Pre-op aka Jory's Adventure - Update!

First I need you all to know that I already spent an hour typing this post on our new laptop, however because I have the worst luck in the word, I deleted it while copying and saving it.

So I took Jory to my pre-op appointment last Friday for moral support. We weren't sure what they were going to tell us but we knew we'd be discussing my blood test(s) results. We were called back to a room and after we checked my weight, (I think I lost another 2 lbs but I'm not really sure) and blood pressure, Jory pointed out the gown on the table.

The night before I told both Juli (by phone) and Jory that I KNEW my doctor was going to throw a pap smear on me, I just knew it! I even went to the grocery store to buy razors, because those of you that know me, know that I don't shave my legs unless I'm going to the doctor.

Anyway so the nurse comes back in the room and says Dr. Seal likes to do a quick exam and pap before surgery just to make sure everything is OK. WELL if everything was OKAY I wouldn't be going into surgery, right? The nurse picks up the gown, which she calls the "tent" and tells me to put it on. Jory asks if I want him to leave and I told him he could stay if he wants, but if he's freaked out he can wait in the waiting room. I NEVER would have expected my husband to sit through a pap smear, but I think he was a little curious as to what all the fuss has been about.

A quick side note, I think all men take the doctor's or nurses orders very seriously. The nurse had told me to remove all my clothing, and when I didn't take my socks off Jory acted like I was putting my feet on the grandparent's coffee table. I can't be the only woman in the world who doesn't take their socks off for an exam. Can I?

So back to the tent, this gown was sleeveless and had a very sexy cleavage hole in the front, or maybe it's because I have the biggest boobs on the planet! It looked like it was straight out of the 70's except for the flared skirt, seriously, quite flattering. The doctor comes in barely has time to shake Jory's hand, throws on the rubber gloves and opens "the drawer". Thank god this doctor believes in warming up the "duck bill" before shocking your vagina into it's shell. The exam was over in a minute and Jory will never be the same. He was shocked that I didn't flinch or make any noise or yell at the doctor because apparently that's what guys do when they are getting their exam. I can't remember how Jory described the "duck bill", something like scrap metal. I'm sure Jory can tell you all about it in his post. Update:

"Frozen medieval torture device"

"Duck Bill"

The results of my blood test were interesting; I have the most extreme case of Insulin Resistance my doctor has ever seen, which makes everything I eat go straight to fat and nothing to muscle. I also have a high Testosterone level, which my beard could have told him that. I still have Hypothyroidism and PCOS, duh. And the most important result of my day long 14 vials of blood tests is I DON'T have Diabetes! With all this extra weight and my family tree, I was getting very concerned.

In my surgery they are going to drain the cysts out of my ovaries, which will apparently make me feel like a whole new woman. They will shoot dye in my uterus thru my Fallopian tubes to make sure they're working correctly and biopsy the lining of my uterus and the tumor of course. Yeah this time he called it a tumor instead of a cyst. Jory told me not to worry about the word he chooses to describe it because we don't know what it is. I've decided we're going to call it an Alien for now, because Tumor is a scary word. Plus I'm extending my stay on Denial River until we do know what the alien is.

I'm not nervous about the surgery, it's the Magnesium Citrate I have to drink Wednesday morning and the hours I'm going to spend on the throne. Good thing we bought the laptop, at least I can watch a movie or two while cleansing my respected colon.

I appreciate everyone's support while I bounce in and out of denial, going from depression to manic denial....wow that's bipolar. At least that's not a new diagnosis for me. Anyway, as soon as we have the results depending on my sharing mood I'll let you know.

Poll: What should we name the Alien?

Update:
I've named the alien...but keep the names coming because this is fun...

Jor El

It's a ANOTHER beautiful day in Arizona

Phoenix, AZ
Sunday: Sunny 75°F at 12:42 pm. Feels Like 70°F
Low: 56°F High: 83°F Humidity: 11%
Pressure: 30.07 inVisibility: 10 mi Wind: ENE 5 mph


Logan, UT
Sunday: Overcast 35°F at 12:42 pm. Feels Like 35°F
Low: 23°F High: 46°F Humidity: 64%
Pressure: 30.22 inVisibility: 10 mi Wind: NNW 4 mph

How Evil Are You?

You Are 84% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

CONGRATS Jenni and Jon, she's perfect!

Sydney Gwynyth Merchant

Born February 21, 2006

Photos taken by Jon Merchant * Collage created by ME

OK Tom, here's my post on the Cheney Shooting

Found this photo in flickr but lost the link.

Dedicated to Tom

Having fun with fd's Flickr Toys

Here Tom, I hope this helps, the first pic wasn't big enough for you to read so I changed the picture for you. This was my version of Freeway Blogging.

Shrub giving NY the Bird

Shrub in Time Square

TWINS

TWINS
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

I often walk outside at work for a smoke break and find crazy expensive or funky painted cars. Today I found twin green mustangs separated only by a tree.

Dreams

Last night I dreamed I went to the doctor for my pre-op meeting and as I walked in the room he looked up and asked me if I was pregnant (like the nurses do when they’re taking your vitals) and I sort of laughed and said no. “I’m quite positive, I’m not pregnant.” He smiled big and said, “Well I guess I have some surprising news for you then, because you’re 4 months pregnant.” Without trying to get my hopes up and trying to not be the butt of this joke, I asked him skeptically if he was kidding. He looked back at my “test results” and said there was no question, I was pregnant and we were going to do an ultrasound so I could see my baby. I took another step in the office and I woke up.

My horoscope for today:
Prepare for some surprises that may be coming your way. This sounds like a contradiction, but it's not -- really. Just make sure to stay alert, and that way you can take advantage of every new opportunity that arises.

Definitions

Joeythegirl -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a banana peel 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Joey -- [noun]: A person who laughs at anything (even this entry) 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

FONDLING our new little toy

Jory and I received some cash for Xmas (and for my birthday) to buy whatever we wanted. We've been wanting a laptop for some time now, but haven't had the spare change to do so. We also have been deciding on whether we would want to get an Apple or stick with HP. Jory has always been a Mac guy and I was born and raised a HP (specifically) girl. I've worked on Macs so I'm educated and experienced there to, but when it comes to computers I'd rather be compatible with what I've already got. I can't go out and purchase Mac versions of my SIMS games, I just don't have that kind of money damn it. For the last year I've been researching different makes and models to find what's out there and what will work best for us.

While Cody was here, I had a good excuse to get Jory out of the house and we ventured out to the mall. Yes folks, we went to the mall! Crazy I know. After we hit Hot Topic, Puppies 'N Love (with the cutest damn $3,000.00 puppies in the world...and no I would never buy a dog from a pet store no matter how cheap they are because I don't support puppy mills) and Game Stop, we stopped in the Apple store just to look around. We played on the Powerbooks and the iBooks and as KOOL as we would be to buy one (because all the kool kids have one), we walked away. We decided that it would be best to stick with compatibility and then when our bills are paid off, we'll buy an Apple desktop.

So later that day or maybe it was the next day, I'm not sure and that doesn't really matter. After searching the internet for deals and specials and printing out my price lists we headed over to Best Buy. I walked around the laptops for 20 minutes while Jory was over in the wireless router aisle waiting for me to make up my damn mind. Ten minutes later Jory returned and I knew I had to make a decision. It's hard to spend that much money on something you've never owned before. We decided the fat wad of cash was ready to be spent and we picked out a beautiful HP that fit our needs, we surveyed the area for one of those pesky sales people and Chris O'Donnel's doppelganger walked up. We told him we'd made a decision and he offered up his suggestion, I was open to suggestions because like I said neither of us have had a laptop before and were going at this blind. He showed us a Gateway Platinum Edition which was twice as fast, had more memory and it had Media Center. SOLD! We've never owned a Gateway, never heard more bad than good and with Best Buy's return and warranty policies it wouldn't matter.

After getting numerous good deals and free Geek services along with being upgraded to Best Buy Business Rewards program, we walked away with our beautiful new laptop and a hefty receipt. Jory looked over the receipt with his "Rain man" brain and realized they had charged us for the "free" Geek services, so we had to go back in and spend another 20 minutes while Chris O'Donnel's doppelganger figured out how they over charged us by $200. All worked out in the end and we went home and started fondling our new little toy.

OMG!

Warning: Watch this if you DARE, seriously if you are sickened easily or don't want to watch a car accident where the driver is thrown from the car and RAN OVER by another car, DON'T WATCH THIS!

Apologies to anyone (anonymous) who may have taken my dare and watched the video because my original warning was not emphatic enough. I hope this stops anyone else from being traumatized.

Original warning:
Warning: Watch this if you dare.

The Good news or the Bad news?

I wasn't sure if I was going to post about this because it's so scary, so personal, so hard to write. When I start typing the words, the tears well up, it becomes reality.

As I've posted in the past I have PCOS, Insulin Resistance, Hypothyroidism and I'm Bipolar. The later hasn't been a problem for me for the last 8 years, but it's there lingering in the dark corners of my head. Our insurance started in January so I made my first appointment with my new Doctor here in Arizona. Like a good patient I took in all my medical records and we discussed our plan of action. The ultimate goal is to get pregnant. Getting healthy is a great side affect of taking my regime of pills.

(Possible TMI for you sensitive boys)
He gave me a shot of hormones to jump start my period and I was given my prescription for Glucophage to start immediately. I was told to come in on the 3rd day of my period for a inter-vaginal ultrasound. A week and a few days later I got my period and I scheduled my appointment.
(TMI over)

This past Friday I went in for my ultrasound, obviously it didn't go so well. One ovary was full of cysts the other was missing in action. My previous doctor had found that I had one large ovary and one extra small ovary, so I wasn't that surprised Dr. Seal couldn't find it, but a little concerned. Did it shrivel up and die? However Dr. Seal was a little more concerned that he found a cyst on the back of my uterus. He said my ultrasound was really abnormal and best case scenario is Endometriosis. Best case scenario? To me endometriosis means infertility. He asked the nurse to get his surgery schedule and I sat there still in shock. Surgery? As he filled out the paperwork, I just sat there trying to take it all in. Not that there was an "all" because so far that's all he had said. He turned to me and said he was worried and wasn't sure what the cyst was and that surgery is the only way to find out. They'll put me to sleep, go in thru my belly button and find out what that cyst is. If it is endo they may remove the cyst or lesions if any for biopsy. What concerns me the most is what he didn't say or wouldn't say, the C word. It's possible that it is cancer.

Now I have to wait until March 2nd for my surgery to find out the bad news. Because honestly it's bad news either way. Even if it is just Endometriosis, it's estimated that 30-40% of women with endo are infertile. PCOS and Hypothyroidism already lowers my fertility possibilities. I don't need anything else to lower or completely eliminate my chances.

I cried all the way home and when Jory opened the door and asked me how it went, I muttered "not good" and fell into his arms and proceeded to cry. I tried to stop and spit out the words but it took me a few minutes. Saying it out loud was so unreal, I never would have thought my health could get worse. I've always known that my chances of getting pregnant were extremely low and that it would be a miracle if it did happen, but I never accepted that I really may NEVER EVER be able to get pregnant. I always figured it was "meant to be" so it would happen eventually.

I've wanted to be a mom since I was a kid. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and raise 12 kids. Of course over the years the number of kids dropped to 2 to be reasonable but there was no doubt I was going to have babies and be a great mom. I actually always planned on starting my family when I was 18 because I wanted to be young like my mom, she was 18 when she had Shane. But of course when I turned 18, I was no where near ready and I hadn't met my husband yet.

Jory and I jumped on the computer to read about endo and what scares me the most is that I don't have any of the symptoms, other than the mysterious cyst. Which is why I'm scared it's cancer. My biggest fear isn't death, it's waking up from surgery to find out they had to do a hysterectomy. I'm not sure how I will deal with that.

And of course this news came a day after I received my package from Hot Topic. I ordered the cutest Led Zeppelin baby bib and beanie. Yes, even though I'm NOT pregnant, I have been known to purchase a few LZ baby items.

So after I stopped crying I had to go to my second appointment for the day. My doctor sent me to get a crap load of blood tests. The first session was 6 viles of blood, when she finished # 3 I told her I was getting light headed. I started to see spots with # 4 "Deep breaths", she told me. She said my lips were white and to hold on as she was finishing # 5. She tried to get me to talk to her but I couldn't talk. I was spitting out one word answers; "Worked" when she asked me about Xmas. "Yes" when she asked if I was married. "No, puppy" when she asked about kids. She finished #6 just in time, I leaned forward closed my eyes and tried to breath deeply. I forgot to tell her that I have a history of fainting, but who wouldn't faint when they've just had SIX viles of blood taken? Thankfully one of the many tests I was there for was a 3 hour glucose test which required I drink 8 ounces of orange flavored sugar water. I downed the sucker in 1 minute. It tasted like Orange Shasta. The color came back in my face and I was told to go sit in the waiting room for 30 minutes when they'll call me for my next 2 viles and 2 more every hour after that.

It was a really long day, my arms were aching and I felt like I had just given FOURTEEN viles of blood. Jory picked me up and took me to Quiznos, picked up my favorite Chicken Carbanara, no mushrooms extra sause, a ceasar side salad and a delicious Mt. Dew. We went home, pigged out and passed out on the couch.

I have one more blood test tomorrow morning and my pre-op meeting is Feb. 24th, I'll keep you posted.

Oh I forgot the good news....I lost 2 lbs.

Watching...

Spiderman

It's 8 minutes long, but I promise it's worth it! Click here for a larger view.

UPDATE on the other Gallbladder Boy

Christopher's surgery went well. Apparently he's a bleeder and his gallbladder was extremely eroded, thank God he was persistent in finding a doctor to help him! He's recovering and is already requesting a Pepsi. Goofball.

I'll have to convince my mom to take photos so I can post them here and we can compare wounds with Jory. And Tom, if that's not graphic enough for you, I could post Shane's photos from his 4wheeler accident!

Brothers and Changes

There's been a lot going on in my family this year, some heartbreaking and some exciting. I haven't posted about any of it because I wanted to give them their privacy. However, the main situation is out of hand and my brother's health is on the line so I'm just going to put it out there.

Shane

First the exciting news, my older brother Shane and his wife Jessie are thinking about moving to southern Utah or Northwestern Arizona!!! I can't tell you how HAPPY this makes me. I'm closest to my brother Shane, we've been friends and protectors of each other most of our lives so we have a special bond. We also share the same parents so that's a big part of it. My family is full of His, Hers and Ours.

(For some fun and entertainment I created a simple diagram of my immediate family. It is not a complete "Tree" as it is missing 2 of my step siblings, but that will only complicate things and this was supposed to be fun not complex.)

The reason Shane and Jessie are thinking about moving is because they received an offer on their house (double what they paid for it, but no where near what their neighbors are selling for $434,000.00). Plus they can both transfer with their currently employers. They live in Thayne, WY on Star Valley Ranch. Their house is on the golf course and they have the most magnificent views! The house however is falling apart, their roof needs replacing and black mold has taken over residency of the bathroom. I hope they move, even though they live in paradise (theirs, not mine. It's way too freaking cold for me). From my internet searches, it looks like Kingman, AZ is the best bet for them as far as temperature, house prices and job opportunities. I'll keep you updated on their moving status.

On to the next brother, Christopher. Sweet Christopher.
I posted a while back about him getting engaged to his then girlfriend Heather. Well she jumped ship and I think it's for the better. We're not really sure what happened, they were planning the wedding one day and the next she had dumped him like a hot potato. Of course he was completely heart broken, but we thought it was cold feet and everything would work out. Unfortunately for Toph it's over. They tried to get back together, they went out on a date that he thought went well but she didn't. Then she lied to him about going home after work but instead went to another guy's house. Christopher got her at his house and the guy's family called the cops on him, worried that he was going to pull a "crazy ex fiance freak-out". Blah Blah Blah...Heather broke his heart, she didn't just break his heart, she pulled it out of his chest threw it at the wall and proceeded to jump on it until it was ground beef.

My poor Christopher has had his heart broken at least THREE times now. He's the sweetest, cutest, most loving man alive (next to Jory ;) of course)! I'm not quite sure where he got his "marriage" views from because this is the 2nd girl he's been engaged to and a 3rd he gave a promise ring to. Shane and I are the only ones in our family that have gotten married. My oldest brother was engaged for 10 years when that relationship ended, my other older brother has had several serious relationships but he's still single and Shane didn't get married until he was 28 I think and Jory and I were together for 6 years before we got married (2 1/2 yrs ago). So the pattern in my family is to waaaaait to make sure you and your partner are meant for each other until you get married, but somehow he missed this boat and jumped on a speedboat. Maybe it's because his parents are still married? He knows what it's like to have divorced parents because he grew up with Shane and I dealing with "our" dad and Jason and Colby dealing with their mom. Why does he feel this need to marry every girlfriend he has?

Here's my speculations:
First, all the girlfriends he's been serious with have been young. I don't mean 12 yrs old young, but 17 and 18 yrs old. Heather is 20 I think. That's not Utah young but that's YOUNG in every other state, maybe not Alabama but we're talking in general. Christopher will be 24 this year and he has a long life ahead of him, there is no reason for him to be jumping into marriage. My personal opinion on why he jumped this time was because her parents wouldn't let her move out with him unless they were married. Yes she's over 18, but she lives at home with mommy and daddy and that means they still control her life. Yes I believe he wanted/wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but he doesn't know what's going to happen in 5 years. Another big problem, is that he still lives at home. He's never lived on his own or with room mates. He has no idea what it's like to live on his own except what he's seen through his friends. He was planning on moving out this spring before they got married, but you don't know your other half until you've lived with them. I could probably go on for awhile but I don't want to dig too deep and share too much so that's good for now.

Since the breaking of their engagement, Christopher has been dealing with serious stomach pains and has been throwing up blood. He went to the emergency room and they did an ultrasound and found nothing. They scheduled a scope and found nothing. They injected dye into his veins and found nothing. They put him on Prozac and told him his illness is stress related. But yet he's still throwing up blood and dying of stomach pains. What bothered me the most about this, was our mother who's supposed to be there to comfort him was telling him to relax, he'll feel better it's all because of the break up. So the only person he felt comfortable talking to about this was me. If someone is throwing up blood, it means there is a serious problem! Stop telling the kid to relax, he's hurting, help me for GOD SAKE! So after several doctor's visits he finally met with a surgeon who after listening to all the symptoms and seeing all the tests, suggested they take out his gallbladder. HIS GALLBLADDER! Is there something in the water? So tomorrow early afternoon my little baby brother is having surgery. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and he'll start to feel better soon enough.

Good Luck Billy Boy, I'll be sending you LOTS of good vibes!

Love you,

Your sis

Behind Shrub's Speeches

I know another video, but after the State Of The Union Address I thought Shrub's speech needed some explanation. Enjoy.