Tim Andrus, my cousin. May he rest in peace.

I wake up Sunday morning to my mom calling me, it's only 9 am here so I ignore it. Thirty minutes later she sends me a text, Please call her as soon as I wake up, it said. This is never good news and of course I woke up and jumped out of bed to call her.

Although I was up and walking around, I was still pretty much sleeping during our conversation. I remember her saying, "I have some bad news to share with you". Thankfully the sleepiness was in control because normally my heart jumps out of my body and I start to sweat profusely because that means someone has died. But again, I was still practically asleep so I said, "Stab me with it quick" or something to that effect. The irony SO did not hit me until hours later. Honestly I was expecting to hear something horrible about the baby. My thought process was, how could it get any worse? SIDS? Whatever it was, it would kill me.

She said, "I'm sorry to tell you that Tim died early this morning." Relieved it wasn't about the baby, but still very much distracted I said, Tim? Tim who?
"Your cousin Tim, Janet's Tim." WHAT? What happened? This is where I started to wake up, but not really. I remember she said something about the Mountain Man Rendezvous...wrestling...his own knife. My brain still not functioning, I think I said, how's Janet? and I don't remember anything else about the call. I remember we said goodbye and hung up but I can't for the life of me remember anything beyond that. So an hour later I called her back to get the news again.

Apparently he was up at the Cache Valley Mountain Man Rendezvous also known as the Old Ephraim Rendezvous and was held in the Lefthand Fork area of Blacksmith Fork canyon, up Logan (UT) Canyon. He was on his feet wrestling with some friends, who were all up late enjoying some drinks. At some point, his arm knocked the sheath off his knife and the knife stabbed him in the chest at a 45 degree angle, slicing his aorta.

From what we know, the guy/s wrestling with him either both ran to get help or one of them ran to get help, but Tim was actually found by my childhood bestfriend Dustin Hooton and his brother Derek Hooton (my little brother, Christopher's bestfriend) on patrol of the grounds. Dustin, who works for or volunteers for the local fire department performed CPR until Life Flight was brought to take him to the nearest hospital. Before Tim lost consciousness, he said "We've got a bleeder" in perfect Tim form. My brother Christopher said, "at least he went out joking". Tim, 33 years old was pronounced dead at the scene but was Life Flighted to the hospital.

A quick side note on the distasteful comments I've read on the article in the Salt Lake Tribune, it makes me sick that people will go out of their way to make negative comments about "mountain men", the rendezvous, even stupid comments about the time of night it happened and not think for a minute that someone DIED. Tim was a person, with a wife, two step children and family who loved him. What the hell is wrong with these people? Sunday morning those "mountain men" went around and collected money to help out Tim's family. They later held an auction to collect even more money to donate to the family. The people that run and attend the Rendezvous act as a family and take care of each other. There is absolutely no need to talk shit or poke fun about something you know nothing about. I have very fond memories attending this Rendezvous for years as a child and am sick to think people pass judgement so quickly even when it's dealing with a death. Sorry for aside...

I feel horrible for Tim wife, whom I never met so I'm sorry I don't have her name. My aunt Janet just lost her husband to cancer one year ago and has now lost her only son. They are having a viewing tomorrow and services on Thursday. I wish I could go, but we just don't have the money right now for my flight.

I grew up with Tim, we were the same age. All the memories at grandma's house have been rushing back to me. Exploring the old barns out back, playing baseball in the yard next door, walking to 7/11 for penny candy...we loved those fake cigarette candies they used to have and the ghost hunts we had in the Smithfield Cemetery.

Even though I hadn't seen Tim since my grandma's funeral 13? years ago, I will miss him. He was a really nice guy and funny...you can't forget how funny he was. And as my brother stated, he went out with a sense of humor.

Rest in peace Tim.

I'm sorry

I don't even know what to say. We knew this could happen, but I believed so much that it wouldn't. Even after having spent time with the baby, she kept saying she was going through with the adoption. But at the last moment, she said no. She would regret not trying. She wouldn't even tell us in person.

There are no words to explain how I feel. Embarrassed that I believed her. Embarrassed that everyone spent time and money on this dream. Painfully selfish because I've caused Jory so much pain because this was my dream. Heart broken and empty. I'll never be able to apologize enough to Jory for putting him through this. Losing Jack is more the enough pain for a lifetime and I've managed to cause more.

We're heading home this week, could be tomorrow, could be Friday, I don't know. But I need to concentrate my time on finding a new job since I gave that up too.

She's here!

Willow Keara Johnson

Born 5/15/09

6:00 pm-ish ;)

6 lbs 15 oz

19" long

HOLY SHIT!

The other day one of my coworkers said "So is your daughter already born or when is she due?" My brain stopped on "your daughter". All I could hear over and over in my head was your daughter, your daughter, My daughter, My daughter? Our daughter, Our Daughter. OMFG! We're going to be bring home our Daughter! She's always been Willow or the baby, our baby but I had not heard or thought "daughter" until that moment. I had to remind myself to breath before I responded to him.

How crazy is that? We're going to have a daughter soon, any day really. Birthmom has an appointment today so we'll find out if she's progressed any. As of yesterday she's not been able to do anything but lay down because she's in so much pain. As much as I would like her not to be in pain, I pray that she holds on until the 23rd so we don't miss the birth. I just know that if she goes early, no matter how fast we drive, we won't make it in time. It's 11 hours with our regular stops from Phoenix to Logan. That doesn't account to the time it will take to throw the bags in the car and kennel the dogs. I really don't want to kennel the dogs! So if she can hold out, we can just leave the dogs home and Keara will doggy sit since she'll be home the morning of the 22nd.
I guess I should be smart and contact the kennel for info just in case we do get the call and have to drop them at the kennel until Keara gets home.....

Hold that thought...getting text from birthmom now. Says she went to hospital last night, was released. Went to doctor today and she's dilated to a 4, having real contractions now and doctor says she'll be having the baby this weekend!

HOLY SHIT!

So I sent a text to Jory, he never responded, so I emailed him, he's in a meeting, we'll talk tonight. I guess we'll be packing the car and either leave this weekend or wait for the call, then leave. It's so hard to know what to do. We don't want to leave this weekend, then sit around a week while the dogs are kenneled, ya know? My last day of work is next Wednesday, I guess losing out on 3 days of pay isn't that HUGE a deal, but all the money we can get, the better. Jory doesn't have next week off, he has the next week, so this will be an inconvenience to his coworkers, but they've said they understand, of course they understand, only a monster wouldn't understand.(more on that later)

This is birthmom's 2nd baby and I know most all 2nd pregnancies go much faster at the end then the first but I'm sure it's not 100% of the time. Right?

And of course now I sit here, wishing I could be home getting ready, calling lawyers(will on my lunch) picking up my background clearance letter, since I forgot to yesterday, talking to the kennel in case we need to use them, doing the damn dishes and cleaning the house for when we return, so much to do and I'm sitting here talking to retarded monkeys who think they're funny.

HOLY SHIT AGAIN!

Text from birthmom's mom, also known as my aunt, she's at the hospital and in labor!
Jory's still in his meeting, he can't respond, I don't know what to do. Freaking out! Should I leave work? Why am I still here? WTF should I do? I should leave right?

Happy Birthday LoveR!

It's that time of year again folks. The time when Jory has bought every video game or CD that he's previously wanted so I can't buy them for his birthday. I still owe him an iMac, but we just can't afford one right now. SOON Babe I swear! If I have to donate blood or a kidney for the money, I will come through on that promise!

So here we are, no ideas on what to buy the birthday boy and he's no help at all, except his request for 47 naked ladies. Oh Sure! Should I just buy him stuff off his Wish List? Nope, he said not to. Should I buy him the iMac with credit? That's too big a purchase to make without his consent....and I would totally want that to be a Surprise! He'd poop his pants if he came home to an iMac! But right now is not the best time. But I Really want to get him the iMac...What The Hell Am I Going To Do? And then last night it came to me. I know exactly what he wants for his birthday (other then the iMac and 47 naked ladies) and by golly I got it...with the help from my sister wife ;) Thank you Keara! AND...it's the gift that keeps on giving, until we wear out our welcome of course, or drain the well dry.

I'm not going to tell you what it is, I can't. I'm Sorry. Don't be a perv either. I wouldn't be blogging about that to the WORLD! Dirty Birds. Let's just say he'll love it and I'm happy that he'll be happy. I hope more then anything that he'll enjoy the Birthday Weekend ExtravaganZa that we've planned for him. He deserves it!

Let's be serious. It's really not as kool as I'm making it out to be, he'll probably be like..."kool thanks, where's my 47 naked ladies?" and I'll shrug my shoulders, walk down the street with my head hung low and offer up my "services" to the local toothless wonders in order to make enough cash to pay for the iMac I still owe him.

I love you Jory, you are my world! I wish for nothing more then for you to have a HAPPY Birthday this year.

Adoption update

Willow is coming home...Hopefully! I'm scared to death our birthmom will change her mind again! Due date changed to May 23rd but she's dilated to a 2 and cervix is 80% effaced! It could be any day now! Sorry for all the "!" but I'm freaking out! Calling lawyer to see how to fast track this since we lost hope and stopped planning. Keep us in your thoughts please! What a F'ing roller coaster! Hi I'm Joey and I'm a basketcase!

Update: Called lawyer, if birthmom goes into labor tomorrow and we don't have homestudy done we can still take the baby and finish up the paperwork. Obviously I will do everything I can to get it all done in time. So much to do and who knows how long to do it.

I wish there was a bit of excitement in me, but there isn't. Not until this is all done. Well I know it's in there...deep down inside but it's being guarded by the Wall of Joey. It's just too hard to Go There again knowing how much it hurts when it doesn't work out. I really thought the text yesterday was going to be the Official "Sorry I'm keeping her" notice. It was really weird, all weekend long, especially on Sunday I couldn't get it out of my head. I started a text to her at least 45 times, different ways of saying..."Hello, we're still here in Limbo...what's the official word? Yes or No" But I couldn't send it. I needed to know to fully let go of her, but I wasn't ready to hear "No" so I never sent it. Then yesterday the unexpected text came to me.

So you can all be excited for me, I promise to join you when she's home!

Oh for the women who are wondering(because I know men don't care), her next doctor's appointment is this Friday.

Hippie Love

Love, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Today's Horoscope, WOW!

It may seem as if someone's unwillingness to follow through on a commitment makes your life more difficult. It's hard to trust others now, because you are fairly certain that they'll just let you down. You grow more sullen throughout the day and may even pick a fight with someone you love in an attempt to express your frustration. Instead of taking your fears out on someone else, look within for your answers.

Not that looking within will tell me what our birthmom is going to do, but otherwise this totally hit the spot. And I promise to do my best not to pick fights with my loved ones.

p.s. 23 days, it's really starting to wear on me. She really could go into labor at anytime now and I just wish we knew she was going to pick us, so we could be there when she's born. I guess that's a big part of my insanity, having to accept the fact that even if she chooses us, we probably won't know until she's born, so we'll miss her birth. Miss those first moments. No I'm not saying I was expecting to be in the room or catch her when she comes out, but I wanted to be there, in the hall, outside, where ever, just there, close to her. It's not easy to Mentally assume she's changed her mind. I can't get it out of my head, I still think, still believe that she'll do the right thing for her baby. I still believe Willow will come home, but it's painful to believe that and try to prepare for the opposite. This Limbo is driving me crazy. It's impossible to get anything done, I fill like I'm juggling in the Willy Wonka room with the fizzy drink shit, the one where they burped and floated up to the roof. I fill like all the things I'm juggling are floating right now and they will all come falling down on me the moment we get the phone call. Everyone will see that I wasn't handling it, couldn't get it done, it will be my fault for not doing this or not doing that. Missing one little detail and it all crashes down. What then? I feel like a record. My brain won't stop spinning and I keep repeating myself.

Somebody is Spoiled!

Keara calls me today, SCREAMING and CRYING with excitement about what Andy got her for her birthday(May 1). All I heard in between all the hysterics was "FedEx, MacBook Pro, Andy, OH MY FUCKING GAWD!" Then after a few more SCREAMS..."17 INCH Wide-screen MACBOOK PRO, can you believe it?"

On the other end of the phone I'm having a Geekgasm, asking for specs and drooling with jealousy. I teased her about how if he bought her a $3000.00 laptop, how big the engagement ROCK would be? OH and the Wedding Rock! She was too high with bliss to even respond to my "wedding talk". She was so juiced up she brought "Mac" over to my work during lunch and we fondled him together; it was magical.

So Andy...Mr. Moneybags, you did good man. I haven't seen her this thrilled since she told us about You and Spain. FYI...my approval(of you), can totally be bought! ;)

You really don't have to read this

Do you like bananas? No, I LOVE bananas! So does Mazzy & Jimi, they heart bananas Big Time! Jory HATES bananas.

What is your favorite song of all time? I'm a little partial to Tori Amos' acoustic version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow (and Big Iz's version as well), but otherwise any Led Zeppelin will do.

What is your favorite place? In Jory's arms....But I know that's not what you meant. Bellingham, WA is my Happy Place. Moab, UT, Miami Beach, FL (in December) and Star Valley, WY (in summer) are some of my favorite places.

If you could have one super human power what would you choose? I guess it's not technically "super human" to have babies, so I guess I'd choose Flying. I can go anywhere, anytime for Free!

Vitamin Water or Gatorade? I like Sam's flavored water, does that count? Blue Gatorade is good too...oh the light purply one. I don't know the names.

Flip flops or sandals? Flip flops year round baby!

What do you do on Fridays? Wake up, go to work, celebrate at 6:57 pm, head home, call and wake Keara's ass up and get her on her way to my house, figure out dinner, Fridays are normally our take out night, order food, go get it, take it home, eat it, watch a movie or play video games, crochet, sometimes we get crazy and drink alcoholic beverages, GASP! Once a year or so we can talk Jory into going OUT to a movie!

What is your favorite color? Green, Purple and Black, it switches up.

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Oh geeze

beach or mountain? I'll take both please.

left handed or right handed? I used to be fairly ambidextrous. But for the record, I'm right handed.

Why are you taking this interview? Because I like to think that someone out there cares to know this shit.

Who do you count on when feeling down? Who ever answers their phone first. Assuming I'm at work, because I feel like I'm always at work and it's lonely here.

Do you plan in advance? I try to but Jory isn't really a plan kind of guy. He wants to know stuff in advance, but as far as planning for those things, he's not so good at. He hates having things planned, or so it seems to me.

What attracts you most? About what? Bright colors attract my attention, Funny, down to earth people I guess.

Do you feel comfortable showing PDA in public? Yes I'm perfectly comfortable groping Jory in public.

How many hobbies do you have? Just thinking about the list makes me wonder if I'm addicted to hobbies:
Crocheting
Photography
Photo Editing
Blogging
Reading
Frisbee Golfing
Traveling
Camping
Hemp Jewelry
Beading
Sewing
Video/Computer Games
Web Mistressing (http://CarlJoglar.blogspot.com)
Facebooking
Volleyball (haven't played in a looong while)
Building/Designing stuff for our house
Drawing
Painting
Poetry
I'm not sure I can list Tattoo's as a hobbie since I only have 3, but there are so many yet to be done.
I'm sure there's more but that's good for now.

Close your eyes for a moment, who pops into your head? My dad...I've been working on his Memorial Rock Epitaph.

How do you say "I love you" in the relationship? I take care of him. Make sure he has his smokes, Mt. Dew, food, entertainment, clean clothes, working on the clean house, whatever I can do to make his life a little easier, so he'll be happy.

Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them? Although I'm concerned about the whole probing rumors, I would love to go poke around their place a bit! Pun totally intended.

Describe your perfect Sunday morning? Sleep in; wake up to the smell of homemade French Toast, Hash-browns and OJ! Walk out of my bedroom to fine out the Clean Fairies have visited and my house is unpacked, decorated and Clean from top to bottom! AND Jory wants to explore the mountains or even Frisbee Golfing in Fountain Hills. Awe, a girl can dream right?

If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be? Stay At Home Mom or if that never happens, then Photographer.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? My own private island possibly near Johnny Depp's private island.

If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be? If I can pick the day, I choose our birth mom.

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook? Chicken out on the grill with Dutch oven cheesy potatoes!

What is your favorite word? I have a few: Effervescent, Facetious, Androgyny/Androgynous. I wrote a book report back in 9th grade and used the word androgynous with regards to the name Drew and my English teacher wrote "Do you even know what that means?" in red pen on my paper. Hello, with the name Joey, I knew what androgynous meant, stupid bitch! I hated that whore! I also love Saucy!

What makes you cry? You should have asked what doesn't make me cry. I'm a gawd damn ocean of emotion!

What makes you laugh? Jory's morning hair, morning voice (think Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs).

If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be? I was going to say chimp because I love fruit and swinging in trees and taking care of orphan babies would be my Thing, but I was worried about being captured and left in a cage as a pet so then I was thinking Dolphin so I could have the entire ocean to explore, but I would also worry about getting killed and eaten. I'm not sure there is an animal in the wild that I would feel safe enough from humans to be. How sad is that?

If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions? Quit my job (assume Jory would quit his too). Pay off our mortgage and other debt. Regardless of whether this adoption pans out, I would pay for IVF and get my surrogate pregnant. Buy a private island and start building our commune while traveling the world with our family.

If you could travel back in time, what mistake(s) would you want to correct? Not that it would probably have changed things, but I wouldn't have waited until 2000 to finally go to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. Also, I would have gone to the hospital before August 31, 2006 and had them sew me up so Jack wouldn't have come too soon. I would force my dad into a doctor to hopefully prevent his fatal heart attack. And stuff I can't talk about.

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full? Fuck the cup, who cares.

Who was your hero as a child? My brother Shane has always been my hero, especially when I was a child.

What do you do for fun? Didn't I already list my hobbies? Same answer. OH WAIT...I forgot, sometimes I get in a crazy mood and I hide from Jory, the timing has to be perfect! And eventually he'll come looking for me and I jump out and scare him. Of course I only do it about once a year, it works best that way. Keara has yet to experience the insanity. Her time will come ;) OH Shopping with Keara is fun too, especially when we talk with accents the entire time, or let people think we are identical twins. People are so dumb.

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person? I'm an outdoor person 100% but my depressed Alter likes warm blankets and comfy couches. ;)

If you had only six months to live, what would you do first? Quit my job, sell everything, rob a few banks and go find that private island I keep telling you about.

What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you? I don't have one best friend. I'm bipolar and have often joked about that meaning I have an Alter which is not true by the way in case I'm confusing anyone out there, it's just funny, but having an Alter which sometimes it feels like I do, means I need more then one best friend because if I only had one, they wouldn't hang out long because I'm just too much work to deal with. Regardless, I think they might describe me as Crazy, Bossy and Blunt, if they were to be honest, but they might lie and say I'm Strong, Wise and Caring. I don't know...ask them.

Where do you see yourself in five years? I've said it for more then 5 years now...but I still see myself as a Stay At Home Mom with hopefully more then 1 kid.

What are you most proud of in your life? Jory and Jack

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have? Two Pomeranian princesses or rather one princess (Mazzy) and one DEVIL child (Jimi).

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where? I have three tattoos; my first was a crescent moon and star on my big left toe. Second was my rainbow colored trippy butterfly on my left ankle. Third, should count as six since I had six sittings. It's a giant butterfly that covers my entire upper back, shoulder to shoulder. It's not done, my artist and I disagreed on what colors to use, so he half-assed it. I hope to get it finished one day.
I have lists of more tattoos, just waiting for the phone call from Kat Von D or Chris Garver so they will be perfect. I have two immediately planned; one for Jack and one for my dad, both are portraits that will cover both arms. Jack's footprints and handprints and Jack and Jory's names, hopefully Willow's too, the list goes on.

When do you plan on getting married? Jory and I are celebrating our 12th anniversary this year! We made it legal on our 6th anniversary.

Get the number or give the number? 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

Romance or Kinky? A healthy marriage has both. Don't read too much into that, it's not like we have a swing hanging from the ceiling!

How do you feel? Tired, I could not stay asleep last night and it was too late to take an Ambien when we went to bed. Little Jimi was up several times in the night barking at ghosts, which is normally Mazzy's job, but even Mazzy was giving her the death rays when she'd wake us all up. I also feel fat and my boobs hurt, not in the pregnant boobs hurting way, like I slept funny or something? I can't explain it. Overall exhausted and hungry with a headache. I really almost called out today. I need sleep!

What size shoes do you wear? Size 9 in women and 6 or 7 in boys.

Water or 100% Juice? Freeze the water, add the juice and fill the remaining with Skyy Vodka!

Would you rather be hot or cold? I used to say cold because you can always warm up, but living in AZ where we don't experience freezing ass arctic snowy Utah winters anymore, I definitely choose hot. Because I know that comes with 9 months of perfect weather. I can deal with 3 months of hot more then I can deal with 7 months of winter! Hibernating for 3 months is MUCH easier then hibernating for 7 months!

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg? Are you threatening me? I would have to say leg only because I need my two hands. I could never be that person that has to use her foot to eat or cook, GROSS! And a Robot leg would kick serious ass! Jory would be so jealous.

Favorite Place to Eat? Everyone knows that answer...Famous Daves Bitches! Yumm..Cajun Chicken Sangwich...I'm totally drooling now.

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other? I've done them all and concerts are where I'd spend my money first.

What is your favorite clothing brand? Gag me with a spoon, seriously? I buy most of my clothes from Target or Kmart so what does that tell you? I like them cheap and comfortable, thank you very much. The closest I get to name brand clothes is when I hit the outlets! And if it's more then $20 I don't need it.

If you had to pick one car, which would it be? Assuming your question involves keeping our '08 Honda CRV, I would definitely pick a Toyota Prius!

Your favorite Disney Films? Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, National Treasure, Sleeping Beauty, Alice in Wonderland, Lady and the Tramp, Dumbo, Pollyanna, Swiss Family Robinson, The Parent Trap, Babes in Toyland, The Sword in the Stone, Mary Poppins, The Love Bug, Escape to Witch Mountain, Return from Witch Mountain, The Watcher in the Woods, The Journey of Natty Gann, Flight of the Navigator, I grew up with the Disney Channel.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Dumb

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies? Skim milk and Oreos!

What was your last thought? It's been at least 3 days and my boobs still hurt....Why is my body teasing me? I can't be pregnant, it's not fair. This is where Jory would say "god" is having a laugh.

Favorite fruit? Raspberries, Oranges, Strawberries, Pineapple in that order.

Are you a cat or a dog person? Dog person. Ferrets are as close as I got to having a cat.

Would you rather be blind or deaf? Deaf I guess, but I would really miss music and my child's voice (if we're talking down the road).

Do you eat cold cereal at night? I could eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner! I love cereal!

What is your favorite TV show? I can't pick just one: Dexter, LOST, Trueblood, Weeds, United States of Tara, Big Love, Heroes, Grey's, Bros & Sis...

Kill the spider or let it out? MURDER KILL DIE! I hate spiders! Especially the Black Widows that moved in last summer...ewww!

Do you shower every single day? No. You may call it lazy or dirty, I call it being eco friendly, water conserving. Seriously, if I don't have plans to go outside of my domicile on the weekends, what's the point in showering? Oh now you all think I'm dirty and disgusting. Oh well. You'll get over it.

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore? Totally depends. I've been homeless; I know what it feels like to have nothing. I know how hard it is to get a real job when you can't give an address or phone number; back in the day a pager number didn't even work. But there are jobs out there and people willing to help you. (This one guy paid us to cut twigs from trees because he made wreaths out of them)
To beggars who stand outside shops or on the side of the freeway, they get nothing, unless I have a spare bottle of water or extra yogurt, I have given those out the Freeway beggars. I never ever give money to any beggars. If they are hungry and I'm at a drive thru, I'll grab an extra sandwich or drink and drop it off to them if it's convenient to me. Most homeless that need help, won't ask for it, those that are begging aren't normally homeless or are scammers.

Where do you want to travel next? I guess Spain to visit Keara after she moves there in November.

What is your favorite food? Recently I've been eating Roman Noodle Soup like it's going out of style! But my favorites include, French Dip, French Toast, Hash Browns, Chicken.

Do you read harry potter books? I love Harry Potter and have read all the books, a few times.

Consider yourself Tagged.

Who's that Beautiful Baby?

I've received a few emails asking who the baby is in my blog header or where I got the picture. I actually took this picture back in February at Sara and Carl's house in Ogden.

People of the Intertubes....Let me introduce you to Sara and Carl's Most Perfect Offspring.....They made her themselves....She's Tiny...She's Strong....She's Feisty and She talks when she poops! ...............The Beautiful Aysa Cree!

Great Friends in da Hood!

Thank you Tom and April for humoring me enough to Don da Hood!

The long awaited update on the adoption

Where to begin? I haven't been blogging about the specifics of the adoption to protect my cousin's privacy, however at this point, I have no choice. Recently we heard that my cousin was struggling with her decision, but we figured this was the natural process that any birth mother goes through when placing their baby up for adoption. Then this past (4/07) Tuesday night, I got the "official" phone call. My mom (who had just talked to my uncle) told me that my cousin was talking about keeping the baby. They don't know if at the last minute she will realize that her and her boyfriend are not prepared to take care of the baby, and end up letting us adopt her? They said for us to "Plan for the worst, but Hope for the best". There is a SHIT LOAD more that I will not disclose, but basically her current boyfriend wants her to keep the baby and he's promising to take care of them both. From what I am being told, he is not in a position to do this, for several reasons. (I'm sorry if I could tell you the whole story, this would all make so much more sense....but the stuff I can't talk about has nothing to do with the boyfriend.)

Regardless, it's not up to us. We cannot, nor would not Force anyone to give us their baby. We want a birth mom who Wants us to adopt her baby. We would never want her to regret her decision later on, or feel pressured into giving her up. Of course my heart wants to fight tooth and nail for Willow! That's who she is to me...not just any baby or a someone elses baby, but she's our Willow. But I know that's not the right way to do it. I have to believe It will happen if It's meant to happen.

So...after a serious mental breakdown(on the phone with my mom) filled with screaming, uncontrollable tears and so may F-bombs I actually felt bad afterward. I sat Jory down and relayed the news to him....and I sat there quietly taking in every word Jory said. As painful as it is, we have to mentally plan on her saying no. We also decided that I won't quit my job as planned in the beginning of May and if we get the important call, I'll just quit without notice. I still have to see what our lawyer thinks about it, but I guess this is our plan unless the lawyer tells me to do differently. We know that my uncle saying to plan for the worst isn't her saying 100% "No". Who knows, she may go ahead as planned, but just hearing those words breaks my heart over and over again.

I'm a fucking mess. The stress of getting everything ready while still dealing with losing my dad and dealing with his estate and now this, I don't know how to feel or think. It's really driving me insane, literally. There are no other words to describe my mentality. I don't know what to tell people, I don't want to tell people, but now I feel like we're deceiving everyone if we continue to "hope" for the best and act like it's all going to work out. If they're telling us to plan for the worst and hope for the best, doesn't that mean, she's saying no, but not ready to tell us no? We don't know what to do. We've not talked about her struggling with her decision because we thought it was only natural to struggle, but now hearing them say "plan for the worst" plus the other stuff I can't write about, makes it so real. She might really keep the baby. All I've been thinking about this week is, do I tell people? So they don't go out and spend more money on Willow? If she doesn't come home next month, do we return the gifts? How do I mentally accept that she's not coming home? Yet still go ahead as planned? How do I respond to emails or messages from people, checking in on us, "how exciting it must be to be so close to the due date?" It's impossible to respond in person, even over the phone, my voice or face gives me away every time. The excitement is lost because I'm supposed to be accepting that she's not coming home. Yet, there her nursery is, 99% ready for our little princess. It would have been completed by now but it's hard to go in there, even to have the door open. Just the tiny details left. Hanging the curtains and securing the bookshelf to the wall.

Do I post a blog and be as protective of my cousin's privacy, but share that we're going through this hell? How do I deal with losing Willow when technically she wasn't really mine in the first place? It's not the same as losing Jack, but my heart aches the same. Maybe it wouldn't feel the same had we not already lost a child. What happens when she's born and I have to really accept that she's not coming home? Am I crazy for mourning this baby that was never really ours? Especially since she hasn't even been born yet? And the decision hasn't been made yet!

Obviously I've decided to blog about it. (Seven paragraphs later) I don't know how else to deal with this. I need everyone to know where we're at so they don't spend their hard earned money, especially in this economy on gifts, maybe stop now and wait until we bring her home, if we still get to. The worst part is, I still SEE me holding her at my dad's cabin, I still see that future that I already pictured for her, I can see her face! It sounds crazy I know. But having pictures of her sister, I can see what Willow will look like. It's not even as simple as that. I feel it in my heart. It feels like it will work out, she's meant to be with us. But even with that little bit of calm in my soul, what happens if I'm wrong? Am I kidding myself with these "feelings"? I jokingly tell Jory that I'm psychic all the time, he doesn't believe me, but sometimes I have these feelings. I just know what's going to happen. I can See it. My mother and my grandmother both had these "feelings". But what if I'm wrong this time? It was different with Jack because I always saw a girl, I could See us with a little girl, it was never a boy. Although Jack being a boy was the best surprise ever, even in that nightmare experience. Was Willow the girl I saw? Now you know what I mean by crazy, I'm crazy!

It's been a week since I wrote all that, I'm still crazy but I don't feel so on the edge of sanity. I was able to get some Ambien from my doctor so at least I'm able to sleep now. Sorry if it all came out as mumbo jumbo.

I didn't do anything over the weekend, well I did spray the weeds, then it rained so that was a waste of time. But other then that, I didn't get any house stuff done, mostly I napped and just tried to come to terms with trusting my gut, but also preparing my heart as much as possible. I can't even begin to think about extra garbage like, say she says no, she keeps the baby...that baby will always be Willow to us. We're family, so we'll see her when we visit Utah, even if it's as often as we see her sister, we'll still see her and she'll always be our Willow. I'm not prepared to begin to comprehend what that would be like....nope not even going there.

So that's where we're at friends, family, fans, strangers on the interweb. We're in the unknown. Why do I feel like I'm living the worst soap opera ever? Why is it that every TV show we have watched lately seem to mirror our life? The worst was last weeks "Flash Point", young girl gave her baby up for adoption, baby's daddy came back into the picture and convinced her to take him to the adoptive parents house to see their baby, proceeds to kidnap the baby and flee from the cops. blah blah blah...baby's daddy hands baby over to the cops right before he jumps to his death. This is Jory's worst fear. He actually worries that one day whoever we adopt from will change their mind and come kidnap their baby back. WHY did this show happen to air now? It's ridiculous.

Please keep us in your thoughts, I will keep you posted with any updates...the updates I can talk about at least.

35 days to go...

April 2009 Blog Header

Obsessed with The Hood

Keara in da Hood!

49 Days!

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I thought I would be blogging day and night about the adoption process and all the emotions I'm feeling. But because I had already posted that the birth mother is my cousin, I feel like I have to protect her privacy. There is SO much going on and I can't blog about it. It's KILLING me! Plus blogging daily about how I'm still working on getting the house ready for the Home Study isn't the most exciting shit to read.

Nursery is done, just need to order the crib mattress and I'm thinking about getting The Mini (Natural) Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper bassinet. We were planning or at least discussing co-sleeping for the first couple months in our bed, but it's not 100% safe. I know how I was when Mazzy was a puppy and we finally gave up on kenneling her and we made her sleep right between us, so she would fall off the bed...she was the size of my hand. Anytime she moved or Jory moved, I woke up and made sure she was OK. And vise versa for Jory, if I woke up. So, I know or would assume it would be the same with Willow. However, losing Jack has made me SUPER aware of the smallest of risks and it's just not worth it to me. I cannot live through another loss. If I have to spend a million dollars to eliminate some risks, you bet I'll do it! (I'll post some nursery pics soon)

Office is done, sort of. The closet is organized, the bookshelf is organized, mostly. The room is partially decorated even. However the other half of the desk has papers piled all over it because until yesterday I didn't have a filing cabinet. Now that we have a filing cabinet, I can File all those papers! YAY!

Last weekend I only had one day off and I spent it whacking weeds in the back yard. Thanks to Keara it's almost done. Now I just need to spray the shit out of it, so the weeds don't return for at least 6-8 months. We might have to spend a little money and lay rocks in the front soon. We've continued to put off landscaping because the value of our house has dropped so much, it hurts to put more money into it. But I'm tired of having to whack the weeds so often. It's not like dealing with regular weeding, they literally sprout over night and cover the entire yard. A week later, they're 3 feet tall and out of control.

I finally went grocery shopping last week and have been cooking real meals every night. It had been over 6 months since we had bought real groceries! Jory of course, is not so happy, he enjoys fast food and can eat it for every meal. I can only eat so many grilled chicken sandwiches and fast food salads before I go crazy! Plus it will obviously save us a ton of money.

This is my last week of smoking. I probably would have dragged it out until the beginning of May because it's my stress coping mechanism. But with the prices skyrocketing, I just can't see spending $65+ a carton and that's on the reservation! I remember years ago while on vacation with Tom and April, we ran out of smokes in Washington and bitched because we had to pay $5 a pack! Now they are going up to $8+ per pack at regular gas stations! I'm hoping Jory will be joining me, otherwise it's going to be incredibly hard, but I would never make him do anything, he has to want to quit in order for it to work. Wish me luck.

With all the adoption craziness going on, I haven't really had time to think about my dad's memorial or settling of the estate. With the memorial, I'm freaking out that we won't make it because the baby will be born too close to the day, but there's also picking out the urn to be buried and personal pendant to put some of his ashes in to keep. I feel horrible that Shane has really shouldered all of the stress and work that goes into it. It's getting closer now and we need to start working out the details of the memorial and get the condo ready for long term renters. So much to do and so little time....these are the days of our lives.

This could also be my last month and a half or work and I'm freaking out because we still haven't seen the pension money. Then there is the ultimate stress of every adoption...the possibility that the birth mom may change her mind at the last minute. What if I give up my job, spent all this money, rearranged our lives and Willow doesn't come home? You can really only prepare yourself so much for that. I'm scared to death to even think about the possibility. But I have to think about it. I can't stop thinking about it.

As far as my medical situation goes, my surgery scheduled for April was postponed again, not sure if I already blogged about that. Within the last 6 months my triglycerides quadrupled! The only thing that changed in that time frame was my Metformin dose increased to 3500 mg per day from of 2750 mg. So he took me completely off Metformin and put me on Avandia for 6 weeks. People with Type 2 Diabetes take it to increase insulin sensitivity. My Insulin Resistance is so extreme, my doctor has to result to playing with medication. He talked about having me add Metformin (at a lower dosage then what I was taking) to Avandia when I go into see him next week. I'll keep you posted.

So there you go, a long boring post. I wish I could write more about the adoption and all the craziness that has been happening...my brain is literally exploding with unprocessed thoughts. I guess maybe I'll grab a pen and paper and go at it old school style, that's how I used to process before 2003. For those of you who may know what I'm talking or rather not talking about, please double check your comments before Sharing too much. I really don't feel like it's right to broadcast anything about the birth mom to the world.

Thanks for checking in and letting me know you care. Sometimes we all have those "nobody gives a shit" days, weeks, months, even years. ;) I don't say it enough, but you have no idea how much I appreciate your love, support and encouragement, especially in the last 2.5 years. I really can't wait to inundate you with pictures of Willow!

United States of Joey

If you're not already watching United States of Tara, you should be! Sundays 10PM on Showtime.

When Jorys Attack, Caught on Film!

While I was in the bathroom last night, Jory found this detachable winter coat hood and put it on. On my way back to the living room, I coughed and got that acidy crap in my throat so I bee-lined straight to couch and grabbed my water bottle off the side table and while chugging it, Jory made a noise so I looked up and almost spit water out of my noise seeing him refill his Mountain Dew over the island, wearing The Hood! Of course I grabbed my phone because it was closer then my camera because he will only put up with so much paparazzi.

Retardo Boy Returns!

So then it was my turn to don the hood. As I was documenting our fun, Jory thought it would be funny to try and make me Flash the camera by standing behind me and pulling up my shirt! Don't worry, I wouldn't post those.

Just another Sunday at the Johnson's

Letters From The Inbox

email: Doing research to open a restaurant and would like to know what you offer.

reply: Food Dumbass!

Tempe Beer Fest 2009

Jory & his two wives ;), originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

So the hubby, sister wife and I went out to Tempe Beer Fest 2009 this past Saturday. Keara and I paid for the Designated Driver pass at $20 each since we don't drink beer aka urine and Jory got the $40 drinker pass. However we weren't going to be left out of all the fun, so I made myself a liter sized vodka and cranberry and Keara brought her malt liquor. After we parked the car, we went about getting tanked or at least tipsy before entering the Fest 'o Fun. I made it through about 3/4 of my liter and started to feel nice and numb.

As we walked through the gates I was just drunk enough to realize I was being given a Drinker's wrist band and at the next stop, a hand full of beer tickets. I thought, "HOLY SHIZ peeps, I can drink all the beer I want!" Then I remembered, I hate beer and now I don't get the benefit of the DD pass which included a free massage! LAME!

Anywho, their screw up worked out for us in the end. At most every tent I filled my baby beer mug with whatever flavor Jory didn't get and then he'd drink them both! Which successfully got him hammered!

Jory & Joey love, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

I finally met some of Jory's coworkers, we didn't really hang out with them for that long, but they're just like any other coworkers we've both had....functioning alcoholics. HA HA! Kidding Schwebbies! (not really)

Also, I had my first ever funnel cake! It was delicious with cinnamon and powered sugar...oh GAWD I want another one now! It actually helped me sober up a bit, I drank a bit too much on an empty stomach, but the funnel cured it all!

It was really strange, everyone at the Fest was really happy and friendly, like at a Dead or Widespread Panic show. No crazy angry jocks or frats tossing their testosterone around. We had a great time and met(for a moment) some really kool, laid back people.

Green Wig Girl, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

OH the best part of the whole day was Jory's Tshirt. It has a picture of a cow's head and says I LIKE GRASS. There was no end to the randoms that walked by and said "I like grass too!" or "Like your shirt man!" Even the hot chicks were diggin' it. This one Blondie walked so close to Jory she practically molested him and said "I like grass too" in her phone sex operator voice. It was hilarious! He also had this crazy lady who decided it was OK to really molest him while trying to cover the G and R do his shirt said I LIKE ASS. You can see (below) how uncomfortable this made him, with his awkward grin.

This is Jory feeling very uncomfortable with a stranger's hand on his nip., originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Most of the pics are up on my flickr. But of course I couldn't help but add some of my favorites here.

UPDATE:

I totally forgot the most unforgettable part of the story. On our way out of the Fest, there were two remaining Port-A-Jon's by the front gate so Jory thought it was best to drain the lizard, again. However so did a few others, so as we stood in line waiting his turn, several guys noticed Jory's Grass shirt and within seconds they're all acting like old friends shootin' the shit. Keara and I were pointing and laughing. You think Jory's super duper friendly on a normal day, you should see him drunk!

When a few of Jory's new buddies take their turn in the Jon's, some of their friends decided it was funny to "pretend" to tip them! HA HA it was funny...until it was Jory's turn in the Box O' Shitter. When the other guy who had just been "tipped" was done and came out, he must have thought his buddy who tipped him was in the next stall so he started tipping JORY's STALL! I YELLED and ran up and told him to "Fuck Off, it wasn't Jory that tipped him". He was so drunk, I'm not even sure he saw me or heard the words coming out of my mouth.

I stood guard and told Jory I would kill the next person who tried to tip him and for a second I wondered if Jory was pissed and ready to fight because he was so quiet, then as I moved my ear closer I was shocked to hear Jory laughing his ass off! Thank gawd for Happy Drunk Jory because that was definitely a recipe for disaster! I was really expecting that Johnson Temper to take over and for him to come out swingin'. I would have!

Dark Swing Set

These are my beautiful nieces and nephew: Kayla, Krysie "Smiley", Kaide and Haiden "Monkey". I took these in June 2008 in my parent's backyard on the "swingset" they built out of my great grandparent's old circular clothes line.

Relationship Meme

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Christine after my mom's best friend (at the time). Jory's is Dan after his grandpa Greer.

How long have you been together?
We've been married 5 and a half years, together for 11 and a half years. We got married on our 6 year Anniversary in Moab, UT on "our rock". We're so tenderoni.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met Jory August 17, 1997 under the arch in my parent's living room, I knew the minute I saw him that I would marry him. I called my boyfriend at the time, that night and apologized for dumping him over the phone, but that I had just met my soul mate. He totally understood and was really happy for me. We didn't really "date" but we said "I love you" for the first time and decided to grow old together on Sept. 8, 1997...we got married 6 years later on that date.

Who asked whom out?
Technically he did, the night we met (our crazy road trip to PocaFello to drop Sara at the bus station), he asked me if I wanted to go to Kade's party in Salt Lake with him. But I was on the verge of getting fired for being late to work at Subway and when you are the one opening the store in the morning, that is not a good thing. I felt horrible but had to decline. After that night though I totally chased his ass down until I successfully Hijacked his heart! (that's how he recently described it...he's so romantical sometimes!)

How old are each of you?
I'm 33, he'll be 35 this coming May...but going on 7 years old. He started counting down when he turned 21.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Normally when we take a trip to Utah we see all the siblings We Can in both families. My oldest brother Jason lives in Singapore and next oldest from me, Colby is in Cedar City, so I only really get to see Christopher and Shane. If we had more time for travel, we would drive through Cedar and stay with Colby, but it seems we are always strapped for time. I'm not sure if there has ever been a trip until this last one that we haven't seen both of Jory's brothers. So I guess technically we see Jory's brothers the most.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I have no idea. I think we've done really well handling my infertility issues. Although it's heartbreaking to think I may never be able to give Jory one of his own to raise. I'll always be forever grateful for Jack, but it would be a dream to see a little Jory or Joey running around with their big sister Willow. My infertility is hard on me, but I don't think it really effects us as a couple. Jory is really awesome about it all, he's determined which helps me and what I mean by this is...while we are adopting Willow (I can't stop saying her name ;) ) I asked him if he just wanted to put off the surgery a little and wait a few months before getting back on the TTC train and he was all, "Fuck that! We're going to keep trying for as long as we can. If we happen to get pregnant at anytime during this process, whether it's before or right after Willow is born, then So be it. We want two kids, we'll take them however we can get them!" But he's laid back like he wouldn't hate me if it doesn't work out.
In the same way, I think losing Jack brought us even closer together if that's at all possible. I know a lot of couples who lose a child can end up blaming the other or not communicating their grief and it tears them apart.
Um...OH I think I have one. His Johnson temper + lack of communication + my immediate self blame = frustration and tears. I guess communicating the hard stuff.

Did you go to the same school?
Nope, he went to Provo High, CEU and UofU. I went to Logan High and USU for a minute or two and never made it to my first day at SLCC because my boss changed my hours the night before class started.

Are you from the same home town?
Nope, he's from Provo aka Happy Valley or Valley of the Mormons. I'm from Logan aka Cache Valley or Home of Utah State University.

Who is smarter?
Jory claims to be smarter than me and I debate it with him all the time because it's fun, but it's obvious what a smarty pants he really is; He's a damn Savant when it comes to numbers. Although, when it comes to real life street smarts I'm the clear winner. Don't let him near your computer and don't let him take your debit card to a casino.

Who is the most sensitive?
You're immediate response is me right? I think it's a toss up, the damn Taurus in Jory gives me a run for my money!

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don't often eat out, but when we do it's normally for special occasions like my birthday and of course I always pick Famous Daves! Drive Thru is a whole other story! Lately it's been Panda Express, yum!

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Miami, FL

Who has the craziest exes?
I'm going to have to say Jory, his last chick really F'd him up. I refer to her as The Whore. Trust me, mine are not far behind, I'm referring to Asshole and those that know me well, know who that is. LOL! I actually had to think really hard one day because Keara asked what his real name was and I almost couldn't remember.

Who has the worst temper?
Hello, it's called the Johnson Temper for a reason! For example, Last night Jory was working in the office at home. He was all leaned back in the chair contemplating his dinner choices when Jimi who was sitting on the carpet beneath him, barked once and Jory snapped, "If you bark again I'M GOING TO SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT!" We laugh because we know he wouldn't hurt a fly, but his threats are always quite gruesome and descriptive. Keara totally called him out on it because Jimi really only barked once and he was all, "She barked Right in my ear!" He's so cute.

Who does the cooking?
The people at the restaurants do the cooking...DUH! When we do cook, I normally take care of it all, but we used to have this agreement, if we were cooking hamburger it meant it was Jory's turn to cook. I enjoy learning how to make new recipes when I'm not exhausted and when I have a clean kitchen. I cook a mean quiche, meatloaf, dutch oven potatoes, crepes, turkey, fresh from the potato Hash Browns, Oh spiced mashed potatoes, Funeral potatoes, pasta salad and some others. Apparently I'm pretty good with potatoes. Let not leave out my delicious Fry Sauce! Jory makes a mean sangwich, no matter what kind, it's always super delicious!

Who is the neat-freak?
Ha ha! Neither of us are neat freaks. I however used to keep a really clean house. When you clean houses for a living it's difficult to live in filth, but I eventually gave in when I realized Jory never learned to clean and is apparently allergic to the process. ;)

Who is more stubborn?
I'm a Sagittarius, he's a Taurus. I let him win because I love him.

Who hogs the bed?
The dogs hog the bed, just ask Jory. I do take up a bit of room with my wall of pillows I've become accustom to since I was pregnant. But it is a King size bed so I keep it all on my side.

Who wakes up earlier?
During the week Jory is up earlier because he works earlier. Most weekends I'm up before him.

Where was your first date?
Technically we never really dated, but we did go to the Drive-in Movies in Ogden and saw Excess Baggage and Men In Black.

Who is more jealous?
No question, Jory was more jealous; mostly because The Whore F'd him up so bad. It was a struggle in the beginning since I've always been so independent, but I was willing to do whatever it took for him to heal his heart. After all these years, it's not even a part of our vocabulary.

How long did it take to get serious?
It was serious from the moment we met. For me it was when I first laid eyes on him. I just knew I would marry him, it was this crazy feeling that went through my body. You might think it's hokey but I believe in soulmates and it's as if my soul met it's mate and I felt complete. He says I hijacked his heart that night, either way we knew immediately we would grow old and feeble together.

Who eats more?
He only eats once a day and I sometimes eat lunch so I guess that means I do. :(

Who does the laundry?
I do the laundry on a regular basis, but he's willing to help when I ask. He will also do a load of his own if he needs something washed that I haven't done yet.

Who's better with the computer?
There should be no question on that, I am. He's been known to delete This or That if he doesn't know what it's for and sometimes This or That is super important and leaves the computer useless until I reformat it. Once I get him the iMac I owe him, he'll be fine. You can't F up a Mac.

Who drives when you are together?
Everyone knows I drive. He drives like a grandpa and I get car sick or maybe it's just anxiety when other crazy people drive. He says I'm a control freak when it comes to driving and I guess that's probably true. I've never been the driver in an accident (knock on wood) so I think it serves me well. I love to drive.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there.

Preparing for Willow

Willow's clothes I've bought so far., originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

We were given a ton of great stuff for little willow at the baby showers. I took some quick photos this morning to give you a Before pic of her room and when I'm done organizing, I'll post super cute after pics and I'll actually use my real camera instead of my phone.

Willow's room before it's organized.

Willow's room before it's organized., originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Drawers are filling up!

Drawers are filling up!, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Baby Shower gifts!

Baby Shower gifts!, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Baby Shower gifts, plus GranSandy's generous donations!

Baby Shower gifts, plus GranSandy's generous donations!, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

She Has A Name!

I figured since I announced our little girl's name at the baby showers, I should probably tell all those who didn't attend before the word is spread and not by us. Not that it matters, it's just fun to announce.

There was a list of names we were trying out, some I shared with you (Lily Rose, Jade, others I did not. Maybe we'll get to use them Next time ;) so I'm keeping them quiet. However Jory's names were a little out of control, as with many husband's suggestions I would imagine. But D.D. was his favorite, Doomsday from Superman. I don't necessarily think it was because having a baby is his "Dooms Day" but more because he thinks Doomsday is a kick ass evil character...who knows? He also offered up the usual suspects, same names we were thinking about when I was pregnant with Jack: Jezebelle the Harlot, Mary Jane, Sensimilla, Sativa, Diablo, Jesus, Satan, Jehovah, Moses, Harlot, Babylon, Samson, Goliath, 76214, Osiris, Anubis, Zod, Superman, Jory v.2.0, Anton, Aleister, Lucifer, Buddha, Hades, Hermes, Joo, Golden Child, Seven of Nine, or any name of a planet.

Not too long ago, Keara and I finally got Jory to admit what his top name on the list was and since it was my top choice too, we figured it was a done deal. Then it was on to the middle name. Since we weren't going with a "J" name to follow suit...Jory, Joey, Jack...we decided it would be a sweet idea to have the middle name match that of Jack's, "Kendrick", so we needed a middle name that started with a "K". That was pretty hard at first until one day I was sitting on the couch, crocheting and it hit me! I knew what we should do, but I kept forgetting about it to ask him so on Valentine's night I finally remembered and asked him and he said, "I can sign off on that". LOL it was really funny. So I looked at him and said, HOLY SHIT Johnson...we did it! We named our next kid already. Phew! One more thing off the list of To Do's I tell ya! lol




So..........After much thought and inspiration our soon to be baby girl's name is...

Willow Keara Johnson

It's sort of perfect too because I was given my middle name, Christine for my mother's best friend and now my daughter will carry my best friend Keara's name. Although Keara will need to break this middle name curse because my mom and her friend Christine were no longer friends shortly after my birth and same with Keara's mom and her best friend who Keara got her middle name from. So even though my Keara is running off to Spain shortly after Willow's birth, she promises not to lose touch and toss our friendship in the Mediterranean.

Desks are in!

Desks are in!, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Better photos coming soon. Took this one with my cell phone just to get it posted. The desks are not organized or even screwed into legs yet, I was just checking that they fit and figured I may as well work(from home) on it since I went to all the trouble, so the computer was literally tossed on it and turned on. Of course then the Internet went down (FUCKING QWEST!) so I had to drive into work.

Can't wait to check this one off my list of To Do's.

Wall to Wall Desk Project - Almost done!

The Problem:

We have too much stuff and too little room. We've always had two desks in our office, one for me and one for Jory. Our desks are too tall and really don't function well. I've always wanted a desk like those I've had at work; it's Perfect height and depth, so what is the obvious solution to this? Build a desk to those specifications.

The Plan:

Build a desk that goes from wall to wall in the office. Technically it will be two separate desks, but it will look like 1 long desk. The room is 12 feet long, giving me two 6 foot long desks!

Wall to Wall Desk Project, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Picked out the wood (highest grade MDF). $29.72 per sheet (48" X 96")

Wall to Wall Desk Project, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

They DO cut the wood for you!

I had her cut two: 6' long X 30' deep

Wall to Wall Desk Project, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Pieces all cut...I have tons of left over wood, so I'll probably make some shelves or shadow boxes, I'm excited already!

Wall to Wall Desk Project, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Thank gawd it all fit in my car! I measured a million times before and knew it was going to be tricky. However, I didn't think about how heavy it was going to be and I had to put it in the car by myself. But I did it!

Wall to Wall Desk Project, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Two coats of semi gloss Black paint later. I thought I was going to need a 3rd coat last night, but this morning when I checked, they looked really good. Those legs....are from IKEA, I got them on sale for $10 each! They're not connected to the table tops yet, just figured they made good painting stands as well!

Tonight I'll be clearing out the office and installing the desks. After photos coming soon!

Busy Busy Busy

I've been meaning to write about all the shit I have to do to get ready for surgery and baby/Willow, but I've been busy doing all the shit and occasionally putting off doing all the shit!

Here's the list: (I reserve the right to add, remove and edit this list at anytime)

Call for Home Study (called, received packet of paperwork the day I got home from Utah. AND I already have my medical papers filled out)

Call Utah lawyer again, since he didn't call me back today. (called, have another appt on Friday in SLC...had appointment, all is good, we just have to do a few things in both states)

Finish Morgan's blanket so I can take it to Utah. (didn't get Morgan's blanket done, it's super intricate...working on it more every night...it will be done soon I swear!)

Unpack (yes, we moved in 1.5 years ago...it's called depression people).
Decorate the house...nothing has been put up on the walls yet.
CLEAN Everything.
Remove weeds from yard.

Finish building desk for office. Just need to buy wood for tops and glass to top. (Get Jory to approve 1st) (Jory approved, I bought the wood and glass tops, had it cut and painted it...installing tonight....desks are done!)

Organize office, find room for craft stuff to fit in office closet.
Have mural painted in nursery, or bag the idea because it's just too much.
Secure bookshelves in living room and nursery to wall.
Secure dresser/changing table to wall in nursery.
Clean carpet in Master bedroom, spots in office.
Organize garage a bit better (after unpacking).
Figure out what the hell is wrong with the dishwasher.
Buy some Dreft already so I can wash the clothes I've bought already.
Clean and organize back patio.
FreeCycle a Ton of shit we don't need or use, take the rest to the GoodWill.
Stop smoking.
Do dishes.
Clean out Fridge.

Go to Utah for baby showers. (DONE!)

Bring home baby shower stuff, hope for a ton of goodies so we don't have to buy a lot of stuff. (DONE!)

Bring home crib. (DONE!)
Setup crib

Put together baby swing Juli gave us for Jack. (DONE!)

Get nursery all put together and organized for baby. (working on it)

Get 2nd bathroom all setup for baby.
Curtains...must buy curtains and rods for at least the nursery for now.
Either Tile living room floor or paint/stain the cement. (Get Jory to HD or Lowe's to pick out tile or paint/stain).

Clean and/or paint my little cradle that Gary made me as a child, to put in baby's room.
Find a rug for the living room.
Buy frames for pics I bought at IKEA
Home Study visit
Pack for Utah.
Go to Utah for Willow's birth.
Bring home Willow.
Stare at Willow 24/7 because HOLY CRAP I'll be a Mom!
Remember to sleep when I can because it will be few and far between.

Soak up the last bit of Keara before she leaves on her crazy year of travel (UT, AK, UT, NY, NE, AZ, NE,TX, NY, CA, NY) before moving to Spain. I'm sure the order has changed since, but last I heard that's what it was.

I know there is more, but I can't think of them right now.

I know boring post, but I don't care...my brain is consumed.

Relieved and Pissed Off yet Supremely Happy!

Last Thursday morning Shane sent me a text asking if I had signed the waiver for him to be the executor of my dad's estate. He was nervous about signing it because the application that came with it had our ex-step brother's name on it as an heir. We wondered why his name was included if he hadn't proved he was adopted yet. I told Shane I would call the lawyer to figure out exactly what we were signing and if Jason could use this signature in the future legally some way even if he wasn't adopted. After leaving a voicemail for our lawyer, Keara and I headed over to IKEA to pick up a dresser to use as a changing table for the baby's room.

As we were walking inside IKEA the lawyer called. Keara and I took a seat on the couches in the front of the store while I took his call. He tried to explain the three things we were signing but failed to understand our concern about Jason's name being included. Finally after a 10 minutes of blah blah blah he blurted out "You need to relax!" He finally said the application would not be submitted until we find out if Jason is or is not an heir. He wasn't submitting it with his name, then filing an amendment to remove it, he simply would not be filing it until it is known. Had he just said this from moment one, we wouldn't have been freaking out. He's been a lawyer for so long, I think he's forgotten how to speak in layman's terms. Towards the end of our conversation he added that the search came back for Sevier County, no adoption papers were filed in that county. This was good news! He said he doesn't see why they would have filed the adoption in any other county because they lived in Sevier County at the time. But they were currently searching the entire state of Utah. If they don't find it in Utah, then it's up to Jason to prove he was adopted. I called Shane to tell him the promising news and told him I would keep him posted.

About 20 minutes later in the beds and dressers area of IKEA the lawyer calls back. I didn't really expect to hear from him for a week or two at least so I was confused as to why he was calling back now. I answered the phone and he said they decided to run a check for name changes, since that's what we all thought had actually happened and the results came back immediately! He had indeed just changed his name to Kendrick. He said the name change and adoption processes are almost identical so it's possible that Jason thought he was adopted, but he doesn't really believe that. He agrees with us and thinks that Cathy and Jason lied about it, assuming maybe we'd just believe it and start dividing dad's stuff up quick so they could get their hands on whatever we'd give them...I guess he did get a gun out of it. Why else did he throw it out there in the first 5 minutes of seeing me when we first got to Utah? "Hey remember me?...Jason, dad adopted me when I was 17." Him and Cathy apparently told everyone they saw this same thing when we all got to Richfield. However, how stupid do you have to be to think the truth wouldn't come out in the end? Maybe they didn't expect us to get a lawyer? Who knows?

Regardless, I was totally jumping up and down in the aisle at IKEA, crying tears of joy, knowing my dad could be at peace now. The lawyer said it would be one in a million if someone actually changed their name, then went through the same process again for an adoption, let alone in separate counties. It would be one way or the other, but no one does both because the adoption includes a name change. However knowing the name change was done in Sevier and there was no adoption done in Sevier, gives us 100% certainty that dad did not adopt Jason. We are finally done dealing with those money grubbing, trouble causing LIARS!
DONE!

My Keara

A week ago my "sister wife" Keara or so we call her, announced that she is moving to Spain in September. Yeah EFFing Spain! I am struggling to accept this, especially since she'll actually be leaving in June to spend the summer in New York before moving over seas. She's going to be so embarrassed by this post, but she's been a great friend to Jory and I and she knows I blog about everything so it's about damn time I blog about "My Keara".

She recently reconnected with her best friend from high school who she's always compared every other guy to. They both finally admitted their life long love for each other and he's invited her to move to Spain for the 15 months he'll be stationed there when he comes home from Iraq, he's in the Air Force (I think?). I'm so happy for her, it's an awesome opportunity. Who wouldn't want to move to freakin' Spain? But I'm going to miss my Keara dearly.

I remember the day we officially met. She was working as a security guard where I work. I was out front smoking on break and she walked over and asked if she could join me. Of course I said yes and we immediately made a connection. We spent many a night at work watching movies or TV shows online, playing Guitar Hero and crocheting. Keara was the 2nd person to find out I was pregnant with Jack and she was there for every exciting minute of my pregnancy. Keara was also there for me when Jack died. Even though we didn't See her until after we returned from our month stay with Shane & Jessie. She was taking care of our ferret Jerry, watching our apartment and getting our mail. She was waiting in the wings for us to return and she was there when I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. She was just there, letting me know when I was ready, that she was there for me.

Keara has been Our support system, our entertainment, our distraction and our encourager. She's been known to secretly clean up our dog poop and do dishes while we are distracted. Keara will drop everything to help you without being asked. She's the most unselfish person I have ever met in my life. She's one in a million!

I guess I always assumed she'd stay My Keara forever but I guess Andy has Hijacked her heart, too bad he has to Hijack her all the way to Spain! I wish them both the Fairy Tale they deserve and hope we can make it out to Spain to visit. I'm scared of the day (coming ever so soon!) we must say good-bye because even writing this now, I'm fighting back the tears (I'm at work!) and struggling to swollow the lump in my throat.

Thanks for being the greatest friend to both Jory and I. We will miss you more then you know! I will miss our late night talks in the hammocks, crochet-a-thons, craft store trips, Famous Dave dinners, RockBand practices(it has already been awhile), all night Wii Tennis matches and even tearing up the carpet while Jory sleeps and pulling up the weeds in our yard. I love your sweet heart and dirty mind. Life will not be the same without Our Keara.

The next few months will be some of our greatest adventures together. Our road trip to Utah for baby showers where you'll meet our friends and the remaining family you haven't met yet. The Angel in Salt Lake and my hometown. And again in May for the birth of our daughter, your niece.

Oh, Friend, The Places You'll Go!

Road Trip for Baby Showers!

Due to the surgery date change which caused all other plans to change, I'm going to Utah for baby showers this month. When Jory found out that Keara was able to come with us, he suggested that Keara and I just go and he would stay home and work, saving his vacation time for later when he'll really need it. I know everyone will be super sad not to see Jory, but it really is better this way. It's not like he would be attending the baby showers and we're still not 100% positive that he gets paternity leave so he'd just be chillin' the whole time when he'd prefer to use those days in May.

So ROAD TRIP for me and Keara! We'll be leaving here Thursday Feb. 18 in the morning and driving straight to Salt Lake where we will stay through Friday night or Saturday morning, depending on weather. I would hope to see some friends while I'm there...hint hint. Give me a ring.

Saturday we're heading to Logan for the Kendrick family Baby Shower that afternoon. Sunday is the Thomas/Peterson family Baby Shower early that afternoon. I don't expect any friends from the Salt Lake area to want to drive the hour and a half north to Logan, but if you do, let me know and I'll give you the info for either shower....which ever works best for you.

For those of you who just can't wait to buy us baby stuff, I've registered at Babies "R" Us. Don't be shy, feel free to spoil us or rather Willow/Lily/Rose/Jade/Sparrow/Lucia Johnson or as Jory calls her, "DD" (you'll have to ask him). We'll take all we can get, we need it all! You can either click those links or go to http://www.babiesrus.com/ and search by my name or registry number 48478269.

OH and the colors we are doing are mainly sage green, pink and yellow. We're getting a mural done on one wall of the Dr. Seuss "Oh, The Places You'll Go!", here's the cover so you can see the colors we're using.

For those of you who haven't met Keara, you'll love her! She's the wife Jory and I have always dreamed of. LOL! After you have met her, you'll want a "Keara" of your own! Huh Sara? I'm excited to show her Northern Utah, since we've already taken her to Moab. Too bad it will still be winter when we get there, freezing arctic cold and nasty snow covering everything! Which is another reason Jory is happy to stay home...he doesn't do snow or cold except for special circumstances and even funerals may be getting removed from that exception list. ;)

More on Keara in the next post.

Hope to see you all very soon...mark those calendars!

Found out my days are numbered at work

Everyday I sit down and try to write a new blog post about all the crazy, fun and stressful stuff that has been consuming my life, but no words come out. So I'm forcing myself to write Something today. There has been so MUCH happening, I'll try to break them down and may end up posting them as separate posts but we'll see. (Update: posting them separately since I'm running out of time today)

As you all know, I was planning on having surgery in mid February. However in my meeting with Human Resources recently, I was advised or rather it was strongly hinted that I would not have a job when I returned because I am out of FMLA. I asked her if she was just telling me this because she has to tell everyone who happens to be out of FMLA or was this a real concern for me.

This is where the Hinting came in. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You KNOW how busy the Help Desk has been. If you leave they will probably have to bring someone in to cover for you. Without FMLA protecting your job, there would be no job for you when you return." My jaw dropped to the floor and I just stared at her in shock. I told her I thought my job would be more secure because they couldn't hire anyone with the freeze and they would need me back all the more. She said this is the only instance in which they could hire someone, but then added that she could not say that this would happen for sure, just that I knew how busy we have been. She told me 4 times how I knew how busy we are. I knew there was obviously a plan, it had been discussed otherwise she wouldn't have been so insistent.

In the beginning of the meeting she told me the company would not be willing to grant me the personal leave I had requested for the adoption, as a maternity leave. Had I not been out of FMLA, I could have taken maternity leave for the adoption, which is why I asked for the personal leave. Without the personal leave, I would have to quit. Jory and I had talked about me taking maternity then possibly working the night shift, being opposite of his that way we could keep both paychecks coming in, but no one would take their week old baby to daycare. I would NEVER take my week old baby to daycare! I don't ever want to take my kids to daycare. Most two income households work just to pay for daycare and that doesn't make sense to me.

So after the shock of finding out I would be getting fired or "let go" after returning from surgery in March subsided; I mentioned that my doctor had originally offered up the option of continuing to take Lupron until May, then have surgery. At the time I thought, why waste time with Lupron, let's just do the surgery and he said that's would be his first choice. So maybe I'd have to wait until after I lost my job and got on Jory's insurance to have the surgery, but then I would have the baby and that wouldn't work out well.

My HR rep offered up an alternative. She said I should reschedule my surgery for late March or early April, take the 6 weeks STD (getting paid while out) and then I would be returning around the time I would probably be quitting. Which is obviously a better alternative to getting jacked months before I would now need to quit.

I have since canceled my surgery and plan on rescheduling it for late March/early April, it depends on "my schedule", so I should know exactly when at the end of this month. I had a meeting with my managers to discuss what I was told by HR, they obviously knew everything before, except the part about me rescheduling my surgery, that seemed to surprise them. I told them I would not be putting in my two weeks assuming I would be fired…I would wait and see what happens.

As much as I hate my job or rather the retarded monkeys I talk to all day long, I would always like to keep the option of coming back open. It's a fairly stable job with a decent income, of course it doesn't compare what other companies are paying for Technical Support, but it's worked out well for us so far.

It definitely does suck to come to work knowing my days are numbered and not by my choice. It feels down right icky, but it confirms all the feelings I've had since I returned after Jack died.

What I would love to do while being a Stay At Home Mom is to have some sort of home business. If this blog could pay my bills, that would be perfect, but I'm no Dooce, so I know it's a long shot. I do however receive quite a lot of compliments on my crochet work, I've thought about selling them on Etsy. With this time I would have much more time for photography, that is definitely an option where I can take my baby "to work" with me. I'm sure there are all sorts of jobs I could find that I could do from home and I plan on figuring those out starting after the baby is at least 3 months old.

As far as our finances go, I will definitely be able to take at least 1 or 2 years off, but I will utilize this time not only to raise our little princess, but to also find work I love and make it pay off for our family.