HOLY SHIT!

The other day one of my coworkers said "So is your daughter already born or when is she due?" My brain stopped on "your daughter". All I could hear over and over in my head was your daughter, your daughter, My daughter, My daughter? Our daughter, Our Daughter. OMFG! We're going to be bring home our Daughter! She's always been Willow or the baby, our baby but I had not heard or thought "daughter" until that moment. I had to remind myself to breath before I responded to him.

How crazy is that? We're going to have a daughter soon, any day really. Birthmom has an appointment today so we'll find out if she's progressed any. As of yesterday she's not been able to do anything but lay down because she's in so much pain. As much as I would like her not to be in pain, I pray that she holds on until the 23rd so we don't miss the birth. I just know that if she goes early, no matter how fast we drive, we won't make it in time. It's 11 hours with our regular stops from Phoenix to Logan. That doesn't account to the time it will take to throw the bags in the car and kennel the dogs. I really don't want to kennel the dogs! So if she can hold out, we can just leave the dogs home and Keara will doggy sit since she'll be home the morning of the 22nd.
I guess I should be smart and contact the kennel for info just in case we do get the call and have to drop them at the kennel until Keara gets home.....

Hold that thought...getting text from birthmom now. Says she went to hospital last night, was released. Went to doctor today and she's dilated to a 4, having real contractions now and doctor says she'll be having the baby this weekend!

HOLY SHIT!

So I sent a text to Jory, he never responded, so I emailed him, he's in a meeting, we'll talk tonight. I guess we'll be packing the car and either leave this weekend or wait for the call, then leave. It's so hard to know what to do. We don't want to leave this weekend, then sit around a week while the dogs are kenneled, ya know? My last day of work is next Wednesday, I guess losing out on 3 days of pay isn't that HUGE a deal, but all the money we can get, the better. Jory doesn't have next week off, he has the next week, so this will be an inconvenience to his coworkers, but they've said they understand, of course they understand, only a monster wouldn't understand.(more on that later)

This is birthmom's 2nd baby and I know most all 2nd pregnancies go much faster at the end then the first but I'm sure it's not 100% of the time. Right?

And of course now I sit here, wishing I could be home getting ready, calling lawyers(will on my lunch) picking up my background clearance letter, since I forgot to yesterday, talking to the kennel in case we need to use them, doing the damn dishes and cleaning the house for when we return, so much to do and I'm sitting here talking to retarded monkeys who think they're funny.

HOLY SHIT AGAIN!

Text from birthmom's mom, also known as my aunt, she's at the hospital and in labor!
Jory's still in his meeting, he can't respond, I don't know what to do. Freaking out! Should I leave work? Why am I still here? WTF should I do? I should leave right?

Adoption update

Willow is coming home...Hopefully! I'm scared to death our birthmom will change her mind again! Due date changed to May 23rd but she's dilated to a 2 and cervix is 80% effaced! It could be any day now! Sorry for all the "!" but I'm freaking out! Calling lawyer to see how to fast track this since we lost hope and stopped planning. Keep us in your thoughts please! What a F'ing roller coaster! Hi I'm Joey and I'm a basketcase!

Update: Called lawyer, if birthmom goes into labor tomorrow and we don't have homestudy done we can still take the baby and finish up the paperwork. Obviously I will do everything I can to get it all done in time. So much to do and who knows how long to do it.

I wish there was a bit of excitement in me, but there isn't. Not until this is all done. Well I know it's in there...deep down inside but it's being guarded by the Wall of Joey. It's just too hard to Go There again knowing how much it hurts when it doesn't work out. I really thought the text yesterday was going to be the Official "Sorry I'm keeping her" notice. It was really weird, all weekend long, especially on Sunday I couldn't get it out of my head. I started a text to her at least 45 times, different ways of saying..."Hello, we're still here in Limbo...what's the official word? Yes or No" But I couldn't send it. I needed to know to fully let go of her, but I wasn't ready to hear "No" so I never sent it. Then yesterday the unexpected text came to me.

So you can all be excited for me, I promise to join you when she's home!

Oh for the women who are wondering(because I know men don't care), her next doctor's appointment is this Friday.