Having fun with fd's Flickr Toys

Here Tom, I hope this helps, the first pic wasn't big enough for you to read so I changed the picture for you. This was my version of Freeway Blogging.

Shrub giving NY the Bird

Shrub in Time Square

TWINS

TWINS
Originally uploaded by Joeythegirl.

I often walk outside at work for a smoke break and find crazy expensive or funky painted cars. Today I found twin green mustangs separated only by a tree.

Dreams

Last night I dreamed I went to the doctor for my pre-op meeting and as I walked in the room he looked up and asked me if I was pregnant (like the nurses do when they’re taking your vitals) and I sort of laughed and said no. “I’m quite positive, I’m not pregnant.” He smiled big and said, “Well I guess I have some surprising news for you then, because you’re 4 months pregnant.” Without trying to get my hopes up and trying to not be the butt of this joke, I asked him skeptically if he was kidding. He looked back at my “test results” and said there was no question, I was pregnant and we were going to do an ultrasound so I could see my baby. I took another step in the office and I woke up.

My horoscope for today:
Prepare for some surprises that may be coming your way. This sounds like a contradiction, but it's not -- really. Just make sure to stay alert, and that way you can take advantage of every new opportunity that arises.

Definitions

Joeythegirl -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a banana peel 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Joey -- [noun]: A person who laughs at anything (even this entry) 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

FONDLING our new little toy

Jory and I received some cash for Xmas (and for my birthday) to buy whatever we wanted. We've been wanting a laptop for some time now, but haven't had the spare change to do so. We also have been deciding on whether we would want to get an Apple or stick with HP. Jory has always been a Mac guy and I was born and raised a HP (specifically) girl. I've worked on Macs so I'm educated and experienced there to, but when it comes to computers I'd rather be compatible with what I've already got. I can't go out and purchase Mac versions of my SIMS games, I just don't have that kind of money damn it. For the last year I've been researching different makes and models to find what's out there and what will work best for us.

While Cody was here, I had a good excuse to get Jory out of the house and we ventured out to the mall. Yes folks, we went to the mall! Crazy I know. After we hit Hot Topic, Puppies 'N Love (with the cutest damn $3,000.00 puppies in the world...and no I would never buy a dog from a pet store no matter how cheap they are because I don't support puppy mills) and Game Stop, we stopped in the Apple store just to look around. We played on the Powerbooks and the iBooks and as KOOL as we would be to buy one (because all the kool kids have one), we walked away. We decided that it would be best to stick with compatibility and then when our bills are paid off, we'll buy an Apple desktop.

So later that day or maybe it was the next day, I'm not sure and that doesn't really matter. After searching the internet for deals and specials and printing out my price lists we headed over to Best Buy. I walked around the laptops for 20 minutes while Jory was over in the wireless router aisle waiting for me to make up my damn mind. Ten minutes later Jory returned and I knew I had to make a decision. It's hard to spend that much money on something you've never owned before. We decided the fat wad of cash was ready to be spent and we picked out a beautiful HP that fit our needs, we surveyed the area for one of those pesky sales people and Chris O'Donnel's doppelganger walked up. We told him we'd made a decision and he offered up his suggestion, I was open to suggestions because like I said neither of us have had a laptop before and were going at this blind. He showed us a Gateway Platinum Edition which was twice as fast, had more memory and it had Media Center. SOLD! We've never owned a Gateway, never heard more bad than good and with Best Buy's return and warranty policies it wouldn't matter.

After getting numerous good deals and free Geek services along with being upgraded to Best Buy Business Rewards program, we walked away with our beautiful new laptop and a hefty receipt. Jory looked over the receipt with his "Rain man" brain and realized they had charged us for the "free" Geek services, so we had to go back in and spend another 20 minutes while Chris O'Donnel's doppelganger figured out how they over charged us by $200. All worked out in the end and we went home and started fondling our new little toy.

OMG!

Warning: Watch this if you DARE, seriously if you are sickened easily or don't want to watch a car accident where the driver is thrown from the car and RAN OVER by another car, DON'T WATCH THIS!

Apologies to anyone (anonymous) who may have taken my dare and watched the video because my original warning was not emphatic enough. I hope this stops anyone else from being traumatized.

Original warning:
Warning: Watch this if you dare.

The Good news or the Bad news?

I wasn't sure if I was going to post about this because it's so scary, so personal, so hard to write. When I start typing the words, the tears well up, it becomes reality.

As I've posted in the past I have PCOS, Insulin Resistance, Hypothyroidism and I'm Bipolar. The later hasn't been a problem for me for the last 8 years, but it's there lingering in the dark corners of my head. Our insurance started in January so I made my first appointment with my new Doctor here in Arizona. Like a good patient I took in all my medical records and we discussed our plan of action. The ultimate goal is to get pregnant. Getting healthy is a great side affect of taking my regime of pills.

(Possible TMI for you sensitive boys)
He gave me a shot of hormones to jump start my period and I was given my prescription for Glucophage to start immediately. I was told to come in on the 3rd day of my period for a inter-vaginal ultrasound. A week and a few days later I got my period and I scheduled my appointment.
(TMI over)

This past Friday I went in for my ultrasound, obviously it didn't go so well. One ovary was full of cysts the other was missing in action. My previous doctor had found that I had one large ovary and one extra small ovary, so I wasn't that surprised Dr. Seal couldn't find it, but a little concerned. Did it shrivel up and die? However Dr. Seal was a little more concerned that he found a cyst on the back of my uterus. He said my ultrasound was really abnormal and best case scenario is Endometriosis. Best case scenario? To me endometriosis means infertility. He asked the nurse to get his surgery schedule and I sat there still in shock. Surgery? As he filled out the paperwork, I just sat there trying to take it all in. Not that there was an "all" because so far that's all he had said. He turned to me and said he was worried and wasn't sure what the cyst was and that surgery is the only way to find out. They'll put me to sleep, go in thru my belly button and find out what that cyst is. If it is endo they may remove the cyst or lesions if any for biopsy. What concerns me the most is what he didn't say or wouldn't say, the C word. It's possible that it is cancer.

Now I have to wait until March 2nd for my surgery to find out the bad news. Because honestly it's bad news either way. Even if it is just Endometriosis, it's estimated that 30-40% of women with endo are infertile. PCOS and Hypothyroidism already lowers my fertility possibilities. I don't need anything else to lower or completely eliminate my chances.

I cried all the way home and when Jory opened the door and asked me how it went, I muttered "not good" and fell into his arms and proceeded to cry. I tried to stop and spit out the words but it took me a few minutes. Saying it out loud was so unreal, I never would have thought my health could get worse. I've always known that my chances of getting pregnant were extremely low and that it would be a miracle if it did happen, but I never accepted that I really may NEVER EVER be able to get pregnant. I always figured it was "meant to be" so it would happen eventually.

I've wanted to be a mom since I was a kid. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and raise 12 kids. Of course over the years the number of kids dropped to 2 to be reasonable but there was no doubt I was going to have babies and be a great mom. I actually always planned on starting my family when I was 18 because I wanted to be young like my mom, she was 18 when she had Shane. But of course when I turned 18, I was no where near ready and I hadn't met my husband yet.

Jory and I jumped on the computer to read about endo and what scares me the most is that I don't have any of the symptoms, other than the mysterious cyst. Which is why I'm scared it's cancer. My biggest fear isn't death, it's waking up from surgery to find out they had to do a hysterectomy. I'm not sure how I will deal with that.

And of course this news came a day after I received my package from Hot Topic. I ordered the cutest Led Zeppelin baby bib and beanie. Yes, even though I'm NOT pregnant, I have been known to purchase a few LZ baby items.

So after I stopped crying I had to go to my second appointment for the day. My doctor sent me to get a crap load of blood tests. The first session was 6 viles of blood, when she finished # 3 I told her I was getting light headed. I started to see spots with # 4 "Deep breaths", she told me. She said my lips were white and to hold on as she was finishing # 5. She tried to get me to talk to her but I couldn't talk. I was spitting out one word answers; "Worked" when she asked me about Xmas. "Yes" when she asked if I was married. "No, puppy" when she asked about kids. She finished #6 just in time, I leaned forward closed my eyes and tried to breath deeply. I forgot to tell her that I have a history of fainting, but who wouldn't faint when they've just had SIX viles of blood taken? Thankfully one of the many tests I was there for was a 3 hour glucose test which required I drink 8 ounces of orange flavored sugar water. I downed the sucker in 1 minute. It tasted like Orange Shasta. The color came back in my face and I was told to go sit in the waiting room for 30 minutes when they'll call me for my next 2 viles and 2 more every hour after that.

It was a really long day, my arms were aching and I felt like I had just given FOURTEEN viles of blood. Jory picked me up and took me to Quiznos, picked up my favorite Chicken Carbanara, no mushrooms extra sause, a ceasar side salad and a delicious Mt. Dew. We went home, pigged out and passed out on the couch.

I have one more blood test tomorrow morning and my pre-op meeting is Feb. 24th, I'll keep you posted.

Oh I forgot the good news....I lost 2 lbs.

Watching...

Spiderman

It's 8 minutes long, but I promise it's worth it! Click here for a larger view.

UPDATE on the other Gallbladder Boy

Christopher's surgery went well. Apparently he's a bleeder and his gallbladder was extremely eroded, thank God he was persistent in finding a doctor to help him! He's recovering and is already requesting a Pepsi. Goofball.

I'll have to convince my mom to take photos so I can post them here and we can compare wounds with Jory. And Tom, if that's not graphic enough for you, I could post Shane's photos from his 4wheeler accident!

Brothers and Changes

There's been a lot going on in my family this year, some heartbreaking and some exciting. I haven't posted about any of it because I wanted to give them their privacy. However, the main situation is out of hand and my brother's health is on the line so I'm just going to put it out there.

Shane

First the exciting news, my older brother Shane and his wife Jessie are thinking about moving to southern Utah or Northwestern Arizona!!! I can't tell you how HAPPY this makes me. I'm closest to my brother Shane, we've been friends and protectors of each other most of our lives so we have a special bond. We also share the same parents so that's a big part of it. My family is full of His, Hers and Ours.

(For some fun and entertainment I created a simple diagram of my immediate family. It is not a complete "Tree" as it is missing 2 of my step siblings, but that will only complicate things and this was supposed to be fun not complex.)

The reason Shane and Jessie are thinking about moving is because they received an offer on their house (double what they paid for it, but no where near what their neighbors are selling for $434,000.00). Plus they can both transfer with their currently employers. They live in Thayne, WY on Star Valley Ranch. Their house is on the golf course and they have the most magnificent views! The house however is falling apart, their roof needs replacing and black mold has taken over residency of the bathroom. I hope they move, even though they live in paradise (theirs, not mine. It's way too freaking cold for me). From my internet searches, it looks like Kingman, AZ is the best bet for them as far as temperature, house prices and job opportunities. I'll keep you updated on their moving status.

On to the next brother, Christopher. Sweet Christopher.
I posted a while back about him getting engaged to his then girlfriend Heather. Well she jumped ship and I think it's for the better. We're not really sure what happened, they were planning the wedding one day and the next she had dumped him like a hot potato. Of course he was completely heart broken, but we thought it was cold feet and everything would work out. Unfortunately for Toph it's over. They tried to get back together, they went out on a date that he thought went well but she didn't. Then she lied to him about going home after work but instead went to another guy's house. Christopher got her at his house and the guy's family called the cops on him, worried that he was going to pull a "crazy ex fiance freak-out". Blah Blah Blah...Heather broke his heart, she didn't just break his heart, she pulled it out of his chest threw it at the wall and proceeded to jump on it until it was ground beef.

My poor Christopher has had his heart broken at least THREE times now. He's the sweetest, cutest, most loving man alive (next to Jory ;) of course)! I'm not quite sure where he got his "marriage" views from because this is the 2nd girl he's been engaged to and a 3rd he gave a promise ring to. Shane and I are the only ones in our family that have gotten married. My oldest brother was engaged for 10 years when that relationship ended, my other older brother has had several serious relationships but he's still single and Shane didn't get married until he was 28 I think and Jory and I were together for 6 years before we got married (2 1/2 yrs ago). So the pattern in my family is to waaaaait to make sure you and your partner are meant for each other until you get married, but somehow he missed this boat and jumped on a speedboat. Maybe it's because his parents are still married? He knows what it's like to have divorced parents because he grew up with Shane and I dealing with "our" dad and Jason and Colby dealing with their mom. Why does he feel this need to marry every girlfriend he has?

Here's my speculations:
First, all the girlfriends he's been serious with have been young. I don't mean 12 yrs old young, but 17 and 18 yrs old. Heather is 20 I think. That's not Utah young but that's YOUNG in every other state, maybe not Alabama but we're talking in general. Christopher will be 24 this year and he has a long life ahead of him, there is no reason for him to be jumping into marriage. My personal opinion on why he jumped this time was because her parents wouldn't let her move out with him unless they were married. Yes she's over 18, but she lives at home with mommy and daddy and that means they still control her life. Yes I believe he wanted/wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but he doesn't know what's going to happen in 5 years. Another big problem, is that he still lives at home. He's never lived on his own or with room mates. He has no idea what it's like to live on his own except what he's seen through his friends. He was planning on moving out this spring before they got married, but you don't know your other half until you've lived with them. I could probably go on for awhile but I don't want to dig too deep and share too much so that's good for now.

Since the breaking of their engagement, Christopher has been dealing with serious stomach pains and has been throwing up blood. He went to the emergency room and they did an ultrasound and found nothing. They scheduled a scope and found nothing. They injected dye into his veins and found nothing. They put him on Prozac and told him his illness is stress related. But yet he's still throwing up blood and dying of stomach pains. What bothered me the most about this, was our mother who's supposed to be there to comfort him was telling him to relax, he'll feel better it's all because of the break up. So the only person he felt comfortable talking to about this was me. If someone is throwing up blood, it means there is a serious problem! Stop telling the kid to relax, he's hurting, help me for GOD SAKE! So after several doctor's visits he finally met with a surgeon who after listening to all the symptoms and seeing all the tests, suggested they take out his gallbladder. HIS GALLBLADDER! Is there something in the water? So tomorrow early afternoon my little baby brother is having surgery. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and he'll start to feel better soon enough.

Good Luck Billy Boy, I'll be sending you LOTS of good vibes!

Love you,

Your sis

Behind Shrub's Speeches

I know another video, but after the State Of The Union Address I thought Shrub's speech needed some explanation. Enjoy.

Trading Spouses - Marguerite Perrin Freak Out!

Please tell me I'm not the only one that watched Trading Spouses with Marguerite Perrin the cRaZy SPIRIT WARRIOR who hates Darksiders! I found this video of her final Freak Out and had to share it. You can also go here for a larger screen.
Enjoy!

I Confess

When I'm driving, I picture myself driving into other cars, off cliffs, into poles, over people walking on the sidewalk and into ravines.

Naked Lady Tree

We've lived here almost a year now and this is the first time I've noticed Naked Lady Tree.

Hey Frankenstein, Where did your belly button go?

4 holes and 10 staples later

We just noticed...

An extra staple for good measure??

He's HOME!

After some breathing exercises and some farting Jory was released from the hospital. He's sore but doing very well. We're super excited for him to get better and never have to deal with "the pains" ever again. Thanks for all the good vibes everyone sent our way, I survived the stress and he lived through the surgery and that's all that matters.

Jory has gallstones, Surgery TODAY - UPDATED!

We spent the last 6 hours at the hospital, we finally found out Jory has gallstones. Apparently one of the stones is causing problems with his liver, we don't know much right now just that he's going into surgery today. I just got home from the hospital and knew I wouldn't be able to call everyone that would want to know, so this is my broadcast.

I will update everyone when I know more and of course after the surgery. Please send your good vibes our way. I'm sure everything is going to be OK, but I'm the wife so I'm scared.

This explains "the pains": If a gallstone is obstructing the gall bladder, there will be severe pain in the upper right side of the abdomen. The pain will come and go in waves as strong muscular contractions. Strong muscular contractions occur because the body is trying to get rid of the obstruction. Other symptoms are: mild pain under the right ribs. This pain usually occurs after eating fatty foods. It occurs after eating fatty foods because fat in the diet provokes a reflex contraction of the gall bladder.


UPDATE:

Jory's surgery went really well. They were able to remove his gallblatter laparoscopically, so his recovery time will be cut in half. If his intestines are working tomorrow he'll be coming home, otherwise he'll be in another day.

Remember these?

Another reminder of how old I am.

We would walk over a mile to the local 7/11 to buy candy and bubble gum cigarettes and pretend to smoke them the whole way home. They may not be available in stores, but you can still enjoy a good candy cigarette thanks to Old Time Candy.

Isn't it interesting that we grew up watching Tom & Jerry and I didn't realized until 10 years ago that they smoke and drank in the cartoons?

Did you know?

Paraskevidekatriaphobia: Fear of Friday the 13th

Brokeback Mountain

Why we moved out of Utah Reason #69

Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller decided to pull "Brokeback Mountain" from his theaters in Utah, shortly before the movie was supposed to start. It's Utah, but I was still a little shocked because Mr. Miller is still showing "Hostel". What the hell is wrong Brokeback Mountain? It's a love story about two cowboys who fall in love but can't be together because of the fucked up Bush lovin' Bible beatin' Bigots that exhist everywhere today.

While reading my favorite blogs today I stopped over in Blurbomat Land and found that he had blogged about the Larry Miller Hypocracy as well. One of the comments was from a Mormon friend of Jon's who was showing his support for the gay community, but it struck a cord with me. How is it possible to be an ACTIVE Mormon and say you have no issues with gay culture/lifestye and have zero problems with gay marriage and support gay rights? The Mormon church preaches that it's not acceptable to be gay. They actually say that people are not born gay, they choose to be gay. Why on earth would anyone choose to be gay in this world today? Tell me WHY? However, if you deny who you are and don't act out sexually or lovingly with someone of the same sex, well then you can stay a Mormon, otherwise you'll be excommunicated. Don't take my word for it, read this:

Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the LDS church responded to the question of the church's attitude toward homosexuality.
"People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chasity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are.
We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and it's very purpose, the rearing of families" (Ensign, Nov. 1998, 71).

I have a few Mormon friends who are still active in the Church and they've told me they support gay rights, including gay marriage. I've always wanted to ask them, but never did out of respect for their choice of religion. But now I am and with as much respect as possible, I just want to understand.

How is it possible to be an ACTIVE Mormon and support gay rights?

iPod Video

I think with the Terrible Trip to Utahard, I forgot to mention that my beautiful husband spoiled me for my birthday. The new 60 gig iPod Video is the koolest mp3/tv/video/tuck you into bed player! I love it! Thank you Jory, you're the bestest!

Sidewalk Chalk Art

While Blurfing today I found this AMAZING artist Julian Beever. He creates crazy 3D art on sidewalks. This one is one of my favorites, I didn't believe it was real until I saw the alternate view of it. Check out his site, here.

FINALLY...

The Johnson's are finally insured!

Appointments have not been made yet, but will be in a day or two. Jory will find out what in the hell is wrong with his guts and I will get back on my 18 million pills a day routine. I can't wait to start loosing all this excess weight! Last time, which was the first time I started taking all the pills required with having PCOS, I lost 60 lbs in 3 months. This time I have extra to loose because of the Clomid, it made me gain like 50 lbs in 6 months. Since I have been off all my medication for a year and a half now, I've gained more on top of that. It's horrible, I feel like a prisoner in my own body. All I want is to get healthy and hopefully get pregnant this year!

Putting the I back in GIRL

FINALLY! JoeyTheGirl.blogspot.com is available and I have it in my greedy little hands. (Insert evil laugh here) HA HA HA! So not only are we changing our home address this month, we will also be changing my web address. Feel free to go to JoeyTheGirl.blogspot.com and bookmark it, link it or add it to your favorites because I've already started moving shit over. Or at least that was until last night, Jory showed me how to do it in one step. Yes I WASTED 9 HOURS yesterday moving post by post to my new address. Soon you will find my current blog address empty with a link to my new blog address, because I'm a greedy SOB and will be keeping it so no one else can have it, (again, insert evil laugh here) HA HA HA!

Happy New Year!

What I did in 2005

~January~
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this past year?
I don't do resolutions

2.Who kissed you at midnight?
Jory

3. Does it snow where you live?
HELL NO! That's why I moved to SUNNY ARIZONA!

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Sure do, I don't drink it very often though.

5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
Nope, it was summer time both times I went to NY.

~February~
1. Who was your Valentine in 2005?
Jory

2. What did your Valentine get you?
ummm...we don't really do Valentines day. We celebrate it EVERYDAY.

3. When you were little, did you buy Valentines for your whole class?
My mom bought them, I didn't have money! ;) I always enjoyed making Valentine mailboxes out of paper at school

~March~
1. Are you Irish?
Partially

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Nope, but I have green eyes

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005?
Went to work

~April~
1. Do you like the rain?
I love rain, especially now that we live in Arizona. I love Monsoon season!

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
Don't think so.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Only what I buy.

~May~
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
Don't really have one, but if I had to choose it would be daisies

2. Did you go anywhere fun this month?
We went to San Diego for Jory's birthday and Mother's Day

3. Do you like the spring?
Spring is my favorite season

4. Finish the phrase: April showers bring May flowers, what do may flowers bring?
What kind of question is this? Bees

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
yellow

~June~
1. What year did/do you graduate from school?
January 10, 1995 (I graduated early woo woo for me)

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
Went to Utah to close on the sell of our house.

~July~
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Worked.

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
Nope

~August~
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer?
Took a road trip to Arcata, CA for our friend's wedding.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05?
Going to San Diego

3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
No

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Not normally, twice this year in San Diego and Northern California.

~September~
1. Did you attend school/college in '05?
No

2. Did you travel anywhere?
Went to Arcata, CA

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Fall is my second favorite season, Spring is my first

~October~
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume ever?
Juli's Little Red Riding in the Hood

2. What's your favorite candy?
Vanilla Charleston Chew

3. What did you dress up like this year?
I haven't dressed up in years...I worked this year. But Jory dressed Mazzy up as a skeleton dog

~November~
1. Thanksgiving!
I have a love hate relationship with Thanksgiving. I have found a new love for Turkey and family but my birthday lands on it every 4 years or so and I hate sharing my birthday with a holiday.

2. Do you like stuffing?
Not really

3. What are you thankful for?
My bestfriend and LoveR Jory he makes me smile everyday. I'm also thankful for my friends and family. The further we move away, the more we realize who are real friends are.

~December~
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
With our families, but we don't decorate or put a tree up for ourselves or anything. I work most every Xmas.

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Probably

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
I wanted a baby

4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?
The first year Jory and I were together, we were out shopping at my ALL TIME FAVORITE STORE IN THE WORLD, "Dancing Cranes Imports", back when they were in this tiny shop in Sugarhouse. As we walked in they had the LARGEST, most BEAUTIFUL rainbow colored chimes on display. The chimes had to be 7 feet tall! I think I said something like, "I would love to have those chimes...in my dreams." Christmas day, Jory surprised me with my dream. Apparently he had gone back to the store and asked the clerk how much the chimes were and they told him it was a display. He told the clerk he knew it was a display but he wanted to buy it, the clerk told him had to go ask the owner if they were willing to sell it and if so, for how much. He returned to the counter, gave him a insane price and Jory bought it my dream.

5. Do you like cold weather?
No, that would be why we moved to Arizona.

Happy Hanukkah & Merry Christmas

Unfortunately I didn't write this but it says it all for me.

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

It's Xmas Eve and it's 80 degrees outside!

WaHoo 3000 HITS!

Let's see if we can get it to 30,000 hits. Spread the word! Tell your friends, hell tell strangers on the street joeythegrl.blogspot.com/ is the blog to read!

Attention all Google Geeks!

A Joey Gift

I was Blurfing or blog surfing and found a Joey Gift. Through out my life I have received numerous "Joey Gifts". It seems 1 in 5 people I meet always feel the need to tell me that my name means baby kangaroo. As if in 29 years I had not been told this once or a million times.

My favorite Joey Gift story is from my 16th birthday. My mom gave me a Stuffed Kangaroo with matching socks stuffed in the pouch. I gave her a look of "what in the HELL were you thinking" and she laughed. She had actually bought it when I was 10 or 11 years old and hid it so well she didn't find it until just before my 16th birthday. My mom has a problem hiding gifts and finding them years later, but I leave that for another day.

Bashful Bladder Syndrome or BBS

Sometimes I space off when I'm peeing. Honestly I have spaced off for so long that I'm not sure whether I have actually peed yet so I have to check. I know I'll never live this down.

I suffer from Bashful Bladder Syndrome or BBS, if there are other people in the restroom I have to space off or block out everyone else just so I can relax and pee. I blame my mother, she passed me the BBS gene. When I was little every time we went into a public bathroom she would mention that she had a bashful bladder, and so the gene was passed.

So today in the bathroom I was spacing off and I had a flashback. I was peeing in the bathroom at my old job and laughing so hard I was crying because my friend had just confessed her most embarrassing moment and it is the funniest story I have EVER heard.

My friend who will remain nameless for obvious reasons, told me that one day at work she was talking with a few coworkers and in the middle of their conversation she sneezed so hard her tampon popped out! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!

Reminding you why you left Utah so you never go back

Celebrating the holidays with your siblings

Ozzy & Mazzy

Size comparison

Frozen Lucy in Provo, Utah

Snow Princess

Sun Goddess

Exit to SR 20

SR 20 to Kanab

Poor broke down Lucy

Jory & Mazzy waiting for the tow truck

Got caught in a snow storm, missed party with friends because of hospital stay with kidney stones, freezing ass cold weather and the car broke down. God doesn't hate you Jory he's just reminding you why you left Utah so you never go back.

At least it wasn't snowing

And what a beautiful drive home it was

One last romp in the snow

Poor sick Jory spread his nasty cold germs to me and now, poor sick Joey.

Never Again Utahrd!

We left Phoenix at 5:22 AM Tuesday Dec. 6th, nose hairs froze at our first pit stop in Flagstaff. Once we hit Page we had beautiful sunny weather all the way until Mills (small town? consists only of two mills, hence the name Mills, UT) when the flurries started. I'm not sure if it "flurries" anywhere else, but in Utah when a snow storm is blowing in it starts out with flurries. It's like tiny cotton ball snowflakes that flurry around but don't stick to your windshield or the road, they just interfere with your cop watching abilities. By Spanish Fork the real snow was falling and sticking to the road and as it seems every year, everyone forgets how to drive in the snow. You have those drivers that slow down to 35 mph and slam on their breaks every 10 seconds because the car 10 car lengths in front of them tapped their breaks. You also have those drivers that continue to speed and enjoy watching your eyeballs pop out of your head when they cut you off and spray your car with salty snow. Then you have those like me, we slow down to a safe speed and stay a few car lengths back. So our 12 hour drive from Phoenix to Logan ended up taking us 16 1/2 hours. Four and half of those hours were from Spanish Fork to Layton with top speed being 30 mph. And this was just the beginning of our bad luck.

Of course Utah was having record cold temperatures during our visit. Logan had a high of 13 degrees on Wednesday, good thing we kept our winter coats! We ventured into town and purchased a doggy coat for Mazzy and ran into Christopher's best friend Derek and his wife. Every time we visit Utah and go into Petsmart we see Derek, weird. Went back to the house and prepared for the gathering/open house/come see Jory and Joey like a zoo exhibit party. Saw some friends, ate a lot of finger food and bonded with Sara's "daughter" Leslie over Harry Potter.

Bad luck Part 2: Thursday Jory woke up in extreme pain and because we don't have insurance yet, I told him to take a Lortab which he did and went back to sleep for awhile. Later he woke up feeling OK, took a shower and just as we were packing the car and getting ready to leave he doubled over in pain. He decided it was bad enough he should go to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I called Robby and Regina and told them we were going to miss the party they were so graciously throwing for us. Thankfully my aunt Nora works at the Specialty Hospital in Logan and she was there waiting for us when we arrived. They tested and found Jory had kidney stones. A shot of Morphine in the ass and a prescription for Lortab later, we were sent home. For a second in his drugged up state Jory actually thought we could go to the party in SLC, then the Morphine sunk in and he hit that sack.

Bad luck Part 3: Friday we headed for Salt Lake and tried to meet friends for dinner since we missed our party the night before, unfortunately everyone already had plans. So much for seeing our friends, damn kidney stones anyway. We were able to hang out with Regina and the boys for a few hours on Saturday. Eli and Charlie are so smart and so much fun to play with, Happo Happo! Hopefully Jory and I will be blessed with kids as great as they are. We enjoyed a smoke break with Jen at my old stomping grounds. Then we were off the Provo to hang out with Jory's dad and his brothers. We ended up staying the night and going out for breakfast at Mimi's for Casey's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Casey!

Major Bad luck Part 4: We left Provo for our 9 hour drive home around 1:30 PM. After stopping for gas in Beaver Jory took over driving and was pulling off the exit ramp to turn on to SR 20 and the car died. At this point our bad luck had passed laughable altogether and we looked at each other with the "Are you Fucking kidding me" expressions. We tried several times to get it started and ended up calling Beaver City Chevron for a tow. 30 minutes later, Rick the tow truck driver showed up and found that the timing belt had broke and because it's a Honda it probably took out the head which could cost $1500. Funny enough Rick asked us how lucky we were feeling because he could tow us back to the station in Beaver to fix the timing belt, but if the head was broke he'd then have to tow us to Cedar City to get it replaced hopefully on Monday. As luck would have it, my brother Colby lives in Cedar City so we would have a place to stay. After a $245 tow truck ride Colby picked us up and took us back to his house.

The bad luck continues...Seriously! Part 5: The next morning at 6:30 AM we dropped Colby off at work because he so generously offered his truck to us. We decided to go back to "Above All Auto" and get the cigarettes we left in my car. I was feeling a little nervous about leaving the few Xmas presents we left in the car so I decided to move them into the truck. I turned the truck off to open the back and couldn't get it opened because my hands were either frozen or I was too sleepy so I ended up putting them behind the seat. Went to start the truck and nothing...Colby had schooled me on his funky computer chip key and how it sometimes acts funny so he has a back up key. I swapped out keys and this time it turned over but acted like the battery was dead. Tried a few more times and still no success. Finally I called Colby to see if there was a special button to push or dance I had to do in order to get it started and he apologized for us being stranded again, he thought when he charged his battery the week before it was good to go. It would have been, had we not come into contact with it, apparently everything we touch turns to shit. By this time it was 7:30 and the auto shop would be opening at 8:00 so figured we could get a jump from an employee. A few minutes later Colby called us back and told us we could jump start his truck with my battery without turning my car on. Jumped the truck, turned my keys in to have my car fixed went back to Colby's and took a nap. Woke up and got the call we were hoping for that my car was fixed and it was ONLY the timing belt which would only be $350.

$595 later we left Utahrd and headed home. The minute we got home I changed into shorts and a T shirt and enjoyed a cigarette on my porch. Awe...how I love Arizona!

Bad luck Part 6: Unfortunately not all stories end with "And They Lived Happily Ever After"....nope at least not for the Johnson's. That's right folks, Jory ended up catching a horrible cold and he's sitting at home suffering without a sweet topless nurse to wait on him. Don't feel too bad for sweet Jory, he still has a full bottle of Lortab to help sweeten his days.

The End.

We're Baaaack!

I can honestly say, I'm surprised we arrived home alive. The traumatic vacation storIES coming soon!

Happy Birthday

...to me.

Happy Thanksgiving

S E V E N days left

Not much has been happening here in Sunny Perfect Weather Arizona, sorry I have to brag! I feel like I wasted my whole life living in shitty weather Utah. I'm just trying to get the word out that you don't have to put up with nasty arctic cold snowy weather, there is a paradise out there, it's call Arizona.
nuff about that.

Only S E V E N days until my 29th birthday. It seems every year I get more and more depressed, this one more than all the last mainly because I don't have a drunken night at The Puck to look forward to. It was also my deadline to have a baby because statistics say that if you have a baby before you're 29 years old it lowers the risk of getting cervical cancer. Obviously the older I get the likelihood of getting pregnant gets lower and lower and that's without my PCOS.

My mom asked me for my wish-list for Xmas and my birthday and I thought I'd be able to create one quick but everything I want is a bit out of reach.
1. Get pregnant and have a healthy Baby
1-B. Adopt a baby
2. House w/wo swimming pool
3. Toyota Prius
4. another female Pomeranian puppy (Mazzy needs a pet)
5. Adobe Photoshop CS2

Some other ideas that might be within reach are:

6. Photo Scanner (HP Scanjet 4850 or 4370 Photo Scanner)
7. The Sims2 for Playstation2
8. Tony Hawk American Wasteland for Playstation2
9. Six Feet Under any/all seasons
10. Queer As Folk any/all seasons
11. The Sopranos any/all seasons
12. Gift Cards (Target, Best Buy, Joanne's, Ikea, Hot Topic, Dancing Cranes in SLC)
13. Gilmore Girls any/all seasons
14. My SoCalled Life Box set
15. Led Zeppelin T-shirts
16. who am I kidding, Led Zeppelin ANYTHING!
17. Sex in the City any/all seasons
18. Cash for Tattoos

We're getting excited for our vacation to Utah! We'll be arriving Dec. 6th and spending two days in Logan. We'll be in Salt Lake Thursday thru Saturday and leaving Sunday morning. Jory's family has first dibs on what days we spend with them but otherwise we will try to see everyone. We might set up a night to meet everyone for dinner unless someone decides to throw a "Johnson's visit Utah" party. We'll have to pull out the winter coats because I'm sure we're going to freeze our asses off! So far I haven't heard about any snow there yet, so that's good. With our luck a blizzard will hit when we hit the border!

Jory's been writing about 2000 words a day for NaNoWriMo and today is Mazzy's 1st Birthday! A Birthday post will follow in the next day or two. We'll be moving the weekend of Xmas, haven't found a new apartment yet, but we're not staying at Towne Square any longer than necessary. Feel free to come spend Xmas in Arizona and help us move!

Until next time...

Writers Block and More

I haven't posted for awhile, I know. I've been running around writer's block for weeks. I'm getting tired!

However there is someone in the house who has been writing quite a bit for the NaNoWriMo contest. Jory posted part of his novel on his blog. It's DAMN good, check it out here.

Reasons to come to Arizona and visit the Johnsons

Sunday: Mostly sunny in the morning...becoming partly sunny. Highs 81 to 86. Light wind in the morning...becoming south 5 to 15 mph in the afternoon. Sunday night: Partly cloudy. Lows 50 to 60 light wind..

Monday: Partly sunny. Highs 83 to 88. East wind 5 to 15 mph in the morning..becoming southwest in the afternoon.. Monday night: Partly cloudy. Lows 52 to 62 light wind..

Tuesday and Tuesday night: Partly cloudy. Lows in the upper 40s to upper 50s. Highs in the lower to mid 80s.

Wednesday: Partly sunny. Highs in the upper 70s to lower 80s. Wednesday night through Thursday night: Mostly clear. Lows in the upper 40s to upper 50s. Highs in the upper 70s to lower 80s.

Veterans day through Saturday: Mostly clear. Lows in the upper 40s to upper 50s. Highs in the upper 70s to mid 80s.

How To Make My Heart Melt.

"I love that you are my Sugar Mama and thanks for taking a cushy job so that I don't have to! It has been a greatly needed mental health break, it makes me wonder how anyone else can do it without their own "Joey the Girl" to take care of them."

The entire post can be read on Jory's Blog.