Photos from Utah Part 1

Here are some of my favorite photos from Utah. You can see the entire set on my photo blog.

Christopher & Fawn's Wedding

August 25, 2007

My nephew Haiden, the party animal.

My new nieces Smiley & Munchkin

My favorite part of the ceremony. I knew this was going to happen.

Sprout, Smiley, Mystery girl & Munchkin

Sweet lil' Munchkin

Smiley not so smiley

Munchkin the Angel

The Family

Minus Jason, Pim and the 3 princesses

(L to R)

Dad, Mom, Jessie, Shane, Fawn, Haiden, Christopher, Me, Jory & Colby

(and the pups)

Another novel, not too bad though.

Everyday I sit here at work with every intention of updating you all on the Going's On of the Johnson's but I just haven't had the time or energy. So I expect this to be a novel, maybe I'll break it up in separate posts so you can scan through which parts you want to read and which you don't. I'm always thinking of you...even though growing up all I ever heard from my mother is how selfish I was, how I never thought of others. It's sad when you're own mother feels that way about their child. I think it's because she never and still doesn't know the real me. She saw/sees what she wants to see. But enough about my mother.

Kaycee's Walk To Remember, unfortunately for us, it was a BUST.
A. We forgot the damn camera.
B. We were 30 minutes late because the 101 Freeway was closed and I didn't research the detour well enough.
So I feel horrible even complaining but it wasn't organized very well. When we got there, I saw a bunch of people wearing the same Hawaiian shirts so I asked them where we register or sign in at and the guy says, "You missed it, it's over. The only thing going on right now is the car show". WTH? So Jory and I decide to walk in and ask someone else, we walk up to this booth that to me looks like an Information booth, apparently we were wrong. I told them I had registered us both for the Walk to Remember. The lady replied, "What?" I explain, online you could paid $18 for the Walk to Remember $20 for the 5k Run or $20 for the 5k Walk, regardless you got a tshirt. She said that she didn't know what I was talking about, but there was a registration booth out where the walk started and pointed us in that direction. We walked over and found no booth, so we decided to do the walk on our own, who knows maybe we would find the booth. We walked and no booth. At this point we were pretty disappointed in the whole thing. There were tons of families with kids but I wasn't recognizing anyone, which would be hard to do anyway since I've only seen their pictures on MySpace and the MISS website so we walked to the car, had a smoke and discussed what we should do. I really felt out of place, like I didn't belong to the club. We decided to leave.

I forgot to mention the shirts I made Jory and I to wear to the event. I was up all night making them, they looked pretty good. I'll post a picture so you can see.

Next, Our TTC Journey. We just finished our 7th month of Clomid/Femara and Pregnyl/HCG treatments and if we don't get pregnant this month then we have to stop for 3 to 6 months for Endometriosis treatments. Which will be medication, surgery or both. My blood test is Monday so we'll be finding out either next Tuesday or Wednesday if I'm pregnant. I'm guessing since we found 3 new Serous Cystadenomas at my last appointment, he'll want to do surgery and meds because that way we can kill two birds with one stone. It sucks to have to take a break from TTC because we already don't know how much longer it will be before the cysts change to Cystadenocarcinoma, ovarian cancer. And from what I've read, if the medication he chooses is Lupron, it can take anywhere from 3 to 6 months after you stop the medication to get a period. So really it could be 6 months to a year before we can TTC again.

It's scary. So many people have told me we should just adopt, which we will if we have to. But they don't understand what it's like to NOT have the ability to get pregnant and give birth to your own child, it's a completely different experience. It's not even just that. Once they take my ovaries, I will be forced into early menopause. The physical effects of menopause are rough enough for a woman of age, but for me in my 30's it's tragic! To lose your sex drive alone is something that would freak anyone out. I'm not and don't think I'll ever be prepared when that day comes for me.

Sara's Getting Married! I had been waiting for the day that Sara would meet her One and Only since she brought Jory and I together. We met her fiance Carl at my brother's wedding. He's super kool and funny. He and Jory got along great, which is always the ideal situation. Then they tell us they are getting married in Miami, FL. WTF? Florida? Apparently his family lives there. After we got home Jory was supposed to ask his boss if he could take some time off so we could to the wedding. We didn't find out until today that WE ARE GOOD TO GO! I'm so excited. I've only been to Florida once, back in 2003. We're hoping to talk our friends Todd and Darby into driving to Miami to see us that weekend. WOA! I just map-quested directions and it's a 9 hour drive! I doubt they want to do that, but maybe they can find cheap flights? That would suck to go all the way to Florida and not see them, Miami is much closer then Arizona. We'll see. We leave Wednesday Dec. 5th and come home Sunday the 9th. Maybe I forgot to mention, I'm a bridesmaid! I've never been a bridesmaid before. I can't wait for December to get here! Finally something to look forward to!

The Angelversary Project hasn't been completed yet. I need to go buy some pink and blue ribbon to tie around some of the Bear's necks because they look so generic without something. I thought about trying to find some tear shaped crystals or something that looks like it to glue under one of the eyes. I saw a teddy-bear online that came like that...they were $35 each otherwise I would just buy them. Then I need to separate the good ones from the not so appropriate ones and I'll take the others to the children's ward.

I haven't forgotten A Little Piece Of Jack. Now that it's been a year, well even at 6 months I already felt like it was too late. But we already spent all the money so I will probably send them out with a note or I don't know...this is why it hasn't been done yet! ARGH...maybe I'll mix it with October 15th, which is my next topic. Actually I'll be doing a separate post for Oct. 15.

I leave it at that for now....so I can go work on the Oct. 15th post and getting some pictures online.

Peace Out!

Kaycee's Walk To Remember

Tomorrow we're going to Kaycee's Walk To Remember. It's an event to raise money for SIDS research and to honor our children who have died. There's a professionally timed 5k run/walk, the actual half mile Walk to Remember, Custom Car and Street Rod Show, Guest Speakers, Silent Auction, SIDS Memorial and Food. Plus lots of Infant and Child Death Prevention and Safety information.

Beautiful little Kaycee died at 3 months of age due to SIDS. I "met" her parents on the MISS Foundation website and keep in contact via MySpace. It's people like them that inspire me with their strength.

I wanted to have Tshirts made for us to wear to honor Jack, but the date totally snuck up on me! On my lunch today I went to Joanne's and picked up some shirts and iron-on transfer stuff, we'll see if I can put something together tonight.

Going to this may not be a big deal to most, but for me, it's like "Coming out of the grief closet". I'm very verbal about being a mother of an angel online but publicly I always trip over my words when someone asks me questions. I even rehearse in my head what someone might ask and what I would say but when it all comes out it's horribly garbled and they can tell I'm not wanting to talk about it, EVEN though I am! I want to talk about Jack. I don't want anyone to forget about him. But wanting to and doing so are two very different things. Because I don't talk about him out loud very often, I almost always start to cry or get that lump in my throat. Most of the local people I know online from the support boards will probably be there tomorrow. We may have people recognize us, or if we wear the shirts, recognize Jack's name. Which means people might talk to us and I'll be forced to talk back, it's scary for me, this new me, I've become.

Time to go home, I'll write more later.

Joey and Jory, The Beginning.

I figured after 10 years together I would have already posted our "How did we meet" story, however I never have. It's a long story or should I say I make it a long story because that's the way I tell stories, all the important details included.

In August 1997, my very good friend Sara had been chatting with her friend Jessie online and over the course of conversation she mentioned that she needed to find her Long Hair Hippie Man of her dreams. Jessie said she had a coworker, Jory who was really kool and she thought he fit the description. Jessie then told Jory about Sara and they began chatting online. A few days later Sara mentioned to Jory that she was taking the bus to Canada and was looking for a ride to the bus station in Pocatello, ID (2 hours north of Logan, UT where Sara and I lived. 3.5 hours north of Salt Lake where Jory lived). Jory told her he enjoyed long drives and was willing to give her a ride. Since this is was an unusually nice offer, I insisted I go with for her safety.

August 16, 1997, Sara called and told me her and Jory were on their way to pick me up. I asked her if he was hot and she said he was so I immediately ran and put on my "Guy gettin' tank top". Next thing I know I'm coming out to the living room and Sara and Jory meet me under the arch separating the living and dinning room in my mom's house. I see him, I know instantly that I will marry him. I should also mention I had a boyfriend at the time.

We take off for PocaFellow, Jory's driving, Sara is sitting next to him, I'm chillin' in the back. We talk about music as I rifle through his CD collection, it was like looking at my own collection. We stopped at some po-dunk gas station and I take every opportunity to catch his eye, I see him looking at my boobs. I wonder how obvious I'm being, Sara has to see there's this connection between he and I. All I'm thinking about is, how am I going to explain this to Nate. I believe cheating starts when you picture yourself with someone else. I couldn't stop picturing Jory and I together. I needed to end things with Nate. I could tell Sara liked him, he was here for her, not me. I didn't want to be THAT friend, it had almost happened 4 times before with her and I. But I couldn't deny what was inevitable.

After what seemed like days, we finally arrived at the bus station. It felt as though we were old friends. We all got along so well. We took pictures, she hugged me and told me "Hands Off". I agreed, even though I knew ultimately it was out of my hands. You can't change what is meant to be.

On our way home, we talked non stop. Every time Jory lit up a cigarette it smelled funny, not pot funny. I asked him twice if he was smoking Sara's herbal cigarettes and the 2nd time he took a good look and realized he was. We laughed hard. He said he thought something was different. I teased him because How Could You NOT Know, herbal cigarettes are like smoking Air, you don't feel anything in your lungs, there's no satisfaction.

He invited me to a party at his friend Kade's house that night. I WANTED to go more then anything in the world, but I was already on my last leg at work, if I was late one more time I would be fired. I should have gone, I think I quit shortly after that anyway or was I fired? I forget now.

We paused in the car as we said goodbye, I wanted to kiss him but knew I couldn't. I wondered if he felt the same. I already missed him.

The next day at work I told my coworkers all about him, how I knew I was going to marry him, how Sara was going to kill me because this would be the 4th guy she introduced me to that she liked and they liked me a little too much. (it's funny I just counted and realized it was 4, I've always thought he was the 3rd, I forgot about the one in Orem that one night, oh poor Sara and her vomit breath. I won't say anymore.

I called Nate and told him I needed to talk to him. I explained that I had met someone and just knew he was the one. I assured him I hadn't done anything yet. But he knew my feelings about cheating. My heart had already betrayed him. He was really kool about it. He thought I was a little crazy since Jory and I hadn't made any steps to see each other again. I could be alone in my feelings. I told him it didn't matter, I was going to pursue Jory so it had to be over with us. He told me he loved me and wished me the best of luck in life. It was the first time one of my relationships ended on a good note. If we saw each other in the future, it wouldn't be awkward, we would be like old friends. (As a side note, about 3 or 4 years later, Jory and the boys ran into Nate Frisbee Golfing. All Jory could say was he looked chubby. LOL he wasn't chubby when we were together, but that wouldn't have mattered anyway.)

That night I chatted with Jory, flirting hard core. I had never chased a guy before, always let them come to me. (That's not true, I did go after one, John E. only because I wanted to prove a point to his girlfriend that she wasn't as kool as she thought she was. Unfortunately it was all too easy and after a few months of going out, he wanted a little more then I was willing to give him and I just wasn't that into him. I avoided him for a couple weeks, not wanting to hurt him, he got the hint and found someone else.)
BACK to my hard core flirting with Jory. He told me he was going to some music thing downtown with his friend Tom and Tom's girlfriend. Some guy playing the guitar or something. I told him I should come down, but if I did I couldn't promise to keep my hands off him...or something like that. woo woo, I know dirrrty! He ended up not going and I ended up not making it to SLC, I had no car and couldn't talk anyone into driving me.

A few days later, Juli had to go to SLC, something about a plane ticket (this was 10 years ago, my memory isn't perfect) so after we took care of her ticket, we called Jory's house (this was before everyone and their dog had a cell phone) and Rod answered, his roommate. He said Jory was still at the baseball game (weird, he wasn't the type I figured went to baseball games) but he'd be home soon, we should just come over. Wanting to see Jory so badly, we decided to go hang with Rod until he got home.

As we walked in, Tom looked at me and said, "You must be Joey".
Excitedly, I said yes.
You look exactly as Jory had described.
"So he's been talking about me eh?" I responded.
Tom laughed and said YEAH.
Thinking this must mean he likes me, I giggled to myself.

We sat down and chatted for a bit, it didn't feel as awkward as I had expected. Rod and Tom were pretty kool and they made us feel very comfortable for being total strangers. I do remember Tom telling me something about how Jory hadn't "seen" a girl for 3 years and how I must be "Something Special" to have interested him.

It wasn't too long before Jory showed up, drunk as a skunk I might add. A few too many beers at the game. I think we ended up renting a movie that night? A Clockwork Orange if I remember correctly. It's definitely not the same movie sober.

A few days or a week later, I talked Eric into going to SLC. We surprised Jory by just showing up at the house. Probably not the best idea, but it worked out. I didn't want to freak him out so I told him we were in SLC to see our other friends but thought we'd stop by but Eric blew my ridiculously stupid cover. I was embarrassed because I wanted to see him, but didn't want him to think I was a stalker. I still didn't know if he even liked me! Eric and Rod hit it off immediately. After that Eric was always up for going to SLC, he'd actually drive from Ogden to Logan to pick me up then we'd head back to SLC.

The 2nd weekend after we'd met, Sara came home. I didn't dare tell her Jory and I had hung out while she was gone or that I was interested in him. I think I told her that we had talked, because she had me call him to see if he wanted to join us in Ogden at the drive in movies. I think she said, since you've talked to him on the phone, you should call and invite him.
We met that night at the drive in, Men In Black and Excess Baggage were playing. Sara spent the night trying to sit between Jory and I and at some point we sort of turned it into a game and started wrestling. I'm sure Jory was amused or annoyed?

The next night, Jory came up to Logan to my apartment. I don't remember who was all there, Eric and Juli, maybe Jenni? We were all sitting in my living room, having a great time. I had no furniture, just a twin mattress on the floor. I was sitting on my bed, Jory was on the banana chair in front of me. I figured I would make my move, as slyly as can be in front of all my friends. I moved my foot over to his chair and as I had HOPED for, he reached down and caressed my leg. I know how lame that sounds, but it was the sign I had been looking for! He did like me! That night he stayed over, refusing to sleep on the bed next to me, fearing I might molest him ;) For whatever reason, half awake, I opened my eyes and noticed he was looking back at me. Now fully awake, I asked him what he was doing, it was obviously still very early in the morning. He said he liked to watch me sleep. I begged him to get on the bed where it was obviously more comfortable then the floor, he finally agreed. Shortly after, we had our first kiss and it lasted 48 hours! Oh yeah baby! We made out like bandits for two days, taking short breaks to go outside and smoke in the alley (*at my drive thru drug window). At some point during the 2nd day, Jory told me he didn't want to scare me but he wanted me to know he loved me, which was crazy because I had been thinking the exact same thing! That day, Jory and I officially became "an item" and decided we wanted to grow old together. That day was Sept. 8th 1997.

*I'll save the Drive Thru drug window story for another post. Also, I'll tell you all about the day Sara confronted me about Jory and my broken promise. But so you can sleep at night while waiting...Sara forgave me after a week, we are still bestfriends. She actually ended up Marrying us! And every year on Sept. 8th, I call and thank her for introducing me to my soulmate.

10 Years!

Happy 10th Anniversary!

Ten years ago today we took this picture.

I'm going to spend time with my hunny now, I'll write more later.

Happy Birthday Jack!

Jack Kendrick Johnson

August 31, 2006 - September 1, 2006

My Little Man Jack,

I can't believe it's been a year since you were born and passed away. It doesn't seem like it's been that long. I don't cry everyday anymore. It sneaks up on me in the shower a lot and I completely lose it when I see your 2nd cousin who was born 2 weeks after your due date. I couldn't imagine a day without bawling before so I guess I am dealing better even though I miss you just as much if not more. With this new schedule I'm thinking more seriously about finding a support group because I have a tendency to sail down "De-Nial" river because depression can take over my life. I pretty much stopped working on my grief seven months ago because I was scared I would lose control and end up in a loony bin. I couldn't read my online support boards anymore because all the ladies I had met after losing you were all getting pregnant. It's not fair that they are so fertile and can get pregnant so easily. You may be the only child I ever conceive and give birth to. ARGH this isn't supposed to be about me!

Your dad and I have made it a habit to purchase every elephant we see at a store. I can't imagine how our house would look if Butterflies or Dragonflies were your "symbol". Although there are times when Dragonflies come up and seem to linger around me more then usual and I think of you. It always sparks one of our little conversations. After reading The Lovely Bones, I imagine you right there with me when I talk to you. Of course it seems you're everywhere, like the deer and the lady bug at the cemetery. You're a part of everything in nature to me.

We finally got to see your star in the Big Dipper this past weekend! We've always just looked for the Big Dipper as a whole to talk to you in the sky. But in Moab you can see all the tiny stars that are apart of it, and there was yours, practically holding hands with the 2nd star in the handle! It seemed to twinkle when I'd talk to you, I know all stars twinkle but yours was twinkling at just the right times.

We had planned on spreading some of your ashes on Our Rock in Moab, but it never felt like the right moment. I was also uncertain whether I wanted to let some of your ashes go at all. One moment I was 90% sure I wanted to, five minutes later I was questioning it. Your dad and I decided that we will know when it's the right time and the right place.

I found the most perfect little birthday cake for you and for the same reason above, we still haven't cut the cake. It traveled well in our cooler and still looks perfect. I imagined your first birthday when I was pregnant with you and cutting the cake without you in a highchair prepared to attack the cake with your face seems unbearable. I've thought about freezing it and maybe trying again next year but I don't know.

Your grandpa and grandma P went to the Angel in Salt Lake and left you some flowers. I think your dad and I will go to the one here this weekend. Everyone in the family was thinking about you and missing you more then ever this weekend. Keara gave us the cutest little crocheted elephant (picture above), it's so cute and I hadn't planned on leaving it in my car but it's like a little piece of you that makes me smile when I get in. Makes me smile...did you notice? Oh how I must be growing. We also purchased a tiny Utah Centennial plate with your name on it, since the Centennial plate has Delicate Arch on it, it seemed appropriate. Also being in Utah during your first Birthday and Angelversary, it is something to remind us of this special trip.

I tried to talk your dad into getting tattoos with me, but he didn't like the look of the tattoo shop in Moab, so I'll have to settle for one here in Phoenix. I think we might be making this Moab trip an annual event. Had we stayed home for your special days, we might not have gotten out of bed. Instead we kept ourselves busy, showing Arches to Keara for the first time and being with friends that mean so much to us! It was the most mentally healthy thing we could have done. Hopefully next year we'll get to spend it with more family and friends. I think it was good that only Robby, Regina & boyz and Keara came this time though, it was a little more intimate for the First Year.

Well little man, that's all for now. Go play with your friends Cayman, Jeremiah, Zane, Peter and Theo in the stars. Feel free to visit me in my dreams, I'd love to hold you one more time, even if it is just a dream!

Miss you Always, Love you Forever!

Love Mama

Mobile Blogging!

Now I'll be able to blog on the go. When we get to Moab and find a camping spot, I'll blog the location for those of you who are going to suprise us with your presence. he he

I'm Officially That Person.

I won't go into details just now, but I wanted to let you know the wedding went beautifully. Haiden is the cutest baby boy on the planet. I changed his dirty diaper 3 times and would do it again in a second! I wish we lived closer so I could smother him with love on a daily basis.

Jory had fun entertaining the girls: Sprout, Smiley and munchkin. Hopefully I'll get some pictures posted before next year.

As I expected my cousin with the baby boy same age as Jack would have been, was there. I broke down and bawled mid reception and had to escape from the tables to not make a scene. I thought I fled fairly inconspicuously but after the 5th or 6th hug of support I realized I must have caused a spectacle. Unfortunately my drama caused my cousin to take her baby home early. I don't know what to do, it's not fair that the sight of him causes me to break down. It's not my cousin's fault, it's not her baby's fault. I honestly don't know how I will ever "handle" seeing him. He will always be what Jack could have been.

Anyway...I said no details.

We're leaving for Moab tomorrow after work, we'll be staying in Tuba City, AZ for the night and arriving Friday afternoon. Sandflats is not expecting to fill up so hopefully we'll find a spot if not our regular site in Cluster F.

I promise to post more after we return on Labor Day.

Peace Out!

Utahrd Bound

We leave for Utah tonight. Hopefully we'll see some friends while we're there. We probably won't check emails that often or at all, so call us if you want to see us!

Peace Out!

What Happened to Encouraging Creativity?

"Chandler school officials have suspended a 13-year-old boy for sketching a picture that resembled a gun, saying it posed a threat to classmates. But parents of the Payne Junior High School student said the drawing was a harmless doodle of a fake laser, and school officials overreacted.

``I just can't believe that there wasn't another way to resolve this,'' said Paula Mosteller, the boy's mother. ``He's so upset. The school made him feel like he committed a crime. They are doing more damage than good.''

The Mostellers said the drawing did not show blood, bullets, injuries, or target any human. They said it was just a drawing that resembled a gun. But Payne Junior High administrators thought the sketch was enough of a threat and gave the boy a five-day suspension, later reduced to three days. Chandler district spokesman Terry Locke said the sketch was ``absolutely considered a threat,'' and threatening words or pictures are punishable.

The school did not contact police and did not provide counseling or an evaluate the boy to determine if he intended the drawing as a threat. School officials issued the suspension Monday afternoon. They notified the student's father, Ben Mosteller. He met with school officials and persuaded them to shorten his son's suspension from 5 days to 3.

Ben Mosteller said that when he came to the school to discuss his son's punishment, school officials mentioned the seriousness of the issue and talked about the massacre at Colorado's Columbine High School - the site where two teenagers shot and killed 12 students and injured 24 others in 1999. The Mostellers said the Columbine reference was extreme and offensive. They have contacted the district's governing board about the incident involving their son."

I think school officials have taken their 'power' way too far! Had this rule been in place when I was in school, 90% of the students would've been suspended! I used to draw when I'd get bored, which was most of the time and some of them included my teachers being hurt or humiliated in some fashion not just a gun if you can call his drawing that. But I never actually harmed or humiliated any of my teachers. That's not true, I got into it once with one of my teachers in high school and instead of allowing her to demean me in front of the class, I stood up for myself and told her off. She ended up crying and I was sent to the Principal's office.

I'm sorry but I must also mention that it scares me that they say a 13 year old drew that so-called gun, because it looks like a 6 year old was drawing his house or an airplane. And what gun has little stick figure people climbing all over it? What happened to encouraging creativity?

While driving home last night I heard another story about power monger administrators. Chandler's Basha High School had changed their tardy rule. If your child is one minute late, one time they have to to go to 4 hour Saturday school (like the Breakfast Club). ONE MINUTE, ONE TIME! I wonder if this means that every time you are late, you get a Saturday or if your late Monday, you may as well be late all week because you've already earned a Saturday? Apparently last year the rule was on your 4th tardy you earned a 4 hour Saturday. When asked why it was changed, they said "it didn't work." So instead of coming up with alternatives they put on their power hungry hats and decide to go insane!

And these are the people teaching our children. Jory and I have always talked about how we would home-school our kids. This is another reason why we will be doing that!

Let me try this again.

As I was saying we've been busy getting ready for our Pootah trip for Christopher's wedding with a quick turn-a-round the next weekend back into Utahrd for our fall Moab trip to which we only have 1 maybe with tentative hotel reservations so we might be camping alone. We gave plenty of notice so I wonder if I scared everyone off because I mentioned we were going for Jack's birthday and angelversary. I can promise tears will be shed but I swear I will do my best to hide when it happens because I'm not much of a public cryer. Since we didn't receive any confirmations we didn't reserve a spot and will probably end up where the wind takes us. Give us a call if you decide to wander down and we'll let you know where we are.

For those of you who want to see us while we're in Northern Utah, your best bet is probably going to be at my parents house in Smithfield (7 minutes north of Logan or 1 hr 15 minutes north of SLC) Saturday night Aug. 25th, 7 pm or later. My brother doesn't believe in "receptions" so they are having a PARTY aka Kegger after the wedding (which is being held in my parents huge backyard) and he has officially invited any of our friends that are willing to make the drive. Don't worry it's totally casual and by casual I mean shorts and tshirts...I might throw on a Hawaiian shirt with my shorts for the wedding, but I will probably change into a tshirt as soon as the "I do's" are said. I know it's a drive, but it's closer then then 11 hour drive to Arizona which none of you have made ;) Not that I would expect any of you to come to Phoenix to see us, we moved, therefore we travel to see you all. Just saying. If any of you are interested, email or call me and I'll give you directions.

I've been going crazy trying to unpack and still feel like I'm months from being finished. I KNOW we've been in the house for almost 3 months now! Our garage is still packed with boxes and furniture, I just don't think we're going to make it all fit. Going from our house in Utah with 3 bed/2 bath(potential 5 bed/3 bath) with the unfinished basement with loads of storage room to our new 3 bed 2 bath with no basement is a huge challenge. We don't have the closet space I'm used to so I don't know where to store anything, which is why I haven't unpacked a lot of it. I think a few trips to the goodwill are in order.

I've also been working on our fence project. As with most AZ homes, we have a block wall fence and state code requires so many bottom blocks have holes for flooding. These holes are big enough for Mazzy and Jimi to escape through so we had to come up with an idea to fill the holes but not completely so water can still escape. We came up with folding hard plastic mesh into a box configuration and gluing them in with liquid nails. There are around 100 holes and I've cut less then half of the mesh boxes out. I've only got like 6 holes filled so far and have already finished off a tube of glue. This is a more timely process then I ever imagined. The supplies are so cheap, it feels wasteful to hire someone to fill them as many people do here. I took some pictures the other day so I'll post some soon so you can see what I'm talking about.

Since this is so long already...I'll go on.

Jimi has turned into the Destroyer of all things! She recently started eating everything in sight. She's chewed through 99% of all their toys, both Jory and my underwear and now she's moved onto eating our shorts and pants. I don't think this was bothering Jory as much as me until Jimi ate a giant hole in Jory's favorite pajama pants. It was pretty funny and I'm sure he won't mind me sharing the story with you.

Normally when Jory and I get off work, we immediately change into comfy clothes, tshirt and pajama pants for Jory. The other day we were out having our usual cigarette right as I came home from work and in mid sentence Jory reaches back to his bum area and says "What the Fuck?" he turns so I can see this giant hole where his boxers are peeking out. And by giant I mean the pj's no longer have any ASS at all! I have no idea how he didn't notice this until now, when were out in our front yard for all to see. Luckily we do live at the end of the cul-de-sac and as far as we know our neighbor across the street was not at home.

So back to Jimi the Destroyer, she ate through her favorite orange stuff bone, the one I'm sure I've mentioned before because she would go hours running around frantically with this orange bone in her mouth trying to find a safe place to put it. It didn't matter if she didn't want to play with it right that minute, if you even glanced at it she would grab it and and try to find a place to hide it. I actually have cell phone video of her and Kai (her half sister - my boss' dog) fighting over this very bone. I'll try and get that posted too. So I went to the store to find a replacement orange bone because you could hear her heart breaking when we took her best friend away. I looked at every single toy in Petsmart and found no orange bone, no any colored bone. However I did find these new indestructible toy bones that had a picture of an army dude and his army dog with big teeth so that made me think there was no way Jimi could chew through it. I also got her the new small Bobo Loofa toy (you know the one that looks like a wiener dog from the commercials where it's the real weiner dog's favorite toy and when it got ruined the owner took the dog to Petsmart and the cashier scanned it while it was in the dog's mouth) because I figured it was the same size as the orange bone.

While waiting my turn in line Jory called me or maybe I called him, doesn't matter and I told him I was going to buy a doggy swimming pool, it was only $7.99 and he told me I wasn't going to buy it and that was that. Sometimes I like to let Jory win, because well, he loses so often. he he
Yes our dogs are spoiled and once the fence is done I will buy them the pool.

Anyway back to the toys, so I get home and hand Jimi her new bestfriend and she sniffs it, she knows it's not the same but she doesn't seem to care and takes it to the floor and starts eating it. Five minutes later the Bobo the wiener dog was missing two legs and both eyes. We take Bobo away and I show Jory these new can't be eaten bones and Jory was like, ya right....he was totally right, the next morning we found Jimi had finally eaten a hole in it. I'm not sure what's going on with her. I'm trying to think like the Dog whisperer, so I assume she needs daily walks, but it's like 110 degrees outside so I don't normally walk them in the summer. They're lucky if they get to walk down the street to the mailbox after work and that was really only during monsoon season when it was 80-90 degrees. I'm still adjusting to this morning shift so I'm not willing to get up an extra hour early to walk them when it's still in the low 80's. She's too old for teething so, do you have any idea why little Jimi girl has gone crazy on us?
I know Jory is going to say it's because I had her privates taken out....he's always telling her it was me that took her privates away because he thinks that will make her love me less and love him more. She loves anyone who will rub her belly!

I'll end it here...I have some work to do and only 15 minutes to do it in LOL!

Remember...email or call me if you want directions to my parents house.

Peace out!

Been Busy

I don't have time to write a real blog, but I feel ashamed that it's been a month since I posted one.

We've been preparing for our upcoming Utah trip for my brother's wedding and the Moab trip. We've been...correction I've been working on tons of house projects, Jory's been catching up on Naratu, Narato, Nurato? Jory's also been passing kidney stones or so he thinks so I'll cut him some slack. We've been running back and forth to the auto shop getting my AC fixed, it's finally good.

Times up, gotta go.

Moab Trip in the Works - Labor Day Weekend!

I know it's early...hopefully that will mean more people will be in attendance...but the Johnson's will be going to Moab August 31st thru September 2nd or 3rd for Jack's 1st Birthday and anniversary of his death. If we get word from more then a couple of people, we will reserve a large campsite for $50 at Slickrock so we don't end up driving around searching for spots as it will be a busy (holiday) weekend.

We'll be doing something special for Jack, whether that be birthday cake & ice cream or I don't know...I have some ideas but I'll get back to you on that.

Let me know ASAP if you think you'll be there!

Here we go again

Wow so much yet so little has happened recently. In alphabetical order...

A. What's it called? Show And Tell
I found this website: www.davesdaily.com and I can't get enough of the pictures listed!
Here's one: Oh The Irony

and I SO have to get me one of these:

B. Se7en Se7en Se7en
7/7/7 came and went and I didn't even realize. Did you?

C. Jory The Anti Blogger Johnson
Jory still hasn't posted a blog....how long has it been? Some where near 3 months?

D. Her Royal Highness Jimi, has lost her privates!
Jimi got spayed this past Friday. It was heartbreaking leaving her at the hospital. Picking her up and seeing her all doped up and sad was even worse! I took some video of her Heroin Nod and will get it posted it ASAhumanlyP. I felt horrible for making her go through that. I'll know how she feels when I surrender my ovaries soon enough, thankfully she doesn't know what she lost. Yesterday she started feeling better and she even started jumped up on the couch again, but because I had been lifting her up on the couch and setting her down on the ground, she now refuses to jump down. She'll jump up, but she won't jump down. It was cute at first but it's getting out of control. She cries now when I leave the room because I SO rudely forgot to move her highness to the ground!

E. Spilling Jory's Beans
Since Jory won't post a blog and I have something to tell you all that is directly linked to what he hasn't blogged about, he's forcing me to spill the beans. So yeah, Jory got a new job making oodles of money or at least it's oodles to us, to the average family it's an upgrade from SPAM to Ham. Jory thinks we're millionaires but really it's just going to make paying this new mortgage a little less painful. So go on now, bug Jory to tell you all about his new job. Oh and the reason I had to spill the beans is because his new hours are 8-5 pm...like a normal day job. SO LAME! Working 3pm to midnight was putting a damper on cuddle time with my husband so I've retired my vampire hours and am now working a semi day shift (when I just typed shift it actually came out as shit which is how I feel about daytime hours) I started this new shitty shift, 10 am to 7 pm today and it's actually not going too horribly. I'm tired...because I wasn't able to fall asleep until some time after 4 am. I was up once at 7 am when Jimi cried from on the couch after Jory left for work. I would have left Her Royal Hiney on the couch, but I really wanted to sleep for another hour. Then I unconsciously snoozed until 9 am...when I should be walking out the door or at least on my way to the door or thinking about the door, not waking up! Within 15 minutes I was on my way out the Frackin' (he he...I'm sure Jory will be the only one who gets my "he he" since he's the only one on the planet that watches Battlestar Galactica the series) door and would have made it on time, however a flatbed truck with bags of cement decided it was tired and didn't want to hold the heavy cement anymore and dumped it on the 60 West slowing traffic to an old man with a broken walker's pace. I ended up being only 6 minutes late. Crazy.

F. We've Got HUGE Mail
After 5 weeks, we finally have a mailbox up! It will be so nice not to have to drive to the post office and wait in line for 30 minutes to pick up my god damn mail! You should see it, it's GIGANTIC, perfect for all my prescription pills and VW Bugs I receive in the mail. Actually you will see it, after I get done painting it, I'll post a picture so you can all be jealous! Here's a preview for your pleasure: (obviously that is not our address, don't think you can come stalk and kill me)
G. Utahrd Bound
Jory's time off request for Christopher's wedding was approved, so the Johnson's will be headed to Utahrd August 23-27th. It's another short trip, but he did just get the job so we're lucky he got any time off. Hopefully we'll be able to fit in some "Friendly" visits.

H. Hostel
Have you seen this movie? I loved it. I like blood and guts movies so it was right up my alley. I know I'm late with this review, Jory and I haven't been out to a movie in over 2 years! The last movie we went to was A History of Violence and it sucked ass. Hostel 2 is better, the ending is awesome! No it's not in theaters yet....I'm sneaky and watched it online.

I. Now I'm just making shit up to make it through the alphabet.

J. Blockbuster Shenanigans
We recently joined the Blockbuster online DVD Total Access. It's awesome, maybe I'll start a daily review of all the movies we are watching. No I won't. I keep promising shorter more often posts, how the hell do I expect to post daily movie reviews? I can't. Maybe occasional reviews. Here's a few to start with:
1. Charlotte's Web...Loved it! A must have in your DVD library.
2. Turistas...Pretty Good, similar to Hostel. Wouldn't watch again even if it were on HBO.
3. Stranger Than Fiction...Not as funny as I expected with Will Ferrel, but I would suggest it to a friend.
4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Beginning...Really good, it's hard to scare me or gross me out and this definitely did the job! Way more gore then Hostel!
5. Hannibal Rising....I liked it, I would suggest you see it, but I won't buy it. You'd be screwed up if you were forced to eat your sister too!
6. Babel...Interesting, glad I saw it but it's not a must see. I must say...Brad is hot whether they make him look old or not!
7. Saw 3...Loved it...I like how they explained and showed how the first two were done. I'd buy it.
8. Big Nothing...you probably haven't heard of this one, no need to look this new release up.
9. Da Vinci Code...Loved it, I'd buy it if I find it on sale for $10 or less.
10. Deja Vu...AWESOME! I really loved it. Watched it 3 times in two days. Definitely buying it.
11. The Departed...pretty good. If you like dirty cop, mobster movies you'll like this.
12. Deliver Us From Evil...I love documentaries so I was interested immediately. Moving from one parish to another in Northern California during the 1970s, Father Oliver O'Grady quickly won each congregation's trust and respect. Unbeknownst to them, O'Grady was a dangerously active pedophile that Church hierarchy, aware of his predilection, had harbored for over 30 years, allowing him to abuse countless children. Juxtaposing an extended, deeply unsettling interview with O'Grady himself with the tragic stories of his victims, filmmaker Amy Berg bravely exposes the deep corruption of the Catholic Church and the troubled mind of the man they sheltered. IMDB


K. Nuff said...Peace out!

10 Months

I've tried to post my thoughts at each month mark since Jack died and have not been able to stop crying to see the words that I was typing and what's worse is I have to do this at work because that is when my mind wanders, that is when I have time, that is when I feel the most alone.

I can't even comprehend that it's been 10 months. I've heard remarks from people I work with like, "You're OK now, you've dealt with that by now, right?" I generally stare back at them with a "What kind of fucktard are you?" look on my face. I try so hard to be nice and occasionally I'm able to say something like...."Taking it one day at a time". But then I feel like an alcoholic telling someone how it feels to be sober. If it were only that easy!

Is it that impossible to comprehend that having your child die isn't something you Deal with, Check-mark and File away in the completed box? It's not like taking a puppy home and having it die the first night. YA that's sad, but you get over that, you move on. This was my son, my first born, my baby boy, My Jack. I wanted him from the time I was a baby myself. You can ask my mom, I always had to have my babies with me, couldn't wait until I could have 20 of my own. Yeah, 20 kids! I wasn't planning on giving birth to all 20 but at least the first 6 or so and then I planned to adopt all the others. I'm having deja vu, have I written this before?

When I was six, my baby brother Christopher was born and my mother had to pry him out of my arms. "He was my baby!", I would tell her. She tried to trick me by making me a doll and naming it Christopher so she could have her son back, but that didn't work. I bathed him, dressed him, fed him...I raised him. As he got older I even tried to mold him into someone like me by picking out his clothes and telling him what music to listen to. Obviously that didn't work out, but I eventually accepted that he was a cowboy and likes country music. I love you Billy Boy!

Before I met Jory, I met a guy who is commonly known as "Asshole". Sara and I met up with him and his friend in Ogden and after an awkward minute of chit chat we jumped in our cars and followed him to a party as originally planned. In the car Sara and I discussed how he was not my type and how I wasn't remotely attracted to him at all. And within that first hour of meeting him, he was pulled over and arrested, well he was eventually let go with a ticket. Normally this is where the girls turn and run from this crazy scumbag, but since we were pulled over right out front of the party, I figured, we could go in and mingle for a bit, maybe we could find some HOT Guys! Once we got inside and scouted the room, finding no hot guys I figured I'd be polite and tell "Asshole" we were leaving. After talking for a few minutes I realized we didn't have much in common, it seemed he was telling me what I wanted to hear and I'm sure he noticed I was looking to bolt. So he pulled out his saving grace, his Trump card...a picture of his daughter. Sabrina Gabrielle was 2 years old. I fell in love with her picture and his story about being a single dad. I wanted so much to be a mother, I hooked up with a guy I didn't really like. After the first week together, he was kicked out of his parent's house (another sign I should have run) and I was already homeless (a whole other story) so we ended up in a broken down VW bus for a few months, when that was taken away we stayed in tents, his sister's house, the park, up the canyon, in a friend's car (Thanks Eric!) where ever we could find a place to stay. I stayed with Asshole too long...all because of this precious little girl! She started calling me mommy really quick in the relationship, which I really liked, but knew wasn't right. We didn't know where this was going, how long it would last, her best interested was my number one priority. Long story short...I kicked him to the curb, took care of Sabrina alone (he was going to give me custody of her while he cleaned up his life and he didn't want his parents to take care of her) until I dropped her off at her grandparents house for the weekend as I had done a few times before. "Asshole" was still "working" on getting me custody when I went to pick her up and they weren't there. Needless to say, I never saw her again.

To this day, I still have every bit of clothing she had, every toy, absolutely everything. I had accepted that I would never see her and tried to return her things, but not even "Asshole's" sister (who was sort of a friend) would oblige. At 18 years old, I was willing to give up everything for that little girl. Occasionally I would drive by his parent's house, hoping for a tiny glance at my little princess. The same cars were in the driveway, but I never ever saw her again. She'd be 12 years old now. I only had a year with her, but I was with her every moment of every day, she was my life. It's like having your child kidnapped, except it wasn't really your kid so you can't do anything about it. Her birthday is September 23rd, every year on that day, I wonder what she looks like, if she's OK, would she even remember me. I miss my 'Brina.

I don't know what my point is, other then I miss Jack. 10 months or 10 minutes, I miss him. A moment without him is heart wrenching. My heart hurts today, just like it did yesterday, as it will tomorrow. All 10 months means, is his one year anniversary is coming up very soon. We had planned to go to Moab and spread some of his ashes on his 1 year, but with the new job I don't know if Jory will have the time.

For those of you who have asked about "a little bit of Jack" I planned on sending out back in March...it's coming. The new house and moving and the hurt hand all delayed the project. I promise it will be sent soon, hopefully before August.

Love you Forever Jack!

I must confess

Liz Claiborne dies at 78

Very few people know the fashion designer dream I once had...and well, threw away. ANYWAY....After high school graduation my friends Juli and Andrea and I decided to have one last adventure together before we all moved on with our lives. The decision of where to go was easily made. My fashion mentor Gloria was taking a group of students to Manhattan to see first hand the New York fashion scene. They were not only going to shop on 5th Avenue and visit a few up and coming design houses, but they were going to meet Liz Claiborne at one of her stores on Pier 17 (South Street Seaport). You know The LIZ CLAIBORNE that people thought was Satanic, which is the only real reason I liked her, her style was way too conservative for me. If that wasn't enough, the trip was going to be fairly cheap considering it included seeing Broadway shows: Cats, Beauty and the Beast, Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera (a special showing with Michael Crawford, the original Phantom, he left the show in 1990). I totally fell asleep in Phantom...to much club hoppin' at night I guess. OH and I LOVED Beauty and the Beast, it was my favorite show!

Back to Liz...I have no idea what day of the trip this was, but we took the subway from our hotel, The Marriott Marquee in Time Square (Jealous?) to Pier 17. I wore the wrong shoes, doc martens, OUCH! Anyway, after a few hours of shopping in all the stores, we made our way to Liz's store. We walked in and I remember saying out loud..."And people think she's Satanic?" Her clothes could be found on the modern day Stepford Wife...well I guess that is sort of creepy, Satanic? not so much. I kept checking price tags expecting to see $400 for a shirt, but they were reasonably priced for NY. I wondered over to the bathroom and decided to stop in while we were still waiting for the meet and greet. No one likes a mid-meeting pisser. To my surprise or naivety there were clothing products in the bathroom for sell! I thought it was an invitation for theft and they really shouldn't put products in the bathroom! I eyeballed some knee high tights that felt like heaven in my hands, I had to have them. I don't remember them being very expensive but the opportunity of stealing them was screaming at me so I did. I tossed them in my bag, used the facilities and left the room. Half way through the fashion show (ya I forgot until now they put on a fashion show just for us) I had forgotten about my thieving ways. When we returned to the hotel that night, I shared my indiscretion with my friends. Their mouths gaped for a moment and we all laughed!

Back to my point...Liz, may you rest in peace and I sincerely apologize for stealing your socks!

Introducing Haiden Christopher

My baby brother Christopher and his fiance Fawn, welcomed my very first nephew to the world on June 3, 2007. He was 6 lbs 10 oz and 19 1/2" long. He looks exactly like Christopher did as a baby. I'll be posting more photos and videos as I receive them.


And here's my napping nephew!


Christopher tells Haiden to say Hi to aunt Joey and Haiden is either waving at me or telling me FUCK OFF! LOL


Here's the little guy trying to run from a diaper change!

Father's Day

I've been just as concerned about Jory on this day, as I was for myself on Mother's Day. Words cannot describe how thankful I am to Jack for making me a mother, it's all I've ever wanted. I never expected to be a mother of an "angel". So many of the mothers I've met through the MISS Foundation or my other online support groups are so Proud to be "Mother's of an Angel". It's still so fresh and painful for me to be Proud, if that's even the right word. But I feel like I'm never going to be OK with Jack's death. I want to be like those mothers who have started foundations in the name of their child and who can talk about their babies with smiles on their faces. I don't feel like I'll ever be that strong. If I was asked to speak to a group about Jack, I'd have to decline because I wouldn't make it in the building without crying.

While I was in Utah recently for my oldest brother's wedding, I had a huge break down. I had left after the dinner with Shane and Jessie to pick up my luggage and rental car, then drove back to the lodge the wedding was held at and when I walked in the doors I saw my aunt Sheri and uncle Jon. Sitting on Jon's lap was my cousin's baby boy who was born a week after Jack's due date. My aunt kept going on and on about our dogs (they are Mazzy & Jimi's breeders) and I stood there in shock, staring at this baby boy, seeing exactly how big Jack would be, trying to put it out of my head while answering her questions about how big Jimi is. I ended up having to walk away, making some excuse about needing to tell my mom something. As I walked in the kitchen area my mind continued to race....The wedding was over hours ago, dinner was over hours ago, Why in the HELL would they show up with the baby, knowing I was going to be there? Of course they wouldn't think anything of it, They haven't lost a baby so they wouldn't think about things like this. They had no idea I would react this way....I had no idea I'd react like this. My eyes started watering, I mentioned to my mom I had to leave, I can't possibly stay and help clean up with a baby the same age as Jack would have been in the building. On my way out, Sheri asked another dog question and I just kept walking. All I wanted to do was get out of there without having to see the baby again. I felt horrible for being so rude, but I knew I was going to lose it. My mom walked out behind me and I just kept walking until my feet didn't work anymore, be that only 4 steps further and I collapsed on the closest car to me. I couldn't stop crying, my soul was screaming for my baby, my Jack.

WHY does she get to have her baby? What did I do wrong? Why did she have to bring him? How am I ever going to deal with seeing him in the future? When he's 5 years old and starting school, I will think of the first day of kindergarden for Jack that we won't get to have. He will always be a reminder of what we are missing with Jack. Living in Arizona makes it a little bit easier because I won't see him that often, but when we are, he is what I will always be avoiding.

Christopher's wedding is coming in August. Do I ask them not to bring him? Is that going too far? Wouldn't they understand? How many events can I keep him from being there? It's not his fault that he represents not having Jack to me, but how could I ever love him and spoil him as I would any other cousin's child? Am I a horrible person for feeling this way?

What's strange is my other cousin had a baby girl the same week, I don't feel the same way about her, I'm assuming it's because she's a girl not a boy. She doesn't represent Jack to me, she probably would have been Jack's fast friend or "kissing cousin" but it's not the same. Of course it hurts to hear that her mother drops her off at my aunts house for a few hours to go party and doesn't return until the next day. It hurts when my mother calls me and tells me that she wishes we had her instead.

I guess I've been lucky so far and haven't had a baby pushed in my face yet. Christopher's baby boy has been my only test. It's honestly the most confused my feelings have ever been. I'm so happy and excited to be a first time aunt. I'm depressed that I live so far away and will miss so much of him growing up. I beg for more and more pictures and threaten death everyday I hear that he hasn't borrowed the video camera from my mom to take videos of little Haiden yawning, stretching and just being a baby. But at the same time, all the little things he's doing with Haiden, we didn't get to do with Jack. I'm jealous of everything he is experiencing, but so happy that he's getting the chance to fulfill his dream of having one of his own. He was already the best dad to her three girls, but there's nothing like seeing your own little person that you created. That instant falling in love, the deepest love you will ever feel for your own child.

I only wish I could be stronger so I could have flown in to meet my little nephew at the hospital, but I knew that was a task I wasn't ready for. Just driving by the hospital where Jack was born is hard enough. I can't even imagine how it will be if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again and have to walk through those same doors to give birth again.

This was supposed to be about Jory and how today is Father's Day and how I've been thinking of him and Jack all day long. I'm sorry I couldn't be home with you today Jory. I hope the dogs kept you busy and the thought of our new house and your new job brought a smile to your face.
I love you more.

Moab Photos Posted

I've finally taken the time (at work) to upload all our Moab pics. Check them out on my photo blog, Joey's Photos.

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

You're as old as Dirt and Rocks and Dinosaurs.

Mom, Dad, oldest bro Jason, his new wife Pim.

Wait...let's zoom in and see the dad I really know.

Yep, there he is!

He also became a Grandpa for the 2nd time three days ago. I bet getting another grandson was a pretty good Birthday present. Especially since this one gets to go home and get spoiled!

More on baby Haiden later...

Before and After...and a quick update.

I don't have time to update you all on Everything Johnson so for now, here is a Before and After of our fridge situation.

BEFORE:

This is a mini fridge, originally borrowed from our friend Keara during my surgery. She so kindly agreed to let us "store" it for her, which happen to come in handy when we recently moved into our new house and didn't yet have a fridge. Sorry the photo is so dark, it was taken at night with my cell phone.

AFTER:

This is our fancy new Frigidaire Professional we purchased this past Saturday, it was delivered and installed this morning. I've always been Anti-side by side style but this one is 26.9 Cu. Ft! You could store an average size adult in that puppy...not that we'll be doing that.

Ok, here's a quick update...We moved out of our apartment Thursday night, well technically at 6:30 am Friday morning when we gave up on shampooing the carpets. Moved into the Holiday Inn Express and Suites near our work places Thursday afternoon, but technically didn't spend any time there until 7 am Friday morning. Jory woke up later, went to work. I got the call that there was GOING TO BE power at the house no later then 5 pm Friday so we needed to check out of the hotel and officially move into our house. I drove over to the house to find no electricity, which meant no A/C which meant sweating my ass off until SRP (the power company) decided to get off their ass and come turn on my power. I said quick update, didn't I?
OK so long story short, a different SRP van drove up, I asked if he was here to save my life, he said no, I said WHAT? he said he'd call in...................he felt bad for me so he turned my power on and after a quick call from the builder I figured out how to turn the damn A/C on!

blah blah blah....We have power, we have A/C, we don't however have power in any of the three bedrooms, the disposal doesn't work and the washer drain is not complete and the garage door hasn't been hooked up to power....the list goes on. Our hair turns more grey everyday!

We're hoping to close on the house no later then this Friday, THAT'S RIGHT we haven't even closed yet. If we don't close by Friday, the seller will have to fork out another $300 to keep our interest rate locked.

Anyway that's enough for now...time to go home to our no Internet and no TV.

Peace out!

Home Sweet Home

Well actually Work Lame Work...After flying home today I took a quick nap and now I'm sitting here at work, Sucks.

First picture from my trip: Check out these Hooligans!

No, I'm not talking about Grannie on the left, I'm talking about the three Yahoos on the right! They are what makes me embarrassed to be an American. This picture actually captured the stupidity written all over their faces that caused me to pull out my cell phone and slyly take this photo. What pissed me off the most is when a Muslim man in full garb walked by our gate, I noticed these three rednecks all look at each other with that "he must be a terrorist" look. Then when he walked up to our gate, they looked at each other again and one of the guys said, "that's what I was worried about" and they all nodded in agreement. I gave them the most obvious eyeball roll I could and shook my head in disgust. They didn't seem to catch it though.

This picture also confirms something I've noticed in the past and have always wanted to comment on, but at the time I was probably with my little brother and his redneck friends (sorry bro), so I've held my tongue. Did you ever notice that redneck men won't sit right next to each other if there's a choice? It's because "that would be so gay"! LOL

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane...

This should be fairly short due to this:

Which if I may say, has been a real fucking inconvenience! It happened three Wednesdays ago, I woke up and my wrist hurt like hell. I figured I'd slept on if funny? Or that it would get better in a day, however that didn't happen. I woke up the 2nd day and the pain was horrendous and spread from my wrist to my elbow. I had a TTC doctors appointment that morning and blood tests afterward so since I was already in the neighborhood and up early I decided to head over to Urgent Care to find out what the hell was wrong with my hand. After X-rays and a very painful (jumped out of my seat) exam by the doc, he said it was a sprained wrist nos.

"Oh by the way Mrs. Johnson, your X-rays show a very large accumulation of calcium deposits in your wrist. Have you ever been diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel? I highly suggest you follow up in a week with an Orthopedist, you're probably going to need surgery soon."

I don't have time to follow up with an Orthopedist, we're moving in a week! Boo on that.

Oh and those blood tests, yeah I got a call to schedule an appointment with my doc to "discuss" the results. We all know that's not good. So I go, the doc says I'm well on my way to getting Gout (also called metabolic arthritis), he's surprised I don't have it already with my uric acid levels being through the roof! So there's another pill I have to take for the rest of my life. At this point, I should insert a pic (here) of all my pill bottles stacking up on my bathroom counter. It's what you would expect to see in your grandparent's medicine cabinet.

My Insulin Resistance levels are out of control, he can't prescribe me any more Glucophage because I'm already on the max amount, any more could kill me. This is causing ovulation problems again, no follicle found this month and my hormone levels were at a 5, after just taking Clomid, my levels should have been in the thousands, but no, it was FIVE. He said he'd be OK with 50, but he can't comprehend how it was only 5. I reminded him that I was his Medical Mystery that likes to break all the records. He agreed. I could tell he was frustrated and less optimistic or at least I was/am.

I'm tired of being sick and tired. It's only going to get worse too because we decided to take me off Synthroid and Armour Thyroid which I take for my Hypothyroidism because I wasn't on it when I got pregnant with Jack and we want to do everything exactly the same. Without those pills the fatigue kicks into high gear. I'm sure I'll stop losing 2 lbs per doctor's visit too. I'm determined to do what I can to not lose this battle, but there are days that I just feel so defeated. I honestly assumed I would get pregnant the first try after surgery just like last time. I tried not to feel so cocky, but I was so sure it would happen. It made going through the surgery again totally worth it, not that I had a choice, but I was so sure it was going to work!

Sorry I'm done bitching and complaining, I know no one enjoys reading this shit.

So this has ended up being another long one and has taken all day to write, in between work calls. But I have a few more things to write about.

1. Check out the new tv series Traveler on abc Wednesday, May 30 at 10/9c. You can watch the pilot online now, click here. Seriously a kick ass show, similar to "Enemy of the State". Oh and if you're not watching Heroes, you're missing out big time. Since I haven't been able to crochet at work, all I can do is read or watch tv.

2. I'm flying out to Utah tomorrow for my brother's wedding Saturday and fly back Sunday and go right to work YAY me!

3. Next week is full of fun, walk thru the new house with the builder on Monday or Tuesday, close on Wednesday (Friday at the latest), finish packing sometime in between going to work and doing everything else, oh and move in Saturday after sunset. Whew!

Nuff said.

Peace out!

Mother's Day ARGH!

Today is going to suck! I've been dreading it since the day Jack died. Today was supposed to be one of the Best days of my life, instead it is now one of the Worst. I'm already fighting back the tears.

Happy Birthday Husband!

"It's your birthday, It's my birthday too YAY!"
Not really but I like to sing and blog at the same time.

I LOVE YOU JORICO!

I'd say more but typing with one hand, sucks dirty assholes!

Guess what tomorrow is!

Tomorrow is JORY'S BIRTHDAY!

You should buy him stuff he really wants because he's the...
koolest
nicest
sweetest
strongest
sexiest
smartest
Most amazing
extraordinary
unique
special (not in the short bus way)
groovy
incredible
wicked cool
terrific
beautiful
magnificent
wonderful
sublime
totally awesome
All-Powerful...BAMF!

Check out his Amazon wish list here ---> Click Me!

MISSing Angels Bill Video

Phoenix, Arizona (PRWEB) May 2, 2007 -- When Governor and
presidential hopeful Bill Richardson vetoed the MISSing Angels Bill
(SB17) after it passed the New Mexico legislature with unanimous
bipartisan support, the MISS Foundation vowed to launch an awareness
campaign targeted at educating the governor so he wholly understands
the issue of stillbirth.

The MISSing Angels Bill helps provide much-needed comfort, dignity,
and documentation to women and their families experiencing the death
of a baby just prior to or during birth. All states, including New
Mexico, require the family to pay for funeral expenses, and a death
certificate/report is issued after a stillbirth. Yet, some states
refuse to offer women the choice of a birth certificate. It offers an
option to women who give birth to loved and wanted babies who die
unexpectedly to choose a birth certificate.

"I would assume that the last thing a presidential candidate would
want to do is knowingly wound thousands of grieving mothers after
their baby's death," said Daryl Logullo, Legislative Liaison for the
MISS Foundation.

In response to the veto, the MISS Foundation has released a public
service announcement that portrays the experiences of bereaved
parents after stillbirth and is directed at Richardson's campaign. A
very sensitive and controversial video, it speaks of the enormity of
this public health issue. "Bill Richardson made a grave error in
judgment, clearly being misinformed about this issue by his
advisers," said Joanne Cacciatore, CEO of the MISS Foundation. Both
the MISS Foundation and the National Stillbirth Society are calling
for Governor Bill Richardson to offer a public apology to these
bereaved mothers and families.

Press Contact: JOANNE CACCIATORE
Company Name: MISS Foundation
Email: info@missfoundation.org
Media Phone Contact Only: 602 574 1000

Buckle Up, It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

I don't even know where to start. So much to write about, so much I can't say, I guess we'll see where this ends up.

Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times and enjoy your day at JoeyLand.

I guess I'll start with what I can talk about; my oldest brother Jason is getting married! I was shocked when I heard the news because I sort of always figured him and Colby would never marry for whatever reason. I guess I didn't expect Shane to get married either and he did so I've been wrong before.

My brother Jason
I'm assuming Pim took the picture.
Hopefully he won't mind me posting this pic since I've linked to his flickr site.

My soon to be Sister inlaw, Pim.
Photo taken by Jason.
Again, hopefully he won't kill me for using his pictures without permission.

I haven't met Jason's fiance, Pim but from what I gather she's from....well I was thinking Thailand, but actually I don't know for sure. I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm assuming he met her while working over in Thailand, he was going to move there for work and to be with her, but that didn't work out. All I know is they are getting married in Logan, UT on May 19th and moving to Singapore in August, YES Singapore! Due to the short notice of the wedding annoucement, I'll be flying out to Salt Lake alone on the 18th and back on the 20th. With buying this new house and moving on the 25th, we really couldn't afford to spend $500 to both fly in on the 19th and back home on the 20th. I'm really excited for Jason and I'm so relieved I can make it, even though it will be weird without Jory.

So on to the subject I can't really talk about, but can't stop thinking about so I must write something even if it makes zero sense to everyone. I've been very concerned about a friend for the last three months and have felt so helpless being so far away. Without being able to blog about it due to privacy reasons, has left me so brain-garbled. Keeping all my fears and worries in my head is consuming to the point I feel like I'm drowning. My worries spiked when we returned from Moab and I couldn't get a hold of my friend for 4 days. I pulled out the In Case Of Emergency contact and finally found out she is safe and working on getting better, but still not out of the woods. I know deep down she will be ok but because there has been no improvement for over a week, it's scary. It's never taken this long before. I can't stand to even think about the future without her. Hopefully by the end of May things will have improved and I'll be able to see her. Sending good vibes to my friend that I miss.

Next on the agenda, TTCAL aka Trying to conceive after a loss.

It's a road I never expected to be on and I don't really know how to handle the bumpy ride. I was used to TTC with no luck, we had tried for so long it just didn't seem like it would ever happen. Then when it did, it was like being in fantasy land. It took a while to feel real. Although today, it all feels like a dream and then a nightmare when Jack died.

I'm trying to consume myself with the new house stuff instead of falling further into depression. We've tried now for 5 months and have had no success. It's tiring going to the doctors every other week, sometimes twice a week for ultrasounds, shots and pills and there's no way to explain the frustration when we see that NOT PREGNANT on the test every month! I do feel lucky to have been pregnant once, but it felt like a evil twisted tease.

"YAY You're pregnant after trying for so looooooooooooooooong! OH Wait....we can't let that happen, sorry about that, we were just kidding. We're going to rob you of your perfect pregnancy and your perfect son! Fuck You Joey, you SUCK!"

I know that sounds crazy, but that's how I feel. I feel robbed and cheated and shit on and I'm tired of being shit on. I want good things to happen to us. I think we're good people, we have a lot of good friends and they wouldn't hang around if we sucked. Our families seem to like us. So what have we done to deserve this path in life? I know I'm throwing myself a pity party. This is what happens when I don't vent on a daily basis. AARRGGHH!

This also happens to be the month we wanted to avoid TTC, but don't feel like we have the luxury to avoid. If we get pregnant this month, we will be due Jan. 26th, just 4 days after Jack's due date. It seems so easy to say, don't try this month but we really don't know how much time I have. It would be very hard and extremely emotional to be pregnant on the same schedule as we were with Jack. But to not try and then never get pregnant, I would always wonder "what if".

Chapter 4 of this obnoxously long novel by Joey...

Christopher's fiance Fawn is scheduled for a c-section June 11th. Did you know you could do that? Schedule the day your going to give birth via c-section (if you qualify) so you don't have to miss important events like your aunt's wedding! Crazy I tell ya! The sooner it comes, the more stressed I am about meeting my nephew and holding him for the first time. Just typing those words brings tears to my eyes. Unfortunately I won't be able to meet him until August which is almost better, because I know there is no way I would be able to walk into the hospital, let alone up to the maternity ward and greet my little nephew. I hate that I feel this way, because he'll be my first nephew and I would have wanted to be there every step of the way, but losing Jack changed everything. Normally when you hear someone is pregnant, there's excitement and happiness, but for me it's like being punched in the chest and having the air knocked out of you. But I've learned to quickly smile and say "Good for them". I used to immediately ask to see baby pictures, now I pray they don't show me one; I want to see it, but I don't. I know I'm going to cry the first time I see little Haiden. I'll probaby tear up before I even get out of the car to walk up to their door. I'm sure they'll understand, I just wish it didn't have to happen this way. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and change everything!

Oh AND...I have yet to send out Jack's birth/death announcements! I'm starting to feel like people are really going to wonder why it's taken me almost 8 months to send them. Oh well, I spent the money, I want people to have a little something of Jack for their scrap books, bookshelves, memory box or junk drawer. So that's my goal for this week, get them addressed and mail them out by Sunday!

If you've made it this far, I want to Thank You for hanging in there, I know it was a bumpy ride. I promise to not do this too often and to blog more frequently.

WAIT...One more thing...I swear this is it!
Shane & Jessie bought a new truck and boat! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! I know depression and tears to singing a lame ass song...I'm bipolar, it's not a secret. Anyways, here's a pic for your viewing pleasure.

Peace Out!

It's Official...and We're Back!

Our offer was accepted and the loan was approved (today), we are officially buying the 2nd house we looked at for the 2nd time. We sign the papers and move in on May 25th, FINALLY!


We had yet another successful Moab trip. We planned on leaving Thursday morning, but we slept in (as usual). So after we finally had the car packed, we realized we wouldn't get to Moab until around 2 AM. This means setting up the tent in the dark, if...IF we can find a camp site. That would only add stress to what is always a stressful event anyway. The plan changed to hang out, take a nap, then leave around 11 PM and drive through the night. This may be odd to most people, but we both work nights and don't go to bed until around 5 am anyway.

We ended up leaving around 2:30 AM, but had to pull over in Scottsdale because Jimi was car sick and drooling like a faucet! I had to let Jory drive while I held Jimi and took care of her. We had given both Mazzy and Jimi medicine to calm their nerves, but obviously it didn't work. So we didn't really get out of the valley until 3 AM.

We arrived in Moab around 11 AM on Friday. We found out Slick Rock campground was full so we ended up camping near Dead Horse Point at The Horsethief campground. They were really nice sites with great bathrooms, HOWEVER there was a camp host and we all know camp hosts are like having parents crash your party. The old fart actually came over to our camp 30 minutes after noise curfew to tell us to keep our voices down because other people were sleeping. We weren't being loud or out of control, just sitting around the camp fire roasting fucking marshmallows! He was acting like we were a group of teenagers kegging it up. Good Gawd we're all 30 and over! At what age can you expect to be treated like adults?

Anyway, the only other bad thing about this campground is, it was located 30 miles away from the grocery store. Normally when we go camping in Moab, we setup camp, then go back into town and get groceries. So after we setup at Dead Horse Point, we had to drive the 30 miles into town and 30 miles back to camp. It wasn't really that bad, but not what I would have preferred.

Other then the Noise Nazi, we had a great time. Next time I think we'll splurge a little and reserve a large site in Arches National Park's Devil's Garden Campground and do the Arches tour, it's been awhile since I've done that.

Until next time....Peace Out! (more pictures to come)