This is hilarious, you must read! Also my husband is Awesome and his intellegence is Super Sexy! Enjoy!
Adventures in Toilet Sitting: Presidential Response?: Ha, hardly. See below what the Director of Correspondence for Obama for America sent me in response to my blog post last week, and my subs...
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
My Experience, Every Detail, Speaking at the National Children's Memorial Day Ceremony in Phoenix
A couple of weeks ago I was asked if I'd be willing to tell Jack's Story at the National Children's Memorial Day Ceremony in Phoenix. My immediate thought was HELL NO! One of my biggest fears is speaking in front of a large crowd, now add telling the story of how my son died to that equation! FUCKING HELL to the FUCKING NO!
But then that stupid voice in the back of my head said, "Hold on Joey, it's kind of an honor to be asked to speak and imagine all the people Jack's story could reach."
Nope, not fucking going to do it, I can't! Stupid voice you have no idea who you're talking to!
"Joey...do it for Jack. You can do this and you will do this because I control you."
Ok ok so it didn't quite go like that, but I figured I would say I would do it and if the time came and I couldn't, I'd just freak out and run off stage and never show my face again. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking...this whole year of Challenging myself just sort of took over.
I kept trying to convince myself I could do it but by the time we walked into the Ceremony tonight my heart was beating out of my chest! Then Kathy got up and was opening the ceremony and I really started to lose it, watermelon size lump in my throat, tears blurring my eyes, cold sweaty hands and my heart was no longer in my chest but punching me in the face over and over. I was on the verge of a serious mental breakdown, I was so scared!
Then the song before me was already started and total panic set in! Jory was telling me to take deep breaths. Rails, Michele and Bianca were all mouthing supportive words. Jory even tried pinching my arm to take my mind off it. LOL Which actually did help a little, it sort of snapped me out of hysterics for a second.
The song ended and OH MY FUCKING SHIT time to walk up....Oh gawd, walk up or walk out the back doors? Oh Shitballs, this really sucks! Why did I agree to this? What the hell is wrong with me? I will never ever forgive you Joey for putting us in this situation! (Yes I talk to myself, what of it?) I felt like I couldn't get any whiter, Casper was tanner then me as I walked up from the back row all the way to the front, in front of HUNDREDS of people!
THANK YOU MICHELE!!!! Thank you for getting me through this, Thank you for walking up on stage with me and sitting behind me, not far from reach. THANK YOU!
So I turned around and BAM! HUNDREDS(felt like MILLIONS) of people staring at me, waiting on baited breath for my story and the watermelon has removed my throat altogether and I can't speak. As I tried to compose myself, kick ol' UglyCryFace back down in it's dungeon, You Will NOT show your face, Mr. UglyCryFace, I REFUSE!
Then my legs started shaking or maybe they were shaking the whole time, but there was a damn earthquake moving from my feet to my knees, thighs, stomach full of piranhas and up to my arms and hands. I was shaking so bad I literally had to balance myself, feet spread, hands on podium. COME ON JOEY You can and will do this DAMNIT! You haven't cried at group in months...er month, but for reals, start talking now, hurry, you're wasting time! Ready....GO! Now! Now!
This is when I wanted to turn around, face away from the crowd so I could try and Shake This Off, but my signal for Michele to come rescue me, was to turn around and look at her. SO I couldn't turn around! I took a deep breath, then another, then another and then another.
*cough* "Please forgive me, I wanted to Tell you my story but I'm just going to have to read it...."
My name is Joey Johnson, but I'm most proud to be known as Jack's Mom. You probably don't know that my husband Jory and I actually came to this ceremony 5 years ago, just 3 months after Jack died. You wouldn't remember us because I couldn't get out of the car. Jory sat there patiently with me, supporting whatever I wanted to do. He said we could sit there all night if I needed or we could just go home. I knew we belonged to this new "Club" but I felt so alone because I didn't know anyone. We never made it out of the car that night.
Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a Mom. When I was 6 years old my baby brother Christopher was born and I took him over as my own child, I fed him, changed him, held him and wouldn't allow anyone else near him if I was around. For Christmas that year my mom made me a Cabbage Patch doll and named him Christopher hoping that by giving me that doll, she would get her son back. Unfortunately for her, a doll is no replacement for a warm, giggly baby and I still continue to parent my baby brother to this day.
Years later, when the time came for Jory and I to start a family, we realized it wasn't as easy as we expected. In November 2000 I felt like my dream was ripped away from me when I was diagnosed with infertility issues. We immediately began the long hard road of fertility treatments with years of no results. Then we moved to Arizona and a tumor on my uterus changed everything. One month after I had surgery to remove that tumor, We finally got our miracle!
I'll never forget May 28, 2006, that's the day I saw Jory's face light up when he peeked at the pregnancy test seconds after I sat it on the sink. I can't even put into words the emotions that rushed through me. After 5 years of fertility treatment failures you start to believe it will never happen, you try to have hope, but there really isn't any left, it just becomes routine. After we hugged and jumped up and down I remember staring into each others eyes and it's like we were both finally picturing Our Child's life from birth to first day of school, graduation, getting married and having kids of their own like a movie playing in our heads.
Other then being high risk and having doctor appointments once a week, I had a perfect pregnancy, not one day of morning sickness! And with all those appointments, we got to watch our baby grow with ultrasounds every two weeks.
The day before our Big 3D/4D ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby, our lives changed forever. I went into preterm labor at 20 weeks due to Incompetent Cervix. There was no candy coating our situation, after a quick exam we were told point blank I was in labor and although Jack was perfectly healthy, I would be delivering him and because he wasn't 24 weeks, they would do nothing to help him and he would die. Our little miracle that we worked so hard for 8 years for was going to die? I couldn't wrap my brain around the reality of this nightmare.
Approximately 16 hours later with just Jory and I in the room, our little boy was born at 9:30 pm on August 31, 2006 and we named him Jack Kendrick Johnson, Jack for Captain Jack Sparrow and Kendrick for my maiden name. He was 9.8 oz and 9.5 inches long. He had his daddy's toes and looked like my older brother Shane, he was definitely a Kendrick! Although the nurses told us he would only live seconds or minutes, Jack was strong and his heart continued to beat surprising all the nurses and doctors. We took turns holding and loving on him for his full 4 hours of life. And as he came into this world, he died in our arms on September 1st 2006, with just Jory and I in the room.
The next day we had to say our final goodbyes to Jack and I didn't know how I was going to survive this or if I wanted to survive this. A few hours later, alone in our room, there was a moment when Jory must have noticed that I was shutting down, disappearing into nothingness. I don't know if he was worried that I might end up in a mental hospital or if he actually knew at that moment I was struggling to find a reason to stay alive. He made me promise him I wouldn't leave him alone to deal with this nightmare. It was like a literal lifesaver tossed into the ocean and I held it tight. That promise kept me going "through the motions" of daily life much like that of a zombie.
We had only lived in Arizona just over a year and had only made one friend just two months before Jack died so we lived in near isolation for the following four years. As those years came and went, I thought that feeling of the World Merry-Go-Round would eventually slow enough for me to jump back on but it never did. I can't explain the insanity I felt as the 4 year mark was approaching. I hated who I had become. I use to be so outgoing, life of the party, passionate and surrounded by tons of friends.
I became a sad, angry hermit who never left the house except when I had to for work. I stopped writing and creating art which had been my lifeblood since birth. I wasn't living and I couldn't "live" the rest of my life like this. I knew I had to get help, I had to do something or I would end up in a padded room, which would also break my promise to Jory. My real driving force for finally getting help was Jack, I wanted to make him proud of his Mama and at that point I was nothing to be proud of. I made the choice to get help.
I looked up the next MISS support group, drove 2 hours to Anthem and parked my car. I felt like I was reliving my first year, unable to get out of the car. Had I not driven 2 hours to get there, I may have left and gone home. But I also had Jack pushing me to go in. I Finally got out of my car and made it to my first MISS group where I ended up telling my story in full. It felt like I was under someone else's control because I couldn't stop talking and I've never told my story in such detail since.
A month later they announced the Holidaze Workshops and even though I still knew no one and had to go alone, I knew I had to go. Those workshops literally saved my life! They provided me the tools to handle and work my grief. Support group is where I practice and get use to telling Jack's story. It's where I find support, camaraderie, hope in the future and learned how to continue parenting Jack. On the other hand, the workshops taught me how to handle my emotions in public using breathing exercises like meditation. Which you can also use to sit with and hold your child and I turned it into hanging out with Jack, we color in coloring books or do arts and crafts together. I know it sounds crazy but it Helps me and I'm a believer in doing whatever it is that Helps you get through today. I also learned about journaling, rituals like making or buying an ornament for Jack every year and safe activities to release the tension and anger like breaking plates or throwing ice. The workshops taught me to think outside of the box for Tools to help myself. In the last year I've gone up the canyon and done my own version of Scream Therapy by literally screaming "It FUCKING SUCKS!" from the top of the mountains over and over again until I felt better. I also filmed myself telling The Whole Story, raw emotions and all, uploaded it on YouTube and shared it on Facebook. I'm not sure what I thought that would do for me, but it was a challenge and I conquered it.
This last year I have attended two groups per month, every workshop and event available through MISS. I will always take advantage of every opportunity available to help me through this lifelong grief journey because Jack deserves a healthy mom and he's worth every minute I'm working my grief. We can't climb a mountain without tools and hard work, so how do we expect to make it through this grief journey without tools and hard work? The MISS Foundation is providing you the Tools, you just have to do the work.
A year ago I never would have thought that I would be standing up here not just telling my story but telling you all it does get easier, I never would have believed it, but the good days will eventually outweigh the bad days. I am a testament to that hard work and it's made me so Proud to be Jack's Mom.
I turned and walked towards Michele and my eyes were saying, Please carry me off stage and get me the hell out of here! LOL She hugged me, whispered Sweet Nothings jk in my ear and I'm pretty sure she physically witnessed my full body earthquake shake. I think I heard an applause but was in so much shock that I actually did it, I just wanted to escape! We walked to the back of the room where Jory was, he grabbed my coat off the back of my chair, I thought he was asking if I wanted to go out to smoke which FUCK YES GET ME OUTTA HERE PLEASE! But he was just being polite moving my coat for me, but he caught on quickly and we bolted quietly out the back so I could finally breath....
THANK YOU Jory, Michele, Rails, Bianca, Kathy and Noni, without all of your last second encouragement, encouraging looks, Pink hair and distracting cuteness, I would have turned and gone out the back door instead of up on stage because I have never ever EVER been that nervous before in my LIFE!
THANK YOU Dr. Jo, Deb, Derek, Alex, Jen, Jacob, Christine, Rick, Trevor and your cute long hair, Kris, Amy, Jaime, Mary, Michael, Chelsea, Scott, Kim, Julie, Jody, Toby, Alyson, Amanda, Alicia, Ashlee, Stephanie, Nia, Toni, Kelly, Ashley, Angel, Vickie and all my other Bereaved Parents Family for your encouragement, kind words and continued support!
THANK YOU to my Family Sara, Keara, Juli, Mom, Cody, Christopher, LaDawn who all sent their encouragements. This was easier then listing everyone in my family and just because they didn't comment or send their encouragements doesn't mean they don't love and support me, just means they have lives not on facebook! LOL LOVE YOU ALL!
THANK YOU especially Jory, for standing by me, holding my hand, pinching my arm, sharing gum with me when I NEED it, offering to go up and stand with me, supporting me and my Crazy self, loving me forever and putting up with my busy MISS schedule!
THANK YOU Jack for making my dream come true by making me a mom, for making me a better person, giving me a reason to change my life, for changing my life forever, for waking me up so I can truly appreciate the people I have in my life, filling my heart because I didn't know I could LOVE this intensely, being my son, being my guardian angel and for my scarf you magically sent to me last year...I wore it tonight like your arms were wrapped around my neck.
THANK YOU Dad for keeping Jack company until it's my turn! MISS you and LOVE you both to the moon and back! <3
But then that stupid voice in the back of my head said, "Hold on Joey, it's kind of an honor to be asked to speak and imagine all the people Jack's story could reach."
Nope, not fucking going to do it, I can't! Stupid voice you have no idea who you're talking to!
"Joey...do it for Jack. You can do this and you will do this because I control you."
Ok ok so it didn't quite go like that, but I figured I would say I would do it and if the time came and I couldn't, I'd just freak out and run off stage and never show my face again. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking...this whole year of Challenging myself just sort of took over.
I kept trying to convince myself I could do it but by the time we walked into the Ceremony tonight my heart was beating out of my chest! Then Kathy got up and was opening the ceremony and I really started to lose it, watermelon size lump in my throat, tears blurring my eyes, cold sweaty hands and my heart was no longer in my chest but punching me in the face over and over. I was on the verge of a serious mental breakdown, I was so scared!
Then the song before me was already started and total panic set in! Jory was telling me to take deep breaths. Rails, Michele and Bianca were all mouthing supportive words. Jory even tried pinching my arm to take my mind off it. LOL Which actually did help a little, it sort of snapped me out of hysterics for a second.
The song ended and OH MY FUCKING SHIT time to walk up....Oh gawd, walk up or walk out the back doors? Oh Shitballs, this really sucks! Why did I agree to this? What the hell is wrong with me? I will never ever forgive you Joey for putting us in this situation! (Yes I talk to myself, what of it?) I felt like I couldn't get any whiter, Casper was tanner then me as I walked up from the back row all the way to the front, in front of HUNDREDS of people!
THANK YOU MICHELE!!!! Thank you for getting me through this, Thank you for walking up on stage with me and sitting behind me, not far from reach. THANK YOU!
So I turned around and BAM! HUNDREDS(felt like MILLIONS) of people staring at me, waiting on baited breath for my story and the watermelon has removed my throat altogether and I can't speak. As I tried to compose myself, kick ol' UglyCryFace back down in it's dungeon, You Will NOT show your face, Mr. UglyCryFace, I REFUSE!
Then my legs started shaking or maybe they were shaking the whole time, but there was a damn earthquake moving from my feet to my knees, thighs, stomach full of piranhas and up to my arms and hands. I was shaking so bad I literally had to balance myself, feet spread, hands on podium. COME ON JOEY You can and will do this DAMNIT! You haven't cried at group in months...er month, but for reals, start talking now, hurry, you're wasting time! Ready....GO! Now! Now!
This is when I wanted to turn around, face away from the crowd so I could try and Shake This Off, but my signal for Michele to come rescue me, was to turn around and look at her. SO I couldn't turn around! I took a deep breath, then another, then another and then another.
*cough* "Please forgive me, I wanted to Tell you my story but I'm just going to have to read it...."
My name is Joey Johnson, but I'm most proud to be known as Jack's Mom. You probably don't know that my husband Jory and I actually came to this ceremony 5 years ago, just 3 months after Jack died. You wouldn't remember us because I couldn't get out of the car. Jory sat there patiently with me, supporting whatever I wanted to do. He said we could sit there all night if I needed or we could just go home. I knew we belonged to this new "Club" but I felt so alone because I didn't know anyone. We never made it out of the car that night.
Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a Mom. When I was 6 years old my baby brother Christopher was born and I took him over as my own child, I fed him, changed him, held him and wouldn't allow anyone else near him if I was around. For Christmas that year my mom made me a Cabbage Patch doll and named him Christopher hoping that by giving me that doll, she would get her son back. Unfortunately for her, a doll is no replacement for a warm, giggly baby and I still continue to parent my baby brother to this day.
Years later, when the time came for Jory and I to start a family, we realized it wasn't as easy as we expected. In November 2000 I felt like my dream was ripped away from me when I was diagnosed with infertility issues. We immediately began the long hard road of fertility treatments with years of no results. Then we moved to Arizona and a tumor on my uterus changed everything. One month after I had surgery to remove that tumor, We finally got our miracle!
I'll never forget May 28, 2006, that's the day I saw Jory's face light up when he peeked at the pregnancy test seconds after I sat it on the sink. I can't even put into words the emotions that rushed through me. After 5 years of fertility treatment failures you start to believe it will never happen, you try to have hope, but there really isn't any left, it just becomes routine. After we hugged and jumped up and down I remember staring into each others eyes and it's like we were both finally picturing Our Child's life from birth to first day of school, graduation, getting married and having kids of their own like a movie playing in our heads.
Other then being high risk and having doctor appointments once a week, I had a perfect pregnancy, not one day of morning sickness! And with all those appointments, we got to watch our baby grow with ultrasounds every two weeks.
The day before our Big 3D/4D ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby, our lives changed forever. I went into preterm labor at 20 weeks due to Incompetent Cervix. There was no candy coating our situation, after a quick exam we were told point blank I was in labor and although Jack was perfectly healthy, I would be delivering him and because he wasn't 24 weeks, they would do nothing to help him and he would die. Our little miracle that we worked so hard for 8 years for was going to die? I couldn't wrap my brain around the reality of this nightmare.
Approximately 16 hours later with just Jory and I in the room, our little boy was born at 9:30 pm on August 31, 2006 and we named him Jack Kendrick Johnson, Jack for Captain Jack Sparrow and Kendrick for my maiden name. He was 9.8 oz and 9.5 inches long. He had his daddy's toes and looked like my older brother Shane, he was definitely a Kendrick! Although the nurses told us he would only live seconds or minutes, Jack was strong and his heart continued to beat surprising all the nurses and doctors. We took turns holding and loving on him for his full 4 hours of life. And as he came into this world, he died in our arms on September 1st 2006, with just Jory and I in the room.
The next day we had to say our final goodbyes to Jack and I didn't know how I was going to survive this or if I wanted to survive this. A few hours later, alone in our room, there was a moment when Jory must have noticed that I was shutting down, disappearing into nothingness. I don't know if he was worried that I might end up in a mental hospital or if he actually knew at that moment I was struggling to find a reason to stay alive. He made me promise him I wouldn't leave him alone to deal with this nightmare. It was like a literal lifesaver tossed into the ocean and I held it tight. That promise kept me going "through the motions" of daily life much like that of a zombie.
We had only lived in Arizona just over a year and had only made one friend just two months before Jack died so we lived in near isolation for the following four years. As those years came and went, I thought that feeling of the World Merry-Go-Round would eventually slow enough for me to jump back on but it never did. I can't explain the insanity I felt as the 4 year mark was approaching. I hated who I had become. I use to be so outgoing, life of the party, passionate and surrounded by tons of friends.
I became a sad, angry hermit who never left the house except when I had to for work. I stopped writing and creating art which had been my lifeblood since birth. I wasn't living and I couldn't "live" the rest of my life like this. I knew I had to get help, I had to do something or I would end up in a padded room, which would also break my promise to Jory. My real driving force for finally getting help was Jack, I wanted to make him proud of his Mama and at that point I was nothing to be proud of. I made the choice to get help.
I looked up the next MISS support group, drove 2 hours to Anthem and parked my car. I felt like I was reliving my first year, unable to get out of the car. Had I not driven 2 hours to get there, I may have left and gone home. But I also had Jack pushing me to go in. I Finally got out of my car and made it to my first MISS group where I ended up telling my story in full. It felt like I was under someone else's control because I couldn't stop talking and I've never told my story in such detail since.
A month later they announced the Holidaze Workshops and even though I still knew no one and had to go alone, I knew I had to go. Those workshops literally saved my life! They provided me the tools to handle and work my grief. Support group is where I practice and get use to telling Jack's story. It's where I find support, camaraderie, hope in the future and learned how to continue parenting Jack. On the other hand, the workshops taught me how to handle my emotions in public using breathing exercises like meditation. Which you can also use to sit with and hold your child and I turned it into hanging out with Jack, we color in coloring books or do arts and crafts together. I know it sounds crazy but it Helps me and I'm a believer in doing whatever it is that Helps you get through today. I also learned about journaling, rituals like making or buying an ornament for Jack every year and safe activities to release the tension and anger like breaking plates or throwing ice. The workshops taught me to think outside of the box for Tools to help myself. In the last year I've gone up the canyon and done my own version of Scream Therapy by literally screaming "It FUCKING SUCKS!" from the top of the mountains over and over again until I felt better. I also filmed myself telling The Whole Story, raw emotions and all, uploaded it on YouTube and shared it on Facebook. I'm not sure what I thought that would do for me, but it was a challenge and I conquered it.
This last year I have attended two groups per month, every workshop and event available through MISS. I will always take advantage of every opportunity available to help me through this lifelong grief journey because Jack deserves a healthy mom and he's worth every minute I'm working my grief. We can't climb a mountain without tools and hard work, so how do we expect to make it through this grief journey without tools and hard work? The MISS Foundation is providing you the Tools, you just have to do the work.
A year ago I never would have thought that I would be standing up here not just telling my story but telling you all it does get easier, I never would have believed it, but the good days will eventually outweigh the bad days. I am a testament to that hard work and it's made me so Proud to be Jack's Mom.
I turned and walked towards Michele and my eyes were saying, Please carry me off stage and get me the hell out of here! LOL She hugged me, whispered Sweet Nothings jk in my ear and I'm pretty sure she physically witnessed my full body earthquake shake. I think I heard an applause but was in so much shock that I actually did it, I just wanted to escape! We walked to the back of the room where Jory was, he grabbed my coat off the back of my chair, I thought he was asking if I wanted to go out to smoke which FUCK YES GET ME OUTTA HERE PLEASE! But he was just being polite moving my coat for me, but he caught on quickly and we bolted quietly out the back so I could finally breath....
THANK YOU Jory, Michele, Rails, Bianca, Kathy and Noni, without all of your last second encouragement, encouraging looks, Pink hair and distracting cuteness, I would have turned and gone out the back door instead of up on stage because I have never ever EVER been that nervous before in my LIFE!
THANK YOU Dr. Jo, Deb, Derek, Alex, Jen, Jacob, Christine, Rick, Trevor and your cute long hair, Kris, Amy, Jaime, Mary, Michael, Chelsea, Scott, Kim, Julie, Jody, Toby, Alyson, Amanda, Alicia, Ashlee, Stephanie, Nia, Toni, Kelly, Ashley, Angel, Vickie and all my other Bereaved Parents Family for your encouragement, kind words and continued support!
THANK YOU to my Family Sara, Keara, Juli, Mom, Cody, Christopher, LaDawn who all sent their encouragements. This was easier then listing everyone in my family and just because they didn't comment or send their encouragements doesn't mean they don't love and support me, just means they have lives not on facebook! LOL LOVE YOU ALL!
THANK YOU especially Jory, for standing by me, holding my hand, pinching my arm, sharing gum with me when I NEED it, offering to go up and stand with me, supporting me and my Crazy self, loving me forever and putting up with my busy MISS schedule!
THANK YOU Jack for making my dream come true by making me a mom, for making me a better person, giving me a reason to change my life, for changing my life forever, for waking me up so I can truly appreciate the people I have in my life, filling my heart because I didn't know I could LOVE this intensely, being my son, being my guardian angel and for my scarf you magically sent to me last year...I wore it tonight like your arms were wrapped around my neck.
THANK YOU Dad for keeping Jack company until it's my turn! MISS you and LOVE you both to the moon and back! <3
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Adventures in Toilet Sitting: Resistance is Futile, You will be a Commodity
My husband's post on our current Foreclosure shituation:
Adventures in Toilet Sitting: Resistance is Futile, You will be a Commodity: Oh Joy, today I came home to a Notice of Trustee's Sale taped to my garage door, cowards didn't even have the courage to knock. I write th...
Adventures in Toilet Sitting: Resistance is Futile, You will be a Commodity: Oh Joy, today I came home to a Notice of Trustee's Sale taped to my garage door, cowards didn't even have the courage to knock. I write th...
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
2011 My Kindness Project for the International Kindness Project Day
"To help one person is to help the world." -- Joanne Cacciatore
It's a Kindness Revolution! Everyone is invited to participate with us, doing simple acts of kindness in the memory of a loved one or if you're lucky enough not to have one, feel free to do it in Jack's name! This is something we as bereaved parents do often in memory of our kids who have died.
My very first Random Act of Kindness was very simple. I went through the Wendy's drive-thru expecting to buy a $5 gift card or certificate but they didn't have them anymore. I had several cars in front of me so I was near the ordering menu for about 15 minutes. I was feeling kind of silly, since this wasn't going as planned. While I sat there with my window down, there was delivery guy hauling food in and out of the back door. He had his son with him, he looked about 4 or 5 years old who was playing around the bushes. When the delivery guy was finished he grabbed his crates and said, "Come on Jack, time to go." I started crying, it was confirmation that Jack was with me and I would do this Act of Kindness no matter how silly or embarrassed I was. When I finally got to the window, I handed the girl a $5 bill and asked her to put my $5 towards the guy's order behind me. She looked at me funny and asked, "What?" I told her that I was doing a Random Act of Kindness in memory of my son Jack and I wanted to donate $5 to the order for the guy behind me in line. She still looked a little confused but took the $5 and the Kindness Card that said, "This Random Act of Kindness...Done in Loving Memory of Jack Kendrick Johnson. As I drove away I saw her hand the card to the man and "explain" what I had done. Driving through the parking lot my tears were blinding me and I had to pull over but I didn't want the guy to follow me so I wiped them away with my shirt and headed home. My heart was so heavy with love for Jack, my tears were full of pain and sorrow, but I felt so good because I knew Jack was with me at that moment.
Due to our current situation, we can't afford 5 backpacks filled with supplies, but we can afford One. That One will be picked out just as if it were for Jack and will will fill it with all the supplies and maybe some extras. I will photograph and Vlog the entire project to share with everyone!
The other 4 backpacks is where I NEED YOU! So my dearest Friends and Family....would you be willing to help me with this Kindness project for Kindness Day as well as Jack's 5th Birthday coming in August? If you don't want to buy the items and ship them to me because of the shipping cost, you can DONATE to my PayPal and I will photograph what your money purchased!
Kindergarten Supply List
1 Backpack, large enough to hold a 2 pocket folder, no wheels please!
12 #2 Pencils
1 Box of 8 Jumbo Crayons
1 Box of 64 Crayons
3 Glue Sticks
1 Box of Tissues
1 Pink Eraser
1 Box of 8-10 Broad Tip Markers (can be washable)
1 Pair of Fiskar Scissors
1 Pencil Case
1 Wide Ruled Spiral Bound Notebook
3 Pocket Folders
1 Bottle of White/Elmers Glue
1 Personal size Bottle of Hand Sanitizer
Extras:
Colored Tissue Paper
Cotton Balls
Craft Sticks
Paper Plates/Paper Cups
Paper Towels
Card Stock (any color)
Band-Aids
Scotch Tape
Play Doh
Play Ground Balls
Colored Paper
Puzzles
Package Zip Lock bags(snack, sandwich, quart or gallon size)
If you would like to ship supplies to me, email me joeycjohnson@gmail.com and I will provide you with my address and please have everything shipped no later then July 22nd so I receive it on time to deliver them on July 27th!. If you would like to DONATE money for me to purchase the supplies and backpacks, my PayPal DONATE button is on the right of the page and I'll see if I can post one right below or above this post. Or CLICK HERE!
THANK YOU ALL in advance for whatever you are able to do to help me honor Jack for his 5th Birthday!
7/13/11 UPDATE: I've already received 4 donations via PayPal and went on my first shopping trip a few days ago! I will post those photos soon! I've had a few people want to donate and asked how much it would cost for a filled backpack so I priced it out and it ranged between $35-$40. However, I will accept whatever you are willing to donate!
7/17/11 UPDATE: So I've been a little busy shopping for school supplies, here's a sneak peak of the backpacks and supplies I've bought with the donations so far! It's not too late to donate! But I am going on LIVE TV this Wednesday and need to have all 5 complete! So HURRY quick! Thanks again!
THANK YOU!
Auntie Juli
Grandma Debbie
♥ Kyndal's mom Cori
♥ Evan's parents Deb & Derek
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Friday, July 01, 2011
"Jory...I think you need to take me to the hospital."
After a hellaciously HOT and Sweaty day of No Power due to the Mesa SRP Transformer explosion, last night only got worse.
Our power was restored shortly after 7pm (5 hours without power) and I was starving and didn't want to heat up our house even more by cooking so I went to Famous Daves to pick up dinner. I ate my favorite, the Cajun Chicken sandwich with no bun and corn on the cob. About 45 minutes after dinner I took some of my vitamins and Jory went to bed because he had to wake up at 4 am for work. I started to feel like my bra was getting tight and I was struggling to breath. This same thing happened the 2nd day of loading for my round 2 on my HCG VLCD, I was driving home from picking up fatty foods to eat and I thought I was having a heart attack. That episode didn't last very long though, maybe 30 minutes, so I figured this was the same thing and it would go away soon. I did my best to get comfortable but the pain and constricting moved to my back and shoulders. I eventually laid on my stomach on the couch and it seemed to lessen the pain. I even fell asleep shortly but because I was laying in such an awkward position, my right shoulder was killing me so I got up. Thinking I was feeling better I went out to smoke and I did feel semi-ok. But when I came back inside and sat on the couch, the pain came back 10-fold! This time I couldn't find a comfortable position, sitting, laying or standing. I didn't know what was going on, was this a heart attack? Was this really bad indigestion or heart burn? Should I take a Vicodin for the pain? Would that kill me if this is a heart attack or something to do with my heart? I looked for heart burn/acid reflux pills but couldn't find any. I started getting really scared because it had been 2 hours already.
•Rapid weight loss diets significantly increase the risk for gallstones• SUPER AWESOME!
•Steady, severe pain in the upper abdomen that increases rapidly and lasts from 30 minutes to several hours
•Pain in the back between the shoulder blades
•Pain under the right shoulder
•Recurring intolerance of fatty foods
•Belching
•Gas
•Indigestion?
The following symptoms are indication that you should seek immediate medical attention:
•Sweating
•Chills
When it got to the point I was struggling to breath, was sweating and had the chills, couldn't sit, stand or lay down to get comfortable, I finally decided I might need to go to the hospital. I walked in the bedroom (at midnight) climbed on the bed next to Jory, the fan was on and it felt good so I moved around to see if I could get comfortable, NOPE.
"Jory"
He moved his face in my direction and made a noise so I knew he was a little awake.
"I think you need to take me to the hospital"
What? Are you serious?
"Yes, I'm sorry"
He jumped up, heart attack induced. What's wrong?
"I don't know, everything from the waist up hurts, mostly my back and I can't breath or get comfortable." I began to roll around on the bed, trying different positions with pillows because the pain at this point was nearing unbearable. How the hell was I going to stand the car ride to Banner Desert 20 minutes away? I rolled one more time on my left side with a pillow under my torso, a strange position to see I'm sure.
Jory walks from the closet to the bathroom. How long have you been feeling this way?
"About 2 hours now." Within a few minutes of saying this and finding that awkward position on my left side, it's as if someone flipped a switch and the pain was gone. But I didn't know if it would come back so I didn't dare move and continued to let Jory get dressed.
When he was all ready to go, he came in and started asking me more detailed questions, when it started, how it started, what if felt like because it sounded like the same pains he experienced with his gallstones. As I explained what happened and how I was feeling I realized the pain wasn't coming back and I didn't want to move. Feeling horrible that I woke him up and scared him to death I was embarrassed to tell him I didn't think we still needed to go to the hospital.
While deciding what to do and not wanting to waste Jory's sleeping time, he had to get ready for work in 4 hours, I changed positions. The pain never came back, my right shoulder still hurt but was more of an ache. Jory told me more about his gallbladder pains and how most likely that is what I experienced. So we decided not to go to the hospital, instead I'd call my doctor in the morning and see if I can get in to see him and unfortunately probably have to get my gallbladder out.
This morning I started researching gallstones and gallbladders and found the symptoms above but more importantly:
"The most common serious side effect seen with VeryLowCalorieDiets is gallstone formation. Gallstones, which frequently develop in obese people (especially women), are even more common during rapid weight loss. The reason for this may be that rapid weight loss appears to decrease the gallbladder's ability to contract bile. But, it is unclear whether VLCDs directly cause gallstones or whether the amount of weight loss is responsible for the formation of gallstones."
After researching all this, I found out I had a Gallbladder Attack However, I may not have to get my gallbladder out! I might just need to take a pill, Actigall or simply avoid fatty foods, which I'm doing anyway. I believe it was the fried onion strings on my chicken that caused this gallbladder attack.
I left a voicemail for my doctor, I'm already set to do blood tests next week, so I'm going to ask him to add the gallstone blood test to it and then when I see him the next week, if he wants to check with his ultrasound machine, that would be kool. But I would hope and prefer not to get my gallbladder out. From all those in my family that had theirs out (all in the same damn year) I've heard they've continued to have issues after eating now, so what's the point?
YES, I realize I just WebMD Diagnosed myself and I won't know For Sure what happened until I confirm it with my doctor, but I've never WebMD Diagnosed myself wrong before, SO...
Our power was restored shortly after 7pm (5 hours without power) and I was starving and didn't want to heat up our house even more by cooking so I went to Famous Daves to pick up dinner. I ate my favorite, the Cajun Chicken sandwich with no bun and corn on the cob. About 45 minutes after dinner I took some of my vitamins and Jory went to bed because he had to wake up at 4 am for work. I started to feel like my bra was getting tight and I was struggling to breath. This same thing happened the 2nd day of loading for my round 2 on my HCG VLCD, I was driving home from picking up fatty foods to eat and I thought I was having a heart attack. That episode didn't last very long though, maybe 30 minutes, so I figured this was the same thing and it would go away soon. I did my best to get comfortable but the pain and constricting moved to my back and shoulders. I eventually laid on my stomach on the couch and it seemed to lessen the pain. I even fell asleep shortly but because I was laying in such an awkward position, my right shoulder was killing me so I got up. Thinking I was feeling better I went out to smoke and I did feel semi-ok. But when I came back inside and sat on the couch, the pain came back 10-fold! This time I couldn't find a comfortable position, sitting, laying or standing. I didn't know what was going on, was this a heart attack? Was this really bad indigestion or heart burn? Should I take a Vicodin for the pain? Would that kill me if this is a heart attack or something to do with my heart? I looked for heart burn/acid reflux pills but couldn't find any. I started getting really scared because it had been 2 hours already.
•Rapid weight loss diets significantly increase the risk for gallstones• SUPER AWESOME!
•Steady, severe pain in the upper abdomen that increases rapidly and lasts from 30 minutes to several hours
•Pain in the back between the shoulder blades
•Pain under the right shoulder
•Recurring intolerance of fatty foods
•Belching
•Gas
•Indigestion?
The following symptoms are indication that you should seek immediate medical attention:
•Sweating
•Chills
When it got to the point I was struggling to breath, was sweating and had the chills, couldn't sit, stand or lay down to get comfortable, I finally decided I might need to go to the hospital. I walked in the bedroom (at midnight) climbed on the bed next to Jory, the fan was on and it felt good so I moved around to see if I could get comfortable, NOPE.
"Jory"
He moved his face in my direction and made a noise so I knew he was a little awake.
"I think you need to take me to the hospital"
What? Are you serious?
"Yes, I'm sorry"
He jumped up, heart attack induced. What's wrong?
"I don't know, everything from the waist up hurts, mostly my back and I can't breath or get comfortable." I began to roll around on the bed, trying different positions with pillows because the pain at this point was nearing unbearable. How the hell was I going to stand the car ride to Banner Desert 20 minutes away? I rolled one more time on my left side with a pillow under my torso, a strange position to see I'm sure.
Jory walks from the closet to the bathroom. How long have you been feeling this way?
"About 2 hours now." Within a few minutes of saying this and finding that awkward position on my left side, it's as if someone flipped a switch and the pain was gone. But I didn't know if it would come back so I didn't dare move and continued to let Jory get dressed.
When he was all ready to go, he came in and started asking me more detailed questions, when it started, how it started, what if felt like because it sounded like the same pains he experienced with his gallstones. As I explained what happened and how I was feeling I realized the pain wasn't coming back and I didn't want to move. Feeling horrible that I woke him up and scared him to death I was embarrassed to tell him I didn't think we still needed to go to the hospital.
While deciding what to do and not wanting to waste Jory's sleeping time, he had to get ready for work in 4 hours, I changed positions. The pain never came back, my right shoulder still hurt but was more of an ache. Jory told me more about his gallbladder pains and how most likely that is what I experienced. So we decided not to go to the hospital, instead I'd call my doctor in the morning and see if I can get in to see him and unfortunately probably have to get my gallbladder out.
This morning I started researching gallstones and gallbladders and found the symptoms above but more importantly:
"The most common serious side effect seen with VeryLowCalorieDiets is gallstone formation. Gallstones, which frequently develop in obese people (especially women), are even more common during rapid weight loss. The reason for this may be that rapid weight loss appears to decrease the gallbladder's ability to contract bile. But, it is unclear whether VLCDs directly cause gallstones or whether the amount of weight loss is responsible for the formation of gallstones."
After researching all this, I found out I had a Gallbladder Attack However, I may not have to get my gallbladder out! I might just need to take a pill, Actigall or simply avoid fatty foods, which I'm doing anyway. I believe it was the fried onion strings on my chicken that caused this gallbladder attack.
I left a voicemail for my doctor, I'm already set to do blood tests next week, so I'm going to ask him to add the gallstone blood test to it and then when I see him the next week, if he wants to check with his ultrasound machine, that would be kool. But I would hope and prefer not to get my gallbladder out. From all those in my family that had theirs out (all in the same damn year) I've heard they've continued to have issues after eating now, so what's the point?
YES, I realize I just WebMD Diagnosed myself and I won't know For Sure what happened until I confirm it with my doctor, but I've never WebMD Diagnosed myself wrong before, SO...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Practicing
I was asked to write something in honor of Jack’s 5th Birthday and Angelversary for the July/Aug MISS Foundation Newsletter and it’s due TODAY! I haven’t “written” anything for a very long time and have been struggling to even type a letter or two until now. I always thought my writers block that hit about 2-3 years ago was caused by my Grief Brain. But recently I attended a MISS workshop “Poetry UnSlam” that Kara and Hawk Jones of KOTA PRESS and Mother Henna facilitated about the basics of poetry writing. Writing is a Grief Tool. It helps to clear your mind of all the craziness that swims around in our brains throughout the day. A lot of people find writing in a journal before bed helps them fall asleep easier. For me, writing is how I express my emotions, thoughts, fears…release the CRAZY if you will, temporarily at least. Without being able to release the “crazy”, it’s all just bouncing around in my brain like thousands of kernels popping in the Jiffy Pop pan over the stove, yet my skull isn’t made of tin foil.
During the workshop I really struggled to participate in the writing activities, that damn Block was hanging over my head like a Dementor from Harry Potter sucking the life out of me. But after the workshop and for the following three days, I processed the information we were given and the keyword Kara used was “practicing”. Instead of writing poetry or stories, she practices. That word repeated itself in my brain over and over and finally it struck me. I don’t have to write I can just practice. I don’t know why I’m such a perfectionist when it comes to my writing, poetry, crochet, photography or anything I do creatively. I’m not a perfectionist when it comes to my everyday life so why my art? It’s Bizarre!
I also learned something else, something big. This other revelation I had was that it’s not writers block that plagues me. I spent four years after Jack died doing everything I could to not feel, to not think, to zombie out to escape that pain, that I’m too good at it now. I’ve learned over the last 9 months that I don’t trust myself to let those feelings out because I don’t know if I can control them. I don’t know if I will be able to stop crying, to see the light shinning on the ladder in my deep dark hole I fall into so easily. The MISS Foundation showed me that there is light in there, they provided me the “ladder” to climb out of that dark hole. I thought I was doing so well in group, but the last several groups I haven’t talked much, about me, about Jack. I’ve supported others, but at some point I stopped sharing. Apparently because the wall I’ve built around me, to protect my feelings, my sanity, is so strong now, I’m not sure how to break through it anymore.
I thought by helping others, supporting others, I was helping myself. It made me feel good again. Jack and I were conquering the world and it made me so Proud to be his Mom! But I got lost in there somewhere. Even now as I write this, that lump in my throat is growing into a bowling ball and my sore red eyes burn because if I let that one tear fall, the control is gone. Why won’t I just let it fall?
So here it is, my first step towards finding a crack in that Wall, one chip at a time.
During the workshop I really struggled to participate in the writing activities, that damn Block was hanging over my head like a Dementor from Harry Potter sucking the life out of me. But after the workshop and for the following three days, I processed the information we were given and the keyword Kara used was “practicing”. Instead of writing poetry or stories, she practices. That word repeated itself in my brain over and over and finally it struck me. I don’t have to write I can just practice. I don’t know why I’m such a perfectionist when it comes to my writing, poetry, crochet, photography or anything I do creatively. I’m not a perfectionist when it comes to my everyday life so why my art? It’s Bizarre!
I also learned something else, something big. This other revelation I had was that it’s not writers block that plagues me. I spent four years after Jack died doing everything I could to not feel, to not think, to zombie out to escape that pain, that I’m too good at it now. I’ve learned over the last 9 months that I don’t trust myself to let those feelings out because I don’t know if I can control them. I don’t know if I will be able to stop crying, to see the light shinning on the ladder in my deep dark hole I fall into so easily. The MISS Foundation showed me that there is light in there, they provided me the “ladder” to climb out of that dark hole. I thought I was doing so well in group, but the last several groups I haven’t talked much, about me, about Jack. I’ve supported others, but at some point I stopped sharing. Apparently because the wall I’ve built around me, to protect my feelings, my sanity, is so strong now, I’m not sure how to break through it anymore.
I thought by helping others, supporting others, I was helping myself. It made me feel good again. Jack and I were conquering the world and it made me so Proud to be his Mom! But I got lost in there somewhere. Even now as I write this, that lump in my throat is growing into a bowling ball and my sore red eyes burn because if I let that one tear fall, the control is gone. Why won’t I just let it fall?
So here it is, my first step towards finding a crack in that Wall, one chip at a time.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
HCG VLCD Round 2 Day 17
Vlog 221
Vlog 220(was the Walk on Mother's Day video, I changed the date to 5/08/11 for easier tracking, go check it out!)
Vlog 220(was the Walk on Mother's Day video, I changed the date to 5/08/11 for easier tracking, go check it out!)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
HCG VLCD Round 2 Day 9 + Hi, I'm Joey & I'm a CHEATER!
Vlog 114
SUBSCRIBE! http://www.youtube.com/user/joeythegirl
SUBSCRIBE! http://www.youtube.com/user/joeythegirl
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Empty Strollers, Empty Shoes: We Walk for Them on Mother's Day 2011
Vlog 120 (uploaded on 5/30/11 but posting on 5/08/11 for easier tracking)
Part 2
Part 2
Friday, May 06, 2011
HCG VLCD Maintenance Days 11-18 I've lost 43.4 lbs!
Vlog 109
SUBSCRIBE! http://www.youtube.com/user/joeythegirl
SUBSCRIBE! http://www.youtube.com/user/joeythegirl
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
HCG Phase 3 Maintenance
Vlog 106
Follow me on TWITTER
http://twitter.com/joeythegirl
SUBSCRIBE!
http://www.youtube.com/user/joeythegirl
Follow me on TWITTER
http://twitter.com/joeythegirl
SUBSCRIBE!
http://www.youtube.com/user/joeythegirl
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Friday, April 08, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)