for some supplies. Surgery commenced and as the blister exploded, the excruciating pain went with it. Why didn't I do this yesterday? I constructed some moleskin to protect the blister area which was still very sore but I could actually walk without wanting to kill myself.

Not wanting to end our last night, we spent a lot of time sitting on the front porch of our hotel. It was incredibly windy and sprinkling rain but it was still warm. We can't wait to come back already!

Jory's first pair of flip flops!

The next day we checked out, walked across the street and said good-bye to our beach and the ocean. It was a sad farewell, but we will definitely return and will probably stay at this hotel again. I love that it only has 40 rooms, that it's on it's own little street, feet away from the beach and around the corner the delicious Rockys!

Per Jory's request we drove up north on Collins Ave again to find that store he wanted to stop at, Wings Surf Shop. We ended up spending a ton of money on souvenirs for us ;) What was the thing he saw in the window he had to buy, you ask? A Led Zeppelin beach towel! Isn't he the sweetest? Not that you care, but we bought a green retro looking Miami Beach sweatshirt for me, a Hawaiian shirt for Jory, super kool chimes, salt water taffy, more flip flops for me and few things for Keara who took care of our dogs and our house while we were gone.

We drove around looking for some where to eat, we finally decided on a Subway near Wings and when we walked up we noticed there is a place next door called Francesco's? that had "Crepes or Sandwiches" in the window and you should all know how much I LOVE crepes, so we went in. I ordered a chicken cordon bleau crepe and again I made sweet sweet love to every bite!

Jory enjoyed an Italian sandwich and a El Presidente.

Thelma got us back to the rental car place in one piece and we ended up arriving at the airport 2.5 hours before our departure. At least we weren't late. The flight home was uncomfortable and sad. By the time we got to Houston for our race to catch our connecting flight my foot was on fire, it felt like I was walking in lava every step. They changed our gate at the last minute so we did end up having to literally run. The pain was so intense by the time I was hobbling down the ramp, tears streamed from my eyes. I grabbed my sunglasses to hide from all the other passengers and when I finally sat down, I couldn't stop. I'm fairly certain I didn't cause a spectacle but it was embarrassing all the same.

The mood was tense as we landed in Phoenix, knowing I had to walk another 100 miles out of the airport to the car. As we walked outside, the bitter fucking cold (40 degrees) smacked us in the face. Maybe we should move to Florida?