Saturday, October 24, 2009
Hanging with Shane & Jessie at our hotel in Logan.
Hanging with Shane & Jessie at our hotel in Logan.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Blah on Blogging
It's 3:07 AM, I'm awake because of a stupid little spider that I saw on the wall above my bed. I sat up, went to grab a tissue and not four steps towards the bathroom, Jory says it fell. SHIT. I go grab the toilet paper anyway, assuming I'll find the sucker on the floor, but no. The spider is MIA. Just the action you want right before you attempt to beat your insomnia again by helplessly laying in bed for hours waiting for your train-wreck brain to shut off.
I guess the spider isn't the sole reason I'm awake, but it's what got me out of bed. I figured, why fight it? When the spiders crawling in my curly hair, interior designing their perfect home inside one of my curls was already starting to make me itch everywhere. Fuck it. I got out of bed and came in here, the office. I haven't blogged anything of real substance for months. Why not entertain the 5 or so readers I currently have because I was forced to go private?
Hello my 5 readers! Thanks for sticking around! Seriously. I'm sorry for not writing lately. What's to say really? I'm still looking for a job. Depressed that if I don't get any call backs this next week, I'm going to have to hit the pavement and start begging. No, not begging for change. Begging for whatever job I can get. It sucks having to apply for jobs I was doing 12 years ago. It's embarrassing to have built the "career" I had and having to take a million steps backwards just to bring a paycheck home.
I have however started receiving orders for my crochet animals. My first order for "Monkey" is already completed, shipped and received! It's crazy how attached I get to each animal I make. I don't know if it's just the time I put into them or the personality they take on, but it sure was hard to wrap him up in a box and send him off to his new adventure. I'm currently on my second order for three "Aysa" Bunnies. And hopefully I have a third order for Elephant "Jack" and Giraffe!
It would be awesome if I could make and sell enough crochet animals to pay my bills, but I physically can't do it. I thought I could make one per week, but I haven't been able to devote the amount of time necessary to do so and physically my hands won't allow me to crochet for even a few hours every single day. I have to take a day off here and there otherwise my Carpel Tunnel will stop me crocheting all together.
In other news. My Sister Wife Keara and her amazing boyfriend Andy have officially moved into their new house in Utera, Spain. I got the grand tour via Skype, it's gorgeous! She said they were told most people speak at least a little English over there, however they have learned the opposite. No one speaks English but they successfully ordered two ham sandwiches and two Pepsi's their first night out on the town, phew!
They do have some news to share, which I have been given permission to pass on. As predicted by ME, they are officially engaged to be married! CONGRATULATIONS Keara & Andy! Love you both! I'm happy to welcome my new Brother Husband into our family ;)
In other Friend news, Todd and Darby who we have been close neighbors with twice in the past, have now joined us again here in Arizona! They had moved to Fort Walton Beach, FL back when we moved into the first house we built in Nibley(Logan), Utah. REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOOOOD! Now that Keara's in another country, it's nice to have friends again to help me get Jory out of the house! I've already taken them to the big Mesa Swap meet(which is currently half empty) and we all went out to Mill Avenue to window shop, people watch and eat Greek. Hopefully they'll both find jobs soon, so they won't hate us for talking them into moving here.
As far as the legal drama, I have no update. Our lawyer has told us no news in good news and it's hard to decide if a phone call to him for an update is worth $250.00-ish it would cost. We also haven't heard from the ex's, which is always nice. It's all we ever wanted! But then again, now that the blog is private, they don't really have access to contact us.
That's all I've got for now. Peace out!
ps...it's 4:21 AM. That's what happens when I decide to multitask and upload photos to link to ;)
I guess the spider isn't the sole reason I'm awake, but it's what got me out of bed. I figured, why fight it? When the spiders crawling in my curly hair, interior designing their perfect home inside one of my curls was already starting to make me itch everywhere. Fuck it. I got out of bed and came in here, the office. I haven't blogged anything of real substance for months. Why not entertain the 5 or so readers I currently have because I was forced to go private?
Hello my 5 readers! Thanks for sticking around! Seriously. I'm sorry for not writing lately. What's to say really? I'm still looking for a job. Depressed that if I don't get any call backs this next week, I'm going to have to hit the pavement and start begging. No, not begging for change. Begging for whatever job I can get. It sucks having to apply for jobs I was doing 12 years ago. It's embarrassing to have built the "career" I had and having to take a million steps backwards just to bring a paycheck home.
I have however started receiving orders for my crochet animals. My first order for "Monkey" is already completed, shipped and received! It's crazy how attached I get to each animal I make. I don't know if it's just the time I put into them or the personality they take on, but it sure was hard to wrap him up in a box and send him off to his new adventure. I'm currently on my second order for three "Aysa" Bunnies. And hopefully I have a third order for Elephant "Jack" and Giraffe!
It would be awesome if I could make and sell enough crochet animals to pay my bills, but I physically can't do it. I thought I could make one per week, but I haven't been able to devote the amount of time necessary to do so and physically my hands won't allow me to crochet for even a few hours every single day. I have to take a day off here and there otherwise my Carpel Tunnel will stop me crocheting all together.
In other news. My Sister Wife Keara and her amazing boyfriend Andy have officially moved into their new house in Utera, Spain. I got the grand tour via Skype, it's gorgeous! She said they were told most people speak at least a little English over there, however they have learned the opposite. No one speaks English but they successfully ordered two ham sandwiches and two Pepsi's their first night out on the town, phew!
They do have some news to share, which I have been given permission to pass on. As predicted by ME, they are officially engaged to be married! CONGRATULATIONS Keara & Andy! Love you both! I'm happy to welcome my new Brother Husband into our family ;)
In other Friend news, Todd and Darby who we have been close neighbors with twice in the past, have now joined us again here in Arizona! They had moved to Fort Walton Beach, FL back when we moved into the first house we built in Nibley(Logan), Utah. REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOOOOD! Now that Keara's in another country, it's nice to have friends again to help me get Jory out of the house! I've already taken them to the big Mesa Swap meet(which is currently half empty) and we all went out to Mill Avenue to window shop, people watch and eat Greek. Hopefully they'll both find jobs soon, so they won't hate us for talking them into moving here.
As far as the legal drama, I have no update. Our lawyer has told us no news in good news and it's hard to decide if a phone call to him for an update is worth $250.00-ish it would cost. We also haven't heard from the ex's, which is always nice. It's all we ever wanted! But then again, now that the blog is private, they don't really have access to contact us.
That's all I've got for now. Peace out!
ps...it's 4:21 AM. That's what happens when I decide to multitask and upload photos to link to ;)
Friday, September 18, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Happy Anniversary Todd & Darby!
Todd & Darby Tweeting each other "Happy 12th Anniversary!" LOL No wonder they've lasted 12 yrs. ;)
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Jack's 3rd Angelversary
What a day it has been little Jack. Today on your Angelversary, you got to meet your Great GranDan. I guess your GranSandy's dream was really telling. She sent me a message yesterday that she dreamed that her uncle Jack was holding you and both of you were calling your Great GranDan to come home. That he did. GranSandy called us this afternoon to tell us that your Great GranDan passed away today. I imagined you right there in front to greet him. It makes me smile to think how excited he must have been to meet his Great Grandson in the stars. If you have to share your Angelversary with anyone, I think it's perfect to have been your Great GranDan.
We love and miss you both on this very sad sad day.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Happy 3rd Birthday Jack!
Happy Birthday Jack!
It's hard to comprehend that you've would've been three years old today. Your dad and I did the best we could to celebrate your birthday as hard as it is without you. We decided to go out to a movie, Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. Somehow the stars were aligned because we had the place to ourselves except for one other woman. It was really nice, felt like our own private viewing. Your daddy joked about calling ahead and buying all the tickets so we could have the place to ourselves, but they had already sold one ticket. Your dad is pretty funny. I just know that you would have been exactly like him.
After the movie we went to the store and bought your Birthday cake as we always do. They didn't have much of a selection when it came to the little cakes so we decided to go with cheesecake, 4 different flavored slices and your #3 candle. Take it from me little man, they were delicious!
As I'm sure you know from watching us from the stars, we still have your 1st and 2nd Birthday cakes in the freezer. I think it's time for us to throw them away, otherwise we'll end up with 10 birthday cakes filling our freezer and no room for actual food. It's going to be hard, but I know by throwing them away, we're not losing the memories.
I also promised myself that this year, I will take the baby blankets I've crocheted into the hospital where you were born to donate in your name to other bereaved parents. I cherish the blanket we were given and I want to be able to give that special keepsake to another mother and father like us.
I love you Jack and miss you more then words can describe. Give give kisses to everyone, especially your Grandpa Kendrick. I hope you two are having fun fishing in the stars!
Miss you Always, Love you Forever, Never forgetting my little star Jack!
It's hard to comprehend that you've would've been three years old today. Your dad and I did the best we could to celebrate your birthday as hard as it is without you. We decided to go out to a movie, Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. Somehow the stars were aligned because we had the place to ourselves except for one other woman. It was really nice, felt like our own private viewing. Your daddy joked about calling ahead and buying all the tickets so we could have the place to ourselves, but they had already sold one ticket. Your dad is pretty funny. I just know that you would have been exactly like him.
After the movie we went to the store and bought your Birthday cake as we always do. They didn't have much of a selection when it came to the little cakes so we decided to go with cheesecake, 4 different flavored slices and your #3 candle. Take it from me little man, they were delicious!
As I'm sure you know from watching us from the stars, we still have your 1st and 2nd Birthday cakes in the freezer. I think it's time for us to throw them away, otherwise we'll end up with 10 birthday cakes filling our freezer and no room for actual food. It's going to be hard, but I know by throwing them away, we're not losing the memories.
I also promised myself that this year, I will take the baby blankets I've crocheted into the hospital where you were born to donate in your name to other bereaved parents. I cherish the blanket we were given and I want to be able to give that special keepsake to another mother and father like us.
I love you Jack and miss you more then words can describe. Give give kisses to everyone, especially your Grandpa Kendrick. I hope you two are having fun fishing in the stars!
Miss you Always, Love you Forever, Never forgetting my little star Jack!
Three Years Ago Today
I'm reposting Jack's Story. I'm so glad I wrote it when I did because even though I remember every minute of it, I don't ever want to forget a second. I reread it every year and sometimes randomly when I'm really missing him.
Happy Birthday Jack, you would have been three years old today.
Miss you Always, Love you Forever, Never forgetting our sweet little Jack.
September 11, 2006
I'm still in shock and don't know if I'm ready to write this yet but I'm going to try because I don't know what else to do right now.
Here's our story, sorry if it's long but it's all still so fresh.
I have severe PCOS with severe insulin resistance and hypothyroidism. We've been TTC for 5 years with medical assistance. We moved from UT to AZ in March 2005. I found my new (amazing) doctor in Jan. 2006. In March '06 I had a large tumor removed from my uterus, it came back clear. He also scraped my uterus and drained all of my cysts and found that they will one day become cancerous. After consulting with 6 Oncologists, they agreed we had time to try for a baby.
Our first try after surgery with Clomid, we got pregnant! We were in shock. After 8 years trying, this was unbelievable! I had no morning sickness, but had to get daily Progesterone shots to keep my level up to normal. I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks because this pregnancy was high risk. We heard the heartbeat a couple times at different appointments and had my 20 week BIG U/S set for Friday Sept. 1st.
Tue. Aug. 29th we went to bed and I had a hard time getting comfortable. After a few hours of tossing and turning I got up and went to the couch and thought I was having really bad gas pains. I was burping and passing gas quite a bit so I wasn't worried too much. I ended up feeling much better and fell asleep the next morning.
(Warming TMI) I woke up Wednesday afternoon and when I went to the bathroom there was really weird discharge, it looked like baby or child's snot with a bit of brown in it. I called my doctor and they made me an appointment for the next morning saying it wasn't abnormal and I possibly had an infection of some sort. I felt completely normal all day and was happy that those gas pains had gone away because that coupled with the weird discharge would have worried me more.
We went to bed around 11:30 PM Wed. night and I immediately felt like I was having a repeat of the night before. I couldn't get comfortable and after a short time I moved to the couch. The pains were a little different from the night before, this time they were more crampy, but I knew I had a doctors appt in the morning and figured I would wait it out, since they didn't seem worried. The more painful the cramps came, the more I got worried and jumped online to try and find out what could be happening. I knew at 19 weeks 3 days it was way too early for labor and this being my first pregnancy I had no idea what contractions were going to feel like and from what every pregnant woman has ever told me...nothing is as painful as being in labor. These felt only a little more painful than regular cramps. And they never seemed to go away, they got worse every 5 minutes or so but the pain never ceased.
By the time I found something about preterm labor it was 4:30 AM. Just as I was making a decision to call my doctor, my husband woke up and insisted I call him. I don't know why I was so worried about waking the doctor, but I didn't want to bother him if it was nothing. I will never wait again!
I called the doctor, his on-call operator was going to page him so I jumped in the shower assuming I might be going to the hospital to be checked.
My doctor called back and told me to go to the hospital triage and tell them I was 20 weeks along (otherwise they won't monitor you, I was 19w3d). I immediately knew something was wrong and my husband and I jumped in the car and I cried all the way to the hospital. The pains continued to get worse and more constant. It was then that I started to wonder if these were indeed contractions.
6:00 AM: The Triage doctor examined me and told me that I was fully dilated and the water bag was covering the cervix. She told us that there was no question that I would be delivering and no chance that our baby would survive. She apologized and left to get the sonogram tech to verify. I completely lost it. I cried like I had never cried before. I knew I needed to be strong but I felt this was my fault. I had waited too long to call my doctor and I had wasted time worrying about whether to wake him or not. How could I ever forgive myself?
The tech came in and was quiet the entire time. We saw our baby, the heartbeat was strong he was moving his arms and legs as if everything was normal. She was measuring his organs and showed us my cervix dilated and the water bag making it's way down. The baby's head was also down ready to follow. The tech left, the doctor came back and again said she was really sorry but they can't risk infection and that I would be moved to labor and delivery as soon as a room became available. She also said they would be giving me as many pain killers as needed to make me as comfortable as possible giving the circumstances.
I was in absolute shock, this was not supposed to be happening to us. Our hearts had broken. Jory and I looked at each other in complete disbelief and cried together. This was our miracle baby, why couldn't I be able to carry him to term? Why are we having all these problems? We are the perfect couple, we will be the perfect parents. Why Why Why?
My doctor (the god that he is) showed up a short time later and came in with a little hope. He said the previous doctor was wrong, I was only 3 cm dilated and there was a chance that with medication they can stop my contractions and with a cerclage we might be able to stop the delivery. He said the chance was small but at least there was a chance. I would be in the hospital until I deliver, whether that be today, next week, or months from now. I didn't let myself believe in the hope because I knew I couldn't handle it if I let myself believe then be disappointed again. He put me in the Trendelenburg position (feet above your head). He gave me some more pain killers and we held tight until a room in L&D opened.
Jory called our parents to let them know what was going on and I told him to have my parents come immediately. I knew we would need family with life experience to handle the plans afterward if this didn't all work out. Within 30 minutes my mom and step-dad were packed and on their way from Logan, UT down here to Phoenix.
11:30 AM: Once they moved me up to L&D my doctor gave me an epidural with much disapproval from the nurses and other doctors because they had me on medication to stop my contractions, an epidural in their minds was unnecessary. But he knew, even with the pain killers I was in so much pain and discomfort as well as an emotional hell that an Epidural would lift some of that pain away especially if they weren't going to be able to stop the contractions. He was right and I could never thank him enough for that decision.
By 9 PM the medication was not stopping my contractions and the ultrasound was now showing the baby's head coming down, it was only time before my water broke. I already knew their attempts weren't going to work so I was prepared (as well as I could be) for the next step. They stopped that medication and gave me another to induce labor and told me I would probably deliver in a few hours. I had now been in labor for almost 22 hours. My doctor left the hospital to go home and shower and then he'd come right back.
9:24 PM I felt pressure and called the nurse.
9:25 PM My water broke. The Nurse came in, verified it had broke and said she'd call the doctor and be right back.
9:28 PM I called the nurse again, I felt really strong pressure I knew the baby was coming. I tried to stay as still as possible because I knew if I moved a muscle he would come out. In those split seconds Jory and I wondered "Why in the hell the nurse would not stay in the room?" Did she not believe us?
9:29 PM I had Jory call the nurse again, we told her the baby was seriously on his way, like NOW!
9:30 PM With only Jory and I in the room, our baby was born. I felt the baby kicking my leg.
The nurse came back in the room and was shocked to see the baby was out, she ran out and grabbed another nurse who came in and took charge.
(In a later conversation Jory told me the nurse who never stayed in the room acted like she was new and totally freaked out because when she went and got another nurse who came in and took charge, she pulled off her badge and put in on the desk next to me and stood by the door for most of the time, then left.)
Jory cut the cord and watched as they examined the baby and asked if we knew the sex, we didn't. She announced we'd had a baby boy. She wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to me. I immediately fell into tears and didn't stop bawling for at least an hour. I held him and cried. Every time I touched his skin he would make a fist. His eyes were still fused shut but he opened his mouth and smiled (even though we know babies don't smile that early). Jory said he looked just like my older brother Shane, I thought he had Jory's lips. He was perfect in every way. Perfect fingers and perfect toes.
We named him Jack Kendrick Johnson. Jack from Captain Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean” and my maiden name is Kendrick. He was 9.5 inches long and weighed 9.5 ounces.
My parents arrived about 10:30 PM. After about an hour, I sort of kicked them out so Jory and I could spend some private time with our son. We continued to hold Jack and talk to him. We tried to stop crying and enjoy this time we had with him, knowing it wasn't going to be much longer. The nurses continued to come in and check for a pulse, each time surprising us how strong our little boy was. Some time between 12:30 and 1:00 AM on September 1, 2006 Jack passed away in our arms.
The awesome nurses at the hospital let us bathe Jack and brought in some outfits to choose from to dress him in and the most perfect tiny crocheted blanket to wrap him in. She took his foot prints and hand prints for us and later made a plaster cast of both his foot and hand prints. Later she would also take him to get some pictures done that we'll receive 3 weeks after we leave the hospital. We had taken a few pictures of Jack before we bathed him. Although I have yet to look at them, I already wish I had taken more!
We continued to hold Jack until around 2:30 AM, I was so exhausted and couldn't keep my eyes open another second. The nurse came and took Jack to take some photos and create the plaster cast for us. She would bring him back later to sleep in our room with us. I passed out and slept until 6:00 AM when the nurse came in to say she was going off shift. We could never thank her enough for all the mementos she created for us and the memories she helped us create!
The entire next afternoon we took turns holding Jack, I even napped with him next to me on my bed. The nurses continued to tell me that Jack would stay with us until we were ready, but Every time a nurse came in I was scared they were going to say it was time. I couldn't get enough time with Jack, I wasn't ever going to be ready to say goodbye. I expected to be released from the hospital that night so I was on pins and needles knowing I would have to say goodbye soon.
My parents came by and both took time holding Jack. This was the first grandchild in both our families so I know this was hard on them too.
Another nurse came in later and told us that I would be staying another night to make sure there was no infection and because my right thigh was still fully numb from the epidural. They would be moving me up to the maternity ward, but would put me in the area with the neonatal mothers so I wouldn't have to hear all the babies cry. She told us to let her know when we were ready for them to take Jack with the understanding that we can request to seem him once we are in our new room. Or if either of us did not want to say goodbye twice, the other could go into another room and spend as much time with him as needed. We both held him one more time, hugged him, kissed him and said our goodbyes, not really knowing if that would be our last time. But once the nurse came in and took him, we both lost it and bawled together. It made it so real for me, it was as if he had died again. I knew there was no way I could go through that again so I told Jory that was my goodbye, he agreed.
They moved me up to the Maternity ward and put me in my own room in the corner. I was so thankful to not have to hear or see any babies, but felt so empty knowing mine was gone. This was not supposed to happen to us. We had already been through so much for so long just to get pregnant. This was our miracle baby, what happened? I felt like the life had been ripped out of me. I was only a shell, trying to keep it together for Jory. I felt so close to really losing it, but promised Jory I would hold on for his sake.
Later that night my doctor came by and asked if I wanted to go home. He said the results came back, there was no infection, it was definitely incompetent cervix which can be helped next time we get pregnant with a cerclage at 14 to 16 weeks and extra monitoring. Unfortunately there is no way to know you have an incompetent cervix until you go into preterm labor the first time. He said there was nothing I could have done to prevent this or to stop the contractions from coming. There is absolutely no way I could have known until it was too late. I tried to believe him.
The feeling in my thigh had returned so we agreed to go home. As they wheeled me out of the hospital, what feeling I had left in my heart ached for Jack. We should be taking him with us, instead my arms are empty and we both cried the entire way home.
I don’t think either of us have cried so much in our lives. It was so hard to be home, especially with my parents staying with us. I could never thank them enough for coming because of everything they did for us, but I just wanted to be alone with Jory. Thankfully they were here to help keep us on track of those things we needed to handle like calling the different funeral homes and my work. They left Monday, Labor day to go home.
One thing I expected to be an issue was that fact that we have different beliefs from my parents and Jory’s dad. They are all Mormon, not necessarily practicing but have the belief that we should all be buried in a cemetery to later one day reclaim our body. Jory and I are not Mormon and do not wish to be buried. We want to be cremated and have set plans for our ashes. So why would we want to do something different with our child? Our parents both took their turns letting us know they had family plots we could have in either Logan or Provo, UT. We appreciated their offers, however politely declined. I really appreciate them all for not pushing us or questioning our choices. This was definitely not the time or place to have that conversation. In fact I was extremely surprised and happy with the fact that my parents took an active role in trying to helps us pick out an urn. The funeral home also had remembrance pendants and I fell in love with a silver pewter covered glass vile with screw-on top that could hang on a necklace or in a display case and hold some of Jack’s ashes. Because of the price I knew I couldn’t get it with all the other costs we were incurring. My mother offered to buy it for me, I knew I would later regret saying no even though I would never normally agree to let her buy me something that expensive, so I agreed. And I look forward to having that piece of Jack with me always.
The days following my parents exit have been mashed together into one large blur. I wasn’t lucky enough to skip my breast milk from coming in though. I was actually surprised when it first happened, in total disbelief actually. I thought I would be spared this additional reminder of losing Jack, but no.
Jory had mentioned that my brother Shane offered us an escape at his house in Wyoming if we were interested. This was exactly what we needed and were looking forward to getting the hell out of dodge. We wanted to wait for Jack’s ashes and for our apartment complex to fix our A/C, it started leaking the night we got home from the hospital. We’ve also been waiting to be cleared by my doctor for travel which happened today.
I knew going back to the doctor’s office was going to be really hard. I had bonded with all the ladies there during my daily visit for my progesterone shots. They had become like family to me. Let alone the possibility of sitting in the waiting area with pregnant women or children. My doctor had told us how upset all the ladies were when they heard the news of our loss. They had all shed tears and were heartbroken for us.
When we arrived, I was surprised to see an empty waiting room. I have no idea if this was luck or if they had scheduled it this way. Either way I was very thankful. The nurse took my vitals and I was a shocked to see I had lost 14 pounds. I knew I had lost weight, I could tell by the way my pants fit. My doctor examined me and found my uterus was still at 8 weeks, but he was not worried.
After my exam, the doctor told us all the test results were back and that I definitely, with no question had an incompetent cervix. He said that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent this. He said that you don’t start contracting until well after the cervix starts to dilate so even if I had called the night before or right when the contractions started, it wouldn’t have made a difference. I know this was technically the second time he had told me this, but this time it finally freed my guilt I had been holding since losing Jack. Even though everyone was telling me it wasn’t my fault and that I couldn’t have prevented it, there was always still that question in me. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel guilt free, but this was definitely a freeing feeling and I will try to hold on to that.
My doctor said there was no doubt in his mind when we are ready that a cerclage with extra monitoring will work for us. He also thanked us for allowing him to be a part of "the beautiful experience" it was for him. He said he had never experienced the kind of love Jory and I showed, as well as the love we have for each other. He continued to tell us that he’s never met a couple as close and loving as we are and was honored to share in that with us. He said he’s never seen anyone with the glow I had every time I came into his office, even the nurses had mentioned it. He also shared with us that he’s still having a really hard time accepting that there was nothing he could have done to prevent this. He was just so sorry but wanted us to know there is promise for another miracle.
We told him of our travel plans and he agreed that it was a great idea to get away. We scheduled my next appointment in 8 weeks, I should be mid cycle by then. As we started to walk out into the waiting room, I realized it was full of pregnant women and children and started to tear up, by the time we got out to the parking lot, I fully lost it and collapsed against my car. Jory grabbed me and held me tight while I cried. I then realized everyone in the waiting room could see me through the glass front door and windows. I told Jory I wanted to leave so he helped me in the car and we left.
I’ve been approved for 6 weeks short term disability which thankfully I have that, but it is no where near enough time and I don’t know how I’ll ever feel able to go back. I pray that Jory gets the job with the video game company and they offer him loads of money and excellent heath coverage so I might be able to quit my job and never go back.
I haven’t even been able to talk to my friends on the phone yet. I’ve barely managed to talk to my mother, two of my brothers and my father. Talking business or bills to strangers is easier than someone I know. From reading the book the hospital gave us on losing a child, I know it will help to talk to others, but I can’t manage a 5 minute simple conversation with family without crying. How am I supposed to talk with anyone other than Jory about Jack without bawling?
The only thing going for us here in Arizona is that we don’t know many people and don’t see anyone except at my work. I have no idea how it will be to see our family in person on our way to our escape. I can’t manage to ride in the car and see a group of little scouts outside the local market without crying. Or watch TV without constantly flipping the channel every time I see a pregnant woman, baby or a character named Jack. Even a simple episode of Friends comes across cruel when it’s the one where Chandler and Monica get their twins and name the boy Jack. This is exactly why our trip to the secluded woods of Wyoming sound so enticing.
How will I ever not resent my two cousins whose babies will be born shortly after Jack was supposed to be born in January? How will I keep from punching the next person who tells me Jack wasn’t meant to live a full life here on Earth or that it just wasn’t meant to be? Or how about those that keeping telling me we will be with him again one day? How about today? Why not now?
I don’t know how I’ll ever wake up in the morning and not want to cry. I can’t imagine a night where I’ll go to bed and not replay the entire event over and over in my head until I finally decide to take another sleeping pill just to get some sleep. How will I ever feel strong enough to be away from Jory for more than 15 minutes at a time? How will my heart ever recover from losing my perfect precious boy? How will I ever move on?
I’m scared to face the upcoming holidays, Thanksgiving, my 30th birthday, Christmas, his edd of January 22nd. Not to mention what would have been his first holidays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, his birthday and the anniversary of his death. I can’t even think about it right now.
The only reasons I get out of bed every day are Jory and my desperate wish to bring home a baby and give them the world. I miss being pregnant and can only wish we have time for another miracle.
I miss you Jack, I miss you every minute of every day and always will!
I love you forever, Mommy
Happy Birthday Jack, you would have been three years old today.
Miss you Always, Love you Forever, Never forgetting our sweet little Jack.
September 11, 2006
I'm still in shock and don't know if I'm ready to write this yet but I'm going to try because I don't know what else to do right now.
Here's our story, sorry if it's long but it's all still so fresh.
I have severe PCOS with severe insulin resistance and hypothyroidism. We've been TTC for 5 years with medical assistance. We moved from UT to AZ in March 2005. I found my new (amazing) doctor in Jan. 2006. In March '06 I had a large tumor removed from my uterus, it came back clear. He also scraped my uterus and drained all of my cysts and found that they will one day become cancerous. After consulting with 6 Oncologists, they agreed we had time to try for a baby.
Our first try after surgery with Clomid, we got pregnant! We were in shock. After 8 years trying, this was unbelievable! I had no morning sickness, but had to get daily Progesterone shots to keep my level up to normal. I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks because this pregnancy was high risk. We heard the heartbeat a couple times at different appointments and had my 20 week BIG U/S set for Friday Sept. 1st.
Tue. Aug. 29th we went to bed and I had a hard time getting comfortable. After a few hours of tossing and turning I got up and went to the couch and thought I was having really bad gas pains. I was burping and passing gas quite a bit so I wasn't worried too much. I ended up feeling much better and fell asleep the next morning.
(Warming TMI) I woke up Wednesday afternoon and when I went to the bathroom there was really weird discharge, it looked like baby or child's snot with a bit of brown in it. I called my doctor and they made me an appointment for the next morning saying it wasn't abnormal and I possibly had an infection of some sort. I felt completely normal all day and was happy that those gas pains had gone away because that coupled with the weird discharge would have worried me more.
We went to bed around 11:30 PM Wed. night and I immediately felt like I was having a repeat of the night before. I couldn't get comfortable and after a short time I moved to the couch. The pains were a little different from the night before, this time they were more crampy, but I knew I had a doctors appt in the morning and figured I would wait it out, since they didn't seem worried. The more painful the cramps came, the more I got worried and jumped online to try and find out what could be happening. I knew at 19 weeks 3 days it was way too early for labor and this being my first pregnancy I had no idea what contractions were going to feel like and from what every pregnant woman has ever told me...nothing is as painful as being in labor. These felt only a little more painful than regular cramps. And they never seemed to go away, they got worse every 5 minutes or so but the pain never ceased.
By the time I found something about preterm labor it was 4:30 AM. Just as I was making a decision to call my doctor, my husband woke up and insisted I call him. I don't know why I was so worried about waking the doctor, but I didn't want to bother him if it was nothing. I will never wait again!
I called the doctor, his on-call operator was going to page him so I jumped in the shower assuming I might be going to the hospital to be checked.
My doctor called back and told me to go to the hospital triage and tell them I was 20 weeks along (otherwise they won't monitor you, I was 19w3d). I immediately knew something was wrong and my husband and I jumped in the car and I cried all the way to the hospital. The pains continued to get worse and more constant. It was then that I started to wonder if these were indeed contractions.
6:00 AM: The Triage doctor examined me and told me that I was fully dilated and the water bag was covering the cervix. She told us that there was no question that I would be delivering and no chance that our baby would survive. She apologized and left to get the sonogram tech to verify. I completely lost it. I cried like I had never cried before. I knew I needed to be strong but I felt this was my fault. I had waited too long to call my doctor and I had wasted time worrying about whether to wake him or not. How could I ever forgive myself?
The tech came in and was quiet the entire time. We saw our baby, the heartbeat was strong he was moving his arms and legs as if everything was normal. She was measuring his organs and showed us my cervix dilated and the water bag making it's way down. The baby's head was also down ready to follow. The tech left, the doctor came back and again said she was really sorry but they can't risk infection and that I would be moved to labor and delivery as soon as a room became available. She also said they would be giving me as many pain killers as needed to make me as comfortable as possible giving the circumstances.
I was in absolute shock, this was not supposed to be happening to us. Our hearts had broken. Jory and I looked at each other in complete disbelief and cried together. This was our miracle baby, why couldn't I be able to carry him to term? Why are we having all these problems? We are the perfect couple, we will be the perfect parents. Why Why Why?
My doctor (the god that he is) showed up a short time later and came in with a little hope. He said the previous doctor was wrong, I was only 3 cm dilated and there was a chance that with medication they can stop my contractions and with a cerclage we might be able to stop the delivery. He said the chance was small but at least there was a chance. I would be in the hospital until I deliver, whether that be today, next week, or months from now. I didn't let myself believe in the hope because I knew I couldn't handle it if I let myself believe then be disappointed again. He put me in the Trendelenburg position (feet above your head). He gave me some more pain killers and we held tight until a room in L&D opened.
Jory called our parents to let them know what was going on and I told him to have my parents come immediately. I knew we would need family with life experience to handle the plans afterward if this didn't all work out. Within 30 minutes my mom and step-dad were packed and on their way from Logan, UT down here to Phoenix.
11:30 AM: Once they moved me up to L&D my doctor gave me an epidural with much disapproval from the nurses and other doctors because they had me on medication to stop my contractions, an epidural in their minds was unnecessary. But he knew, even with the pain killers I was in so much pain and discomfort as well as an emotional hell that an Epidural would lift some of that pain away especially if they weren't going to be able to stop the contractions. He was right and I could never thank him enough for that decision.
By 9 PM the medication was not stopping my contractions and the ultrasound was now showing the baby's head coming down, it was only time before my water broke. I already knew their attempts weren't going to work so I was prepared (as well as I could be) for the next step. They stopped that medication and gave me another to induce labor and told me I would probably deliver in a few hours. I had now been in labor for almost 22 hours. My doctor left the hospital to go home and shower and then he'd come right back.
9:24 PM I felt pressure and called the nurse.
9:25 PM My water broke. The Nurse came in, verified it had broke and said she'd call the doctor and be right back.
9:28 PM I called the nurse again, I felt really strong pressure I knew the baby was coming. I tried to stay as still as possible because I knew if I moved a muscle he would come out. In those split seconds Jory and I wondered "Why in the hell the nurse would not stay in the room?" Did she not believe us?
9:29 PM I had Jory call the nurse again, we told her the baby was seriously on his way, like NOW!
9:30 PM With only Jory and I in the room, our baby was born. I felt the baby kicking my leg.
The nurse came back in the room and was shocked to see the baby was out, she ran out and grabbed another nurse who came in and took charge.
(In a later conversation Jory told me the nurse who never stayed in the room acted like she was new and totally freaked out because when she went and got another nurse who came in and took charge, she pulled off her badge and put in on the desk next to me and stood by the door for most of the time, then left.)
Jory cut the cord and watched as they examined the baby and asked if we knew the sex, we didn't. She announced we'd had a baby boy. She wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to me. I immediately fell into tears and didn't stop bawling for at least an hour. I held him and cried. Every time I touched his skin he would make a fist. His eyes were still fused shut but he opened his mouth and smiled (even though we know babies don't smile that early). Jory said he looked just like my older brother Shane, I thought he had Jory's lips. He was perfect in every way. Perfect fingers and perfect toes.
We named him Jack Kendrick Johnson. Jack from Captain Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean” and my maiden name is Kendrick. He was 9.5 inches long and weighed 9.5 ounces.
My parents arrived about 10:30 PM. After about an hour, I sort of kicked them out so Jory and I could spend some private time with our son. We continued to hold Jack and talk to him. We tried to stop crying and enjoy this time we had with him, knowing it wasn't going to be much longer. The nurses continued to come in and check for a pulse, each time surprising us how strong our little boy was. Some time between 12:30 and 1:00 AM on September 1, 2006 Jack passed away in our arms.
The awesome nurses at the hospital let us bathe Jack and brought in some outfits to choose from to dress him in and the most perfect tiny crocheted blanket to wrap him in. She took his foot prints and hand prints for us and later made a plaster cast of both his foot and hand prints. Later she would also take him to get some pictures done that we'll receive 3 weeks after we leave the hospital. We had taken a few pictures of Jack before we bathed him. Although I have yet to look at them, I already wish I had taken more!
We continued to hold Jack until around 2:30 AM, I was so exhausted and couldn't keep my eyes open another second. The nurse came and took Jack to take some photos and create the plaster cast for us. She would bring him back later to sleep in our room with us. I passed out and slept until 6:00 AM when the nurse came in to say she was going off shift. We could never thank her enough for all the mementos she created for us and the memories she helped us create!
The entire next afternoon we took turns holding Jack, I even napped with him next to me on my bed. The nurses continued to tell me that Jack would stay with us until we were ready, but Every time a nurse came in I was scared they were going to say it was time. I couldn't get enough time with Jack, I wasn't ever going to be ready to say goodbye. I expected to be released from the hospital that night so I was on pins and needles knowing I would have to say goodbye soon.
My parents came by and both took time holding Jack. This was the first grandchild in both our families so I know this was hard on them too.
Another nurse came in later and told us that I would be staying another night to make sure there was no infection and because my right thigh was still fully numb from the epidural. They would be moving me up to the maternity ward, but would put me in the area with the neonatal mothers so I wouldn't have to hear all the babies cry. She told us to let her know when we were ready for them to take Jack with the understanding that we can request to seem him once we are in our new room. Or if either of us did not want to say goodbye twice, the other could go into another room and spend as much time with him as needed. We both held him one more time, hugged him, kissed him and said our goodbyes, not really knowing if that would be our last time. But once the nurse came in and took him, we both lost it and bawled together. It made it so real for me, it was as if he had died again. I knew there was no way I could go through that again so I told Jory that was my goodbye, he agreed.
They moved me up to the Maternity ward and put me in my own room in the corner. I was so thankful to not have to hear or see any babies, but felt so empty knowing mine was gone. This was not supposed to happen to us. We had already been through so much for so long just to get pregnant. This was our miracle baby, what happened? I felt like the life had been ripped out of me. I was only a shell, trying to keep it together for Jory. I felt so close to really losing it, but promised Jory I would hold on for his sake.
Later that night my doctor came by and asked if I wanted to go home. He said the results came back, there was no infection, it was definitely incompetent cervix which can be helped next time we get pregnant with a cerclage at 14 to 16 weeks and extra monitoring. Unfortunately there is no way to know you have an incompetent cervix until you go into preterm labor the first time. He said there was nothing I could have done to prevent this or to stop the contractions from coming. There is absolutely no way I could have known until it was too late. I tried to believe him.
The feeling in my thigh had returned so we agreed to go home. As they wheeled me out of the hospital, what feeling I had left in my heart ached for Jack. We should be taking him with us, instead my arms are empty and we both cried the entire way home.
I don’t think either of us have cried so much in our lives. It was so hard to be home, especially with my parents staying with us. I could never thank them enough for coming because of everything they did for us, but I just wanted to be alone with Jory. Thankfully they were here to help keep us on track of those things we needed to handle like calling the different funeral homes and my work. They left Monday, Labor day to go home.
One thing I expected to be an issue was that fact that we have different beliefs from my parents and Jory’s dad. They are all Mormon, not necessarily practicing but have the belief that we should all be buried in a cemetery to later one day reclaim our body. Jory and I are not Mormon and do not wish to be buried. We want to be cremated and have set plans for our ashes. So why would we want to do something different with our child? Our parents both took their turns letting us know they had family plots we could have in either Logan or Provo, UT. We appreciated their offers, however politely declined. I really appreciate them all for not pushing us or questioning our choices. This was definitely not the time or place to have that conversation. In fact I was extremely surprised and happy with the fact that my parents took an active role in trying to helps us pick out an urn. The funeral home also had remembrance pendants and I fell in love with a silver pewter covered glass vile with screw-on top that could hang on a necklace or in a display case and hold some of Jack’s ashes. Because of the price I knew I couldn’t get it with all the other costs we were incurring. My mother offered to buy it for me, I knew I would later regret saying no even though I would never normally agree to let her buy me something that expensive, so I agreed. And I look forward to having that piece of Jack with me always.
The days following my parents exit have been mashed together into one large blur. I wasn’t lucky enough to skip my breast milk from coming in though. I was actually surprised when it first happened, in total disbelief actually. I thought I would be spared this additional reminder of losing Jack, but no.
Jory had mentioned that my brother Shane offered us an escape at his house in Wyoming if we were interested. This was exactly what we needed and were looking forward to getting the hell out of dodge. We wanted to wait for Jack’s ashes and for our apartment complex to fix our A/C, it started leaking the night we got home from the hospital. We’ve also been waiting to be cleared by my doctor for travel which happened today.
I knew going back to the doctor’s office was going to be really hard. I had bonded with all the ladies there during my daily visit for my progesterone shots. They had become like family to me. Let alone the possibility of sitting in the waiting area with pregnant women or children. My doctor had told us how upset all the ladies were when they heard the news of our loss. They had all shed tears and were heartbroken for us.
When we arrived, I was surprised to see an empty waiting room. I have no idea if this was luck or if they had scheduled it this way. Either way I was very thankful. The nurse took my vitals and I was a shocked to see I had lost 14 pounds. I knew I had lost weight, I could tell by the way my pants fit. My doctor examined me and found my uterus was still at 8 weeks, but he was not worried.
After my exam, the doctor told us all the test results were back and that I definitely, with no question had an incompetent cervix. He said that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent this. He said that you don’t start contracting until well after the cervix starts to dilate so even if I had called the night before or right when the contractions started, it wouldn’t have made a difference. I know this was technically the second time he had told me this, but this time it finally freed my guilt I had been holding since losing Jack. Even though everyone was telling me it wasn’t my fault and that I couldn’t have prevented it, there was always still that question in me. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel guilt free, but this was definitely a freeing feeling and I will try to hold on to that.
My doctor said there was no doubt in his mind when we are ready that a cerclage with extra monitoring will work for us. He also thanked us for allowing him to be a part of "the beautiful experience" it was for him. He said he had never experienced the kind of love Jory and I showed, as well as the love we have for each other. He continued to tell us that he’s never met a couple as close and loving as we are and was honored to share in that with us. He said he’s never seen anyone with the glow I had every time I came into his office, even the nurses had mentioned it. He also shared with us that he’s still having a really hard time accepting that there was nothing he could have done to prevent this. He was just so sorry but wanted us to know there is promise for another miracle.
We told him of our travel plans and he agreed that it was a great idea to get away. We scheduled my next appointment in 8 weeks, I should be mid cycle by then. As we started to walk out into the waiting room, I realized it was full of pregnant women and children and started to tear up, by the time we got out to the parking lot, I fully lost it and collapsed against my car. Jory grabbed me and held me tight while I cried. I then realized everyone in the waiting room could see me through the glass front door and windows. I told Jory I wanted to leave so he helped me in the car and we left.
I’ve been approved for 6 weeks short term disability which thankfully I have that, but it is no where near enough time and I don’t know how I’ll ever feel able to go back. I pray that Jory gets the job with the video game company and they offer him loads of money and excellent heath coverage so I might be able to quit my job and never go back.
I haven’t even been able to talk to my friends on the phone yet. I’ve barely managed to talk to my mother, two of my brothers and my father. Talking business or bills to strangers is easier than someone I know. From reading the book the hospital gave us on losing a child, I know it will help to talk to others, but I can’t manage a 5 minute simple conversation with family without crying. How am I supposed to talk with anyone other than Jory about Jack without bawling?
The only thing going for us here in Arizona is that we don’t know many people and don’t see anyone except at my work. I have no idea how it will be to see our family in person on our way to our escape. I can’t manage to ride in the car and see a group of little scouts outside the local market without crying. Or watch TV without constantly flipping the channel every time I see a pregnant woman, baby or a character named Jack. Even a simple episode of Friends comes across cruel when it’s the one where Chandler and Monica get their twins and name the boy Jack. This is exactly why our trip to the secluded woods of Wyoming sound so enticing.
How will I ever not resent my two cousins whose babies will be born shortly after Jack was supposed to be born in January? How will I keep from punching the next person who tells me Jack wasn’t meant to live a full life here on Earth or that it just wasn’t meant to be? Or how about those that keeping telling me we will be with him again one day? How about today? Why not now?
I don’t know how I’ll ever wake up in the morning and not want to cry. I can’t imagine a night where I’ll go to bed and not replay the entire event over and over in my head until I finally decide to take another sleeping pill just to get some sleep. How will I ever feel strong enough to be away from Jory for more than 15 minutes at a time? How will my heart ever recover from losing my perfect precious boy? How will I ever move on?
I’m scared to face the upcoming holidays, Thanksgiving, my 30th birthday, Christmas, his edd of January 22nd. Not to mention what would have been his first holidays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, his birthday and the anniversary of his death. I can’t even think about it right now.
The only reasons I get out of bed every day are Jory and my desperate wish to bring home a baby and give them the world. I miss being pregnant and can only wish we have time for another miracle.
I miss you Jack, I miss you every minute of every day and always will!
I love you forever, Mommy
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Looking Back
Three years ago today I felt Jack move in my belly for the first time. You can read about it here. Of course at the time we still thought it was a girl who we nicknamed Freddy because of a crazy pregnancy dream I had and wrote about here.
Shortly after Jack was born and passed away, I couldn't explain how much I missed being pregnant. Mostly it was missing being pregnant with Jack, wanting to change back time. But just being pregnant was so awesome to me. I'm not sure if it's because I fought for so many years just to get there or if it was fulfilling that natural instinct? I have such a hard time listening or reading about women who gripe and complain about being pregnant and how hard it is. I would give my life just to feel my baby roll over in my belly again.
And so Jack's weekend begins...
Shortly after Jack was born and passed away, I couldn't explain how much I missed being pregnant. Mostly it was missing being pregnant with Jack, wanting to change back time. But just being pregnant was so awesome to me. I'm not sure if it's because I fought for so many years just to get there or if it was fulfilling that natural instinct? I have such a hard time listening or reading about women who gripe and complain about being pregnant and how hard it is. I would give my life just to feel my baby roll over in my belly again.
And so Jack's weekend begins...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Old Stubborn Farts
This month has been a busy one. First we hear that both Jory's GranDan and my Grumpa P are both dying with pretty much the same timeline, could be hours, days or weeks. Thankfully(for us?) they have both held on thus far. I say "for us?" because they both go in and out of knowing who people are, both have being seeing "things" and Grumpa has talked about being excited to go to coffee with his friends...who have all already died.
For me, it seems they are waiting, holding on for those close to them to let them go, to say good-bye. I think they would both rather, get on with the process and be painfree and sippin' coffee in the sky with old friends. Health wise, they both have cancer but it's not what's going to take them to the other side. They are both in their 80's, they've lived very long, exciting lives and it is their time. Don't get me wrong, this is horribly sad, but at the same time, it's been coming for a while now.
I have fought with myself daily on whether to go to Utah and see my Grumpa before he passes or wait for the funeral. Neither sound appealing. I have an issue seeing a loved one dying in the hospital. Not just because of Jack or because of I lost both my son and my father in 2.5 years, but I'd rather remember them by our last visit, which for both wasn't that long ago and of course they were both much more...lively, if that isn't the worst pun ever. For now, I'm waiting, which feels right for me.
The choice to see GranDan or not was totally up to Jory, which he based his decision not to go on Sandy's recent visit. Sounds like he's a little further down the road so to speak. For Sandy, I hope that her late brother Chip has been hearing her prayers for him to come get their dad and take him home. I guess I can say I'm thankful that my dad passed quickly so I didn't have to watch him slowly die. I can't even imagine how horribly painful and heartbreaking it is for Gary, Sandy and their siblings. I just wish my dad could have lived to be in his 80's too.
Although at this point in the month, I'm going to be a little selfish and pray that they both make it past Sept. 1st as this week is already sad enough for us.
Love you Grumpa and GranDan, you both have a beloved great-grandson in the stars waiting to meet you!
For me, it seems they are waiting, holding on for those close to them to let them go, to say good-bye. I think they would both rather, get on with the process and be painfree and sippin' coffee in the sky with old friends. Health wise, they both have cancer but it's not what's going to take them to the other side. They are both in their 80's, they've lived very long, exciting lives and it is their time. Don't get me wrong, this is horribly sad, but at the same time, it's been coming for a while now.
I have fought with myself daily on whether to go to Utah and see my Grumpa before he passes or wait for the funeral. Neither sound appealing. I have an issue seeing a loved one dying in the hospital. Not just because of Jack or because of I lost both my son and my father in 2.5 years, but I'd rather remember them by our last visit, which for both wasn't that long ago and of course they were both much more...lively, if that isn't the worst pun ever. For now, I'm waiting, which feels right for me.
The choice to see GranDan or not was totally up to Jory, which he based his decision not to go on Sandy's recent visit. Sounds like he's a little further down the road so to speak. For Sandy, I hope that her late brother Chip has been hearing her prayers for him to come get their dad and take him home. I guess I can say I'm thankful that my dad passed quickly so I didn't have to watch him slowly die. I can't even imagine how horribly painful and heartbreaking it is for Gary, Sandy and their siblings. I just wish my dad could have lived to be in his 80's too.
Although at this point in the month, I'm going to be a little selfish and pray that they both make it past Sept. 1st as this week is already sad enough for us.
Love you Grumpa and GranDan, you both have a beloved great-grandson in the stars waiting to meet you!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
The Gloves Are Off!
I recently received two comments from Bernadette, the ex step brother's wife. You only saw one because she deleted the other, but of course I have a copy since it was emailed to me. Let me share it with you. First the deleted one:
bernadette has left a new comment on your post "A Memorial for my Father":
Joey,
You need to think about things before you write them. You write about how the "ex's" or what ever it is you refer to them as, as being money hungry. There not they loved Doyle as much as you and your borther. They grew up with Doyle and you didnt. Doyle loved them just as much as he did you or your brother. Remember they grew up with Doyle and he raised them as if they were his own. So no matter what you think about them they did love Doyle and Doyle loved them. They never wanted anything when Doyle died all they ever wanted was to be included in his memorial. But you are such a selfish person that you could not over come the relationship he had with them that you had to keep them away. Well guess what they know about it, but knew they were not welcome so they did not go.
Posted by bernadette to Led Zeppelin Mama at 7/31/09 9:08 PM
The comment she ended up leaving on my blog:
Yes I refer to the exes as Money Hungry, because they are. First two sentences out of Jason's mouth when I first arrived in Richfield, not 24 hours after my father passed away were, "Hi Remember me, I'm Jason, your adopted brother. I don't know when you want to talk about it, but I'd like dad's truck when everything is split up. I really need a truck." (As close to word for word as possible) This from a guy I haven't seen in at least 10 years! And about 10 minutes later we show up to Cathy's house and within the first 5 minutes Jodi was placing dibs on the 4 wheeler and/or snowmobiles and trailer. Not Money Hungry? I tend to disagree.
Everyone who witnessed those conversations have all discussed how disgusted they were to hear it, yet not shocked by both comments and their untimely delivery. WHO IN THE FUCKING WORLD starts placing dibs on their barely dead EX-step father's "stuff" before the funeral is even planned? Jodi and Jason, that's who. We all expected that behavior because that is exactly how their mother raised them to be, just like her.
Speaking of their mother Cathy, who already got half of everything my dad had when they got divorced is now legally fighting us for his money. Trust me, there isn't enough to fight for. Apparently she drained him almost dry in the divorce and the fight over the cabin. I expected there to be a good chunk to help us keep up the cabin and condo, he was a construction Superintendent for gawd sake and was by far the hardest worker anyone knew. I had always been told he paid cash for everything, not a bit of debt to his name. While it's not totally true, he did have a credit card and his condo has a mortgage, we were lucky to have enough in his checking to cover the credit card and help pay the mortgage for a bit. Soon Shane and I will be solely responsible for the condo and cabin.
In the meeting with our lawyer right after we planned the funeral, they were all making comments about a quarter of a million dollars, I don't know where they were pulling those numbers out of but obviously out of their asses. They all looked so excited to jump into their new buckets of gold, laughing and smiling. The entire time I was still trying to accept that my father has just died.
My aunt recently asked Cathy why she was fighting us for the money. She told her she was fighting for her kids because she knows Shane and I aren't going to give them anything. So my aunt flipped the situation and asked Cathy if she were to die, are Shane and Joey going to get anything? Of course not. So why is Cathy fighting us for the money? Because she's the Money Hungry EX. The excuse she gave her lawyer, that my dad promised her that money. As if he'd promise money to the woman who had a restraining order against him. Give me a break!
Don't think I wasn't going to go back to..."I'm Jason, your adopted brother". I have never in my life heard the word Adopted thrown around quite as many times as those few days at the funeral. It seemed that Adopted was Jason's middle name. It came flying out of Jason's mouth, Jodi's mouth and Cathy's mouth about a million times. Funny thing was, no one but them had ever heard a word about Jason being adopted. I wonder why? OH because it was total BULLSHIT! As we all discussed it, some of us had heard or remembered comments about Jason getting his name changed and how Jodi wouldn't and how my dad was pissed off which led to Jodi leaving him off her wedding invitations. But there was never any talk about my dad adopting Jason. You think if he were to do that he would have called and talked to Shane and I beforehand or at least my grandma. Who knows why they thought they'd get away with claiming he was adopted, obviously we were going to verify it. But it was obvious Why they would claim it, they wanted to ensure their share of my dad's assets. FAIL.
Just recently Jason called Shane to apologize for not going to the Memorial, stating they didn't know about it. (So either Bernadette is lying now or Jason was lying to Shane) Shane explained to him why he was not notified or invited and Jason claimed to not know he wasn't adopted and not know that his mother was fighting us for the accounts and how he didn't want anything now, that he wasn't on his sister or mother's side and didn't agree with their actions since the funeral. A. Changing your name and getting adopted are two different processes, not to be confused with one another. He was 17 years old when he changed his name, he was old enough to understand what was going on. The paper work is very similar, but the process is totally different. I'm sorry but I don't buy it. It's just another lie.
B. Saying he doesn't want anything doesn't take back the fact that he was placing dibs on my dad's truck less then 24 hours after my dad died. He's only saying he doesn't want anything now because he knows he's not legally entitled to anything.
And I have no idea (yes I do, her name is Jodi and she's bat shit crazy) where you three get this insane idea that I am somehow jealous of Jodi and Jason because my dad raised them. Are you fucking kidding me? Most of my memories with my dad are Good memories because I didn't see him that much. They grew up in a household with two alcoholic parents. Who would be jealous of that? I'm fairly certain Bernadette got this idea from Jodi who wrote in a letter to Shane that I was angry or pissed at her and Jason because they spent more time with my dad. I have never been jealous, angry or pissed at them....honestly I've never even thought about them. My past anger or sadness has always been with my father. He was the adult, the parent that did not make the time for his kids that he should have. It's not about them, it never was even though they like the drama and like to make it all about them. So get over yourselves and move on with life. My father moved on when he divorced Cathy for the 2nd time. You all had been out of our lives even before all that, what's different now?
I can go on all night...let's see what's next. Oh right, let's talk about how Jodi and Cathy stole all of my dad's personal affects when they claimed his body. (That's what you get with Toothless Village police departments...apparently NON relatives can claim any old body and personal affects without documenting a damn thing) Jodi stole his pocket knife and gave it to her son. They stole the gate and cabin keys. Deleted all his text messages on his cell phone, because most of them were from his girlfriend Donna. Jealous much? Oh and let's not forget about how they took the picture of Jack that dad carried in his wallet. Seriously, what's worse then stealing a picture of a dead grandchild from his grandfather's dead body?
With that, I'm not sure it's necessary to continue with more reasons why Jodi and Jason were not welcome at my father's memorial.
Honestly Bernadette, I think it shows clearly what kind of a person you are when you try to hurt me by saying, "They grew up with him and you didnt they will always have memories of him and you will not." not only are you dense but you're wrong. As I've already said, I have great memories of my dad and nothing but shitty memories of their mom. I had the benefit of not being raised by two alcoholic parents.
Maybe before you post an uneducated, incorrectly spelled comment on a website you should know that all comments posted are emailed to the owner of the site giving me the freedom to publish your nonsensical, repetitive bullshit to the world.
bernadette has left a new comment on your post "A Memorial for my Father":
Joey,
You need to think about things before you write them. You write about how the "ex's" or what ever it is you refer to them as, as being money hungry. There not they loved Doyle as much as you and your borther. They grew up with Doyle and you didnt. Doyle loved them just as much as he did you or your brother. Remember they grew up with Doyle and he raised them as if they were his own. So no matter what you think about them they did love Doyle and Doyle loved them. They never wanted anything when Doyle died all they ever wanted was to be included in his memorial. But you are such a selfish person that you could not over come the relationship he had with them that you had to keep them away. Well guess what they know about it, but knew they were not welcome so they did not go.
Posted by bernadette to Led Zeppelin Mama at 7/31/09 9:08 PM
The comment she ended up leaving on my blog:
no name has left a new comment on your post "A Memorial for My Father"
Joey,
Always remember that the ex step family loved Doyle as much as you and your family did. They never expected or wanted anything form Doyle but his love and they got it. They grew up with him and you didnt they will always have memories of him and you will not. So before you start to talke badly of them keep in mind that Doyle loved them as much as he love you.
Posted by no name to Led Zeppelin Mama a1 7/31/09 9:17 PM
Yes I refer to the exes as Money Hungry, because they are. First two sentences out of Jason's mouth when I first arrived in Richfield, not 24 hours after my father passed away were, "Hi Remember me, I'm Jason, your adopted brother. I don't know when you want to talk about it, but I'd like dad's truck when everything is split up. I really need a truck." (As close to word for word as possible) This from a guy I haven't seen in at least 10 years! And about 10 minutes later we show up to Cathy's house and within the first 5 minutes Jodi was placing dibs on the 4 wheeler and/or snowmobiles and trailer. Not Money Hungry? I tend to disagree.
Everyone who witnessed those conversations have all discussed how disgusted they were to hear it, yet not shocked by both comments and their untimely delivery. WHO IN THE FUCKING WORLD starts placing dibs on their barely dead EX-step father's "stuff" before the funeral is even planned? Jodi and Jason, that's who. We all expected that behavior because that is exactly how their mother raised them to be, just like her.
Speaking of their mother Cathy, who already got half of everything my dad had when they got divorced is now legally fighting us for his money. Trust me, there isn't enough to fight for. Apparently she drained him almost dry in the divorce and the fight over the cabin. I expected there to be a good chunk to help us keep up the cabin and condo, he was a construction Superintendent for gawd sake and was by far the hardest worker anyone knew. I had always been told he paid cash for everything, not a bit of debt to his name. While it's not totally true, he did have a credit card and his condo has a mortgage, we were lucky to have enough in his checking to cover the credit card and help pay the mortgage for a bit. Soon Shane and I will be solely responsible for the condo and cabin.
In the meeting with our lawyer right after we planned the funeral, they were all making comments about a quarter of a million dollars, I don't know where they were pulling those numbers out of but obviously out of their asses. They all looked so excited to jump into their new buckets of gold, laughing and smiling. The entire time I was still trying to accept that my father has just died.
My aunt recently asked Cathy why she was fighting us for the money. She told her she was fighting for her kids because she knows Shane and I aren't going to give them anything. So my aunt flipped the situation and asked Cathy if she were to die, are Shane and Joey going to get anything? Of course not. So why is Cathy fighting us for the money? Because she's the Money Hungry EX. The excuse she gave her lawyer, that my dad promised her that money. As if he'd promise money to the woman who had a restraining order against him. Give me a break!
Don't think I wasn't going to go back to..."I'm Jason, your adopted brother". I have never in my life heard the word Adopted thrown around quite as many times as those few days at the funeral. It seemed that Adopted was Jason's middle name. It came flying out of Jason's mouth, Jodi's mouth and Cathy's mouth about a million times. Funny thing was, no one but them had ever heard a word about Jason being adopted. I wonder why? OH because it was total BULLSHIT! As we all discussed it, some of us had heard or remembered comments about Jason getting his name changed and how Jodi wouldn't and how my dad was pissed off which led to Jodi leaving him off her wedding invitations. But there was never any talk about my dad adopting Jason. You think if he were to do that he would have called and talked to Shane and I beforehand or at least my grandma. Who knows why they thought they'd get away with claiming he was adopted, obviously we were going to verify it. But it was obvious Why they would claim it, they wanted to ensure their share of my dad's assets. FAIL.
Just recently Jason called Shane to apologize for not going to the Memorial, stating they didn't know about it. (So either Bernadette is lying now or Jason was lying to Shane) Shane explained to him why he was not notified or invited and Jason claimed to not know he wasn't adopted and not know that his mother was fighting us for the accounts and how he didn't want anything now, that he wasn't on his sister or mother's side and didn't agree with their actions since the funeral. A. Changing your name and getting adopted are two different processes, not to be confused with one another. He was 17 years old when he changed his name, he was old enough to understand what was going on. The paper work is very similar, but the process is totally different. I'm sorry but I don't buy it. It's just another lie.
B. Saying he doesn't want anything doesn't take back the fact that he was placing dibs on my dad's truck less then 24 hours after my dad died. He's only saying he doesn't want anything now because he knows he's not legally entitled to anything.
And I have no idea (yes I do, her name is Jodi and she's bat shit crazy) where you three get this insane idea that I am somehow jealous of Jodi and Jason because my dad raised them. Are you fucking kidding me? Most of my memories with my dad are Good memories because I didn't see him that much. They grew up in a household with two alcoholic parents. Who would be jealous of that? I'm fairly certain Bernadette got this idea from Jodi who wrote in a letter to Shane that I was angry or pissed at her and Jason because they spent more time with my dad. I have never been jealous, angry or pissed at them....honestly I've never even thought about them. My past anger or sadness has always been with my father. He was the adult, the parent that did not make the time for his kids that he should have. It's not about them, it never was even though they like the drama and like to make it all about them. So get over yourselves and move on with life. My father moved on when he divorced Cathy for the 2nd time. You all had been out of our lives even before all that, what's different now?
I can go on all night...let's see what's next. Oh right, let's talk about how Jodi and Cathy stole all of my dad's personal affects when they claimed his body. (That's what you get with Toothless Village police departments...apparently NON relatives can claim any old body and personal affects without documenting a damn thing) Jodi stole his pocket knife and gave it to her son. They stole the gate and cabin keys. Deleted all his text messages on his cell phone, because most of them were from his girlfriend Donna. Jealous much? Oh and let's not forget about how they took the picture of Jack that dad carried in his wallet. Seriously, what's worse then stealing a picture of a dead grandchild from his grandfather's dead body?
With that, I'm not sure it's necessary to continue with more reasons why Jodi and Jason were not welcome at my father's memorial.
Honestly Bernadette, I think it shows clearly what kind of a person you are when you try to hurt me by saying, "They grew up with him and you didnt they will always have memories of him and you will not." not only are you dense but you're wrong. As I've already said, I have great memories of my dad and nothing but shitty memories of their mom. I had the benefit of not being raised by two alcoholic parents.
Maybe before you post an uneducated, incorrectly spelled comment on a website you should know that all comments posted are emailed to the owner of the site giving me the freedom to publish your nonsensical, repetitive bullshit to the world.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
To help me get back into blogging
1. What time did you get up this morning?
Before you all call me lazy, we'll start with what time I went to bed this Morning...3:30am-ish and I got up at 11:30 am.
2. How do you like your steak?
Well Done and by done I mean No Bloody Mooing!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Twilight. We don't often go out to Theaters, we're home-bodies. Well Jory is more of a home-body and I just hate people in general. Those of you who know me, know that I'm kidding. Mostly.
4. What is your favorite TV show?
If I have to pick one.........Dexter!
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
My own tropical Island.
6. What did you have for breakfast?
Didn't eat breakfast...I've been drinking a V8 all week for breakfast, but not today.
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Let's just say my all time favorite meal is chicken cordon bleu.
8. What foods do you dislike?
Vegetables, Don't freak out, I like Salad, pickled beets, potatoes, green beans and corn.
9. Favorite Place to Eat?
FAMOUS FUCKING DAVES, ok that might have been a little too aggressive but I'm pretty sure everyone on the planet knows how much I love FDs!
10. Favorite dressing?
I go back and forth with Ranch and Thousand Island Oh and Honey Mustard!
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
2008 Honda CRV Baby! You can call her Lucy 2.0.
12. What are your favorite clothes?
Seriously? Who has favorite clothes? Wait I guess I do favor my Led Zeppelin Tshirts and sweatshirt.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Visiting my dad's cabin this weekend. I guess I should stop saying my dad's cabin since it's technically me and my brother's cabin now. I'd like to go to Koh Phangan, Thailand, Italy, England, Australia, Antarctica, Miami Rocks in the winter time, still haven't made it to Hawaii!
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Who the fuck cares, some days if feels like I've been robbed of the cup entirely.
15. Where would you want to retire?
My dad......My cabin in the summer and Miami or Hawaii or anywhere tropical in the winter!
16. Favorite time of day?
Sunset, sunrise if I'm still awake.
17. Where were you born?
Almost in a car, I think that was me, or wait was I the one that was almost born in the toilet? Or was that Christopher? I don't remember...in a hospital in Logan, Utah.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Favorite...NONE unless is the Summer X Games, I enjoy those and sometimes Tennis, Gymnastics and Beach Volleyball, but it's really rare. I'm one of those weirdos that can't sit still when watching sports, my body jerks because I'm trying to help the athletes out! LOL Because you know I can do a better job from my couch. ;)
19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I'm not really tagging because I'm blogging this so no one.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Same answer
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Oh Good Gawd!
22. Bird watcher?
Are you for real? While I smoke I guess I watch the birds and rats with wings, but I'm not like going out on a nature hike with my bonoc's and birdy whistle wearin' a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts with a camera hanging around my neck.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
You must be new here...Night person. Me and Insomnia...Inseparable.
24. Do you have any pets?
Yes, Mazzy Star Johnson and Jimi Page Hendrix Johnson, both black Pomeranian Princesses.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
No I'm still not pregnant, thanks for rubbing it in.
26. What did you want to be when you were little?
First off you're going to laugh, makes me not want to answer...but I'm a Masochists so when I was little and naive I wanted to be an Actress or a Model. I also thought I had a twin sister and we, yes WE would act out shows in the mirror in my parent's bedroom. WE also did radio shows which I recorded on tape and HAPPEN TO HAVE one of those tapes still in my possession today. You want to listen don't you? Maybe someday ;)
Then I grew up and all the boys in sixth grade told me how ugly and fat I was...even though back then I was a toothpick, I just happen to be 5'7" with big boobs (30 DD) at 12 years old, so I try to tell myself that they were just jealous. OH and for any of you BOYS that tease us girls, we Remember your names and will curse you until the day we die.
In High School I decided I wanted to be a LCSW who would do independent therapy with abused or troubled kids...but I couldn't afford college so here I am, a computer geek who wants to change careers and work with kids, with no degree and no paid experience. It's not looking good. EEK I was just supposed to be answering questions and here I am Blogging...well I guess for those of you who actually stuck around to read my answers, this is a treat for you! or maybe it's not, either way ;)
27. What is your best childhood memory?
Hmmm I don't know if it's the best but it came to mind pretty quickly, how strange, but anyway One of my favorite memories from childhood was going to New York with my mom when I was 12 years old for dancing. My drill team the Logan Stars.....Did she just say Dancing? wait Drill team? WTF JOEY who the F are you? You were thinking that....weren't you? Yes, for Dancing, My drill team...I was a girl at one point in my life ;) LOL! I danced with the Logan Stars which later became known as the Cache Valley Stars for THIRTEEN years! And when I was 12 years old a few girls from our team went to NY to dance at halftime at Giant Stadium for the....something Bowl, I can't think of the name. Anyway that's not the important part. We went to NY a week early to do tourist-y stuff and I had the time of my life! I decided then that I wanted to move to NY and be an artist in Central Park...that of course never happened either, but A Girl Can Dream right?
28. Are you a cat or dog person?
dog
29. Are you married?
Happily, we're coming up on 12 years this September! People always get mad that I say that because technically we didn't get married until our 6 year anniversary, but on Sept. 8, 1997 we professed our love and agreed to grow old together. On Sept. 8, 2003 we celebrated our agreement and made it legal, but that paper didn't override our original agreement...so there's no reason to ignore the first 6 years.
30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes
31. Been in a car accident?
One, but I wasn't driving....Juli ;) Technically two if you count the time I put the car in reverse and took my foot off the brake and Lucy 1.0 slowly backed into another car that retardedly stopped right behind me, in my blind-spot. It didn't hurt Lucy at all, but crunched the crap out of the retarded lady's passenger door. Even the cop was all...Why the hell did you stop your car right behind her's? The lady was all...I didn't realize I was behind her I was stopping before pulling out of the parking lot and the cop was...Lady. You stopped like 20 feet from the sidewalk, you can't possibly have been stopping before pulling out of the parking lot because you wouldn't be able to see if anyone is coming on either side. Then she admitted she was looking through her date book and wasn't paying attention. Why did I just type that out, who the fuck cares? I don't. Or maybe I did, maybe I felt like that had never been said so I had to say it. oh I'm boring myself now.
32. Any pet peeves?
I get more and more every year. When I was younger it was Teachers who added an S at the end of my last name, Kendricks, There is no fucking S at the end, it's just KENDRICK. Then it turned into Hendricks or Kendrickson or Hendrickson ARGH! Or first day of class they'd call out Joey Kendricks and I would raise my hand shaking my head like SERIOUSLY? AREN'T YOU A FUCKING TEACHER? NOT VERY SMART ARE WE? and they would TOTALLY ignore my hand as if they thought, Oh that girl must just have a question because I'm still waiting for a BOY to respond to HIS name. Most of the time I had to yell out, YO I'm Joey, yes I'm a GIRL, get over it! OH wow, there's some pent up anger! LOL
I'm going to stop with the pet peeves for now because I'm feeling nasty and I don't think people want to read my feelings about Hypocritical Mormons. And I only added "Hypocritical" to be nice. See I'm in a nasty mood now. Way to go Stupid survey, get me all RAGING at the WORLD!
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Ham and Pineapple
34. Favorite Flower?
It was always daisies but I actually love the tropical, unique looking ones now.
35. Favorite ice cream?
Oreo, Cookies and Cream, whatever same thing.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Currently it's Carl's Jr because they have their Teriyaki burgers and I'm obsessed with Teriyaki sandwiches otherwise probably Quizno's but they're pricey.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
100% on both written and driving the first and only time, Thank You Very much!
38. From whom did you get your last email?
MesaEastAZFreeCycle
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I don't buy things with our credit cards. Credit is bad, evil, Satan. But what store would I spend someone else's cash in?...The Dancing Cranes in Salt Lake City. It's my favoritest store in the world.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I spontaneously called my friend Keara knowing full well that she wouldn't answer her phone.
41. Like your job?
Hated my last job, quit to be a mother, that fell through so now I sit at the computer all day looking for a new job, it sucks.
42. Broccoli?
Fuck no
43. What was your favorite vacation?
My last favorite was the trip to Miami for Sara and Carl's wedding.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Keara and her mom I think.
45. What are you listening to right now?
Jory playing Fallout 3 on the XBox 360
46. What is your favorite color?
Green
47. How many tattoos do you have?
Three, but the last one had 6 sittings so I should count them separately. And it's still not done. I have 6 more waiting for someone like Kat Von D or Chris Garver to do them justice.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Zero asshat
49. What time did you finish this quiz?
1:58 AM
50. Coffee Drinker?
Only in the winter or trips to Utah.
Before you all call me lazy, we'll start with what time I went to bed this Morning...3:30am-ish and I got up at 11:30 am.
2. How do you like your steak?
Well Done and by done I mean No Bloody Mooing!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Twilight. We don't often go out to Theaters, we're home-bodies. Well Jory is more of a home-body and I just hate people in general. Those of you who know me, know that I'm kidding. Mostly.
4. What is your favorite TV show?
If I have to pick one.........Dexter!
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
My own tropical Island.
6. What did you have for breakfast?
Didn't eat breakfast...I've been drinking a V8 all week for breakfast, but not today.
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Let's just say my all time favorite meal is chicken cordon bleu.
8. What foods do you dislike?
Vegetables, Don't freak out, I like Salad, pickled beets, potatoes, green beans and corn.
9. Favorite Place to Eat?
FAMOUS FUCKING DAVES, ok that might have been a little too aggressive but I'm pretty sure everyone on the planet knows how much I love FDs!
10. Favorite dressing?
I go back and forth with Ranch and Thousand Island Oh and Honey Mustard!
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
2008 Honda CRV Baby! You can call her Lucy 2.0.
12. What are your favorite clothes?
Seriously? Who has favorite clothes? Wait I guess I do favor my Led Zeppelin Tshirts and sweatshirt.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Visiting my dad's cabin this weekend. I guess I should stop saying my dad's cabin since it's technically me and my brother's cabin now. I'd like to go to Koh Phangan, Thailand, Italy, England, Australia, Antarctica, Miami Rocks in the winter time, still haven't made it to Hawaii!
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Who the fuck cares, some days if feels like I've been robbed of the cup entirely.
15. Where would you want to retire?
My dad......My cabin in the summer and Miami or Hawaii or anywhere tropical in the winter!
16. Favorite time of day?
Sunset, sunrise if I'm still awake.
17. Where were you born?
Almost in a car, I think that was me, or wait was I the one that was almost born in the toilet? Or was that Christopher? I don't remember...in a hospital in Logan, Utah.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Favorite...NONE unless is the Summer X Games, I enjoy those and sometimes Tennis, Gymnastics and Beach Volleyball, but it's really rare. I'm one of those weirdos that can't sit still when watching sports, my body jerks because I'm trying to help the athletes out! LOL Because you know I can do a better job from my couch. ;)
19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I'm not really tagging because I'm blogging this so no one.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Same answer
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Oh Good Gawd!
22. Bird watcher?
Are you for real? While I smoke I guess I watch the birds and rats with wings, but I'm not like going out on a nature hike with my bonoc's and birdy whistle wearin' a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts with a camera hanging around my neck.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
You must be new here...Night person. Me and Insomnia...Inseparable.
24. Do you have any pets?
Yes, Mazzy Star Johnson and Jimi Page Hendrix Johnson, both black Pomeranian Princesses.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
No I'm still not pregnant, thanks for rubbing it in.
26. What did you want to be when you were little?
First off you're going to laugh, makes me not want to answer...but I'm a Masochists so when I was little and naive I wanted to be an Actress or a Model. I also thought I had a twin sister and we, yes WE would act out shows in the mirror in my parent's bedroom. WE also did radio shows which I recorded on tape and HAPPEN TO HAVE one of those tapes still in my possession today. You want to listen don't you? Maybe someday ;)
Then I grew up and all the boys in sixth grade told me how ugly and fat I was...even though back then I was a toothpick, I just happen to be 5'7" with big boobs (30 DD) at 12 years old, so I try to tell myself that they were just jealous. OH and for any of you BOYS that tease us girls, we Remember your names and will curse you until the day we die.
In High School I decided I wanted to be a LCSW who would do independent therapy with abused or troubled kids...but I couldn't afford college so here I am, a computer geek who wants to change careers and work with kids, with no degree and no paid experience. It's not looking good. EEK I was just supposed to be answering questions and here I am Blogging...well I guess for those of you who actually stuck around to read my answers, this is a treat for you! or maybe it's not, either way ;)
27. What is your best childhood memory?
Hmmm I don't know if it's the best but it came to mind pretty quickly, how strange, but anyway One of my favorite memories from childhood was going to New York with my mom when I was 12 years old for dancing. My drill team the Logan Stars.....Did she just say Dancing? wait Drill team? WTF JOEY who the F are you? You were thinking that....weren't you? Yes, for Dancing, My drill team...I was a girl at one point in my life ;) LOL! I danced with the Logan Stars which later became known as the Cache Valley Stars for THIRTEEN years! And when I was 12 years old a few girls from our team went to NY to dance at halftime at Giant Stadium for the....something Bowl, I can't think of the name. Anyway that's not the important part. We went to NY a week early to do tourist-y stuff and I had the time of my life! I decided then that I wanted to move to NY and be an artist in Central Park...that of course never happened either, but A Girl Can Dream right?
28. Are you a cat or dog person?
dog
29. Are you married?
Happily, we're coming up on 12 years this September! People always get mad that I say that because technically we didn't get married until our 6 year anniversary, but on Sept. 8, 1997 we professed our love and agreed to grow old together. On Sept. 8, 2003 we celebrated our agreement and made it legal, but that paper didn't override our original agreement...so there's no reason to ignore the first 6 years.
30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes
31. Been in a car accident?
One, but I wasn't driving....Juli ;) Technically two if you count the time I put the car in reverse and took my foot off the brake and Lucy 1.0 slowly backed into another car that retardedly stopped right behind me, in my blind-spot. It didn't hurt Lucy at all, but crunched the crap out of the retarded lady's passenger door. Even the cop was all...Why the hell did you stop your car right behind her's? The lady was all...I didn't realize I was behind her I was stopping before pulling out of the parking lot and the cop was...Lady. You stopped like 20 feet from the sidewalk, you can't possibly have been stopping before pulling out of the parking lot because you wouldn't be able to see if anyone is coming on either side. Then she admitted she was looking through her date book and wasn't paying attention. Why did I just type that out, who the fuck cares? I don't. Or maybe I did, maybe I felt like that had never been said so I had to say it. oh I'm boring myself now.
32. Any pet peeves?
I get more and more every year. When I was younger it was Teachers who added an S at the end of my last name, Kendricks, There is no fucking S at the end, it's just KENDRICK. Then it turned into Hendricks or Kendrickson or Hendrickson ARGH! Or first day of class they'd call out Joey Kendricks and I would raise my hand shaking my head like SERIOUSLY? AREN'T YOU A FUCKING TEACHER? NOT VERY SMART ARE WE? and they would TOTALLY ignore my hand as if they thought, Oh that girl must just have a question because I'm still waiting for a BOY to respond to HIS name. Most of the time I had to yell out, YO I'm Joey, yes I'm a GIRL, get over it! OH wow, there's some pent up anger! LOL
I'm going to stop with the pet peeves for now because I'm feeling nasty and I don't think people want to read my feelings about Hypocritical Mormons. And I only added "Hypocritical" to be nice. See I'm in a nasty mood now. Way to go Stupid survey, get me all RAGING at the WORLD!
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Ham and Pineapple
34. Favorite Flower?
It was always daisies but I actually love the tropical, unique looking ones now.
35. Favorite ice cream?
Oreo, Cookies and Cream, whatever same thing.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Currently it's Carl's Jr because they have their Teriyaki burgers and I'm obsessed with Teriyaki sandwiches otherwise probably Quizno's but they're pricey.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
100% on both written and driving the first and only time, Thank You Very much!
38. From whom did you get your last email?
MesaEastAZFreeCycle
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I don't buy things with our credit cards. Credit is bad, evil, Satan. But what store would I spend someone else's cash in?...The Dancing Cranes in Salt Lake City. It's my favoritest store in the world.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I spontaneously called my friend Keara knowing full well that she wouldn't answer her phone.
41. Like your job?
Hated my last job, quit to be a mother, that fell through so now I sit at the computer all day looking for a new job, it sucks.
42. Broccoli?
Fuck no
43. What was your favorite vacation?
My last favorite was the trip to Miami for Sara and Carl's wedding.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Keara and her mom I think.
45. What are you listening to right now?
Jory playing Fallout 3 on the XBox 360
46. What is your favorite color?
Green
47. How many tattoos do you have?
Three, but the last one had 6 sittings so I should count them separately. And it's still not done. I have 6 more waiting for someone like Kat Von D or Chris Garver to do them justice.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Zero asshat
49. What time did you finish this quiz?
1:58 AM
50. Coffee Drinker?
Only in the winter or trips to Utah.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I KILLED our Dyson and it Came Back to LIFE!
It was me...I did it! I killed the Dyson. Take me away boys!
So I've been beating myself up for a couple weeks now about killing our Dyson vacuum. That's $400 down the freakin' drain! If you've been a long time reader, you'll remember the only reason we were able to get a $400 Dyson was because we had received so many Lowe's gift cards the previous xmas. Now is not the time to have to make any large purchases, especially since I'm still not working!
I was really feeling awful, it was my crochet headband that I unknowingly vacuumed up and the next time I went to vacuum, I noticed the suction was weak and then it just powered off. I moved outlets a couple times, nothing! Jory started tinkering and found the headband had clogged the vacuum and I must have burned out the motor.
So I finally got on the Dyson website today looking at that warranty info, assuming the commercials about there being a lifetime guarantee had fine print that says something to the effect of..."We will replace your Dyson vacuum no questions asked, unless of course your distracted wife vacuums up her crochet headband that shouldn't have been hiding under the fucking ottoman.
But instead I went to the support link and followed the instructions on what to do if your Dyson powers off by itself and apparently the smart motherfuckers at Dyson built in a safety system that stops the machine if it's beginning to overheat, mostly caused by blockage or dirty filter. It says to wait an hour, check for blockage and clean filter then plug it in.
It's been over two weeks and we had already cleared the blockage so I walked in the living room, told Jory there was a chance the Dyson might actually be ok, plugged in the vacuum and held my breath. I counted to three and hit the power button and our Smart-ass vacuum powered the fuck on! FUCK YA!
I did what Jory called a chimp dance to celebrate then vacuumed the office and hallway grinning from ear to ear.
People, if you need a vacuum, by a freakin' Dyson! They rule, you really can't break them. We've had ours for almost 3 years now and this was our first problem. It wasn't the Dyson's fault I vacuumed my crochet headband, but the Dyson saved us by being super smart. And no the people at Dyson have not paid me to endorse their product, but they can, or send me their Handheld animal, no not of the furry sort, their handheld pet hair vacuum!
So I've been beating myself up for a couple weeks now about killing our Dyson vacuum. That's $400 down the freakin' drain! If you've been a long time reader, you'll remember the only reason we were able to get a $400 Dyson was because we had received so many Lowe's gift cards the previous xmas. Now is not the time to have to make any large purchases, especially since I'm still not working!
I was really feeling awful, it was my crochet headband that I unknowingly vacuumed up and the next time I went to vacuum, I noticed the suction was weak and then it just powered off. I moved outlets a couple times, nothing! Jory started tinkering and found the headband had clogged the vacuum and I must have burned out the motor.
So I finally got on the Dyson website today looking at that warranty info, assuming the commercials about there being a lifetime guarantee had fine print that says something to the effect of..."We will replace your Dyson vacuum no questions asked, unless of course your distracted wife vacuums up her crochet headband that shouldn't have been hiding under the fucking ottoman.
But instead I went to the support link and followed the instructions on what to do if your Dyson powers off by itself and apparently the smart motherfuckers at Dyson built in a safety system that stops the machine if it's beginning to overheat, mostly caused by blockage or dirty filter. It says to wait an hour, check for blockage and clean filter then plug it in.
It's been over two weeks and we had already cleared the blockage so I walked in the living room, told Jory there was a chance the Dyson might actually be ok, plugged in the vacuum and held my breath. I counted to three and hit the power button and our Smart-ass vacuum powered the fuck on! FUCK YA!
I did what Jory called a chimp dance to celebrate then vacuumed the office and hallway grinning from ear to ear.
People, if you need a vacuum, by a freakin' Dyson! They rule, you really can't break them. We've had ours for almost 3 years now and this was our first problem. It wasn't the Dyson's fault I vacuumed my crochet headband, but the Dyson saved us by being super smart. And no the people at Dyson have not paid me to endorse their product, but they can, or send me their Handheld animal, no not of the furry sort, their handheld pet hair vacuum!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)