We're Baaack!

The Trip was great, the drive was looong, the wedding was beautiful, and gas prices were/are outragous! Stories and photos coming soon.

Went back to work yesterday, found out I had until this morning to schedule my 3 remaining vacation days!? It would have been nice to know before I came back from my vacation! I was told I didn't have any vacation time and that's why I had to use my 3 personal days to go to CA. We would have enjoyed a few more days up north.

On the other hand, I have 3 vacation days to use and only had one option if I wanted them together. So I think we'll be making a trip to Utah Dec. 6 - 10th to celebrate Thanksgiving, my birthday and Christmas. For those of you thinking of coming to sunny Arizona this "winter" I have a 3 day weekend over Thanksgiving and possibly a 4 day weekend over xmas so feel free to come see us. Bring your shorts and t shirts!

Kneel before Budda, have a moment of silence, pray to whoever you pray to that we make it to and from California without getting pulled over!

Today is the day we leave on vacation to Arcata, CA for our friends, Eric and Athena's wedding. There's been a lot of prep going into this trip. There was the whooping cough that took Manhatten and my lungs. Still is, Week 11 my friends, week E-l-e-v-e-n! Muscles were ripped from my back by the evil Dr. W. Cough. Couldn't go pee without crying and Jory had to bathe me and wash my hair. God I love that man! By the way I moved back into our bed two nights ago, no more sleeping on the couch for me!
Can't forget the retards who spent over $400 for a dead battery, winning us the coveted 2005 Dumbass of the Year Award! Since I'm back to bending over and standing up without gasping in pain, Jory decides it's his turn. He's been having pains in the area of his fixed hernia. We're trying to hold out until we have insurance to have him "inspected" because of the potential cost. So hopefully he can make it through this trip before his guts explode out of his belly button. You would think that would be all, right? Not a chance.
I paid off my car this past January, waiting very patiently, maybe too patiently for the bank to mail me my title. We were a little busy with changing jobs, selling our house and moving to another state! Give me some slack, will ya? By the time I realized I hadn't received my title I only had 30 days to register my car, expired in June. If you move from Utah to Arizona you have to have your title to register your car. So after I recovered enough to pee on my own, I contact my bank and they sent me a title release for me to mail to the Utah DMV to get a copy of my title. The original was apparently lost in the mail. I didn't get this taken care of in time so we are traveling on expired plates. I still have to go home, clean the ferret cage, pack the car and stop at a gas station for travel snacks and such before we officially get on the road. It's take me all day to write this and I'm really tired. Jory might have to drive the first leg. Will post pictures and stories from the road when we return. Kneel before Budda, have a moment of silence, pray to whoever you pray to that we make it to and from California without getting pulled over! Thank you!

Fuck it, it wasn't meant to be

I just spent the last 3 1/2 hours pouring out my guts to the world for nothing. Serves me right trying to share my inner most thoughts and feelings. Blogger times you out after so long and I KNOW this. If you spend a fair amount of time writing you have to save your blog but do I forget to do this when I'm writing about nothing? No. Only when I've sat down and spent several hours pouring my heart and soul out. So fuck it, it wasn't meant to be, I wasn't supposed to be blatantly honest with all of you. It is meant to stay in my head forever.

Here's a quick non heart felt update on my cough and the muscles that won't heal in my back. We're in week 9 of the cough, less choking and more spitting up mucus. When I think my back is close to being better, I have a long night of coughing and starts all over the next day.
Still not smoking very much but yes, still smoking. And I don't want to hear it from anyone!

Getting ready for our trip to Arcata, CA next Monday. Can't wait for the vacation and I'm really excited to see Shane and Jessie and our friends! It should be a grand time.

Friendsheep

BJ's and Legos

Legoland version of Seaside Village Old Town San Diego, CA

*

Tonight night we went to BJ's Brewery for dinner with Jory's aunt Gail and cousin Brynn, who's going to school here. The food was delicious, but it better be when you have to wait over an hour for it! Conversation was good. I really like Gail (sorry if I'm spelling her name wrong) and her husband Bob, we stayed at their house in Bonsal, CA this past May. They were very hospitable, they let us bring Mazzy and didn't make us sleep outside with the ceyotes, we had a fabulous time! I had met them once before back in January at Jory's uncle Chip's funeral, but we were there for such a short time it didn't really allow anything but first impressions. For the record, I thought they were kool, even though they're Republican. =)

Bang! Play Dead

This is what Jory and Mazzy do all day while I'm off slaving at work. And when they're not laying around, Jory teaches Mazzy how to Play Dead. Isn't she cute?

Billy Boy

Christopher William Peterson
Happy Birthday my favorite little brother!

Little Mohawk

Little Mohawk Matrim is having an exciting year, his parents are tying the proverbial knot and he's getting a little sister! Props to Athena for making a man out of the "Mann". We love you guys and can't wait to see you in a couple weeks.

What A Big Nose You Have

Jerry Garcia Johnson

A stoner at heart, all he does is eat and sleep.

Bada Bing!

This just in...Straight from the Soprano's Newsletter:

Chase will produce some more Sopranos.

Saying he was "obviously delighted," HBO chairman Chris Albrecht announced on Thursday that the network will produce eight bonus episodes for The Sopranos' upcoming sixth season. The new episodes, which are slated to debut in January 2007, will follow the previously announced 12 episodes, which begin in March 2006.
"When something is as remarkable as The Sopranos, our audience would like to see it continue as long as possible," Albrecht said. "So we're thrilled that David Chase felt that there are more stories to be told."
Brad Grey, executive producer of the series added that the show had "continued to grow and evolve" with every season. "We're all looking forward to spending more time with The Sopranos," he said.

Lord of the Fuckheads

Photographer: Joey J Model: Jory J

82% of the vote and I was worried? America choose Kaysar to return to the BB house, thank the 5 million who voted! Spoiler alert, don't read on if you don't want to know what I'm about to tell you. For those of you not interested in reading about BB skip to the next paragraph.
SPOILER starts here: Kaysar made a deal with Jennifer for HOH, if she agreed to put up two of her own as pawns and backdoor James then he would let Jen win HOH. She agreed and he gave it to her. nominations came and she WENT BACK on her promise and put up Janelle and Rachel instead of Yvette and Beau. What a BITCH! Are we surprised? No. Fuck her. After all the upset, Kaysar went and talked to her to find out what the fuck she was thinking. Jen told him she couldn't possibly put up two of her own, but she is planning on back-dooring James as promised. She's not as innocent and stupid as she has portrayed herself the last month. Janelle actually called her a cunt, Jory and I laughed it up.

Don't you love the word cunt? Say it now, cunt. It's so vulgar, it's the strongest of all vulgar words and so much fun to use. But we all save it for those who really deserve it, don't we? I can think of two of them now. Marny "Horseface" Stevens and Lisa Nielsen.

Haven't done much this weekend, we moved the computer into the dinning/living room. We got tired of sweating our guts out in the computer room. The only downside is having to wear headphones when I'm watching recorded TV or BB live feed when Jory's playing video games in the same room. I don't HAVE to wear headphones but otherwise I can't hear it. I didn't think I would mind wearing them either but when I take them off and talk, my hearing is all fucked up.

Alright bitches, have a good night.

Monsoon Madness

For those of you wondering what Monsoon season is all about in Arizona, here is a picture of our real first Monsoon rainstorm. There's nothing better than a crazy-ass rain storm in the middle of a hot day!

Kaysar, Return of the King (cross your fingers!)

It's my friday and the night Kaysar returns the Big Brother house, I hope!

I never wrote about what a bad move Howie made last Saturday, he put up James and Sarah. You can't get rid of people in your group until you have the majority. He should have put up Yvette and Beau and then if one of them won the veto, put up Maggie and get rid of her. If neither won the veto, get rid of Yvette. But no, he was stupid and so was Rachel for letting him do that. They not only screwed themselves, they screwed Janelle which pisses me off! Howie made a deal with Maggie that if he put up James and Sarah, he and Rachel would be safe for two weeks. Knowing that there is the teenie tiniest possibility that Eric could be coming back, Howie should have known this was not the time to get rid of James. Realizing that he had screwed up, you'd think that Howie and even Rachel would do everything in their power to not let James get the veto, right? Ironically Yvette was the smartest player when it came to the Veto competition.

Let me set the game up for you, all 6 players had pinatas with a hole in the back and each person had 10 pieces of candy they had to divide between at least two of the six houseguests. The person with the most candy, not going over 20 pieces would win the veto. They sequester each player and then one at a time they go out back and put their candy in the pinatas. So if there is someone you don't want to win, you put all but one piece in their pinata and put the 10th piece in your pinata.

Each one of them came out and immediate go to put 9 pieces in James' pinata then stop and think, "What is everyone else going to do? What if they don't put all their pieces in James' pinata? (WHY WOULDN'T THEY? YOU DUMB FUCKERS! I yell at the TV. GOD! Don't you all watch BB before you apply to be on the show? Haven't you seen every season make the same mistake so you know not to? I pause the show to rant.) This game is played every season and every season they fuck it up! Then like the retards they are they go and divy them up
A. between everyone
B. half to James, half to Sarah
C. half in Howie, half in Rachel or the correct answer
D. 9 to James and 1 to self.
Yvette was the ONLY person who gave James 9 and 1 to herself. YVETTE! The MOST retarded of all the players is the only one who played it correctly! So yeah, shocked faces when James won the veto. Stupid fuckers.

However, Yvette opened the door to change the game again because she was playing chess with James and everyone else has completely stopped talking to James and Sarah so now she's thought of as being his aly. This pisses off April and she and her partner Jennifer go to Howie and Janelle about possibly putting up Yvette as the "pawn" and then voting her out! What a brilliant idea! The house has already decided that it doesn't matter who Howie puts up in James' place, they plann(ed) on voting Sarah out. April and Yvette both volunteered to be put up, so it wouldn't be so weird for Howie to put up Yvette. So after much stress and nail biting the veto meeting starts and Howie does the smartest thing so far, he puts up Yvette. She was a tiny bit suprised because it was really supposed to be April but she had volunteered too so no big deal.

Now the window is open. We know James will vote out Yvette. As long as April stays pissed and doesn't talk to Maggie (we can also assume whatever April does, Jennnifer does), she'll vote out Yvette with Howie, Rachel and Janelle and the game will be back on! Kaysar will return and start throwing out the fucking "friendship".

I didn't mean to blog about BB today, that wasn't my intension but it's what came out so deal.

Mucusy Grossness

We're nearing the end of week 7 and I'm still coughing, my back still hurts but is slowly getting better. My cough has change a little, I'm no longer choking to DEATH during every cough. I'm coughing up more mucusy grossness which makes me want to vomit and sometimes I do.

Codeine cough syrup gone, only two Lortab left and one hiding Percocet, need to find a local dealer. =)

Work is work, missing my friends. Loving the weather, RAIN in the summer ROCKS!

Days of our Harland Lives. The Idea hits.

It's really hard not to write about work, definitely not interested in getting dooced. So I'm sitting here thinking about my old co-workers who I miss dearly and realize, I can write my heart out about Harland! I can't be fired from a place I don't work anymore, and there is no end to the drama that happened and continues to happen at John H. Harland Company. My good friend Sarah who is a Work Force Analyst at the big H and I joked about keeping a journal about all the call center drama and maybe one day publish it. I never did journal it but my brain is fresh full of memories and when I can't think about anything else to write, I think I'll write about it here. Wait, no I think I'll create a new blog just for Harland...yeah that's what I'll do and then I spread the word quietly and sneakily to those that still work there and see what kind of fun it creates!

Speaking of Sarah, here is a picture of her desk on her Birthday. We really liked to let each other know how much we loved them by "decorating" their desk!
Yes that is mini confetti and industrial plastic wrap, a great benefit of working in the same building as one of our printing facilities.

I'm off to set up my Harland Blog, come back later for the Introduction and first episode.

Week 7

Still coughing, back hurts, running out of Lortab.

Daddy Johnson

Happy Birthday to my father in-law, Ken!

We love you so much and appreciate you more than you will ever know!

Kaysar in 2008!

It's Big Brother 6 time and I have Jory hooked this year. I've watched BB since the first season and have loved and hated each season. This year is a good one, but that wasn't my first impression. As per tradition I missed the first episode, so when I sat down to watch the second I was disappointed that CBS has gone all MTV on our asses and eliminated all the real people. You know, the old folks, the rainbow colored hair character and the chubby guy or gal. This season they are all thin, fit and down right built (Howie) and don't forget all the boobies! However this season redeemed it self with Kaysar. He truly is King Kaysar. Yes, even kings make mistakes like showing all his cards when he was HOH. If there were anyone in BB history that played the game like I would have, it would be Kaysar, minus the cards. Unfortunately after Kaysar turned the game upside down, which was SO much fun to watch and SO needed to be done in order to make this season worth watching, his "group" failed to win the next HOH which gave the "friendship" coined by Maggie back the power and Kaysar ended up being evicted.

Now the excitement isn't necessarily gone because as Julie Chen has said, this is the "Summer of Secrets". With perfect timing, BB has thrown in America's Choice Vote to bring back an evicted houseguest which means WE decide which evicted houseguest get's to return to the BB house. There are only three houseguest to vote for, Michael who was CrAzY, Eric the midget, and King Kaysar.

So regardless if you care about the BB or CBS, do me a favor and go here and VOTE for KAYSAR to return the BB house so I can enjoy wasting more time watching Reality TV (especially while my back is hurt, I have to watch something in between all the books I'm reading...LOL).

LoveR

I don't know how I ever made it through my first 20 years of life without you!

Arizona flower

Purple Haze

Stormy night, Purple sky.

When my Knight in Shinning Armor comes to pick my Doped Ass up from work!

I'm Alive!
Today is my first day back to work since last Wednesday. That night at work, I coughed so hard I heard a pop in my back and it threw me to my knees. I only had 15 minutes left of work, so I stayed and somehow drove home in tears, I don't think I got over 25 mph.
Because we don't have health insurance right now, I didn't want to go to the emergency room and Jory happened to have some Lortab left over from his surgery so I took those to make it through the night.

Jory took me to Urgent Care Thursday morning, told the doctor I've had a cough for 5 weeks and from what I've read on the internet I knew I had whooping cough. When the doctor was examing my back he touched the "spot" and I colapsed from the pain. The doctor ordered xrays, said he thought I might have broke a rib when I coughed, but the xrays came back clear. The doctor said I tore some muscles in my back and prescribed me Percocet and codeine cough medicine to keep me knocked out for a few days. But didn't prescribe me antibiotics! Told me to come back in three days if I didn't improve. Went home and drugged up for three days. Read Jory's blog for all the stuff I've left out.

All I remember of those three days is excruciating pain, waking up to stuff my face with english muffins/bagels/or toast and jam so I could take more drugs and go back to sleep. When I felt fucked up enough I would stay awake until I coughed and The Pain would return in which I immediately wanted to go back to sleep.

My sweet sweet husband Jory took care of me like no one could! He was so worried about me and so sweet, always making sure I was ok even when I was peeing. It's amazing how long it takes you to pee when you are F'd up. I would be in there so long he would come check on me.
I could never thank him enough for being my "doctor/nurse/husband/ wife/cook/cleaner/crutch/pillow arranger/movie renter/water filler upper/food shopper/prescription getter/driver/Mazzy poop and pee picker upper/pet feeder/my everythinger".
He even washed my hair! He offered to help me shower or give me a sponge bath ;) but I knew I wasn't going to be able to spend much more time in the tub then needed to wash my hair.
I feel bad he had to do EVERYTHING this past week! I guess it was a good thing he doesn't have a job yet...I really needed him and he was SO there for me! I love you Jory Dan Johnson, there is no one in the world that even compares to you!

Sunday afternoon Jory drove me back to Urgent Care and I saw a different doctor who immediately assumed I was a drug addict and was completely worthless. I had to tell him the whole story again even though it was right there in my file. After I told him the story, he asked me again what I wanted him to do and I told him the pain is unbearable and I needed more pain pills and I would like an antibiotic for my cough so it will go away and not just be supressed. He asked me if I was a smoker and I told him up until 30 days ago I was (give or take a few cigarettes). He hesitantly agreed to listen to my lungs and asked me to breath in and of course out came a cough and whoop to follow. I doubled over in pain and almost fell off the exam table with no help from him. He immediately said I did indeed have whooping cough and he would prescribe me Zithromax and more pain pills.

I left the doctors office with antibiotics, not Zithromax though, Biaxin XL Clarithromycin extended release tablets 500 mg, two pills one time daily for eight days. Prescript for Lortab take one every 12 hours (down from every 3 hours! OUCH!) And prescript for a steriod (don't have info with me now) to help my muscles heal faster I think? And a doctors note excusing me from work from last Thursday to yesterday! So I'm supposed to go to work all drugged up?!?!

I've been lucky today, except for being two hours late because I was so doped up. Jory drove me to work and I had a conference call training for the first hour I was here. After the training I didn't get a call before my lunch, so I went to lunch took my pillow and sandwich and antibiotics into the heath room. Ate and took my pills and layed down for 45 minutes. Jory called to wake me up and remind me to go back to work and here I am finishing up my story.

Got a call, dead air call thank god! My back is already starting to ache and I still feel fairly dopey, don't know how that works? I hope this message isn't too goobled or garbled...I am on narcotics after all. We'll see how the rest of the night goes. Can't wait for 8 PM when I can take more drugs and of course 9 PM when my Knight in Shinning Armor comes to pick my doped ass up from work!

Sweet Rodney

Happy Birthday Rod!

Thanks for always being such a good friend. Take care of yourself, you deserve the best of everything!

Daddy Kendrick

Happy Birthday Dad!

I wish you another healthy and happy year.

I love you.

Most Expensive Battery Replacment Ever!

Car is fixed.
Most expensive battery replacement every, $450! (new starter $200, new battery $60, rental car with gas and car wash $170, Pep Boys bill to replace two spark plugs and a tune up $100, minus $80 for returning old but pefectly working starter = $450.

Week 5 of Whooping Cough: Still coughing, even puking now. My back is killing me. I feel like I've been kicked in the back and ribs with steel toed boots. everyday. all day. makes me walk funny.

Day 26 of not smoking: Smoked four cigarettes today. I went 4 days without smoking, then Jory caved (have to make that point, it wasn't me this time) and I would have 1 or 2 at night after work for two weeks. Then the car broke and we went nuts and smoked almost like normal, but never at work. This week, I've been smoking between 3-4 at night. And really it's only because I already feel like shit, so why not enjoy myself when I can? It doesn't really seem to make a difference with my cough so I'm going to justify it.

The Toyota dealership has a few Prius' in stock, plan on checking them out on Friday. A few days ago Jory and I talked about how much it would be with insurance and were thinking it would be too expensive with only me working, but I think maybe I might still want one! So you all need to start donating to our cause, or Jory will need to get a job!

Blues Clues

AARRGGHH!

I just spend an hour writing about our day and the ONE time I don't copy and paste my post in a safe place just in case blogger times me out, I get FUCKING TIMED OUT! GOD! I'm PISSED! I'm not writing it again, so read Jory's version or suck it!

Car Trouble

This is Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, camping in Moab, Utah 4/20/04.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

My usual Monday morning started the same as every other Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday morning.
Cell phone alarm goes off at 10:30 am, snooze.
10:40 am...Snooze.
10:50 am...SNOOZE!
11:00 am...Five more minutes.
11:10 am OH SHIT I'm going to be late!
Jump in the shower, get dressed, run out the door, jump in car, start car....Start Car......Start the fucking Car. Why the fuck isn't my car STARTING???? Clickity Click Click Click Click Click. I assume the 116 degree weather has melted my car so I try again, Clickity Click Click Click Click Click, Clickity Click Click Click Click Click. OH FUCK!

I walk over to our patio, "shit, shit, shit, shit" toss pebbles at the sliding glass door to get Jory's attention, he opens the door and I tell him I forgot my cell phone (which I realized when I went to call Jory from the car, to tell him the car wouldn't start because that would be easier than walking across the parking lot to our patio, laziness at it's best!) and that I have some bad news. The car won't start. I tell him it's making the Clickity Click Click Click Click Click sound and I know it's not out of gas.

Jory joins me out at the car, Clickity Click Click Click Click Click. So I call my trusty younger brother Christopher who's been a mechanic since birth. Seriously the kid has been taking things apart and "mostly" putting them back together since he realized those things attached to his arms were hands and could hold stuff!

So I get him on the phone and tell him I'm going to put him on speaker and hold the phone to see if he can hear the sound my car is making when turning the key and he laughs but humors me. This isn't new to him, I call him anytime my car is making funny noises and ask him what the sound means. Last time it was my breaks and I called him probably 4 times to get him to listen to my breaks sqweeling (is that a word?) and he tried to convince me he couldn't hear it but trusted my description and demonstration of the sqweel and confirmed I needed new breaks. He was right, I had them replaced and no more sqweel.

So I'm holding the cell phone out the drivers door closest to the engine as possible and turning the key, Clickity Click Click Click Click Click. He heard it this time and said it's definitely my starter. Christopher assures us this is really easy to replace, meaning we might be able to handle it. Jory calls his dad and he says the same thing, should be real easy.

I call in a favor and get a ride to work. When I get to work, I ask Jeff who is a car nut, so I'm assuming he knows a thing or two and he also confirms this is really easy to replace and should only take an hour. However, if we are not able to do this he has hinted at the idea of coming over to help us this weekend.

After stressing about getting to and from the autopart store without a CAR, Jory and I decide we'll get up early, take a cab to Napa pick up the part I've ordered and cab it back home. We'll try and replace the starter and get me to work....at some point.

These are the times in our life that I really miss our friend Todd. We used to live in the same apartment complex in West Valley, Utah "Wessssss' Siiiiiiiide" and anytime we had a car problem, question or concern we called Todd. Todd and Darby now currently reside in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. Christopher was always our diagnoser (that's definitely not a word) until we moved to Nibley,UT and then he became our personal mechanic. This is the second time we've needed him to fix the car since we moved here. The breaks were the first.

This is worst part about having only ONE car, especially in a new city with no friends or family. Needless to say, my hunt to purchase a new Toyota Prius is back on!

We'll let you know how our Starter replacing goes another time. With pictures!
It's 4:29 am and we have to leave at 10 am...sleepy time.

Whooping cough update: Going on week four, occuring more often, more violent, harder to breath and causing worse headaches. I'll leave you with one word, mucus.

ABC's

A is for Age: 28

B is for Booze: Crown Royal and Skyy Vodka…drink would be “Adios MotherFucker”

C is for Career: Technical Support for a GIGANTIC company

D is for Dad's Name: Doyle, step is Gary, inlaw is Ken

E is for Essential Item to Bring to a Party: camera

F is for Favorite song at the moment: Rich Girl – Gwen Stefani

G is for Goof off thing to do: Read Dooce all day long…I’m almost caught up.

H is for Hometown: Logan, Utah

I is for Instrument You Play: currenly my ipod…I’ve always wanted a drum to play.

J is for Jam or Jelly you like: Raspberry

K is for Kids: 2, Mazzy Star our precious Pom princess and Jerry Garcia my lazy stoned ferret.

L is for Living Arrangement: My husband Jory and our “kids” in a shit hole apartment (I miss our house).

M is for Mom's name: Debbie

N is for Names of Good Friends: Jory, Shane, Juli, Jen, Jenni, Jon, Jen, Sara, Sarah, Em, Adam, Wy, Regina, Robby, Todd, Darby, Tom, Rod, Eric, Athena, …I can’t possibly list everyone.

O is for Overnight Hospital Stays: A year ago, not for me, my brother Shane had a really bad accident so I stayed with him in the hospital for a week.

P is for Phobia's: Spiders, snakes, giant bugs, scorpions, small spaces, heights, large open water…I’m sure there are more.

Q is for Quotes You Like: after the rain the rainbow

R is for Relationships lasted the longest: been with Jory going on 8 years, been married for almost 2 years.

S is for Siblings: 4 brothers: Jason, Shane, Colby and Christopher (Oldest to youngest)…also have steps on my dad’s side: Jody and Jason.

T is for Texas, Ever been there? Yes…Houston it was really HOT and really HUMID!

U is for Unique Trait: I can spit water, soda, milk (any fluid really) out of the hold in my lip!

V is for Vegetables you love: Green Beans, Potatoes, Corn, lettuce, beets

W is for Worst Traits: Biting my nails, vulgar language, addiction to reality tv.

X is for Xrays you've had: hand, arm, ankle, neck, spine and Dental

Y is for Yummy food you make: Mac n’ cheese (sometimes with brats), Hamburger Helper rice mix but with Chicken instead! Meatloaf, Ham & Swiss Spagetti, grilled cheese & tomato soup, pigs in a blanket, creps.

Z is for Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Hack Hack

I've been suffering from Whooping Cough going on three weeks now, it's painful, irritating and exhausting. So exhausting, I don't want to write about it any longer. Nite.

I miss our house! 

I don't miss the snow.

Evidence of our Trip to Utah

I promised I would post pics from our trip to Utah when we closed on the sell of our house.


That's my mom. Like daughter, like mother....I take photos so she takes photos, not the other way around. Toph in the background.

My younger brother Christopher, looking a little hung over from the party we had the night before. Also a nice pic of Sage's ass!

My brother Shane looking ever so cute with his new short hair cut in my parent's backyard. 

The first grandpuppy in the family, Sage. My brother Shane and his wife Jessie love Sage so much. Jory and I used to joke about how they treat her like a child, well now that we have Mazzy we understand!

The Fucking Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy. Mazzy's baby brother and crazy enough her uncle, because his mom is Mazzy's grandma. 

This is Toby, he was temporarily a grandpuppy, but didn't end up getting along with his new family, especially his boxer sister, Sage. Toby is living a full and happy life with his new dad who lives down the road from Shane and Jessie in Star Valley, WY.

Scary Movie

Another bathroom story for you. Our department was one of the few that had to work today. You might think being the 4th of July we would have it off, but no.

Anyway, so it's 8:44 pm I'm waiting patiently for 9:00 to roll around so I can go home, but I really have to pee! Can't hold it any longer, so I decide to go. On my way to the bathroom I realize how empty the building is and we really are the last three people here, other than the security guard (who is a hip chick that spends most of her nights outside).

I walked into the restroom and thought that it was kind of creepy because it's big and empty and it's late. But I'm probably just being a pussy because Jory and I watched "Saw" this morning so I've got the jeeper creepers. It was a fleeting thought and I went about my business, closed the door on my "usual" stall.

Just as I sat down, I heard a noise. I thought maybe someone else was in the room. But remembered that when I walked in, the room was empty. I did my usual inventory, the stalls were empty! Because I had taken some cold medicine earlier I assume I'm just hearing things and finish up.

While washing my hands I scan the stalls in the mirror like I normally do and see boots in the stall closest to the door. As I dry my hands, I realize that I saw boots, man-boots in the stall...someone else is in here? I'm walking towards the door and before I drop my towel in the garbage, I do the "lean over" to really see if I saw what I thought I had seen. MAN-BOOTS! HOLY SHIT, MAN-BOOTS! But the stall door isn't shut and locked, it's part way open, but not open enough that I can see who is sitting in the stall.....I'm walking out the door and the hair on the back of my neck is standing up, goose bumps cover my arms and I'm practically shivering from the chills when I really, REALLY realize that I just saw MAN BOOTS in the last stall! Not only did I see MAN BOOTS, but the stall door was partially open! I walk very fast back to my desk not looking behind me because I'm starting to freak myself out and when I get back to my desk, I stand there and stare at Mark not able to spit the words out.

A minute passes and Mark turns off his fan and looks at me, still standing there just staring at him. He asked me what was wrong, so I recount the story and he's speechless but then sort of laughs it off and says it's up to you but you might want to go tell the security guard.

I'm thinking, did this just really happen? Did I just freak myself out or did I really see MAN BOOTS in the last stall closest to the door with it's door partly open. Needing a few minutes to think this through, I sit down and breath....... in and out, in and out.

That really did happen, what is the hip security guard going to do?
Was it the hip security guard in the bathroom? If so, why was the door partly open?
Why didn't I see her or hear her when I went in?
She chats with me all the time, why didn't she say something if it was her?
It couldn't have been her. HOLY SHIT!
By this time it's 9:00 pm and I'm going home. I decide that I will tell the security guard on my way out.

I gather my things and head out to the lobby and the security guard isn't there. Just my luck! Oh well, I'll tell her tomorrow no big deal.

I stop at the front doors and scan the parking lot for anyone dressed up like the "Scary Movie" killer and begin to walk slowly to my car. I get to the curb and from the car to my left, the voice of the hip security guard wishes me a good night. I see movement in the car but can't really see her, so I say good night and went straight to my car. I thought about pulling up next to her car and asking her about man boots, but I just wanted to get home, so I left.

Note to self, add Mace to grocery list!

Is it just me?

As I walked into the ladies room today at work, I wondered as I continued to walk to the far end of the stalls and entered my "usual" stall, 2nd from the far wall, if everyone has a "usual" stall. Not only do I have my "usual" stall, I also go to the same stall when I'm out shopping or at a restaurant. But it's not the 2nd from the far wall, it's the farthest stall from the door. This only changes when there is a line and I have to go in the stall that is available when it's my turn to go.

In gas stations, it's a little different, you don't have a long row of stalls, you hope there is just the one so you can have the bathroom all to yourself. However most of the time there are two to three stalls and they are located across from the sinks. You have to make a quick decision which stall is best not to be stared at in the mirror by rude staring bitches while they wash their hands.

The reason I go to the far end or pick the most private stall is not because of those rude staring bitches because I really don't think they all stare, just those few who've I've busted in the act! But because I have a bashful blatter and there is no way I'm going to be able to pee sitting close to the door, that's too much pressure. Plus, if you haven't notice you will now because you've read it here...that most (rude staring) women wash their hands in the sink closest to the door.
The better to stare at you while you're sitting there begging your blatter to Please Just Go Pee!

I won't even start about public pooping!


Day 3, not one nicifit...couldn't possibly be this easy? All you have to do is be sure you want to quit? I expected to be sick or pissy or something. I haven't felt one physical crave but imagined many times, how nice it would be to have one more! Not even one more, but like one a night, like someone has a glass of wine a night, I would like to have one smoke a night. I even thought, what's the point in quitting before I have health insurance, because one of the reasons I'm quitting is to get pregnant and you know the whole "health" part. I'm still hoping Jory will cave in and ask me to buy a pack. Who by the way is moody, trying to stay out of his way as much as possible. Can't wait until he's back to normal. Don't know if it's because he was sick again the other night or because of this? Probably a mixure of both. Either way, I'm trying not to become the target of his temper. I think being so concerned with him has made this easier for me. I haven't had time to think about it because I'm constantly trying NOT to do anything that might piss him off.

www.ONE.org 

Live8

I've spent all day watching Live8, Jory and I were talking last night about how these are free concerts. They aren't raising money they are raising awareness. Which is totally a good thing, we understand, we dig. It's a good idea, but don't you think that you could charge even one dollar per ticket and you could not only raise awareness but send Africa over One Million dollars just from Philly's attendees? You can only imagine how much money could have been raised by charging a dollar or euro respectively from each concert attendee in each city.

Now I can only assume that everyone that was lucky enough to go to one of these concerts probably bought a T-shirt, poster, sticker, or the much wanted "ONE" wrist band, so there is some money being raised at the concerts. I've been trying to place my order on the site all day and the server's down. Meaning everyone else that wasn't able to go to a concert is trying to get on the site to order a band as well. Well 30 minutes of persistant attempts later.....My T-shirt and bands are on their way! Please allow 10-15 days for delivery. Purchases made, "ONE" banner added to blog...I've done my part.


Day 2 and still going strong! I imagine this is how I will feel everday for the rest of my life.

Darby with no Puck

Happy Birthday Darby!

We will definitely miss celebrating at The Puck every year.

We will never forget all the boob flashing for free beer and the infamous ass by Cynthia!

I miss being twenty. 

The Official Five

As promised, Jory published his real "official" list of Five Famous Ladies he can throw back if given the opportunity. Check out his site to see the list and how many I guessed correct.

My Famous Five

I've been inspired by dooce.com, which by the way is happening a lot lately. A friend of ours Regina emailed Jory and told him about Heather B. Armstrong's site dooce.com and how she thinks she's funnier than fuck. Of course I had to check it out and am addicted now myself.

My Famous Five: 5 celebrities I'm allowed to have sex with if the occasion arises.

1. Johnny Depp
2. Matthew McConaughey
3. Brad Pitt
4. Gavin Rossdale
5. Drew Barrymore (yeah, I'd lez out for Drew! Plus I couldn't think of any other guys)

Jory's Famous Five: according to me.

1. Neve Campbell (I know he says she's not on his list anymore, but I still think she's top 5)
2. Brooke Burke
3. Carmen Electra
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Britney Spears

Adventures at Walmart!

Last night around 9:30 PM, I went to Walmart to buy groceries and ended up having quite the adventure (from HELL). First let me tell you that normally on a Saturday night, Walmart is normally not that busy or so I thought.

My journey began by filling out 20 to 30 film packets because we haven't developed film in over 7 years! We're not really sure what were going to get back....kinda scary! After the first 6 or 7 packets I realized I was filling out the one hour packets....God Damn it! This whole project took about 45 minutes and needless to say my hand was so numb it ached!

10:30 PM: On my way over to the food section, I played some serious NasCart with major aisle rage! Don't people know that you should stay to the right in the aisle? It's just like driving, you don't drive in oncoming traffic do you? GOD, I hate people!

From my experience, shopping late at night because of my hate for people, most stores start stocking their shelves around midnight. At Walmart they start stocking at 10:30 pm. How ridiculous is that? If you're open all night, why aren't you stocking shelves somewhere between 1:00 am and 3:00 am? It just doesn't make sense to me.

So I'm navigating between boxes, stockers and customers. I gave up after the 4th item I picked up. And went straight to the cold stuff. Regretting my decision to go to Walmart, I plan a trip to Super Target in a few days. Grabbed all my cold stuff and some comfort foods because I'm pissed off and head to the checkout stand.

11:30 PM: With a few hundred people here you think they would have more than THREE checkout stands open! They've got self checkouts but the sign says for 20 items or less and I've got a full cart. So I head for the other two lanes, feeling bad for those that have to wait behind someone like me with a jam packed cart, I get in line behind two ladies who have TWO full carts each! I call Jory to check in because I know I've been gone awhile and now I'm stuck for at least another hour. I joke about the food going bad because I'm going to be in line for so long, little did I know what was still coming....

I forgot to mention that I made a new friend while shopping at the local Walmart. I first met her when dealing with the boxes, stockers and customers. I was trying to get around her fat...cart and she was taking a chug off her not yet paid for gallon of OJ. Yeah, she's one of "those" people! After she quenched her thirst she moved her God Damn cart out of my way and I quickly moved on cursing along the way.

My next encounter with my new best friend I've nicknamed Fucking Fat Ass in the Redshirt, was in the freezer section picking up my FAVORITE fajita chicken. Apparently it looks weird when you pick up One, Two, Three bags and toss them in your cart. Because she asked me if I like that kind. No redshirt lady, I don't like that kind, I just picked up THREE bags for fun! But because I love them so much, I immediately turned into the Fajita Chicken Sales Person of the year and went on about how you start to salivate when you open the bag because the smell of the spices are so yummy you have to stop yourself from popping one in your mouth before you cook it.

I even went on about how I substitute this Fajita Chicken for beef in Hamburger Helper. I kept thinking to myself, "why am I sharing my secrets with redshirt lady?" So I stopped and went on about my business.

So I'm back at the checkout waiting somewhat patiently, I've read People Magazine and am moving on to US Weekly when you'll never guess who strolls up behind me. That's right it's the Fucking Fat Ass in the Redshirt! No JOKE! And not only is she Redshirt lady, now I've learned that she's "close talker" redshirt lady. She was all up in my grill! People probably thought she was my mom and we were shopping together, that's how CLOSE she was standing! Have I mentioned I hate people? Seriously, you think it's OK to stand so close that your boob is touching my arm??? Back off Buster Brown!

Not only am I still waiting for the 2nd lady with her TWO carts to check out, now I have to chat with redshirt lady? Here's a list of things I learned about Redshirt lady:
1. She's the only fat person her in family.
2. Her daughter has a pet chicken.
3. Said pet chicken lives in their apartment and loves canned cat food.
4. She's coming back to Walmart tomorrow for some more food!
Blah blah blah...

12:30 am: (An HOUR later) My turn finally! Check out, go to my car toss the bags in the back, shut the door and put the cart away. Went back to the car........OH SHIT! No No NOOO! God Damn MotherFucking Shit Ass Hell....FUCK FUCK FUCK! I've locked my purse in the car...no keys, no cell phone! FUUUCK!

I even made a mental note when I sat my purse down in the back of the car, to remember to grab it before I shut the door. I'm screwed! Why did I leave my purse in the car?!?!?! DAMN it all to HELL and back!

I check all the doors, locked. Try with all my might to open each and every door at least three times! If I pull hard enough, one will pop open for me! Right? No.

I go back into the now boycotted Walmart and look for my new best friend Redshirt lady, she's actually going to come in handy now. I know she has a cell phone I can use because she answered it while were were waiting in line. She's no where to be found, great.

I head over to Customer Service and ask the lady there if I can use the phone. She politely points out the pay phone and says I can use that. How sweet of her. I apologize and explain that, like a retard I have locked my purse in my car with all the food I just bought. She kindly shows me the desk phone and says I can use it. I call Jory to grovel in my stupidity. We decide it would be cheaper for him to get a cab and come save my ass.

1:10 am and $16 later: Jory, Mazzy and I drive home.

Counting down the days until we can buy another car!

"No press!" says my sexy husband. 

Self portrait 

New Drawers

To show you how bored we get at work I have copied an IM below for your enjoyment. Note, we got new drawers at our desks because some people have to share desks. I am going to be one of those people starting Saturday. That will be interesting, I'm sure I'll be writing about that at a later date.

Mac HEY !!! I wanted a wet bar and TV !!
Mac I wanted BLUE drawers !!

Joey I wanted purple!
Joey ooooooh and a FLIP down flat screen tv too!

Mac Eeewwwww............... and baby-puke green !!

Joey gross!

Mac "Dorito" wants to sing to you (names have been changed to protect their identity)

Joey STOP!

Mac "Hackin The Night Away" !!!
Mac "Sweet Loogie Brown" !!
Mac Ooooppppssss................... I mean Green.

Joey AAGGGHHHH! I'm gonna HURL!

Mac Hurl in your new drawers !!

Joey Hurl in your drawers!

Joey when you least expect it.

Mac I don't THINK so..............

Joey that's right you don't THINK, so there!

Joey I just became 5 years old......sorry

Mac I THINK I've had enough of this nonsense.

Joey Sure.

Mac The guys in the green outfits are showing your plumber's butt

Joey LOL
Joey Gross

Mac Kinda like hacking in your general direction

Joey yeah....I can see the green chunks come out of his mouth as he hacks in your direction.

Mac I duck and swoosh them your way. TAG......you're it !!

Joey they have mini radars and are set to land on YOU->

Mac But I'M TEFLON MAN !!!! and they slide off of me and land on you.

Joey Nuh Uh!

Mac Uh.HUH !!

Joey (the 5 yr old comes out again) NUH UH!!!

Mac Don't YOU MAKE me stop this car young lady !! I will turn around and go RIGHT back home !!!

Joey My mom actually stopped in the middle of the hwy once.......I was 15! We were on our way to the grocery store and when we got there and got out of the car, she told me to take off the flannel shirt wrapped around my waist and I refused (because that was a ridiculous request).....she said if I didn't take off the flannel shirt off we were going back home....needless to say we got back in the car and headed home. My mom got so frustrated that her threat didn't work she stopped in the middle of the hwy with cars backed up behind her, she refused to go until I took the shirt off! Of course I continued to call her bluff and after 5 minutes which seemed like forever she finally drove on home. After that she learned that I was so stubborn, she would never win.
Joey She should have known from my entire childhood that she would never win. I was a horrible child, but she deserved it.

Mac People like you end up on America's Most Wanted.

Joey I know........that's in my 5 year plan! lol

Hotest Day of the Year

114 degrees yesterday! Counting the days to Septemeber for the cooler weather!

You should read Jory's blog from last night...sooo FUNNY!

My Biggest Brother

Happy Birthday Jason!

All my memories of you growing up are how you always looked out for me except once. I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old and you talked me into climbing into my Barbie Dream House and then you proceeded to tie me in with a rope. When I realized this was a trick and wanted to get out, you just laughed. My memory is probably exaggerated because I was young, but this mone sticks out like a sore thumb because it was so out of character for you. You always protected me from Shane and Colby when they would get too rough. I love you.

It's HOT!

I forgot to mention, it's a HOT 107 degrees today!

SOLD!

The house is sold! We closed last friday and we couldn't be happier about it! I thought I was going to be sad it was our first house after all. However after the slew of phone calls begging us to let them move in early has put a stop to any possible sadness. Marci called us 4 times before we closed to see if we wanted to let them move in early and we said No, four times. Even at closing she asked us again (I know she's was just doing her job) we said No. So we signed our names a million times and walk out of closing feeling a sense of relief, it's over! Except for the FAT ASS check we had to write, it really makes me never want to buy or sell house again!

ANYWAY....we head off to my mom's for the Big BBQ. Visited with friends and family, ate a plateful of yummy goodness! And we get a phone call from Marci.....dun dun dunnnn. What is Marci calling for I say out loud? The buyers called her all sorts of PISSED OFF, said they've talked to everyone they know who's ever bought or sold a house and have NEVER heard of not being able to move in to a house after the papers are signed. They want Marci to give them OUR phone number so they can call me and ask us WHY we won't let them move in. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Give me a F-ing break! Are these adults or children? Their ergency only worried me more. They even tried to turn it around on us and say that there was nothing to stop us from going in the house and stealing the appliances and trashing the house, even though Marci has all the keys and garage door openers. I was so PISSED!
For the record let me explain why we were following the contract and not letting them move in early. When I was 13 years old my parents bought a larger house up on the hill in Logan and "sold" our old house to a Hud family who ended up not being able to pay for the house and it took a year and a half to get them out, after they trashed the place! Our family was financially ruined by this and I will never EVER do anyone a favor that can bite me in the ass like it did them. We're talking about a house mind you.

I told Marci there was no reason for them to call me, we weren't going to change our minds no matter what they said to me, they knew from the beginning they couldn't move in until the check cleared and that would not change.

As far as I know our mortgage is paid off but I don't have proof yet. So until then the drama continues.

I will post later about our trip to Utah for the closing of our house. I'm all pissed off again, so I'm off to smoke.