My younger brother Christopher, looking a little hung over from the party we had the night before. Also a nice pic of Sage's ass!
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Scary Movie
Another bathroom story for you. Our department was one of the few that had to work today. You might think being the 4th of July we would have it off, but no.
Anyway, so it's 8:44 pm I'm waiting patiently for 9:00 to roll around so I can go home, but I really have to pee! Can't hold it any longer, so I decide to go. On my way to the bathroom I realize how empty the building is and we really are the last three people here, other than the security guard (who is a hip chick that spends most of her nights outside).
I walked into the restroom and thought that it was kind of creepy because it's big and empty and it's late. But I'm probably just being a pussy because Jory and I watched "Saw" this morning so I've got the jeeper creepers. It was a fleeting thought and I went about my business, closed the door on my "usual" stall.
Just as I sat down, I heard a noise. I thought maybe someone else was in the room. But remembered that when I walked in, the room was empty. I did my usual inventory, the stalls were empty! Because I had taken some cold medicine earlier I assume I'm just hearing things and finish up.
While washing my hands I scan the stalls in the mirror like I normally do and see boots in the stall closest to the door. As I dry my hands, I realize that I saw boots, man-boots in the stall...someone else is in here? I'm walking towards the door and before I drop my towel in the garbage, I do the "lean over" to really see if I saw what I thought I had seen. MAN-BOOTS! HOLY SHIT, MAN-BOOTS! But the stall door isn't shut and locked, it's part way open, but not open enough that I can see who is sitting in the stall.....I'm walking out the door and the hair on the back of my neck is standing up, goose bumps cover my arms and I'm practically shivering from the chills when I really, REALLY realize that I just saw MAN BOOTS in the last stall! Not only did I see MAN BOOTS, but the stall door was partially open! I walk very fast back to my desk not looking behind me because I'm starting to freak myself out and when I get back to my desk, I stand there and stare at Mark not able to spit the words out.
A minute passes and Mark turns off his fan and looks at me, still standing there just staring at him. He asked me what was wrong, so I recount the story and he's speechless but then sort of laughs it off and says it's up to you but you might want to go tell the security guard.
I'm thinking, did this just really happen? Did I just freak myself out or did I really see MAN BOOTS in the last stall closest to the door with it's door partly open. Needing a few minutes to think this through, I sit down and breath....... in and out, in and out.
That really did happen, what is the hip security guard going to do?
Was it the hip security guard in the bathroom? If so, why was the door partly open?
Why didn't I see her or hear her when I went in?
She chats with me all the time, why didn't she say something if it was her?
It couldn't have been her. HOLY SHIT!
By this time it's 9:00 pm and I'm going home. I decide that I will tell the security guard on my way out.
I gather my things and head out to the lobby and the security guard isn't there. Just my luck! Oh well, I'll tell her tomorrow no big deal.
I stop at the front doors and scan the parking lot for anyone dressed up like the "Scary Movie" killer and begin to walk slowly to my car. I get to the curb and from the car to my left, the voice of the hip security guard wishes me a good night. I see movement in the car but can't really see her, so I say good night and went straight to my car. I thought about pulling up next to her car and asking her about man boots, but I just wanted to get home, so I left.
Note to self, add Mace to grocery list!
Anyway, so it's 8:44 pm I'm waiting patiently for 9:00 to roll around so I can go home, but I really have to pee! Can't hold it any longer, so I decide to go. On my way to the bathroom I realize how empty the building is and we really are the last three people here, other than the security guard (who is a hip chick that spends most of her nights outside).
I walked into the restroom and thought that it was kind of creepy because it's big and empty and it's late. But I'm probably just being a pussy because Jory and I watched "Saw" this morning so I've got the jeeper creepers. It was a fleeting thought and I went about my business, closed the door on my "usual" stall.
Just as I sat down, I heard a noise. I thought maybe someone else was in the room. But remembered that when I walked in, the room was empty. I did my usual inventory, the stalls were empty! Because I had taken some cold medicine earlier I assume I'm just hearing things and finish up.
While washing my hands I scan the stalls in the mirror like I normally do and see boots in the stall closest to the door. As I dry my hands, I realize that I saw boots, man-boots in the stall...someone else is in here? I'm walking towards the door and before I drop my towel in the garbage, I do the "lean over" to really see if I saw what I thought I had seen. MAN-BOOTS! HOLY SHIT, MAN-BOOTS! But the stall door isn't shut and locked, it's part way open, but not open enough that I can see who is sitting in the stall.....I'm walking out the door and the hair on the back of my neck is standing up, goose bumps cover my arms and I'm practically shivering from the chills when I really, REALLY realize that I just saw MAN BOOTS in the last stall! Not only did I see MAN BOOTS, but the stall door was partially open! I walk very fast back to my desk not looking behind me because I'm starting to freak myself out and when I get back to my desk, I stand there and stare at Mark not able to spit the words out.
A minute passes and Mark turns off his fan and looks at me, still standing there just staring at him. He asked me what was wrong, so I recount the story and he's speechless but then sort of laughs it off and says it's up to you but you might want to go tell the security guard.
I'm thinking, did this just really happen? Did I just freak myself out or did I really see MAN BOOTS in the last stall closest to the door with it's door partly open. Needing a few minutes to think this through, I sit down and breath....... in and out, in and out.
That really did happen, what is the hip security guard going to do?
Was it the hip security guard in the bathroom? If so, why was the door partly open?
Why didn't I see her or hear her when I went in?
She chats with me all the time, why didn't she say something if it was her?
It couldn't have been her. HOLY SHIT!
By this time it's 9:00 pm and I'm going home. I decide that I will tell the security guard on my way out.
I gather my things and head out to the lobby and the security guard isn't there. Just my luck! Oh well, I'll tell her tomorrow no big deal.
I stop at the front doors and scan the parking lot for anyone dressed up like the "Scary Movie" killer and begin to walk slowly to my car. I get to the curb and from the car to my left, the voice of the hip security guard wishes me a good night. I see movement in the car but can't really see her, so I say good night and went straight to my car. I thought about pulling up next to her car and asking her about man boots, but I just wanted to get home, so I left.
Note to self, add Mace to grocery list!
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Is it just me?
As I walked into the ladies room today at work, I wondered as I continued to walk to the far end of the stalls and entered my "usual" stall, 2nd from the far wall, if everyone has a "usual" stall. Not only do I have my "usual" stall, I also go to the same stall when I'm out shopping or at a restaurant. But it's not the 2nd from the far wall, it's the farthest stall from the door. This only changes when there is a line and I have to go in the stall that is available when it's my turn to go.
In gas stations, it's a little different, you don't have a long row of stalls, you hope there is just the one so you can have the bathroom all to yourself. However most of the time there are two to three stalls and they are located across from the sinks. You have to make a quick decision which stall is best not to be stared at in the mirror by rude staring bitches while they wash their hands.
The reason I go to the far end or pick the most private stall is not because of those rude staring bitches because I really don't think they all stare, just those few who've I've busted in the act! But because I have a bashful blatter and there is no way I'm going to be able to pee sitting close to the door, that's too much pressure. Plus, if you haven't notice you will now because you've read it here...that most (rude staring) women wash their hands in the sink closest to the door.
The better to stare at you while you're sitting there begging your blatter to Please Just Go Pee!
I won't even start about public pooping!
Day 3, not one nicifit...couldn't possibly be this easy? All you have to do is be sure you want to quit? I expected to be sick or pissy or something. I haven't felt one physical crave but imagined many times, how nice it would be to have one more! Not even one more, but like one a night, like someone has a glass of wine a night, I would like to have one smoke a night. I even thought, what's the point in quitting before I have health insurance, because one of the reasons I'm quitting is to get pregnant and you know the whole "health" part. I'm still hoping Jory will cave in and ask me to buy a pack. Who by the way is moody, trying to stay out of his way as much as possible. Can't wait until he's back to normal. Don't know if it's because he was sick again the other night or because of this? Probably a mixure of both. Either way, I'm trying not to become the target of his temper. I think being so concerned with him has made this easier for me. I haven't had time to think about it because I'm constantly trying NOT to do anything that might piss him off.
In gas stations, it's a little different, you don't have a long row of stalls, you hope there is just the one so you can have the bathroom all to yourself. However most of the time there are two to three stalls and they are located across from the sinks. You have to make a quick decision which stall is best not to be stared at in the mirror by rude staring bitches while they wash their hands.
The reason I go to the far end or pick the most private stall is not because of those rude staring bitches because I really don't think they all stare, just those few who've I've busted in the act! But because I have a bashful blatter and there is no way I'm going to be able to pee sitting close to the door, that's too much pressure. Plus, if you haven't notice you will now because you've read it here...that most (rude staring) women wash their hands in the sink closest to the door.
The better to stare at you while you're sitting there begging your blatter to Please Just Go Pee!
I won't even start about public pooping!
Day 3, not one nicifit...couldn't possibly be this easy? All you have to do is be sure you want to quit? I expected to be sick or pissy or something. I haven't felt one physical crave but imagined many times, how nice it would be to have one more! Not even one more, but like one a night, like someone has a glass of wine a night, I would like to have one smoke a night. I even thought, what's the point in quitting before I have health insurance, because one of the reasons I'm quitting is to get pregnant and you know the whole "health" part. I'm still hoping Jory will cave in and ask me to buy a pack. Who by the way is moody, trying to stay out of his way as much as possible. Can't wait until he's back to normal. Don't know if it's because he was sick again the other night or because of this? Probably a mixure of both. Either way, I'm trying not to become the target of his temper. I think being so concerned with him has made this easier for me. I haven't had time to think about it because I'm constantly trying NOT to do anything that might piss him off.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Live8
I've spent all day watching Live8, Jory and I were talking last night about how these are free concerts. They aren't raising money they are raising awareness. Which is totally a good thing, we understand, we dig. It's a good idea, but don't you think that you could charge even one dollar per ticket and you could not only raise awareness but send Africa over One Million dollars just from Philly's attendees? You can only imagine how much money could have been raised by charging a dollar or euro respectively from each concert attendee in each city.
Now I can only assume that everyone that was lucky enough to go to one of these concerts probably bought a T-shirt, poster, sticker, or the much wanted "ONE" wrist band, so there is some money being raised at the concerts. I've been trying to place my order on the site all day and the server's down. Meaning everyone else that wasn't able to go to a concert is trying to get on the site to order a band as well. Well 30 minutes of persistant attempts later.....My T-shirt and bands are on their way! Please allow 10-15 days for delivery. Purchases made, "ONE" banner added to blog...I've done my part.
Day 2 and still going strong! I imagine this is how I will feel everday for the rest of my life.
Now I can only assume that everyone that was lucky enough to go to one of these concerts probably bought a T-shirt, poster, sticker, or the much wanted "ONE" wrist band, so there is some money being raised at the concerts. I've been trying to place my order on the site all day and the server's down. Meaning everyone else that wasn't able to go to a concert is trying to get on the site to order a band as well. Well 30 minutes of persistant attempts later.....My T-shirt and bands are on their way! Please allow 10-15 days for delivery. Purchases made, "ONE" banner added to blog...I've done my part.
Day 2 and still going strong! I imagine this is how I will feel everday for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Darby with no Puck
Happy Birthday Darby!We will definitely miss celebrating at The Puck every year.
We will never forget all the boob flashing for free beer and the infamous ass by Cynthia!
The Official Five
As promised, Jory published his real "official" list of Five Famous Ladies he can throw back if given the opportunity. Check out his site to see the list and how many I guessed correct.
Monday, June 27, 2005
My Famous Five
I've been inspired by dooce.com, which by the way is happening a lot lately. A friend of ours Regina emailed Jory and told him about Heather B. Armstrong's site dooce.com and how she thinks she's funnier than fuck. Of course I had to check it out and am addicted now myself.
My Famous Five: 5 celebrities I'm allowed to have sex with if the occasion arises.
1. Johnny Depp
2. Matthew McConaughey
3. Brad Pitt
4. Gavin Rossdale
5. Drew Barrymore (yeah, I'd lez out for Drew! Plus I couldn't think of any other guys)
Jory's Famous Five: according to me.
1. Neve Campbell (I know he says she's not on his list anymore, but I still think she's top 5)
2. Brooke Burke
3. Carmen Electra
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Britney Spears
My Famous Five: 5 celebrities I'm allowed to have sex with if the occasion arises.
1. Johnny Depp
2. Matthew McConaughey
3. Brad Pitt
4. Gavin Rossdale
5. Drew Barrymore (yeah, I'd lez out for Drew! Plus I couldn't think of any other guys)
Jory's Famous Five: according to me.
1. Neve Campbell (I know he says she's not on his list anymore, but I still think she's top 5)
2. Brooke Burke
3. Carmen Electra
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Britney Spears
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Adventures at Walmart!
Last night around 9:30 PM, I went to Walmart to buy groceries and ended up having quite the adventure (from HELL). First let me tell you that normally on a Saturday night, Walmart is normally not that busy or so I thought.
My journey began by filling out 20 to 30 film packets because we haven't developed film in over 7 years! We're not really sure what were going to get back....kinda scary! After the first 6 or 7 packets I realized I was filling out the one hour packets....God Damn it! This whole project took about 45 minutes and needless to say my hand was so numb it ached!
10:30 PM: On my way over to the food section, I played some serious NasCart with major aisle rage! Don't people know that you should stay to the right in the aisle? It's just like driving, you don't drive in oncoming traffic do you? GOD, I hate people!
From my experience, shopping late at night because of my hate for people, most stores start stocking their shelves around midnight. At Walmart they start stocking at 10:30 pm. How ridiculous is that? If you're open all night, why aren't you stocking shelves somewhere between 1:00 am and 3:00 am? It just doesn't make sense to me.
So I'm navigating between boxes, stockers and customers. I gave up after the 4th item I picked up. And went straight to the cold stuff. Regretting my decision to go to Walmart, I plan a trip to Super Target in a few days. Grabbed all my cold stuff and some comfort foods because I'm pissed off and head to the checkout stand.
11:30 PM: With a few hundred people here you think they would have more than THREE checkout stands open! They've got self checkouts but the sign says for 20 items or less and I've got a full cart. So I head for the other two lanes, feeling bad for those that have to wait behind someone like me with a jam packed cart, I get in line behind two ladies who have TWO full carts each! I call Jory to check in because I know I've been gone awhile and now I'm stuck for at least another hour. I joke about the food going bad because I'm going to be in line for so long, little did I know what was still coming....
I forgot to mention that I made a new friend while shopping at the local Walmart. I first met her when dealing with the boxes, stockers and customers. I was trying to get around her fat...cart and she was taking a chug off her not yet paid for gallon of OJ. Yeah, she's one of "those" people! After she quenched her thirst she moved her God Damn cart out of my way and I quickly moved on cursing along the way.
My next encounter with my new best friend I've nicknamed Fucking Fat Ass in the Redshirt, was in the freezer section picking up my FAVORITE fajita chicken. Apparently it looks weird when you pick up One, Two, Three bags and toss them in your cart. Because she asked me if I like that kind. No redshirt lady, I don't like that kind, I just picked up THREE bags for fun! But because I love them so much, I immediately turned into the Fajita Chicken Sales Person of the year and went on about how you start to salivate when you open the bag because the smell of the spices are so yummy you have to stop yourself from popping one in your mouth before you cook it.
I even went on about how I substitute this Fajita Chicken for beef in Hamburger Helper. I kept thinking to myself, "why am I sharing my secrets with redshirt lady?" So I stopped and went on about my business.
So I'm back at the checkout waiting somewhat patiently, I've read People Magazine and am moving on to US Weekly when you'll never guess who strolls up behind me. That's right it's the Fucking Fat Ass in the Redshirt! No JOKE! And not only is she Redshirt lady, now I've learned that she's "close talker" redshirt lady. She was all up in my grill! People probably thought she was my mom and we were shopping together, that's how CLOSE she was standing! Have I mentioned I hate people? Seriously, you think it's OK to stand so close that your boob is touching my arm??? Back off Buster Brown!
Not only am I still waiting for the 2nd lady with her TWO carts to check out, now I have to chat with redshirt lady? Here's a list of things I learned about Redshirt lady:
1. She's the only fat person her in family.
2. Her daughter has a pet chicken.
3. Said pet chicken lives in their apartment and loves canned cat food.
4. She's coming back to Walmart tomorrow for some more food!
Blah blah blah...
12:30 am: (An HOUR later) My turn finally! Check out, go to my car toss the bags in the back, shut the door and put the cart away. Went back to the car........OH SHIT! No No NOOO! God Damn MotherFucking Shit Ass Hell....FUCK FUCK FUCK! I've locked my purse in the car...no keys, no cell phone! FUUUCK!
I even made a mental note when I sat my purse down in the back of the car, to remember to grab it before I shut the door. I'm screwed! Why did I leave my purse in the car?!?!?! DAMN it all to HELL and back!
I check all the doors, locked. Try with all my might to open each and every door at least three times! If I pull hard enough, one will pop open for me! Right? No.
I go back into the now boycotted Walmart and look for my new best friend Redshirt lady, she's actually going to come in handy now. I know she has a cell phone I can use because she answered it while were were waiting in line. She's no where to be found, great.
I head over to Customer Service and ask the lady there if I can use the phone. She politely points out the pay phone and says I can use that. How sweet of her. I apologize and explain that, like a retard I have locked my purse in my car with all the food I just bought. She kindly shows me the desk phone and says I can use it. I call Jory to grovel in my stupidity. We decide it would be cheaper for him to get a cab and come save my ass.
1:10 am and $16 later: Jory, Mazzy and I drive home.
Counting down the days until we can buy another car!
My journey began by filling out 20 to 30 film packets because we haven't developed film in over 7 years! We're not really sure what were going to get back....kinda scary! After the first 6 or 7 packets I realized I was filling out the one hour packets....God Damn it! This whole project took about 45 minutes and needless to say my hand was so numb it ached!
10:30 PM: On my way over to the food section, I played some serious NasCart with major aisle rage! Don't people know that you should stay to the right in the aisle? It's just like driving, you don't drive in oncoming traffic do you? GOD, I hate people!
From my experience, shopping late at night because of my hate for people, most stores start stocking their shelves around midnight. At Walmart they start stocking at 10:30 pm. How ridiculous is that? If you're open all night, why aren't you stocking shelves somewhere between 1:00 am and 3:00 am? It just doesn't make sense to me.
So I'm navigating between boxes, stockers and customers. I gave up after the 4th item I picked up. And went straight to the cold stuff. Regretting my decision to go to Walmart, I plan a trip to Super Target in a few days. Grabbed all my cold stuff and some comfort foods because I'm pissed off and head to the checkout stand.
11:30 PM: With a few hundred people here you think they would have more than THREE checkout stands open! They've got self checkouts but the sign says for 20 items or less and I've got a full cart. So I head for the other two lanes, feeling bad for those that have to wait behind someone like me with a jam packed cart, I get in line behind two ladies who have TWO full carts each! I call Jory to check in because I know I've been gone awhile and now I'm stuck for at least another hour. I joke about the food going bad because I'm going to be in line for so long, little did I know what was still coming....
I forgot to mention that I made a new friend while shopping at the local Walmart. I first met her when dealing with the boxes, stockers and customers. I was trying to get around her fat...cart and she was taking a chug off her not yet paid for gallon of OJ. Yeah, she's one of "those" people! After she quenched her thirst she moved her God Damn cart out of my way and I quickly moved on cursing along the way.
My next encounter with my new best friend I've nicknamed Fucking Fat Ass in the Redshirt, was in the freezer section picking up my FAVORITE fajita chicken. Apparently it looks weird when you pick up One, Two, Three bags and toss them in your cart. Because she asked me if I like that kind. No redshirt lady, I don't like that kind, I just picked up THREE bags for fun! But because I love them so much, I immediately turned into the Fajita Chicken Sales Person of the year and went on about how you start to salivate when you open the bag because the smell of the spices are so yummy you have to stop yourself from popping one in your mouth before you cook it.
I even went on about how I substitute this Fajita Chicken for beef in Hamburger Helper. I kept thinking to myself, "why am I sharing my secrets with redshirt lady?" So I stopped and went on about my business.
So I'm back at the checkout waiting somewhat patiently, I've read People Magazine and am moving on to US Weekly when you'll never guess who strolls up behind me. That's right it's the Fucking Fat Ass in the Redshirt! No JOKE! And not only is she Redshirt lady, now I've learned that she's "close talker" redshirt lady. She was all up in my grill! People probably thought she was my mom and we were shopping together, that's how CLOSE she was standing! Have I mentioned I hate people? Seriously, you think it's OK to stand so close that your boob is touching my arm??? Back off Buster Brown!
Not only am I still waiting for the 2nd lady with her TWO carts to check out, now I have to chat with redshirt lady? Here's a list of things I learned about Redshirt lady:
1. She's the only fat person her in family.
2. Her daughter has a pet chicken.
3. Said pet chicken lives in their apartment and loves canned cat food.
4. She's coming back to Walmart tomorrow for some more food!
Blah blah blah...
12:30 am: (An HOUR later) My turn finally! Check out, go to my car toss the bags in the back, shut the door and put the cart away. Went back to the car........OH SHIT! No No NOOO! God Damn MotherFucking Shit Ass Hell....FUCK FUCK FUCK! I've locked my purse in the car...no keys, no cell phone! FUUUCK!
I even made a mental note when I sat my purse down in the back of the car, to remember to grab it before I shut the door. I'm screwed! Why did I leave my purse in the car?!?!?! DAMN it all to HELL and back!
I check all the doors, locked. Try with all my might to open each and every door at least three times! If I pull hard enough, one will pop open for me! Right? No.
I go back into the now boycotted Walmart and look for my new best friend Redshirt lady, she's actually going to come in handy now. I know she has a cell phone I can use because she answered it while were were waiting in line. She's no where to be found, great.
I head over to Customer Service and ask the lady there if I can use the phone. She politely points out the pay phone and says I can use that. How sweet of her. I apologize and explain that, like a retard I have locked my purse in my car with all the food I just bought. She kindly shows me the desk phone and says I can use it. I call Jory to grovel in my stupidity. We decide it would be cheaper for him to get a cab and come save my ass.
1:10 am and $16 later: Jory, Mazzy and I drive home.
Counting down the days until we can buy another car!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
New Drawers
To show you how bored we get at work I have copied an IM below for your enjoyment. Note, we got new drawers at our desks because some people have to share desks. I am going to be one of those people starting Saturday. That will be interesting, I'm sure I'll be writing about that at a later date.
Mac HEY !!! I wanted a wet bar and TV !!
Mac I wanted BLUE drawers !!
Joey I wanted purple!
Joey ooooooh and a FLIP down flat screen tv too!
Mac Eeewwwww............... and baby-puke green !!
Joey gross!
Mac "Dorito" wants to sing to you (names have been changed to protect their identity)
Joey STOP!
Mac "Hackin The Night Away" !!!
Mac "Sweet Loogie Brown" !!
Mac Ooooppppssss................... I mean Green.
Joey AAGGGHHHH! I'm gonna HURL!
Mac Hurl in your new drawers !!
Joey Hurl in your drawers!
Joey when you least expect it.
Mac I don't THINK so..............
Joey that's right you don't THINK, so there!
Joey I just became 5 years old......sorry
Mac I THINK I've had enough of this nonsense.
Joey Sure.
Mac The guys in the green outfits are showing your plumber's butt
Joey LOL
Joey Gross
Mac Kinda like hacking in your general direction
Joey yeah....I can see the green chunks come out of his mouth as he hacks in your direction.
Mac I duck and swoosh them your way. TAG......you're it !!
Joey they have mini radars and are set to land on YOU->
Mac But I'M TEFLON MAN !!!! and they slide off of me and land on you.
Joey Nuh Uh!
Mac Uh.HUH !!
Joey (the 5 yr old comes out again) NUH UH!!!
Mac Don't YOU MAKE me stop this car young lady !! I will turn around and go RIGHT back home !!!
Joey My mom actually stopped in the middle of the hwy once.......I was 15! We were on our way to the grocery store and when we got there and got out of the car, she told me to take off the flannel shirt wrapped around my waist and I refused (because that was a ridiculous request).....she said if I didn't take off the flannel shirt off we were going back home....needless to say we got back in the car and headed home. My mom got so frustrated that her threat didn't work she stopped in the middle of the hwy with cars backed up behind her, she refused to go until I took the shirt off! Of course I continued to call her bluff and after 5 minutes which seemed like forever she finally drove on home. After that she learned that I was so stubborn, she would never win.
Joey She should have known from my entire childhood that she would never win. I was a horrible child, but she deserved it.
Mac People like you end up on America's Most Wanted.
Joey I know........that's in my 5 year plan! lol
Mac HEY !!! I wanted a wet bar and TV !!
Mac I wanted BLUE drawers !!
Joey I wanted purple!
Joey ooooooh and a FLIP down flat screen tv too!
Mac Eeewwwww............... and baby-puke green !!
Joey gross!
Mac "Dorito" wants to sing to you (names have been changed to protect their identity)
Joey STOP!
Mac "Hackin The Night Away" !!!
Mac "Sweet Loogie Brown" !!
Mac Ooooppppssss................... I mean Green.
Joey AAGGGHHHH! I'm gonna HURL!
Mac Hurl in your new drawers !!
Joey Hurl in your drawers!
Joey when you least expect it.
Mac I don't THINK so..............
Joey that's right you don't THINK, so there!
Joey I just became 5 years old......sorry
Mac I THINK I've had enough of this nonsense.
Joey Sure.
Mac The guys in the green outfits are showing your plumber's butt
Joey LOL
Joey Gross
Mac Kinda like hacking in your general direction
Joey yeah....I can see the green chunks come out of his mouth as he hacks in your direction.
Mac I duck and swoosh them your way. TAG......you're it !!
Joey they have mini radars and are set to land on YOU->
Mac But I'M TEFLON MAN !!!! and they slide off of me and land on you.
Joey Nuh Uh!
Mac Uh.HUH !!
Joey (the 5 yr old comes out again) NUH UH!!!
Mac Don't YOU MAKE me stop this car young lady !! I will turn around and go RIGHT back home !!!
Joey My mom actually stopped in the middle of the hwy once.......I was 15! We were on our way to the grocery store and when we got there and got out of the car, she told me to take off the flannel shirt wrapped around my waist and I refused (because that was a ridiculous request).....she said if I didn't take off the flannel shirt off we were going back home....needless to say we got back in the car and headed home. My mom got so frustrated that her threat didn't work she stopped in the middle of the hwy with cars backed up behind her, she refused to go until I took the shirt off! Of course I continued to call her bluff and after 5 minutes which seemed like forever she finally drove on home. After that she learned that I was so stubborn, she would never win.
Joey She should have known from my entire childhood that she would never win. I was a horrible child, but she deserved it.
Mac People like you end up on America's Most Wanted.
Joey I know........that's in my 5 year plan! lol
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Hotest Day of the Year
114 degrees yesterday! Counting the days to Septemeber for the cooler weather!
You should read Jory's blog from last night...sooo FUNNY!
You should read Jory's blog from last night...sooo FUNNY!
Monday, June 20, 2005
My Biggest Brother
Happy Birthday Jason!All my memories of you growing up are how you always looked out for me except once. I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old and you talked me into climbing into my Barbie Dream House and then you proceeded to tie me in with a rope. When I realized this was a trick and wanted to get out, you just laughed. My memory is probably exaggerated because I was young, but this mone sticks out like a sore thumb because it was so out of character for you. You always protected me from Shane and Colby when they would get too rough. I love you.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
SOLD!
The house is sold! We closed last friday and we couldn't be happier about it! I thought I was going to be sad it was our first house after all. However after the slew of phone calls begging us to let them move in early has put a stop to any possible sadness. Marci called us 4 times before we closed to see if we wanted to let them move in early and we said No, four times. Even at closing she asked us again (I know she's was just doing her job) we said No. So we signed our names a million times and walk out of closing feeling a sense of relief, it's over! Except for the FAT ASS check we had to write, it really makes me never want to buy or sell house again!
ANYWAY....we head off to my mom's for the Big BBQ. Visited with friends and family, ate a plateful of yummy goodness! And we get a phone call from Marci.....dun dun dunnnn. What is Marci calling for I say out loud? The buyers called her all sorts of PISSED OFF, said they've talked to everyone they know who's ever bought or sold a house and have NEVER heard of not being able to move in to a house after the papers are signed. They want Marci to give them OUR phone number so they can call me and ask us WHY we won't let them move in. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Give me a F-ing break! Are these adults or children? Their ergency only worried me more. They even tried to turn it around on us and say that there was nothing to stop us from going in the house and stealing the appliances and trashing the house, even though Marci has all the keys and garage door openers. I was so PISSED!
For the record let me explain why we were following the contract and not letting them move in early. When I was 13 years old my parents bought a larger house up on the hill in Logan and "sold" our old house to a Hud family who ended up not being able to pay for the house and it took a year and a half to get them out, after they trashed the place! Our family was financially ruined by this and I will never EVER do anyone a favor that can bite me in the ass like it did them. We're talking about a house mind you.
I told Marci there was no reason for them to call me, we weren't going to change our minds no matter what they said to me, they knew from the beginning they couldn't move in until the check cleared and that would not change.
As far as I know our mortgage is paid off but I don't have proof yet. So until then the drama continues.
I will post later about our trip to Utah for the closing of our house. I'm all pissed off again, so I'm off to smoke.
ANYWAY....we head off to my mom's for the Big BBQ. Visited with friends and family, ate a plateful of yummy goodness! And we get a phone call from Marci.....dun dun dunnnn. What is Marci calling for I say out loud? The buyers called her all sorts of PISSED OFF, said they've talked to everyone they know who's ever bought or sold a house and have NEVER heard of not being able to move in to a house after the papers are signed. They want Marci to give them OUR phone number so they can call me and ask us WHY we won't let them move in. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Give me a F-ing break! Are these adults or children? Their ergency only worried me more. They even tried to turn it around on us and say that there was nothing to stop us from going in the house and stealing the appliances and trashing the house, even though Marci has all the keys and garage door openers. I was so PISSED!
For the record let me explain why we were following the contract and not letting them move in early. When I was 13 years old my parents bought a larger house up on the hill in Logan and "sold" our old house to a Hud family who ended up not being able to pay for the house and it took a year and a half to get them out, after they trashed the place! Our family was financially ruined by this and I will never EVER do anyone a favor that can bite me in the ass like it did them. We're talking about a house mind you.
I told Marci there was no reason for them to call me, we weren't going to change our minds no matter what they said to me, they knew from the beginning they couldn't move in until the check cleared and that would not change.
As far as I know our mortgage is paid off but I don't have proof yet. So until then the drama continues.
I will post later about our trip to Utah for the closing of our house. I'm all pissed off again, so I'm off to smoke.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Hot Friday
This week flew by so fast, I love it! Well here comes the heat! It's around 105 degrees outside. Thank god we moved here in March and our bodies have adjusted a little bit. It feels like 95 to me, not too uncomfortable. Sunday it's supposed to be 112 degrees!
So we accepted an offer on our house, it's not what we wanted but we want it sold and done with. We will be closing the 3rd or 10th of June so we are headed back to Utah to sign on the dotted line. We can't wait to see our friends and family! We love Arizona and wouldn't ever move back to Utah, but we do miss our loved ones.
Tomorrow we're going to look at some Toyota Prius'. I've wanted to buy a hybrid ever since the Honda Insight came out in 1999. Now that my Honda CRV is paid off and we sold Jory's Trooper it's time to get another car. I was dead set on getting a Honda Civic or Accord Hybrid, but the Accord is too expensive and the Civic isn't as powerful as the Prius. Just doing my part to save the environment. ;)
Funny story...on my lunch today I was sitting on the curb near the sprinklers to enjoy the cool mist. Well after enjoying a few cigarettes while chatting with Jory on the phone, I got up to gather my things and get back to work and found my ass was wet! The water had seeped through the cracks in the sidewalk all the way over to my safe dry spot. Next time you innocently think of enjoying a cool mist on a hot day, think of my wet butt and sit further away.
Until next time,
Joey
So we accepted an offer on our house, it's not what we wanted but we want it sold and done with. We will be closing the 3rd or 10th of June so we are headed back to Utah to sign on the dotted line. We can't wait to see our friends and family! We love Arizona and wouldn't ever move back to Utah, but we do miss our loved ones.
Tomorrow we're going to look at some Toyota Prius'. I've wanted to buy a hybrid ever since the Honda Insight came out in 1999. Now that my Honda CRV is paid off and we sold Jory's Trooper it's time to get another car. I was dead set on getting a Honda Civic or Accord Hybrid, but the Accord is too expensive and the Civic isn't as powerful as the Prius. Just doing my part to save the environment. ;)
Funny story...on my lunch today I was sitting on the curb near the sprinklers to enjoy the cool mist. Well after enjoying a few cigarettes while chatting with Jory on the phone, I got up to gather my things and get back to work and found my ass was wet! The water had seeped through the cracks in the sidewalk all the way over to my safe dry spot. Next time you innocently think of enjoying a cool mist on a hot day, think of my wet butt and sit further away.
Until next time,
Joey
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Weekend in San Diego
San Diego was Awesome! We had so much fun hanging out with Jory's mom (Sandy), aunt Gail and uncle Bob! We stayed at Bob & Gails beautiful house in Bonsall, CA. So gorgeous, it reminded me of what I think Italy looks like as far as the hillside houses go.
Saturday (Jory's Birthday) we went to Seaport Village and did some shopping. That night we had a BBQ (so yummy!) and delicious Strawberry Shortcake for desert.
Sunday (Mother's Day) we went to Oceanside and had breakfast with Sandy and Gail and hit the beach. "Baywatch" tried to kick us off the beach because dog's aren't allowed. Since when do we follow the rules? Mazzy loved the beach! She went crazy on the sand, jumping around like she was on crack, sooo funny! We're pretty sure we saw the beach front condo that was used in the film "Summer School".
On our way home we stopped at the Puma outlet and I bought a kool bag for only $14!
We had such a great time and would love to do it again soon!
Saturday (Jory's Birthday) we went to Seaport Village and did some shopping. That night we had a BBQ (so yummy!) and delicious Strawberry Shortcake for desert.
Sunday (Mother's Day) we went to Oceanside and had breakfast with Sandy and Gail and hit the beach. "Baywatch" tried to kick us off the beach because dog's aren't allowed. Since when do we follow the rules? Mazzy loved the beach! She went crazy on the sand, jumping around like she was on crack, sooo funny! We're pretty sure we saw the beach front condo that was used in the film "Summer School".
On our way home we stopped at the Puma outlet and I bought a kool bag for only $14!
We had such a great time and would love to do it again soon!
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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Headed to San Diego
We're packing up the car and heading to San Diego this weekend. Haven't been to San Diego since I was 10 years old. All I remember is visiting the Queen Mary and the Spruce Goose. Wait, we also went to Sea World!
It's Jory's birthday this weekend and GranSandy is flying in for the weekend to visit her sister. So we figured why not meet her there?! I'll take lots of pics and post some when we get back.
Last weekend we bought a Kennel for Mazzy so when Jory starts working she isn't loose in the house. So far she loves it but that's probably because we haven't shut the door yet. We're going to take it will us this weekend and I'm sure there is going to be a time when we have to lock her in to go out to dinner or something. Makes me nervous to leave her, but it will be better in a house than our apartment. She barks the entire time we're gone!
We had to leave her the first time the day we went to Nascar. I can't imagine how many hours she barked for before she passed out. The second time was only a few hours, we went to Famous Daves for dinner the day after Nascar. She was still barking when we got home. I worry about complaints from our neighbors! I hate to leave her as much as she hates to be left!
We're talking about getting her a puppy (yes, getting our puppy a puppy!). She needs someone to play with while we're at work. We got a big enough kennel in case we decide to get another one.
That's it for now, maybe more tonight.
It's Jory's birthday this weekend and GranSandy is flying in for the weekend to visit her sister. So we figured why not meet her there?! I'll take lots of pics and post some when we get back.
Last weekend we bought a Kennel for Mazzy so when Jory starts working she isn't loose in the house. So far she loves it but that's probably because we haven't shut the door yet. We're going to take it will us this weekend and I'm sure there is going to be a time when we have to lock her in to go out to dinner or something. Makes me nervous to leave her, but it will be better in a house than our apartment. She barks the entire time we're gone!
We had to leave her the first time the day we went to Nascar. I can't imagine how many hours she barked for before she passed out. The second time was only a few hours, we went to Famous Daves for dinner the day after Nascar. She was still barking when we got home. I worry about complaints from our neighbors! I hate to leave her as much as she hates to be left!
We're talking about getting her a puppy (yes, getting our puppy a puppy!). She needs someone to play with while we're at work. We got a big enough kennel in case we decide to get another one.
That's it for now, maybe more tonight.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
As I published the photos, I realized it was putting them in backwards order. So for now schroll to the bottom of the pictures, read the post then schroll up starting the the first picture from the bottom. I'll try and change it tomorrow, I'm tired and going to bed now. Oh and the time stamps were off by an hour. So when it says 3 am, it was actually 2 am. Now it's 3 am..
nite
nite
Our First Visitors
It's May 1st, 2005! My God! Time flys when you're lovin' life!
Loving our lives in Sunny Arizona! I don't think people really understand how good it feels to know you are going to wake up to a sunny day, everyday. Yeah, summer will suck with all the heat but it beats one winter in Utah.
Work is going really well. I enjoy everyone I work with. There are those few weirdos that have voices like fingernails on a chalkboard and those that complain constantly but otherwise everyone is awesome. I have a lot of down time which I enjoy most of the time. If I get too bored I go to http://games.yahoo.com/ and play Jewel Quest.
Last weekend Shane and Jessie came down to visit us and go to a Nascar race at PIR. It was a lot more fun than I ever would have guessed. The cars go sooo fast! It's so different in real life than on TV. A monsoon dropped by just before the race and we got soaked. But it was still really fun. Nascar fans are an oddity that I don't think I can explain. Such a wide variety of weirdos, but we did see George Lucas! And some famous retired racecar driver, don't remember his name.
We went Frisbee Golfing that Sunday, had a lot of fun and enjoyed the park. Mazzy was sooo warn out, she napped almost constantly for the next two days.
Went back to work feeling like I needed a vacation from the busy weekend we had. Five minutes before I left for lunch I was informed that we didn't get a lunch for the whole week because half our department would be in training! I was so pissed and so angry and so having a bad day. But I got over it the next day while I was eating the catered lunch they brought us. But I was sure glad to have the week over to begin my relaxing weekend.
We went to Petsmart today and bought a crate for Mazzy. Since Jory is going to be looking for a job now, we have to get her used to being in a crate while we are gone. She has serious separation anxiety! We set it up tonight and put in a toy and a pig ear. She seemed pretty weary of it at first but after we gave her a treat for goig pee on the pad, she took her treat in the crate and ate it there. So I think this is going to work! Once Jory starts working, I'll probably come home on my lunches to check in on her and let her out to pee.
Mazzy is so cute, we've had so much fun with her! GranSandy sent her a package with a new toy and Famous Dave's BBQ Sauce for us! She loves her toy and we play catch with it all the time now. Thankfully we have a Famous Dave's across the street practically but we were still very thankful for the sauce. You can never have enough FD's bbq sauce in the house.
We've had some offers on the house, but nothing has panned out yet. Selling a house in a different state is not something I would suggest. It's very stressful even though we don't have much to do with it. The first offer was laughable, and well the second was just as laughable.
We shouldn't have even countered the first offer, we should have told them to go to hell.
We're having problems with our builder, he's stopping real estate agents and telling them he can build our exact house for $10,000 cheaper than our asking price. Go ahead and build a house with Highmark and then they will see what we've had to put up with. They such and build horrible homes that fall apart. I can't wait to sell our house so we can start the verbal attack on Highmark! Everyone will hear about what a dirty little company they are.
I can't wait!!!
Anyway, it's my weekend and I don't want to think about that right now. Tomorrow we're going to check out another Frisbee Golf park up in Fountain Hills, I think. I'll write and let you know how it was.
Laters,
Joey
Don't forget to check out Jory's blog, the links is listed above.
Loving our lives in Sunny Arizona! I don't think people really understand how good it feels to know you are going to wake up to a sunny day, everyday. Yeah, summer will suck with all the heat but it beats one winter in Utah.
Work is going really well. I enjoy everyone I work with. There are those few weirdos that have voices like fingernails on a chalkboard and those that complain constantly but otherwise everyone is awesome. I have a lot of down time which I enjoy most of the time. If I get too bored I go to http://games.yahoo.com/ and play Jewel Quest.
Last weekend Shane and Jessie came down to visit us and go to a Nascar race at PIR. It was a lot more fun than I ever would have guessed. The cars go sooo fast! It's so different in real life than on TV. A monsoon dropped by just before the race and we got soaked. But it was still really fun. Nascar fans are an oddity that I don't think I can explain. Such a wide variety of weirdos, but we did see George Lucas! And some famous retired racecar driver, don't remember his name.
We went Frisbee Golfing that Sunday, had a lot of fun and enjoyed the park. Mazzy was sooo warn out, she napped almost constantly for the next two days.
Went back to work feeling like I needed a vacation from the busy weekend we had. Five minutes before I left for lunch I was informed that we didn't get a lunch for the whole week because half our department would be in training! I was so pissed and so angry and so having a bad day. But I got over it the next day while I was eating the catered lunch they brought us. But I was sure glad to have the week over to begin my relaxing weekend.
We went to Petsmart today and bought a crate for Mazzy. Since Jory is going to be looking for a job now, we have to get her used to being in a crate while we are gone. She has serious separation anxiety! We set it up tonight and put in a toy and a pig ear. She seemed pretty weary of it at first but after we gave her a treat for goig pee on the pad, she took her treat in the crate and ate it there. So I think this is going to work! Once Jory starts working, I'll probably come home on my lunches to check in on her and let her out to pee.
Mazzy is so cute, we've had so much fun with her! GranSandy sent her a package with a new toy and Famous Dave's BBQ Sauce for us! She loves her toy and we play catch with it all the time now. Thankfully we have a Famous Dave's across the street practically but we were still very thankful for the sauce. You can never have enough FD's bbq sauce in the house.
We've had some offers on the house, but nothing has panned out yet. Selling a house in a different state is not something I would suggest. It's very stressful even though we don't have much to do with it. The first offer was laughable, and well the second was just as laughable.
We shouldn't have even countered the first offer, we should have told them to go to hell.
We're having problems with our builder, he's stopping real estate agents and telling them he can build our exact house for $10,000 cheaper than our asking price. Go ahead and build a house with Highmark and then they will see what we've had to put up with. They such and build horrible homes that fall apart. I can't wait to sell our house so we can start the verbal attack on Highmark! Everyone will hear about what a dirty little company they are.
I can't wait!!!
Anyway, it's my weekend and I don't want to think about that right now. Tomorrow we're going to check out another Frisbee Golf park up in Fountain Hills, I think. I'll write and let you know how it was.
Laters,
Joey
Don't forget to check out Jory's blog, the links is listed above.
Friday, April 08, 2005
ChChChanges
It's been well over a year since I last posted. So much has happened, I don't even want to begin.
I'll update you will details later, but for now in short: We built a house in Nibley, Utah and moved from Salt Lake. We moved in July 28, 2004 and moved out March 19, 2005. We are currently living in Chandler, Arizona! We had to escape the cold, foggy winter. We are very happy and enjoying no snow. Janis (our ferrett) passed away after having a stroke and Mazzy (our pomeranian) joined our family. I'm currently working for GIGANTIC company and Jory is looking for a job. I think that's good enough for now. I will write more later.
Joey
I'll update you will details later, but for now in short: We built a house in Nibley, Utah and moved from Salt Lake. We moved in July 28, 2004 and moved out March 19, 2005. We are currently living in Chandler, Arizona! We had to escape the cold, foggy winter. We are very happy and enjoying no snow. Janis (our ferrett) passed away after having a stroke and Mazzy (our pomeranian) joined our family. I'm currently working for GIGANTIC company and Jory is looking for a job. I think that's good enough for now. I will write more later.
Joey
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