United States of Joey

If you're not already watching United States of Tara, you should be! Sundays 10PM on Showtime.

When Jorys Attack, Caught on Film!

While I was in the bathroom last night, Jory found this detachable winter coat hood and put it on. On my way back to the living room, I coughed and got that acidy crap in my throat so I bee-lined straight to couch and grabbed my water bottle off the side table and while chugging it, Jory made a noise so I looked up and almost spit water out of my noise seeing him refill his Mountain Dew over the island, wearing The Hood! Of course I grabbed my phone because it was closer then my camera because he will only put up with so much paparazzi.

Retardo Boy Returns!

So then it was my turn to don the hood. As I was documenting our fun, Jory thought it would be funny to try and make me Flash the camera by standing behind me and pulling up my shirt! Don't worry, I wouldn't post those.

Just another Sunday at the Johnson's

Letters From The Inbox

email: Doing research to open a restaurant and would like to know what you offer.

reply: Food Dumbass!

Tempe Beer Fest 2009

Jory & his two wives ;), originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

So the hubby, sister wife and I went out to Tempe Beer Fest 2009 this past Saturday. Keara and I paid for the Designated Driver pass at $20 each since we don't drink beer aka urine and Jory got the $40 drinker pass. However we weren't going to be left out of all the fun, so I made myself a liter sized vodka and cranberry and Keara brought her malt liquor. After we parked the car, we went about getting tanked or at least tipsy before entering the Fest 'o Fun. I made it through about 3/4 of my liter and started to feel nice and numb.

As we walked through the gates I was just drunk enough to realize I was being given a Drinker's wrist band and at the next stop, a hand full of beer tickets. I thought, "HOLY SHIZ peeps, I can drink all the beer I want!" Then I remembered, I hate beer and now I don't get the benefit of the DD pass which included a free massage! LAME!

Anywho, their screw up worked out for us in the end. At most every tent I filled my baby beer mug with whatever flavor Jory didn't get and then he'd drink them both! Which successfully got him hammered!

Jory & Joey love, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

I finally met some of Jory's coworkers, we didn't really hang out with them for that long, but they're just like any other coworkers we've both had....functioning alcoholics. HA HA! Kidding Schwebbies! (not really)

Also, I had my first ever funnel cake! It was delicious with cinnamon and powered sugar...oh GAWD I want another one now! It actually helped me sober up a bit, I drank a bit too much on an empty stomach, but the funnel cured it all!

It was really strange, everyone at the Fest was really happy and friendly, like at a Dead or Widespread Panic show. No crazy angry jocks or frats tossing their testosterone around. We had a great time and met(for a moment) some really kool, laid back people.

Green Wig Girl, originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

OH the best part of the whole day was Jory's Tshirt. It has a picture of a cow's head and says I LIKE GRASS. There was no end to the randoms that walked by and said "I like grass too!" or "Like your shirt man!" Even the hot chicks were diggin' it. This one Blondie walked so close to Jory she practically molested him and said "I like grass too" in her phone sex operator voice. It was hilarious! He also had this crazy lady who decided it was OK to really molest him while trying to cover the G and R do his shirt said I LIKE ASS. You can see (below) how uncomfortable this made him, with his awkward grin.

This is Jory feeling very uncomfortable with a stranger's hand on his nip., originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

Most of the pics are up on my flickr. But of course I couldn't help but add some of my favorites here.

UPDATE:

I totally forgot the most unforgettable part of the story. On our way out of the Fest, there were two remaining Port-A-Jon's by the front gate so Jory thought it was best to drain the lizard, again. However so did a few others, so as we stood in line waiting his turn, several guys noticed Jory's Grass shirt and within seconds they're all acting like old friends shootin' the shit. Keara and I were pointing and laughing. You think Jory's super duper friendly on a normal day, you should see him drunk!

When a few of Jory's new buddies take their turn in the Jon's, some of their friends decided it was funny to "pretend" to tip them! HA HA it was funny...until it was Jory's turn in the Box O' Shitter. When the other guy who had just been "tipped" was done and came out, he must have thought his buddy who tipped him was in the next stall so he started tipping JORY's STALL! I YELLED and ran up and told him to "Fuck Off, it wasn't Jory that tipped him". He was so drunk, I'm not even sure he saw me or heard the words coming out of my mouth.

I stood guard and told Jory I would kill the next person who tried to tip him and for a second I wondered if Jory was pissed and ready to fight because he was so quiet, then as I moved my ear closer I was shocked to hear Jory laughing his ass off! Thank gawd for Happy Drunk Jory because that was definitely a recipe for disaster! I was really expecting that Johnson Temper to take over and for him to come out swingin'. I would have!

Dark Swing Set

These are my beautiful nieces and nephew: Kayla, Krysie "Smiley", Kaide and Haiden "Monkey". I took these in June 2008 in my parent's backyard on the "swingset" they built out of my great grandparent's old circular clothes line.

Relationship Meme

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Christine after my mom's best friend (at the time). Jory's is Dan after his grandpa Greer.

How long have you been together?
We've been married 5 and a half years, together for 11 and a half years. We got married on our 6 year Anniversary in Moab, UT on "our rock". We're so tenderoni.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met Jory August 17, 1997 under the arch in my parent's living room, I knew the minute I saw him that I would marry him. I called my boyfriend at the time, that night and apologized for dumping him over the phone, but that I had just met my soul mate. He totally understood and was really happy for me. We didn't really "date" but we said "I love you" for the first time and decided to grow old together on Sept. 8, 1997...we got married 6 years later on that date.

Who asked whom out?
Technically he did, the night we met (our crazy road trip to PocaFello to drop Sara at the bus station), he asked me if I wanted to go to Kade's party in Salt Lake with him. But I was on the verge of getting fired for being late to work at Subway and when you are the one opening the store in the morning, that is not a good thing. I felt horrible but had to decline. After that night though I totally chased his ass down until I successfully Hijacked his heart! (that's how he recently described it...he's so romantical sometimes!)

How old are each of you?
I'm 33, he'll be 35 this coming May...but going on 7 years old. He started counting down when he turned 21.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Normally when we take a trip to Utah we see all the siblings We Can in both families. My oldest brother Jason lives in Singapore and next oldest from me, Colby is in Cedar City, so I only really get to see Christopher and Shane. If we had more time for travel, we would drive through Cedar and stay with Colby, but it seems we are always strapped for time. I'm not sure if there has ever been a trip until this last one that we haven't seen both of Jory's brothers. So I guess technically we see Jory's brothers the most.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I have no idea. I think we've done really well handling my infertility issues. Although it's heartbreaking to think I may never be able to give Jory one of his own to raise. I'll always be forever grateful for Jack, but it would be a dream to see a little Jory or Joey running around with their big sister Willow. My infertility is hard on me, but I don't think it really effects us as a couple. Jory is really awesome about it all, he's determined which helps me and what I mean by this is...while we are adopting Willow (I can't stop saying her name ;) ) I asked him if he just wanted to put off the surgery a little and wait a few months before getting back on the TTC train and he was all, "Fuck that! We're going to keep trying for as long as we can. If we happen to get pregnant at anytime during this process, whether it's before or right after Willow is born, then So be it. We want two kids, we'll take them however we can get them!" But he's laid back like he wouldn't hate me if it doesn't work out.
In the same way, I think losing Jack brought us even closer together if that's at all possible. I know a lot of couples who lose a child can end up blaming the other or not communicating their grief and it tears them apart.
Um...OH I think I have one. His Johnson temper + lack of communication + my immediate self blame = frustration and tears. I guess communicating the hard stuff.

Did you go to the same school?
Nope, he went to Provo High, CEU and UofU. I went to Logan High and USU for a minute or two and never made it to my first day at SLCC because my boss changed my hours the night before class started.

Are you from the same home town?
Nope, he's from Provo aka Happy Valley or Valley of the Mormons. I'm from Logan aka Cache Valley or Home of Utah State University.

Who is smarter?
Jory claims to be smarter than me and I debate it with him all the time because it's fun, but it's obvious what a smarty pants he really is; He's a damn Savant when it comes to numbers. Although, when it comes to real life street smarts I'm the clear winner. Don't let him near your computer and don't let him take your debit card to a casino.

Who is the most sensitive?
You're immediate response is me right? I think it's a toss up, the damn Taurus in Jory gives me a run for my money!

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don't often eat out, but when we do it's normally for special occasions like my birthday and of course I always pick Famous Daves! Drive Thru is a whole other story! Lately it's been Panda Express, yum!

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Miami, FL

Who has the craziest exes?
I'm going to have to say Jory, his last chick really F'd him up. I refer to her as The Whore. Trust me, mine are not far behind, I'm referring to Asshole and those that know me well, know who that is. LOL! I actually had to think really hard one day because Keara asked what his real name was and I almost couldn't remember.

Who has the worst temper?
Hello, it's called the Johnson Temper for a reason! For example, Last night Jory was working in the office at home. He was all leaned back in the chair contemplating his dinner choices when Jimi who was sitting on the carpet beneath him, barked once and Jory snapped, "If you bark again I'M GOING TO SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT!" We laugh because we know he wouldn't hurt a fly, but his threats are always quite gruesome and descriptive. Keara totally called him out on it because Jimi really only barked once and he was all, "She barked Right in my ear!" He's so cute.

Who does the cooking?
The people at the restaurants do the cooking...DUH! When we do cook, I normally take care of it all, but we used to have this agreement, if we were cooking hamburger it meant it was Jory's turn to cook. I enjoy learning how to make new recipes when I'm not exhausted and when I have a clean kitchen. I cook a mean quiche, meatloaf, dutch oven potatoes, crepes, turkey, fresh from the potato Hash Browns, Oh spiced mashed potatoes, Funeral potatoes, pasta salad and some others. Apparently I'm pretty good with potatoes. Let not leave out my delicious Fry Sauce! Jory makes a mean sangwich, no matter what kind, it's always super delicious!

Who is the neat-freak?
Ha ha! Neither of us are neat freaks. I however used to keep a really clean house. When you clean houses for a living it's difficult to live in filth, but I eventually gave in when I realized Jory never learned to clean and is apparently allergic to the process. ;)

Who is more stubborn?
I'm a Sagittarius, he's a Taurus. I let him win because I love him.

Who hogs the bed?
The dogs hog the bed, just ask Jory. I do take up a bit of room with my wall of pillows I've become accustom to since I was pregnant. But it is a King size bed so I keep it all on my side.

Who wakes up earlier?
During the week Jory is up earlier because he works earlier. Most weekends I'm up before him.

Where was your first date?
Technically we never really dated, but we did go to the Drive-in Movies in Ogden and saw Excess Baggage and Men In Black.

Who is more jealous?
No question, Jory was more jealous; mostly because The Whore F'd him up so bad. It was a struggle in the beginning since I've always been so independent, but I was willing to do whatever it took for him to heal his heart. After all these years, it's not even a part of our vocabulary.

How long did it take to get serious?
It was serious from the moment we met. For me it was when I first laid eyes on him. I just knew I would marry him, it was this crazy feeling that went through my body. You might think it's hokey but I believe in soulmates and it's as if my soul met it's mate and I felt complete. He says I hijacked his heart that night, either way we knew immediately we would grow old and feeble together.

Who eats more?
He only eats once a day and I sometimes eat lunch so I guess that means I do. :(

Who does the laundry?
I do the laundry on a regular basis, but he's willing to help when I ask. He will also do a load of his own if he needs something washed that I haven't done yet.

Who's better with the computer?
There should be no question on that, I am. He's been known to delete This or That if he doesn't know what it's for and sometimes This or That is super important and leaves the computer useless until I reformat it. Once I get him the iMac I owe him, he'll be fine. You can't F up a Mac.

Who drives when you are together?
Everyone knows I drive. He drives like a grandpa and I get car sick or maybe it's just anxiety when other crazy people drive. He says I'm a control freak when it comes to driving and I guess that's probably true. I've never been the driver in an accident (knock on wood) so I think it serves me well. I love to drive.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there.